Ebb and Flow

Hogwarts, February 1994

***

"Good morning, my love," Althea said sweetly as she opened the bedroom door.

She walked over to the window and pulled back the heavy curtains. She gazed out the window and watched the sparrows as they flew onto the bird feeder. Suddenly, the bird feeder swung violently, a squirrel leapt onto the bird feeder, scaring the sparrows away. It is that same squirrel, Althea thought as she rested her hands on her hips.

"It's a beautiful day," she said as she continued to look at the garden. "We'll have to go for a walk later."

Althea sighed as she took one last look out the window. The squirrel had opened the bird feeder, its contents poured onto the grass, and greedily eaten by the squirrel. Now I have to fill the bird feeder up again, she thought as she walked over to Sirius's bed. Althea sat on the side of Sirius's bed and pulled back the blankets.

"Good morning, sleepy," she said happily, as she stroked the hair from his face. "I made your favorite breakfast," she said as she took a handkerchief from her pocket.

Gently, she wiped the corners of his mouth and kissed his cold forehead. His forehead never used to be cold; at one time, it was quite warm. In fact, he used to be quite warm. She vividly remembered the night the Ministry caught Sirius. If only she could have reached him before the dementors. She was ready, with the knife in her hand and the promise she made to herself. She would see Sirius die before his soul was taken from him. Althea closed her eyes in attempt to stop her mind from replaying the events. She remembered two voices screaming--her voice as Ministry officials restrained her, and his voice, as the dementor lifted him from the ground. If only she had struggled harder! She shrieked in horror as she saw his soul leaving his body and entering the dementor. The shrieking had stopped and Althea could not breathe. She will never forget that moment--the moment when Sirius' screams were no longer his own, but outside his body...the Kiss was over. The Ministry officials loosened their grips and Althea flung herself to Sirius' side. She looked into his grey eyes--now vacant--and cradled him into her arms. She must have held him for an hour, and violently refused every effort to remove her from his limp body. The Ministry suggested they handle the disposal of Sirius's body, but Althea refused.

It had been two years since that night, and the effects had become overwhelming for Althea. She tried to make his new life as comfortable as it could be. Every morning she took him for walks around the garden, and sometimes in the late afternoon into town. She understood that he did not recognize anything she said or did, but naïvely, she believed that somehow he was able to fight off the dementor so that just a microscopic measure of his soul remained. This was what kept her alive.

Althea kissed Sirius's forehead, and left to bring him his breakfast. She returned with pumpkin juice and sat at his side. Carefully, she raised him up and tilted the cup so that he could drink.

"There you go," she said softly as she took the cup from his lips.

Sirius absentmindedly continued to smack his lips together as Althea wiped the corners of his mouth. She placed his head back on his pillow, and finished the aconitine-laced pumpkin juice. Slowly, she slid next to him and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's better this way," she said softly and kissed his lips. How she wished this one time, they would kiss her back.

She rested her head against his thin chest, and waited for both of their heartbeats to fade....

Althea gasped as she woke from her nightmare. It was the third night that week she had that frightening dream. Why would I dream such horrific things, she thought, blinking her sleepy eyes. She rolled over onto her side and pulled her bedclothes tighter around her. The dementors, she thought, closing her eyes. They're guarding Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. My thoughts...have been so melancholy lately. Unexpectedly, Althea heard footsteps in her room. Althea did not dare move as the footsteps stopped at the edge of her bed. She recognized those footsteps and shut her mouth tightly to prevent her screaming.

"Althea?" the man whispered hoarsely as he sat beside her.

If felt as if Althea's heart exploded in her chest. Sirius, her mind screamed as she prayed he would not see she was awake. A confusion of thoughts swirled in her mind. Should she scream for help? Should she talk to him? Her wand was at her nightstand--would she be quick enough to subdue him? But could she hand him over to the Ministry? Could she subject Sirius Black to the Kiss? Too terrified to move, Althea pretended to remain asleep and forced her body to keep from trembling.

"Althea? God, it can't be...you're--you're supposed to be dead," he whispered and sniffed quietly.

Is he crying, she wondered as it took every ounce of her to keep her eyes closed. Why would the man that wanted her dead shed tears for her? With his thin hand, Sirius stroked the side of Althea's face and she succumbed to the pleasant feeling it invoked.

