Ebb and Flow

Themiskyra, Early June 1982

***

The rhythmic pounding of the drums outside the hut overtook and mesmerized Althea as she lay on the hut floor. It had been four months since Althea's arrival in the village. As Miriam had promised, Althea was not judged, but welcomed as another member of the village. As Eszter had offered, Althea had joined them in their springtime ritual. At first she felt very awkward, but soon discovered that, it was a time for her to enjoy herself. She enjoyed herself with the Keeper and Beater for the Transylvanian National Quidditch Team, some foreign correspondent for the Daily Prophet, a dragon handler, a magizoologist, Rex Stardust and Alexander Star--who happened to be on tour with their band. As the Healers and Midwifes of St. Mungo's had diagnosed after the attack, Althea was unable to conceive; however, in six months she would have four children to look after, and there were always abandoned girls that needed mothers.

Dizzy, from the spellbinding chants the women sang outside the hut, she breathed deeply the warm fragrant incense Miriam and the other women had laid on the glowing coals. The drums and the chanting leisurely intertwined into one hypnotic song that lulled her into a trance-like state. Slowly, Althea outstretched her arms to her sides and waited for the final step in the initiation ritual. She felt the women hold onto her arms as Miriam plunged the hot needle into her flesh. Repeatedly, Miriam plunged the needle into Althea's upper arms and then onto her upper back.

"It is finished," Miriam said warmly. "Welcome sister."

Althea rose from her stomach, carefully covering herself with the blanket. She looked at her arms that were red from the tattooing. Around her arms were bands of sacred symbols, and she craned her neck to see the symbol that covered her shoulder blade. She smiled at Miriam and Miriam nodded. Althea stood and the women helped her dress into her robes. Once dressed, she walked toward the hut entrance, opened the hut door, and stepped out into the cool spring evening. The women had lit bonfires and were still celebrating the initiation of a new sister. Althea smiled and joined the children as they danced in circles. Once the other women recognized the initiation rite had concluded, they cheered and surrounded Althea to congratulate her.

"Althea, how do you feel?" Eszter asked excitedly as she maneuvered Althea through the crowd.

"Honestly, I feel a bit dizzy, but the pain is subsiding," she answered as the two sat at one of the tables erected in the center of the village for this occasion.

"Here, drink this, it will bring your strength up," Eszter replied, sliding a ceramic mug to Althea's side of the table.

"Thank you," she replied, taking a sip of the warm liquid.

Over the rim of the mug, Althea watched the festivities before her. The women of the village had decorated the huts with weaved wreaths of spring ephemerals, and the ground and tables were covered with small blue and white flowers. Some women sat with children on their knees, laughing and singing as another woman strummed an instrument that looked to Althea like a guitar. Others drank the warm mead or feasted upon the roasted game.

Althea removed the mug from her lips and placed it on the table. "You know, you really shouldn't have this celebration on my account," she stated, caressing the rim of the mug with her index finger.

"Don't be silly," Eszter replied, smiling. "Why wouldn't we celebrate something as special as this? You know," she continued, resting her hand on top of Althea's, "you really need to think more highly of yourself."

"What?" Althea laughed, removing her hand from underneath Eszter's hand.

"It's true. I've notice it--ever since you came here. The men have broken you, Althea. They've crushed your spirit and made you dependent upon them."

"I don't think it was men who crushed my spirit," Althea muttered darkly--growing uncomfortable with the conversation.

"You are worth so much more than they could ever be," she replied earnestly, looking into Althea's eyes. "I hope one day you will realize this."

Althea smiled weakly. "Well, I hope for your sake I do," she replied and went to stand.

However, Eszter swiftly grabbed her wrist. "Not for me, for you. Don't ever live your life for someone else," she replied and let go of Althea's wrist.

Althea stood and smiled as she looked at Eszter. "Are you sure you're eighteen?"

"Very sure," she replied, smiling.

