Ebb and Flow

Hogwarts, Halloween 1993

***

Althea longingly gazed out of her office window. The red, orange, and gold colors of the sunset slowly faded as the evening approached. The students would soon return from Hogsmeade and the Halloween Feast would begin. Althea always enjoyed the Halloween Feast as a diversion from more grave thoughts that overtook her every year on that day. For the rest of the year, Althea did her best at keeping the terrible thoughts at bay, but on Halloween, the terrible thoughts were unavoidable. She looked down at the photograph in her hand--Althea was twenty-one and Prudence was only one hour old. She lovingly caressed the worn photograph as the exhausted Althea in the photograph held the sleeping baby Prudence. I believe this photograph documents the only time you ever slept, she thought as the baby Prudence opened and closed her mouth. You never seemed to sleep after that. In two days, she would be able to celebrate Prudence's birthday in almost twelve years; however, no birthday cards, birthday cakes, or birthday presents could she give Prudence. She would have to look quietly on as Prudence received those things from her parents at breakfast.

"Are you busy?" she heard the calm voice of Remus ask.

Althea turned in her chair toward the direction of the door. "No, no. Come in," she said and placed the photograph on her desk. "I was just thinking," she explained, rubbing the side of her face as Remus pulled a chair next to her and sat down.

"Looking at the photograph, again?" he asked, pointing to the photograph on the desk.

"Yeah," she sighed and handed him the photograph. "This year will be particularly brutal, I think."

Remus carefully examined the photograph. "She was so small," he murmured, stroking the photograph. "I remember how tiny her hands were," he continued with a small smile. "She had such a strong grip, though...always seemed to use that grip on my robes," he said, still staring at the photograph.

"Or my hair," she replied, smiling weakly. "I learned quickly to have my hair tied when nursing her."

Remus laughed softly. "You know, her nose has stopped whistling," he remarked, looking from the photograph to Althea.

"I can't believe you remember that her nose would whistle," she replied, looking from him to the photograph in his hand.

"Well, we did have the habit of calling her 'kazoo,'" he replied, smiling. He returned to looking at the photograph and frowned. "Do you still question Dumbledore's advice?" he asked, not looking from the photograph.

"Always."

The thought that she actually followed Dumbledore's advice and gave Prudence up for adoption caused her stomach to contract, sending small pains outward into her abdomen.

"But I also question why I followed it," she continued, rubbing her forehead. "I should've done what my father did." Out of her periphery, she caught sight of her father's photograph: no more than thirty, he smiled pleasantly with his arms folded as he proudly leaned against the door of his 1955 Jaguar drop head. "After mum died, I never saw England until I was eleven. I was happy...dad and me...but it caught up to him." Althea sighed. "It would've caught up to me," she said and shrugged. "To us."

Remus sighed and placed the photograph on her desk. "Do you think it could have worked--what we proposed?" he asked, leaning forward.

"What?" she asked, taking the photograph in her hand.

Remus swallowed. "You and I--"

"Oh, oh, right," she murmured and gently bit her bottom lip.

For a moment, Althea felt awkward and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. It was the first time they had discussed the proposal since the month after Prudence's birth. She often speculated what it would have been like if Dumbledore agreed with their alternate solution: to live with Remus and to have him raise Prudence as his own. Althea was desperate to keep her daughter and Remus felt enormous guilt. Prudence would never know the truth and they could spend the rest of their lives as a normal, happy family--well, as normal as a family could live in having a werewolf as a stepfather. And, with time, maybe their feelings of friendship would transform into something more. However, Dumbledore was adamantly against the proposal and persuaded Althea to give up Prudence to the Muggle Parker couple. The Parkers were a childless couple in their early thirties that desperately wanted a child and Prudence would be safe with the Parkers. I often wonder how different my life would have been if I had kept her, she thought, frowning. I should have fought more...but what could I do? She was in danger, and now she is not--she is safe...safe and happy.