"It even feels like you," he whispered as he ran his fingertips along her cheek. "God, I--"

Althea swallowed a large amount of air. Her eyes stung and burned from the pressure of her held-back tears.

"I love you," he whispered sadly and took a lock of hair between his fingertips. He inhaled deeply.

Althea clenched her hand into a tight fist--her nails digging into her skin. He loved her? The man who betrayed her best friend to Voldemort, who made Harry Potter an orphan, who murdered thirteen people with one curse, and who sent Death Eaters to kill her...loved her?

"This is too sickeningly real." He released the strand of hair and leaned closer to her face.

Althea's throat constricted and her lungs refused to exhale. She could smell the earth and sweat and Azkaban upon him.

"But you can't be my Althea," he whispered darkly--his warm breath caused her neck to tingle. "She wouldn't have let me rot in Azkaban for twelve bloody years," he growled and stood from her bed.

Suddenly, someone began pounding on Althea's door. Althea heard Sirius quickly scramble away as she sat up. Althea grabbed her dressing gown and slipped it on as she headed for the door. With great strength, she opened the heavy door to see Remus--his face exceptionally pale and his eyes worried.

"Remus! Remus, what happened?" she asked frantically, as she pulled him into her quarters.

"Sirius broke into the boys' dormitory," he said as he placed his hands on her shoulders. "He had a knife."

Althea convulsed violently and dropped to the ground sobbing. Sirius would have killed her.

"Althea? Althea, is everything all right?" he asked, his voice strained, as he knelt beside her.

Althea shook her head as she continued to sob. "He--he was here," she said between sobs and pointed to her room.

"Here? You mean in your quarters?" he asked and placed his hands on her shaking shoulders.

Althea nodded. "He--he touched me," she replied, her voice trembling, her fingertips touching where his had been. She closed her eyes--the tears burning her eyes. "He knows it's me."

"Oh," he replied softly, and Althea noticed he attempted to hide his own worry.

Althea inhaled a deep, unsteady breath. "He told me that he loved me," she whispered and started to cry again.

"Come on," he said soothingly, as he pulled her up off the floor. "You're not staying here."

Remus held Althea as the two walked the corridor to his quarters. Althea, her legs weak, was sure if he did not hold on to her, she would've surely fallen to the floor. Remus kissed her cheek and opened the door to his quarters. Compared to Althea's comfortable and lush quarters, Remus's were sparse. He could not afford much, and most of his things were books and papers. His books and papers were scattered around the room, in what he referred to as "organized clutter." Once, Althea decided to clean up for him, and then he spent the entire day looking for his misplaced paper on the threatened bog habitats of hinkypunks in North America.

"We'll talk tomorrow," Remus said soothingly and kissed her forehead. He took the glass once filled with the sparkling purple Sleeping Potion and placed it on the nightstand.

"Right, thank you," she murmured as Remus did his best to smile pleasantly.

"There," he said as he tucked the blankets around Althea. "Sleep well."

Althea smiled at his fatherly gesture. Remus, you take such good care of me, she thought as she closed her eyes, waiting for sleep, I don't deserve this.

***

"Remus, this isn't necessary," she said as Remus sat next to her on the bed.

"Yes, it is," he said and smoothed out the blanket. "You need your rest," he added and stood.

Remus took blankets from his closet and started to make a bed for himself on the floor. Still so noble, she thought as she watched Remus place a pillow at the head of his makeshift bed.

"Remus, you don't have to sleep on the floor," Althea said as she sat up. "You can sleep up here," she added and patted the bed.

"No, it's fine. Surprisingly comfortable, really," he replied and patted the blankets.

Althea rolled her eyes. "Stop lying," she said and folded her arms. "I won't try anything. I haven't tried anything with you in almost ten years," she added, smiling.

"Really, I'm comfortable--"

"If you don't come up here, I'll come down there."

"Fine," he sighed and stood from his makeshift bed.

He crawled under the blankets and folded them across his chest. He stared at the ceiling and sighed.

"I didn't know sleeping in the same bed as me could be torture," she quipped and smiled.

"It isn't," he said and continued to look at the ceiling. "I thought you'd want the bed to yourself, that's all."