Althea left Eszter to find someone else or something else to take her mind away from the conversation with her. I think I am the best judge of who I am, she thought, smiling as one of the children handed her a bouquet of flowers. It's so simple for her to say those things--she's lived here all her life. What am I thinking? She's seen just as much death as I have.... Bloody hell, maybe she is right...maybe I am broken.

"Althea," Miriam said solemnly, sitting next to Althea.

Althea turned to observe a very serious expression across Miriam's face. "Yes, is something the matter?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows. .

"No, no. You must do something now. I want you to take these things," Miriam said, handing Althea a large cloth sack. "It is very important you follow my instructions carefully."

"What do you need me to do?" she asked, holding tightly to the large cloth sack.

Miriam quietly divulged to her what she had to do. Upon hearing the request, she was dumbfounded, but she agreed--it was an important stage in the ritual...one rarely undertaken. However, Miriam trusted Althea, something that Althea greatly cherished. She listened intently as Miriam explained the ritual to be performed and that the ritual must be followed exactly as she stated, or disastrous, if not deadly, results could occur.

As the moon ascended into the sky, the festivities continued, but for Althea, her dangerous ritual was about to begin. Unassumingly, Althea stood and walked into the forest behind the village. Walking into the moonlit clearing, she stopped in the middle of the meadow. This looks like the spot she described, she thought, surveying the meadow as the trees cast long shadows against the dewy grass. Sighing nervously, she opened the large sack and carefully placed three vials, a chalice, and an obsidian dagger onto the soft earth. This vial must be for the circle, she thought, gradually swishing the silver liquid so it caught the moonlight. This vial must be for the chalice, and this, she thought as she gazed at the glowing orange liquid, must be for the return. She slipped the glowing orange liquid into her pocket as Miriam instructed and continued with the ritual.

Standing, she uncorked the vial containing the silver liquid, and slowly poured it in a large circle around her. The moonlight caught the silver liquid in its rays, causing the liquid to shimmer and then to glow red, scorching the earth beneath it. Next, she knelt inside the circle and placed the chalice, the vial of sparkling blue liquid, and the obsidian dagger before her. Uncorking the vial, she poured the shimmering liquid into the chalice. Lastly, Althea tightly gripped the obsidian dagger in her right hand. Holding it to her left forearm, she paused and stared at the eerie light it cast upon her skin in the moonlight. With a quick movement, she plunged and dragged the dagger along her forearm, holding the chalice filled with the sparkling blue liquid underneath to catch the droplets of blood. Swirling the chalice, she allowed for her blood and the potion to mix, transforming the liquid to a muted purple color.

"Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum--just as it was in the beginning, and now, and always, and in ages of ages," she recited nervously, as she slowly brought the chalice to her lips.

A slight revulsion engulfed her as she was about to drink the blood mixture. Closing her eyes, she parted her lips and allowed the thick, metallic tasting liquid to seep past her lips. Althea shuddered and fell to the ground, dropping the chalice....

***

Regaining consciousness, she stood and wondered if she had performed the ritual exactly as Miriam had described.

"So, what now?" she muttered, looking around her.

Gazing up at the sky, she marveled in how many stars could be seen from her village. I was never able to see many stars at my cottage, she thought, as the stars' twinkles intensified. Suddenly, it seemed as if the star filled sky started to descend around her, or she was ascending to the stars. Blinking, she realized that her feet were on the ground, and these were not stars but little orbs of light suspended around her. Watching the orbs swirl around her, she noticed that some orbs of light twinkled brighter than other orbs; however, upon closer inspection, the orbs of light contained what appeared to be small scenes in them--small scenes of her life--her past, her present, and her future. Althea remembered that Miriam explained that this ritual showed the future out of many futures. Not only her choices, but also the choices of others directly influenced her life. Before her was a culmination of all her lives, and all she had to do was reach forth and she would be transported to one of them. Nevertheless, which life to choose? Closing her eyes, Althea outstretched her hand and touched one of the orbs. A sensation of falling overcame her, and she opened her eyes to see exactly what she was experiencing. However, when she opened her eyes, she was no longer falling, but had landed in some old, dilapidated room.

