Ebb and Flow

Hogwarts, December 1975

***

Althea curled herself up next to the window and watched as snowflakes fell and melted against the glass of her dorm room window. The sun slowly descended, creating a kaleidoscope of red, orange, and yellow in the sleepy sky. The warm colors of the sunset reflected on the snow in the distance and gave the illusion of stained glass. Althea remembered her first snow at Hogwarts. She had never seen snow before, and the blankets of snow at sunset reminded her of the pink sand beaches her house in Bermuda overlooked. However, the snow was not as warm as the sand, and she could not believe something so beautiful would be so cold.

Althea traced small circles into the windowpane. Althea, you should have said no, but you didn't, she thought to herself as she watched the melted snow slowly drip down the windowpane. You forgot yourself. Althea frowned as she recounted her date with Remus. How could she have allowed herself--she was only fifteen? Resting her chin upon her bended knees, she wondered how she should feel. She did not feel ashamed or guilty--as she thought she would feel--and she certainly did not feel grown up. She raised her eyebrows slightly--she felt...good. Pleasant, actually. It was not supposed to feel good--no one told her it would feel good--but it did. Marie could have said something, she thought, covering her face with her hands. Gran could have said something--and Althea laughed hollowly--as if she would have said something. 'By the way, Althea Rosemary, sex feels very good and it's very difficult to say no...would you like another cup of tea?'

She could never tell Lily or Jane of what happened. They would not understand, and she did not understand herself. It happened rather quickly. She enjoyed the way his mouth felt against hers and did not resist as he slipped his hand under her robes. And when she felt him against her hip (which she still felt the sensation was shocking), he did not resist as she eased open his trousers. It was so haphazard--novice hands nervously fumbling about--by the time she grew accustomed to the foreign sensation it was over. Afterward, he looked so embarrassed and the two quietly dressed. Althea saw in his eyes that he desperately wanted to tell her something, but could not find the words to explain. She forced Remus to promise that they would never tell another soul of what happened. She hoped that Remus would keep his promise and not tell his friends what happened. She could imagine the leers from James and Sirius and the wide-eyed staring of Peter. She could hear the biting remarks and asides Sirius would make at every opportunity. Fantastic, another rumor about me, she thought and let out a small, disgusted laugh.

"Are you all right, Althea?" Lily asked, resting her hand on Althea's shoulder.

Althea turned to see her best friend full of concern. With all her strength, she kept her secret inside her. She desperately wanted to tell Lily everything. She wanted to tell Lily about her date with Remus and the two of them on the sofa in an abandoned study. However, she could not disappoint her friend. To Althea, Lily's opinion mattered most of all, and if she thought less of Althea, it would shatter her. Althea never had a brother or sister, and Lily was the closest person to a sibling she ever had.

Althea lowered her head. "No," she answered quietly.

Lily put her arms around Althea and rested her head on Althea's shoulder. "What happened? Did you and Remus break up?" she asked, hugging Althea tighter.

Althea sighed sadly inside Lily's embrace. "No, no. Remus had to go home early. His mum is sick again, so he had to go home," she replied, stroking Lily's arm. "He won't be here for the Winter Fête."

"I'm sorry," she said softly, resting her head atop Althea's. "Both of you were so looking forward to it."

"Thanks, but I'm worried about his mum," she replied in a distant voice.

She was worried about Remus. Tending to his mother was taking a toll on his health, and his studies would soon follow. Althea hoped his mother did not feel guilty. Earlier, at the announcement of the fête, his mother had sent him dress robes, but now he would not be able to wear them. Unless...Althea thought for a moment as she lifted her head. It couldn't be, she thought, frowning. It is a full moon tomorrow, isn't it? It has to be a coincidence. Was it? Althea thought to the last full moon and realized Remus' mother had been sick then--he had canceled their date, too. She had been sick in October and Althea copied her notes from Arithmancy for him...as she did once a month. Maybe what I thought is true, she thought, her eyes widening slightly. He is a werewolf, or maybe his mother is, or maybe they both are!