Althea did not respond right away; instead, she bit her bottom lip. "Remus," she began slowly, "are you happy?"

She turned her head to look at Remus. He frowned for a moment in thought. "I suppose I am," he replied and turned his head toward her. "Are you?"

"I suppose so," she answered and sighed. "I mean, this is the life I wanted when I was younger--single and traveling."

"But, you're lonely."

Althea quietly laughed. "You say it like you know how it feels," she said and turned on her side.

"It's the life of the werewolf," he sighed and turned on his side.

"It doesn't have to be," Althea replied. "I remember a time when you weren't lonely."

Remus sighed. "I remember, but things change," he said sadly. "I'm too old."

"Remus, we're the same age," she replied, her eyes narrowing. "You can't tell me, that in all this time, you didn't fall in love with anyone else?"

"I did," he said quietly.

"You did?" she asked as she stared into his pale eyes.

Remus nodded.

"Did you ever tell her?" she asked and rested her head on her forearm.

"No," he said, still staring into her eyes. "Her heart belonged to someone else."

Althea frowned. "Is she still with that man she loved?"

Remus shook his head.

"Do you still love her?" she asked and bit her lip.

Remus nodded.

"Then go find her, Remus. Don't live your life alone. Find her and tell her you love her," she demanded and continued to stare into his eyes. "Don't worry about her reply. Chances are she might love you, too."

Remus cleared his throat. "What if I've found her?"

"Then tell her," she demanded. "Don't wait."

"Now?"

"Now."

"I love you."

Althea's body warmed immediately and her neck prickled with heat. Dizzy, Althea blinked. "What?" she mumbled breathlessly. She wanted to form the words I love you too, but they became choked in her throat.

"I love you," he repeated slowly.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear that," she said softly as Remus stroked her cheek with his thumb.

She clutched his hand in hers and placed it against her cheek. Remus moved closer to her and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too," she said and stroked the side of his face.

Remus turned his head and softly kissed the inside of her wrist, sending electrical sparks down her arm and into her chest. He let go of her hand and gently pulled her face to his....

The sounds of children running and laughing woke Althea. Stretching, she realized that Remus must have gotten up earlier. Althea sighed; she looked forward to a bit of a lie in with him.

"Good morning," he said, smiling. "I made you a cup of tea," he added, handing her the cup.

Althea looked down at the floor and noticed the bed Remus had made the night previous had been slept in. She then looked at herself, and noticed her nightgown was were she left it--on her. Althea sat up and rubbed her forehead. Nothing had happened. Bloody Sleeping Potion, she thought, and smiled as she took the cup of tea.

She took a sip of tea. "Earl Grey with plenty of sugar--just the way I like it," she said and smiled. "I don't remember ever falling asleep."

"You fell asleep as soon as your head made contact with the pillow."

"And you slept on the floor, then?" she asked and Remus nodded. "You could have slept up here."

"I didn't want to disturb you," he replied and cleared his throat. "I took the liberty of telling Dumbledore at breakfast that Sirius had entered your quarters," he continued, sitting upon the bed. "Dumbledore agrees with me that it would be best if you moved your quarters for the time being."

"I agree completely," Althea remarked and took another sip of tea.

"Good," he replied and kissed her forehead. "I have some things I need to get done in my office. Stay here as long as you like," he finished and stood. "Oh, and Dumbledore would like to speak with us this afternoon."

"Right," she muttered and took another sip.

Althea watched him as he walked over to the door and exited the room.

"Cheers," she muttered as she held up her cup.

Finishing her cup, she placed it on the nightstand next to the bed. Althea sighed and slid underneath the warm blankets once more.

"Why can't I have normal dreams like everyone else?" she sighed, absentmindedly stroking the side of the bed next to her.

***

Althea listened to the clang and clink of various metal instruments and gadgets as she sat before Dumbledore's desk. Not much had changed in decoration in over twenty years. Still, the portraits of the former headmasters hung upon the walls and she silently groaned when she spotted Phineas--the most hated of Hogwarts headmasters. Phineas eyed her as well.

"Aren't you a little old for such escapades," Phineas sneered, looking from Althea to Remus. "A werewolf...it suits you. Next, it'll be a centaur--"

"Phineas," Dumbledore warned.