"Where am I?" she muttered, looking at the threadbare carpet.

Althea slowly eased herself upon her feet--out of her periphery she recognized a flash of faded scarlet and gold. She gasped. Her eyes drifted from the Gryffindor banners, to the motorcycle posters, to the posters of girls in bikinis that caused her to blush at seventeen.

"What am I doing here?" she whispered, stepping back from the wall.

"You're bloody awful," laughed a woman with a familiar voice--slightly lower than her own.

There, upon the unmade bed lay the older Althea and a man--if she had not known that room--would not have been a man she recognized. He was so old to her--much older than the Althea in the vision next to him. His lively grey eyes were dull and lifeless; his handsomeness gone. His once fit frame was now gaunt and the young Althea cringed as he brought his thin hand to the older Althea's cheek. And yet, the way he touched the older Althea--his soft expression--was quite familiar to the young Althea. I'd never forgotten that look, she thought, stepping forward. His last look.

Fierce anger surged through the younger Althea's body. "Althea! Get away from him!" she shouted at herself as the older Althea placed kisses along Sirius's chest and neck. "Don't--just stop--stop kissing him! Stop!" she screamed as Sirius laughed and rolled on top of her older self. "NO!"

Althea stood and watched with disgust as the older Althea smiled and ran her hands through Sirius's long, unkempt hair. Please God, let something happen to stop this, she thought, making a face. How could I--maybe--maybe this is to warn me. I cannot be here of my own free will--he's had to curse me. Suddenly, the younger Althea heard a thump, which caused the older Althea to sit up somewhat. Thank you, the younger Althea thought, gazing toward the ceiling. She frowned at the pair of black lace knickers that dangled from the dusty, cobwebbed chandelier.

"What was that noise?" the older Althea asked, frowning slightly.

"I didn't hear anything," Sirius murmured as he continued to kiss her collarbone, but briefly paused to continue, "it's probably someone spending the night."

"I thought we'd be alone," she replied, visibly annoyed--her frown increasing.

Sirius lifted his head and smiled. "When has an audience ever stopped you?"

"I don't want him catching us," she said, looking at the door and through Althea.

Sirius gently turned her face toward his. "He's not here; anyway, it's probably that loathsome--"

"Oh, I especially don't want him coming in here," she interrupted and pouted.

"He's not allowed to come in here," he replied and kissed her lips, "so stop worrying."

The young Althea let out a groan.

"I just--he's suspicious of me, that's all," she said as Sirius rested his forehead against hers. "I reckon he suspects--"

Sirius laughed quietly. "He's suspicious of everyone," he said and closed his eyes. "I thought you'd remember that."

"And don't forget--"

Sirius groaned, throwing his head back. "Don't ruin my evening!"

The older Althea fought a smile. "I won't," she said, smoothing the long strands of hair away from Sirius's face. "Ugh, when will you cut your hair?"

"You don't like my hair?" he asked teasingly, letting all of his hair fall into her face.

"No!" she giggled, removing his hair from her face.

Sirius took her hand in his. "I promise I'll have it cut," he replied and kissed her fingers.

"When?" she asked as he rested her hand against his cheek.

The younger Althea's stomach churned with anxiousness. How could she speak so casually to him? Sirius, who had sent their friends to their deaths? There, before her, lay an older version of herself the happy lover of a man currently locked away in Azkaban. Sirius regarded the older Althea with the same affection. The young Althea swallowed. How was this possible? This is a future that will never happen.

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, tomorrow. You could cut my hair--like last time. We'll make a morning out of it," he explained, smiling eagerly.

The older Althea frowned. "Sirius, you know I can't stay--I shouldn't have come tonight--"

"Stop, all right!" he snapped, and let go of her hand.

"What?"

"Just once could you spend the night?" he asked with frustration. "You know how much I hate this damn house," he added bitterly, rolling onto his back.