"Is she very sick?" Lily asked and Althea felt Lily sit behind her.

"She was getting better, but now she's worse," she answered.

"Last time he returned from his home he looked very ill," Lily said, which made Althea feel uncomfortable. "It's good he has you to care for him."

Lily's observation validated Althea's assumption. She had not wanted to believe her previous assumptions that he was a werewolf, but those previous assumptions and workings of her imagination were true...and Althea had sex with him. She had sex with a werewolf. It was understandable that she did not want to believe such a horrible thing. He did not deserve to be a werewolf; he was Remus--kind, good-natured, thoughtful Remus. He did act strangely--of course, he'd act strangely! The full moon is tomorrow and he wasn't in his right mind, she thought, a knot developing in her stomach. But I was. The knot in Althea's stomach enlarged and she buried her face in her hands from embarrassment. If anyone ever discovers the truth, I'll be in massive trouble, she thought, roughly rubbing her eyes. He did try to tell me--tonight, other nights.... What would my reaction have been? 'Oh, Remus, I've known all along and nothing is the matter?' No, no, I'd want some time to think. I wouldn't break up with him--no, that would be awful and cruel. No, just time to think--to know how to handle it. I do care for him a lot.... Oh, bloody hell.

"Althea?" Lily whispered into Althea's ear.

Althea lifted her head. "Yes, it's very difficult for him and his family, but he doesn't like to talk about it," she said, removing Lily's arms from around her.

"Oh."

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore either," Althea said, standing.

Lily folded her hands in her lap. "Oh, right."

"I'm going to the common room for a while," she replied and sniffed.

Lily stood eying her friend, which made Althea more uncomfortable. "If you want to talk more, just tell me," Lily replied and gave Althea another hug. "I'll listen."

"Right," Althea murmured, letting go of Lily.

Althea walked down the staircase to the common room. She needed to be around other students. The other students would take her mind off her thoughts and her conversation with Lily. Althea was disappointed though; the only students in the common room were James, Sirius, and Peter. James sat next to Sirius by the fire, and when James spotted her, he smiled. Probably wants to talk to me about Lily, thought Althea as she smiled back.

"Morrigan!" James shouted happily. "Just the girl I wanted to see."

Althea turned on her heel and quickly walked toward the girls' dormitory stairs.

"Wait, I need to talk to you," James said, walking after her. "It's about Evans."

Althea rolled her eyes and turned around. James had asked Lily a dozen times to go to the Winter Fête with him and a dozen times to go on a date with him. Each time, Lily turned him down.

"Potter--" she winced.

"I was hoping that you could talk--well persuade--Evans into accompanying me to the Winter Fête," James said and smiled.

"No, I can't," Althea said.

James's smile quickly diminished.

"Potter she won't go with you," she said, rising and falling upon the balls of her feet. "She already has a date."

James's eyes widened. "What! That can't be true!"

Althea heard a fake cough and turned her attention toward the fireplace. Next to the fireplace sat Sirius--his legs elegantly draped across the large burgundy chair--who observed the conversation with an air of boredom. Peter, on the other hand, sat at the edge of his chair eagerly listening to the conversation.

"It is," she replied, frowning slightly. "I'm sorry."

It was difficult not to feel some sympathy for James--even though he could be an arrogant toerag. She knew that she would not be able to take that much rejection, and Althea wondered if Lily seemed to delight a little too much in rejecting him. He was cruel to her friend Snape, but Snape was not the kindest to Althea (she believed he thought her competition for Lily's affection) or--strangely--to the other Muggle-borns. She did not understand why he made that exception for Lily--even though Lily had let slip of Snape's dismal home life. He must have found respite with Lily.

James ran his fingers through his hair. "With who then? With who?"

"Mark Thompson," Althea said and winced--waiting for the eruption.

"Oh, come on!" Sirius said with disgust, throwing his head back in the chair.

"Mark Thompson?" James repeated quietly.

Althea nodded her head.

"The Chaser from Ravenclaw...the Chaser from Ravenclaw," James kept repeating, "the Chaser from Ravenclaw...."