"Maybe--maybe what happened afterwards wouldn't have happened," she replied, folding her arms. "When I lost her...I lost everything."

"I should've done more--"

Althea shrugged. "You were just as bad off," she said, studying Remus.

Remus solemnly stared to his folded hands.

"How is Prudence fairing in your class, Hogwarts's favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor?" she teased.

"She's a very eager girl and is doing well," he explained and took a deep breath.

"But?"

"Althea, she's so much like you--it's unnerving sometimes. Everything about her reminds me of you--the way she carries herself, the way she talks--I almost called her, 'Althea,' in class one day," he explained and shook his head. "She even bites her bottom lip like you do when you're anxious."

Althea smiled sadly. "I hope that Professor Binns doesn't decide to start calling her, 'Miss Morrigan,' in class," she said, gently stroking his forearm. "Let's just pray she doesn't have any of her father in her."

A heartbreaking expression developed on Remus's face as he looked at Althea. It felt as if the blood had drained from her face and upper body. "She has his laugh, you know," he said quietly and rubbed his hands together.

"His laugh?"

Remus nodded. "Snape's beginning to suspect."

"How? How could he suspect? No one knows about Prudence--no one," she said, sitting forward, the dread shaping inside her.

Remus cleared his throat. "This morning, as I walked the corridor, Snape was walking in front of Prudence and her friends. Her friend whispered something to Prudence and she laughed. He stopped--stumbled, actually--almost laughed myself, until I saw his face," he explained, his brow furrowed.

Althea's throat constricted. "He didn't do anything to her?"

Remus shook his head.

"Good," she managed to say, placing her hand upon his forearm. "Has he said anything to you?"

"No, I think he's afraid of what you'd do to him," he replied, smiling weakly.

Althea removed her hand from Remus' forearm and clenched her hands into two tight fists. "As well he should be afraid. If he even threatens her--"

"Althea, it will be all right," he said, placing his hands on top of her fists. "I believe he enjoys living at this moment."

Slowly, Althea relaxed her hands. "Right," she murmured. "Anyway, did you take your potion?"

"Yes, I did," he replied, rubbing his chin.

"Awful stuff," she said, reclining into her chair.

"Indeed," he nodded. "By the way, I spoke with Harry this morning."

Althea sat up in her chair. "Does he know about you--Harry, I mean?"

A small smile emerged across Remus' face. "No, no...but he thought that Snape was attempting to poison me," he explained, amused. "Snape brought the potion while Harry was in my office."

"I wouldn't be surprised though. He dreadfully wants the Dark Arts position," she teased and winked. "But if he was going to poison anybody, it would have been Lockhart."

"I'll keep that in mind," he remarked and turned his attention toward the window.

Althea looked toward the window. The sun had set and the stars brightened in the sky. In a few minutes, the Halloween Feast would begin.

"I don't think you have to worry. Dumbledore knows to keep him in a dungeon."

Remus pulled a face. "Still smells like pickled Erkling."

Althea laughed lowly. "Would he ever smell differently?"

Remus screwed up his eyes in thought and shook his head.

"Exactly."

"We best leave for the Feast," Remus said, standing. "I've been looking forward to the massive amounts of sweets all day."

Althea stood as well. "I knew you would; however, I will make sure you do eat something other than sweets, as well," she replied, smoothing out her robes.

"Damn," he murmured as they walked toward her door.

"Right, later tonight you'll complain of an upset stomach and wonder how it could have happened," she remarked, leaning against the door. "I'll have to listen to you whinge for hours."

"Hours? Likely."

"Anyway, are you sure we should arrive together? Snape might become suspicious."