The younger Althea observed her older version sigh and frown--obviously, this conversation was a common occurrence. "I have spent the night here," the older Althea replied, staring at the ceiling.

Sirius laughed derisively. "When?" he snorted, resting his hands behind his head.

The older Althea turned onto her side to face him. "I spent that entire weekend here in March, not to mention a few other times. I was here for your birthday--I reckon you'd remember that," she said, sliding her arm around his thin waist. "You know I'm not able to be here with you as much as I'd like.... You don't have that woman breathing down your neck," she added, stroking his side.

The younger Althea saw the moody expression on Sirius's face darken, which frightened her. Something had snapped in him and the younger Althea stepped backward on instinct. He was different and it was a face, even when he was his most angry, she had never seen. Maybe this face could murder. Sirius, grim and pale, removed one hand from behind his head and grabbed Althea's wrist--thereby removing her arm from his waist.

"So, what are you saying?" he asked harshly--his dim eyes narrowing. "My life has been easy here? Oh, right Althea, I sit around all day in this awful house being useful," he added, folding his arms. "I can do so much here."

The older Althea rested her head against his shoulder. "I hate this just as much--"

"You don't get it, do you" he said and sighed harshly. "You don't know what it's like to be stuck in this house day after day," he said, roughly motioning with his hand to the bedroom.

I do know what it is like being stuck in a house, the younger Althea thought, moving closer to the couple. I was stuck in the cottage while I was pregnant, you idiot.

"This place is killing me!" he growled and brought his face to his hands.

"I don't want you here either, but this is the safest place for you now," she said softly, resting her arm over his folded arms.

"Go," he replied flatly, turning onto his side--his back facing her.

"No, Sirius," she replied, sitting up.

"Just go, I don't want you here anymore."

The older Althea sighed with frustration. "No! You listen to me," she said, leaning closer to Sirius. "She's already questioned me about you. She's watching me. She knows I know where you are. If I don't follow the line, she'll put me away for harboring you."

Sirius produced some derisive grunt, which caused the older Althea's face to redden.

"Do you understand what would be meant for me?"

Sirius rolled onto his back and looked at the older Althea with an appearance of annoyance. "What would be meant for you?" he asked sharply.

"The same fate if they catch you--I'd have my soul sucked out of me," she said and Sirius's facial expression softened. The older Althea wiped tears away with the palms of her hands. "You're not the only one suffering, my love. Do you think I'd want you here? If I could, I'd take you away from here, but this is the safest place for you. Do you know how much I want to quit my job and stay here with you? I should be here with you, so you don't have to stay in this horrible place alone," she explained, wiping her eyes.

The younger Althea gasped as Sirius sat up and tightly wrapped his arms around the older Althea. I--I don't know what to believe--this is all so confusing, she thought, shaking her head as she stared that the couple embracing. How can I love him after all he has done? However, here I am.... What has happened to me?

Sirius kissed and rested the side of his face against the top of her head. "Then do it," he said softly, "quit your job."

The older Althea held Sirius tighter. "It'll be too difficult," she whispered, resting her face against his upper chest.

"No, it won't," he replied, stroking her back. "Hand in your resignation and be done with it."

"They won't find a replacement in time," she replied, pulling away from him.

"Of course, they will--I bet there are loads of people who'd want your job," he replied, running his hands through his hair. "It's settled, then. You go tomorrow afternoon, tell them you quit, and be here in the evening," he added, grinning.

The older Althea smiled slightly. "So easy, isn't it?" she remarked and his grin widened.

"If you don't, I'll tell them for you," he replied teasingly, resting his forehead against hers. "Oh, come on," he added, throwing his head back and the older Althea laughed.

"I'll see what I can do," she replied, sliding her arms around his neck.

"You should because I'm lonely here," he murmured, pulling her closer.

"You're not completely alone, though, others come by--more than me," she explained, brushing the hair out of his face.

"But can I have sex with them?" he asked, frowning.

The older Althea frowned. "I hope not," she replied, making a face.

