Shown Like the Sun

Chapter 7

But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be...

--The Who

***

He knows, Althea thought as she slowly opened her eyes, awaiting his rage. He knows what I've done.

An overwhelming feeling of nausea enveloped her and she slapped a shaky hand over her mouth as she fought to keep from vomiting, painfully suppressing the caustic bile rising in her throat. Her nails digging into the wood of the bedpost, she inched forward to look over his shoulder. The sunlight caught the glass of the silver frame--the bright beam of light temporarily blinding her--and she hastily blinked the purple, red, and blue spots away.

She could not speak--she did not want to speak. The Althea in the photograph, smiling and laughing with Prudence, spoke for her. They were taunting her--celebrating in all of Althea's fears coming to fulfillment.

He isn't speaking, she thought, listening to Sirius' slow, deliberate, and loud breaths as he stared at the photograph. Overcome by his silence, Althea tightly shut her eyes as she felt herself slipping--her legs buckling underneath her. Her arms attempted to slow the fall by frantically clinging to the bedpost, but to no use. She collapsed to the floor with her hands and forearms slamming into the wooden floor. Her head resting atop her forearms, she began to cry--all the guilt, the fear, the loneliness she felt inside her from her secret burst forth with every sob. She knew he thought her pathetic and horrible as she sobbed at his feet, but that did not matter now. She no longer had to hide. It was over.

"Remus borrowed my shampoo," he said hoarsely. "I had forgotten...and I went to borrow yours."

Althea--blurry eyed--lifted herself off her arms and slowly tilted her head upward to look at Sirius. Large tears captured the sunlight as they trickled and fell from his cheeks--his eyes still transfixed on the photograph.

"She's alive," he whispered excitedly, his face softening as new tears fell from his eyes.

Althea opened her mouth--her muscles and lips contorting to form syllables--but she could only hiccup. What would she try to say? She was sorry and to forgive her? No, she would never ask for his forgiveness now. Althea shamefully lowered her head as she knelt at his feet, her hands clasped in her lap. Suddenly, to her surprise, she heard a soft chuckle. She furrowed her eyebrows as she wondered who would be laughing at this revelation, but soon realized, it was Sirius. He was...laughing? Who could laugh at betrayal? He laughed when he thought he lost everything in the duel with Peter, she thought, closing her eyes as she realized her fate. Just make it quick, Sirius, please.

Sirius' fingertips tenderly touched her left cheek and she cowered slightly. She waited for his other fingertips to touch her right cheek, to move slowly down her neck and strangle her, but it never came.

"Stop being dramatic, my love," he laughed and sniffed loudly. "You know how much I hate to see you cry."

He rested his fingertips under her chin, gently lifting her face to look into his. He was smiling. Althea caught her breath--not knowing if she should continue to cry, or to laugh herself.

"Please, come up here," he said quietly, holding out his arms for her.

Althea refused them. "You should be angry with me," she croaked, turning her face from him. "I've betrayed you. I've lied to you."

Sirius knelt next to her and turned her face toward his. "You did what you needed to do," he replied, looking into her eyes.

Althea felt a sob caught in her throat.

"Now, come on," he said, offering her his hands.

Althea--very numb--stood and sat next to him on her bed. Sirius held the picture frame in his hands, smiling and laughing when Prudence would wink and smile. She looked from Prudence to Sirius--the shame at her decision transforming to sorrow. Her observations were confirmed--his grey eyes encircled with thick, black lashes, his lips, and his smile--all were contained in Prudence. Althea held her breath as Sirius and Prudence simultaneously threw their heads back in laughter. The eeriness of the moment caused her to shiver.

"God," he breathed appreciatively as he caressed the side of Prudence's face with his index finger, "absolutely beautiful."

Althea blinked. It was not a dream--he truly was happy. In discovering the photograph, he would have found the letter as well and would have known what Althea had done. I don't understand, she thought as Sirius laughed as Prudence rolled her eyes and smiled. If he knows I gave her away, why is he so happy?