Over the past month, Snape had increased his comments to Althea and Remus, insinuating some relationship other than friendship between them existed. Althea noticed that the comments did not bother Remus; he was not the type to anger quickly, and she even wondered if he paid attention. However, the comments bothered her. Since Althea's start at Hogwarts six years ago, Snape's malicious comments assaulted her on a constant, daily basis. She could tolerate most of Snape's assaults--questioning her abilities as a teacher, reinvigorating old rumors about her alleged promiscuity, but the assaults she could not tolerate were on those she loved. Althea had vowed to Lily that she would look after Harry--but what a wonderful job she had done! Snape knew there was no possibility of Althea revealing herself to Harry, and fanatically spewed his caustic remarks at Harry--sometimes, almost gleefully. He especially seemed to delight in implying that somehow Althea was involved in James and Lily's deaths.

"Let him get suspicious," he replied and winked. "It might keep him occupied enough that he forgets to ridicule his students," he added and held the door open for Althea.

***

Althea's mood lifted as the students eagerly entered the Great Hall and sat for the feast. Althea sat next to Remus, who was in a lively conversation with Professor Flitwick. Professor Flitwick was very interested in Remus' travels, and even mentioned Althea's travels to the Congo, at which Althea coughed as she drank her pumpkin juice--Remus casting her a knowing look. If Flitwick only knew where I truly was, she thought, resting her goblet on the table. He wouldn't be so apt to tell. Her stomach full, she drowsily leaned back in her chair and enjoyed the festivities.

When the festivities ended, she was relieved--she would be able to mark more essays before Remus visited her later that night to look over her father's manuscripts. Seventeen years after his death, it still was a tiresome process to sort through her father's manuscripts, but she had found some that Remus could possibly benefit from--his original notes on werewolves.

"Althea, are you returning to your quarters?" Remus whispered in her ear.

Remus's warm breath jolted her from her drowsy state. "No, not yet. I have work in my office. I left some essays to read," Althea replied quietly. "I bloody hate marking essays."

"You never were much for essays when you were a student," he replied, smiling, "and I won't have an upset stomach when I visit you later. I ate other things besides sweets."

"I saw," she replied and winked. "Will you return to your office?"

"Oh no, I've finished."

"Lucky you."

Remus laughed quietly. "Indeed," he said and smiled. "I don't fall asleep as easily as you."

Althea frowned at him.

Remus stood. "I think I will return to my quarters," he answered and tenderly squeezed her shoulder.

Althea mockingly gasped. "Snape saw that. He's convinced we're about to have a snogging session on the Head Table."

"Did he?" Remus asked and looked in the direction of Snape.

Snape narrowed his eyes at the couple.

"Such the dirty mind," he replied and clicked his teeth. "So, I'll see you later, then?" he added as Althea stood. "I'm looking forward to reading your father's manuscripts."

"I thought you would," she replied, smiling, as they walked toward the entrance to the Great Hall.

"I especially enjoy the side notes on his daughter," he replied as they slowed to let some students pass.

"I thought you would," she replied and smiled as more students passed. "I should let you read the journal entries where he writes about you."

"Me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, nothing shocking," she replied with a small smile as they neared the door. "Only that you're a prefect and that he wished your good behavior rubbed off onto me."

"Oh, I think I could be worse than you," he replied as they entered the corridor outside the Great Hall.

"Right, you learned quickly how to look innocent and not get caught," she explained, smiling faintly. "I never mastered that talent."

"Not many do," he replied, smiling as well. "You best start marking those essays."

"Right," she sighed. "Later then."

"Right, cheer up. I'll rescue you from those essays eventually," he replied and winked. "Before you're asleep."

Althea sighed sadly and walked the lonely corridor back to her office. As she opened her door, the subtle smell of orange jasmine filled her delicate nostrils. The spicy and floral smell reminded her of the Morrigan family home in Bermuda her father had willed to her. She even incorporated a few items from his office--the leather couch rested underneath the window next to her desk, and various Muggle artifacts--masks, paintings, and carvings--hung on the grey walls. Behind her desk was her bookcase; its shelves filled with books, ancient Muggle vases and statues, and pictures of her mother and father. As she stood over her desk and carefully rolled the students papers, she heard the sound of footsteps growing louder until they stopped at her door. Althea turned quickly as her office door flew open.