"Never trust a Muckblood--"

"I thought you'd be proud of your Sirius," she said, crossing her legs. "He wasn't such a disappointment to the cause, after all."

"Insolent girl!" he said, sitting forward. "Dumbledore!"

"Phineas," Dumbledore warned and folded his hands in his lap.

Phineas huffed and folded his arms. "Insubordination!" he muttered.

"Althea, Remus told me some details about last night," Dumbledore said, looking from Althea to Remus, "but I believe it is best I hear it from you."

Althea nodded. How much was she to tell Dumbledore? That she had been a coward and couldn't subdue Sirius? That he told her that he loved her? Althea fiercely swallowed--she would not tell Dumbledore of his declaration of love.

"Right," she breathed and furrowed her brow. "Don't think ill of me."

"I wouldn't dare to."

Althea inhaled a shaky breath before she spoke, "I woke to find him at my bedside. I don't think he realized I was awake...I'm not sure if he believed it was real, really." She felt Remus's little finger intertwined with hers. "The madness of Azkaban--those flashbacks. It can sort of do that to a person...and he'd been there so long."

"Did he...say anything to you?"

Althea nodded. I remember everything he said to me.

"He knew it was me," she said and felt Remus take her hand, "but he was confused because he thought me dead."

"Was he angry?"

Althea stared before her at the trinkets upon Dumbledore's desk. "No, no," she said, shaking her head. "Relieved, I think...or still in disbelief."

"Ah."

"Why would he be relieved, sir? If he wanted me--" She sighed. "He said that if I was his Althea, I wouldn't have let him rot for twelve years in Azkaban," she said and looked up at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"What did he mean by that? How could I have helped him?"

Dumbledore looked thoughtfully upon Althea. "The evidence against Sirius was overwhelming," he said, sitting forward. "I gave evidence against him, as well."

Althea felt as if her mind was being pried open. She thought about Sirius whispering that he loved her and she frowned.

"You were correct," he said, leaning back in his chair. "It was the madness of Azkaban. For twelve years, he has lived without a single happy thought...his mind corrupted. Now, with each day he is away from Azkaban, the memories continue to return."

"Why would he wait twelve years?"

Dumbledore shrugged. "I don't know," he said, looking from Althea to Remus. "Fudge has been less than helpful in his assessment of Sirius prior to his escape.

"What did he say?" Remus asked.

"That Sirius asked to do a crossword puzzle--"

Althea made a guttural noise. "I reckon he'll say he was bored in Azkaban," she muttered, folding her arms. The thought that Sirius could be so coherent after twelve years surrounded by madness unnerved her. "Will he come back?"

"I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "Your quarters will change for the time being...and Fudge has added more dementors."

Althea made a face. The presence of the dementors had affected her this school year. She had to increase her dose of Cheering Charms to three times a week.

"And the children?"

"They are safe."

Althea vigorously shook her head. "Not good enough," she said, stabbing at the armrest with her forefinger. "I want extra protections placed upon Gryffindor Tower."

Dumbledore nodded. "Reasonable."

Should've been done before, she thought, narrowing her eyes at the headmaster.

"Thank you," she murmured.

"Althea," Dumbledore began, "do you have any idea how Sirius entered your quarters? It was locked, was it not, Remus?"

Remus nodded.

Althea fiercely blushed. "My bedroom...it has a false wall that leads to a corridor," she said and gently bit her bottom lip. "Sirius knows that sort of thing."

"Ah, I see."

Out of her periphery, she noticed Remus had covered his face with his trembling hand.

I won't tell, she thought, grasping for Remus's other hand.

"Sirius and I...during our sixth- and seventh-years, we'd sneak out of Hogwarts," she explained and Dumbledore's eyes widened slightly. "Dates to Hogsmeade and rock concerts," she added, nervously tucking a curl behind her ear. "I don't know how many times I hopped on the back of his broom out my dormitory window."

"I will take care of that," Dumbledore said with a faint, amused smile.

Althea looked up at the portrait of Phineas, who seemed horrified at her disclosure about his great-great grandson. He's mad, she thought as Phineas looked to have swallowed bile, and he knows Hogwarts better than anyone.