"I don't understand," she murmured, looking at her hands. "If you know--"

"What is there to understand?" he laughed, placing his hand over hers. Althea whimpered as he gently squeezed her hand. "She's alive, our daughter," he began and laughed, "our daughter."

Althea eyes reluctantly looked up to Sirius' face, and the sick feeling returned to her stomach. His face had softened--he was youthful, happy, and Althea was afraid to admit, hopeful. He was the Sirius, sitting on the couch that early afternoon, she had sketched with great liberty in her sketchbook.

Sirius placed the picture frame next to him, and held her hands to his chest. Althea felt his heart beat excitedly and strongly against her hands. "I know haven't been the best father," he said, solemnly looking into her eyes, "but I'll try...I promise. I'll make it up to you and to our daughter...for all the twelve birthdays I've missed."

Father. Oh, no, Althea thought as Sirius rested his forehead against hers--the panic, the feeling of wanting to run away, overwhelming. He doesn't know that I gave Prudence away. How could I ever explain to him? How will I tell him he could never hold his daughter?

"No," she murmured sadly, "you need to know--"

"Please," he whispered, placing his fingers to her lips, "it all makes sense now. You would do anything to protect her--"

"I would," she interrupted, tightly shutting her eyes. "That's why--"

"You made the grave for protection, I know," he murmured and soothingly stroked her cheek. "I should've known immediately that she wasn't dead. You would've taken care of her grave."

Althea removed his hand from her cheek as she sat up. "Sirius," she began, opening her eyes. Sirius looked to the photograph and smiled. "Sirius, you need to know the truth."

"You don't need to tell me--I saw the photograph, and I knew," he replied, taking the picture frame into his hands. "Disguising packages and letters as well, very clever," he remarked, and grinned as Althea and Prudence looked at each other and smiled. "Prudence Parker, right? I should've known this morning when that package came with the charmed scenes on it. Did you teach her?"

"No," she replied quietly, massaging her upper arms. "She taught herself."

"Clever girl," he said proudly. "Her name is Prudence, right?"

"Yes, of course," she replied nervously. "It's the name you chose."

Sirius smiled to himself. "Yeah, I remember," he replied fondly. "Prudence what, then?"

"Rosemary--"

"Rosemary?" he sneered and shook his head. "The poor girl. You hate Rosemary."

"It's tradition," she said, twisting her hands her lap. "The first born in Gran's family takes Rosemary or Joseph."

"Gran forced you, right?" he remarked, smirking. "You know, you really need to stop letting Gran run your life," he said jokingly, pointing his thin finger at her. Sirius developed a look of mock horror. "You didn't leave her with Gran, did you?"

"No, no," she replied, emphatically shaking her head, "I would never leave her with Gran." Althea inhaled a deep breath and made a face as she exhaled. "She's with Muggles."

"Anything's better than Gran," he laughed and kissed her forehead.

"Gran has been very good to me," she replied as he frowned. "If it wasn't for her, I don't know where I'd be."

Buried at Azkaban, she thought as Sirius returned to looking at the photograph.

"I need to know her," he lamented, firmly holding the picture frame. "Owl her, please--or, I'll owl her--"

"No!" she said abruptly, placing her hand atop his. Realizing her outward panic, she gently patted his hand before releasing it. "She doesn't know everything. She doesn't know--"

"Right," he muttered sadly and sighed, "don't want to upset her. You'll tell her slowly, then...." Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "It's July now...August she'll be ready, right? Middle of August--near your birthday? End of August, then?"

"Oh, I don't know, Sirius," she replied quietly, slowly sliding away from him. She pressed her back against the bedpost. "I'm not sure when she'll be ready."