Sirius smiled slightly and sighed. "See, I'm so miserable without you," he lamented, slowly running his fingers up and down her sides.

"Miserable?" she repeated and he nodded pathetically. "You are so pathetic," she laughed and ruffled his hair.

Sirius grabbed her hand and kissed it forcefully as the older Althea reclined on the bed. Bloody hell, there's nothing I can do, the younger Althea thought, therapeutically massaging her upper arms. What had she become? Althea continued to observe the couple with powerful interest and powerful disgust. How could she do this? It was Sirius--Sirius who had murdered her best friend, who had murdered two of his own friends, and who had brutally murdered twelve Muggles.

"What has happened to me?" the younger Althea whispered--tears welling in her eyes. "I--I can't take this anymore," she muttered, reaching into her pocket. "I need out."

A small wave of relief flowed through her--Miriam was correct, the potion did travel with her. Uncorking the small vial, she held the vial to her lips, and took one last look at the couple.

"I will never let this happen to me," she whispered, determined, and eagerly drank the foul liquid.

Althea slowly blinked as a thick fog formed across her eyes. The two figures started to fade, and the muted colors of the room to blend into grey, into olive, and finally into brown. As she blinked her eyes again, she awkwardly jerked her head backward as a blade of grass had grazed her eye. She was not left standing as she had thought, and her sore body reinforced her idea that once the journey had started, she had fallen where she knelt. The sun was slowly rising as she lifted herself from the ground. She had not expected the ritual to last so long, but she had to make sense of what she had witnessed. Unfortunately, she was more confused, and wished Miriam had not asked her to perform the ritual. Gathering the vials, chalice, and dagger, she placed them in the large cloth sack and stood to return to the village.

"That future will never happen," she muttered as she followed the path back to the village. "I won't ever become that bloody desperate."

Althea came to the clearing the led to her village. What time is it, she thought, frowning as she looked up in the sky. The village is so quiet. At least one home should be awake and cooking breakfast now. Roughly brushing aside a large tree branch that blocked her way, Althea entered her unusually quiet village. Immediately, she noticed overturned chairs and the table, now broken, she had sat at with Eszter last evening. It's very odd, she thought apprehensively, taking out her wand as she continued to scan the village. The decorations that proudly adorned the huts and tables were now strewn about the ground as if someone had purposefully ripped them down and stomped on them. As she walked further into the village, she spotted a clothed heap to her right. Slowly she crept toward the linen-clad heap and covered her mouth as she realized the older woman was dead.

"Oh my God," she whispered, backing away from the dead body. "What happened?" she murmured as she walked to Miriam's hut.

I don't hear anything coming from any of the huts, she thought, frowning. Reaching Miriam's hut, she knocked on the door and waited for Miriam to answer. However, neither Miriam nor Eszter answered the door. Uneasy, Althea pushed opened the door and screamed at what she saw before her. At the foot of the door was Miriam, lying on her back, with an unbroken vial of potion in her hand.

"Miriam! Miriam!" she screamed, kneeling next to her. "MIRIAM!" she shouted, shaking the lifeless body.

Miriam's body remained rigid--her hand clenching the unbroken vial--her expression one of horror. Althea stood from Miriam and roughly rubbed her eyes. Turning to her left, Althea shook her head as more tears continued to flow as she gazed upon Eszter draped partially on the bed and floor.

"No, no, no," she whispered, horrified, walking toward Eszter. "How--what--no, this isn't real," she muttered, backing away from her two lifeless friends.

Panicked, Althea immediately ran out of the hut and into the center of the village. "Can anyone hear me?" she shouted and looked around the village. The village gave no response and Althea shouted once more, "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME, DAMN IT?"