"Sirius!" Remus said, out of breath--his lips white.

Althea let the rolled parchments slip from her fingers--the students' essays fell and scattered across the floor. She did not move from her desk and did not bother to pick up the fallen papers. He's here? This can't be happening, she thought, blinking as she looked at Remus. Remus pale, heaved great breathes as he beckoned for Althea to follow him. Althea's body refused to move.

"Althea--"

"Sirius--what--he's--he's here?"

"There's no time," he said urgently, breathing heavily. "We have to look for him."

It felt as if her blood drained from face to her neck, to her torso, down to her feet. She could not move or speak. Her mind screamed at her that she had to go with Remus to find Sirius, but her body would not budge. She was afraid--afraid for Harry, Prudence, and herself. How would she handle seeing Sirius? Move, you stupid girl, and go help Remus find him! Move your bloody feet, she thought, but her body refused to move.

"Althea--Althea we need to search the castle!" Remus demanded, taking her limp hand.

She nodded her head and Remus pulled her out of her office. Althea slowly reached into her pocket and pulled out her wand. You can do it, she thought, tightly holding her wand in her shaking hand. You can stun him--kill him if you need to, but do something! Punch him in the face! It might feel better than blasting him across the hallway. She nervously held her wand before her as they crept along the darkened corridor. Sirius could be lurking anywhere, she thought as she quickly stopped to look behind her. He's mad now...he's not your Sirius. You have to hurt him before he hurts you. You have to, no matter what he says--wait, don't give him that opportunity to speak. He won't give you that luxury...he wanted you dead.

"Where--where was he spotted?" she asked quietly, gaining some her confidence back.

Remus eyed the hallway shadows warily. "He slashed the Fat Lady's portrait."

Althea gasped.

"He was attempting to get in," he whispered as he continued to search the corridor with his eyes. "Into Gryffindor--"

"What about the students? Prudence--"

"They're safe," he said softly. "I wouldn't let anything happen to Prudence and Harry."

"I know," she replied and squeezed Remus' hand. "I'll kill him."

"We both will."

Althea and Remus continued to search the floor, but found no trace of Sirius. Althea felt a small amount of relief--for now, the children were safe, but the unsettling thought remained that he would return. She waited outside the Great Hall as Remus informed Dumbledore that they did not find Sirius.

"How unsettling that Black managed to enter the castle," Snape said over her shoulder.

Althea took a small jump forward. "Yes--yes it is," she replied shakily as she turned to face Snape.

"I wonder how he managed it," Snape said, his eyes narrowing.

Althea folded her arms. "So do I, Snape," she replied defensively.

She knew immediately what he was implying. The mere notion that she could have let Sirius into Hogwarts sickened her. Why would I invite him into Hogwarts, she thought angrily, her jaw tightening. Why would I invite the man that wanted Prudence and me dead into Hogwarts?

Snape focused his black eyes on Althea. "What a coincidence he chose tonight to break in," he commented, his upper lip curving into an awful sneer. "Lucky, the children were safe in the Great Hall."

Althea's heart stopped for a moment--Snape knew about Prudence. The way he coldly emphasized children tore at her heart. Snape cruelly smiled--his yellow, uneven teeth revealed--nauseating her.

Before Althea could respond, Remus returned. "Oh hello, Severus," Remus said calmly. "Anything on the third floor?"

"No," Snape replied sharply. "If you'll excuse me, I must speak with the Headmaster."

"Well then, goodnight, Severus," Remus responded and nodded his head.

Snape, however, did not respond and quickly walked inside the Great Hall--his long black cloak billowing behind him. Althea uneasily rubbed her upper arms as Remus stood beside her.

"He knows, Remus," she replied quietly and her body began to shake. Remus placed his hand on her back. "I heard it in his voice. He knows about Prudence," she added and stared at the floor.

"Come on," Remus spoke softly, "let's get you back to your quarters. I'll make you some tea."

Althea nodded as he put his arm around her shoulders and helped her back to her quarters.