Because she doesn't know we're her parents, her mind screamed, her fingers digging into the comforter. However, small part of her rejoiced in this scene. It answered, shut up! Shut up! Isn't this what you'd wanted? Sirius acting as a father? He wasn't much of one--wasn't much of anything--while you were pregnant...but now, now he shows a bloody interest in her! All that mattered now were Althea and Prudence, and, in some sick way, it was the family she always wanted.

"Christmas, then," he decided and winked. "Tell her I'll buy her anything she wants.... What does she like?"

"I don't know, really," she replied shyly. "Girls can be so difficult to shop for--especially at her age."

"A doll, then?"

Althea snorted with laughter. "She'll be thirteen," she laughed, and stopped laughing as she saw Sirius frown. "You could buy her a CD--"

"What's that?"

"Like a Muggle record," she explained, sliding closer to him. "Unlike a Muggle record, the sound quality doesn't degrade. Bloody fantastic, really. All of my Muggle music are on them."

"What band?"

Althea gently bit her lip as she thought. Prudence never told her what music she liked, but she had a good idea of what all Muggle-born and Muggle girls were listening to and giggling over--she witnessed it in a music store over the Christmas holiday.

"Take That," she replied and laughed as Sirius mouthed the band name.

"Are they a Wizarding band?" he asked, sneering slightly.

"Muggle--but all the girls love them.... Well, most of them, I believe," she replied and patted his hand. "It's all right, really...a lot has happened."

As in giving away your daughter to the Parkers, she thought, quickly retracting her hand. The guilt she felt at her brief charade overpowered her pleasure in her sick fantasy. Althea, tell him now--before anything else happens--before he goes looking for or owling Prudence. She doesn't know and he'll scare her, do you want that? Be strong and tell him!

"Sirius, I need to tell you something very important," she said, looking to her hands. "Please, understand that I've wanted to tell you, but I was frightened--"

"She's in Slytherin," he interrupted and she heard him gulp.

"Look in her hair," she replied, pointing to the school tie Prudence wore to keep the hair from her face. "She's in Gryffindor, but--"

"Right," he laughed, "how could I ever think she was in Slytherin! Wearing her Gryffindor tie--she thought it looked better in her hair, right? I remember you did that at thirteen.... Did she choose that owl as well? It's a pathetic owl. I'll buy her a proper one."

"No," she replied, her voice slightly higher.

Sirius' head jerked back at her response.

"She has a cat--a black one.... Violet--that's her name," she continued fretfully. "She can't have more than one animal. It's against school rules if she has an owl and a cat. She loves that cat...it wears a pink bow."

Sirius waved his hand dismissively as he smiled. "I'll owl Dumbledore and make arrangements," he replied and stared at the photograph.

"You can't. It wouldn't be fair--"

"I'm her father and I can," he replied resolutely, but soon frowned as his eyes intently stared at the photograph. "Breasts," he murmured, his frown deepening, "no."

"My bodice isn't that tight in the photograph, is it?" she asked, turning her head so she could look at the photograph.

"No," he whispered and gulped, "her."

Sirius pointed a shaky finger at Prudence. Althea leaned closely to the photograph, looking for what Sirius saw. As Prudence turned to her right, Althea saw them--two very small, perky breasts poking underneath her white uniform blouse. They're hardly noticeable, she thought, covering her mouth as she giggled.

"I wouldn't laugh, my love," he replied grimly, pulling the picture frame toward him. "She's growing up very quickly...too quickly."

"She's still very much a little girl," she reassured, taking his hand in hers. "Don't worry, she' not like us. She's had a normal, happy, peaceful childhood."

She's not like us because I didn't raise her, she thought and anxiously bit her bottom lip. You need to know, please, let me explain.

"Sirius, my love," she said, massaging his hand, "please, let me tell you why she isn't like us."

"Because she grew up without Death Eaters and Voldemort," he replied, lifting her fingers to his lips.

Althea closed her eyes and winced as he kissed each finger. She had to tell him.

"Because she didn't grow up in the Wizarding world," she corrected as Sirius rested her hand against his cheek.