No response came, and Althea started to search out every hut for a member of the village. Entering house upon house, she found not one woman or child alive. Some killed while still asleep in their beds, but others killed at their doors in an effort to defend themselves. At two huts however, no survivors were found because the huts were empty. One was Althea's hut and the other belonged to a witch not much older than Althea. Althea searched her hut for any sign of where this woman might have been, but came up with a significant sign that startled her. Everything the woman had of value was gone--every potion, every magical instrument, gone. Althea quickly searched every hut and noticed, too, that every magical item was gone. The sudden shock of Miriam and Eszter's deaths blinded Althea from the overturned furniture and the broken vials found in their hut. Althea carefully examined the broken vials; Miriam had broken them, for those were the only things not taken from the hut.

"Who would do this to you?" she asked quietly as she ran her fingers through her long hair. "Who would murder you?"

***

In the center of the village, Althea began to break apart the chairs, tables--even siding from the huts--anything large and wooden that would conduct a large funeral pyre. When this is finished, I might as well throw myself on this thing, she thought, throwing a large wooden plank onto the pyre. They've kept me alive for only so long.... I should have died on that road. I wouldn't have to feel this way again. I cared so much about that stupid vision, but now it will never happen--my death will seal it. God, why do you bloody do this to me, she thought and furiously threw a chair onto the pyre.

Wiping away tears as she placed the broken pieces of wood on the large pyre, she noticed someone on the opposite side of the fire tossing tiny twigs and leaves. Althea continued to throw a large piece of the table onto pyre, and as she did so, she heard the tiny grunt of a girl forcefully throwing a rather large branch onto the pyre.

"Who's there?" she asked softly as not to scare the young girl.

Althea heard a gasp over the fire.

"I won't harm you," she said, feeling the stinging glow of the fire upon her skin. "Please, come forward."

Slowly, Althea heard the footsteps walk around the enormous funeral pyre. It was a young girl, no more than nine, with long brown hair and a tear stained face.

"It's only me," Afina answered quietly, twisting her hands in front of her waist.

"Afina!" she replied excitedly, rushing toward the girl. Althea quickly threw her arms around the shy girl and held her tightly to her. "Where were you?" she asked as new tears fell freely from her eyes.

Afina's small fingers kneaded into Althea's back. "Mama woke me up and took me to the woods. She told me to sit and be very quiet--no matter what.... I placed my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't cry.... I heard them, they came and I heard everyone screaming, but I stayed there and stayed quiet," she answered softly and pulled away from Althea. Wiping her eyes, she fretfully looked at Althea. "She never came back for me...she's dead isn't she?" the young girl asked and bit her lip.

Althea nodded slowly as the tears fell from Afina's eyes. Althea took Afina into her arms and cradled her. "I was younger than you when I lost my mother," she said quietly, holding the little girl tighter.

She heard Afina sniff back her tears. "What's going to happen?" she asked, holding onto Althea tighter.

Althea paused for moment. She was not sure what she would do and felt she had no purpose anymore. However, this little orphan hugging her needed a guardian. Althea was the only tie she had left to her mother and to her heritage. Afina would give Althea's life purpose.

"To you?" she asked, stroking the girl's thick hair.

Afina pulled away and nodded.

"I don't believe it is wise to stay here--the people that did this could come back. You're staying with me, right?"

Afina nodded once more.

Althea took a deep breath and forced the weakest smile. "Right, now you collect your things and I'll finish with this," she said, stroking Afina's cheek.

Afina's body stiffened. "No, I want to stay and help--help with the ceremony," she said steadfastly, furrowing her eyebrows.

Althea nodded. "Of course," she replied, sniffing back the rest of her tears.

Oh God, what will become of us, she thought as she watched Afina place flowers as high as she could throw onto the funeral pyre. Althea, still unsure of her decision, started the funeral rite.

***

Althea did not cry as she gathered the bodies of her fallen friends. She did not cry as she caringly and reverently placed them on the large funeral pyre she constructed. She did not cry as she lit the funeral pyre and watched as the smoke danced lazily into the mid afternoon sky. She did not cry as she gathered her things. She did not cry as she lit a torch from the funeral pyre and set the remaining buildings of the village afire. Nor did she cry when she took Afina's hand and left the village. She did not cry at all.