"Always had to play Muggle," he laughed quietly and kissed the inside of her wrist. "It must've been very difficult to hide her magic, then?"

"I--I..." she began, but the words refused to leave her throat.

Sirius laughed deeply. "It must've if you're speechless!" he remarked and forcefully kissed the back of her hand.

"Yes," she breathed, it paining her to smile, "when she was about two weeks, she charmed her bottle to her cot. I watched it leave the kitchen, float through the sitting room, and into her nursery."

Sirius' lips upturned into a smile. "I reckon you couldn't push her in that pram, then," he replied, playfully bending and extending her fingers.

"No, I couldn't," she replied ruefully as she turned her eyes to look out the window.

A small, white butterfly alighted on the windowsill. Why can't I tell him, she wondered, watching as the butterfly walked along the windowsill. Because he's so happy--he believes he'll see his daughter at Christmas. This is what he needs...something to anticipate. How can you ruin this for him...? Because it isn't true. She could use a Memory Charm against him, but even now, he was so strong. He could discover Prudence's photographs, and could Althea Obliviate him again? No, she thought, as the butterfly flew away, I have to tell him. I'll make him understand. I wasn't a coward--the risk was very real.

"Is she a good girl? I mean," he asked and laughed, "not too many detentions?"

Althea turned her attention toward Sirius. "Relatively good," she murmured and opened her mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by Sirius.

"Good marks in all her classes?"

"Great marks--one of five, first years that received full marks on her Defense Against the Dark Arts exam," she replied quickly and furrowed her eyebrows. "Si--"

"I'd expect no less," he replied, smiling. He leaned closer to her and laughed lowly. "Does she enjoy Quidditch?"

"She's not sporty, really," she answered, smiling uncomfortably. "She enjoys the Quidditch boys though," she muttered and inhaled a deep breath through her nostrils.

Sirius smiled eagerly. "Harry?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in anticipation of her answer.

"No, he's not her type."

Sirius' smile immediately faded. "Not her type?" he asked--his voice louder in defense. "What's wrong with him?"

"She's a tall girl," she answered, pointing to the photograph. Prudence straightened herself. "He's a bit short."

"So?" he snorted. "He'll grow."

"Yeah, but he hasn't noticed her."

"Hasn't noticed her?" he remarked heatedly, thrusting his hand toward the photograph. "She's a beautiful girl!"

"He'll be in his fourth year, and she'll be in her second year," she replied, placing a hand on his forearm. "I doubt he's noticed her."

"I'll change that," he replied and winked.

Althea's eyes widened slightly. Harry brought trouble and she would not have Prudence's life endangered by Sirius' ideas.

"I doubt she's his type," she said quickly, which caused Sirius to frown. Althea retracted her hand and smiled thoughtfully before she continued, "Anyway, he's too busy with Quidditch to notice girls--like James."

"Yeah," he murmured hollowly--his frown softening. "She shouldn't even be thinking about boys."

"She's almost thirteen."

"She's almost grown," he replied, smiling sadly as he placed the picture frame in his lap. He sniffed as he brought his hands to her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. "Althea, I've missed so much.... I swear to you that I'll be the best father," he promised and blinked rapidly--his eyes bright with tears. "Does she," he began quietly, looking solemnly into her eyes, "does she know I'm her father?"

Althea furrowed her eyebrows as she slowly shook her head.

Sirius lowered his head and removed his hands from her face, covering his own as he started to shake. She inhaled a deep, ragged breath as she took the picture frame from his lap. No more, she thought, looking at the happy Althea and Prudence. It is time. She looked up from the photograph to Sirius, who shook as he cried softly into the palms of his hands. The heaviness in her chest was unbearable--she had to release it.

"She doesn't know that I'm her mother."

As she spoke the words, the oppressive heaviness lifted and Althea placed her hand to her breast--almost giddy at the feeling. She was free.