"Sorry, Potter," she said and bit her bottom lip. "I don't like him either. I reckon she could do better."

"Of course, she could," Sirius said and thrust his hand toward James. "James bloody Potter!"

"Right, right," he mumbled as he messed his hair. "What has Thompson got that I don't have?"

Sirius shrugged. "Membership in the Slug Club?"

James made a retching noise.

"There's nothing I can do," Althea said and shrugged.

James shook his head. "Yes, yes there is."

"What?" she asked, puzzled.

"Listen, Morrigan, you've got to tell Evans that I have to go to the Winter Fête with her," James pleaded, resting his hands on Althea's shoulders. "Tell her it's a matter of life or death."

Althea sighed. "Potter, she's not going with you. How many times has she said no?" she reminded, staring into the disappointed face of James. "She won't break her promise to Thompson."

"Morr-i-gan!" James said eagerly, slightly shaking Althea. "Come on, do this for one of your teammates."

Althea heard Sirius sigh and looked in his direction. He had covered his face to hide his laughter. Peter mumbled something to Sirius and Sirius erupted with laughter.

"Potter, she won't," she said ruefully, gently taking James's hands off her shoulders. "She's chosen Thompson."

James rubbed his chin for a minute in deep, but frantic thought. "I've got it," he said, smiling. "You tell her to go with me to the Winter Fête and you can go with Sirius. Remus said one of us should go with you, anyway."

Althea laughed with surprise. "Black?" she said and smoothed the hair from her face. "Are you mad?"

Sirius quickly stood from his chair. "What? No!" he said--his voice cracking. "I wouldn't go with her. Have her go with Peter instead," he said, pointing to Peter who had his mouth open.

"Me, I couldn't," Peter said, shaking his head. "I've got a date."

Sirius growled, walking forward. "No, mate, no," he said, pointing his finger at James. "I don't want to ruin my reputation!"

"What?" Althea huffed, folding her arms. "Your reputation? Oh, that's rich, Black--"

"It's true," he said, his eyes wide. "It would be like taking Snape!"

Althea laughed lowly. "I'd like to see that."

Sirius's nostrils flared.

Althea took a step forward, uncrossing her arms. "Am I not good enough for you?" she teased and Sirius bit the inside of his cheek. "Not enough of a Muggle?"

Sirius went pale.

"Really, I'd love to know why you won't escort me to the Winter Fête?"

Sirius looked as if he were to throw up. "Because you're Morrigan," he said, folding his arms.

"Because I'm Morrigan? That is the most ridiculous answer," she replied and folded her arms.

Sirius wrinkled his nose and looked at her as if he was inspecting her. "And your eyes sort of cross," he said, gesturing with his fingers. "Are you looking at Peter or me? I can't tell--"

"You are such a berk--"

"And you have freckles," he said, pointing to her face.

Althea rolled her eyes. "Is that the best you can do?"

"Freckles?" James said, looking at Althea's face. "I don't see any freckles."

"You'll have to get closer to notice them," Althea replied, looking directly at Sirius, her lips curved in an amused smile.

James walked closer to Althea and squinted as he looked at her. Althea tried to hide her laughter.

"Oh yeah, now I see them, but you have to get real close," he said and turned toward Sirius. "How d'you notice them from so far away?"

"He didn't," Althea said, smirking.

An uncomfortable Sirius sat down, folded his arms, and looked into the blazing fire in the fireplace.

"Anyway, I'd rather go with Snape," she added, waiting for Sirius's reaction.

"That can be arranged," he sighed, still staring into the fire.

Althea gave a deep sigh and unfolded her arms. "I'll leave you to sulk," she said and turned toward the girls' dormitory. "Honestly, ask another girl before it's too late, which I think it might be."

"Thanks, Morrigan, I have a few just in case."

"However," she began and turned to look at the boys, "it would be to your benefit that if you really wanted to go out with Lily, to maybe end certain friendships," she finished, staring directly into Sirius' eyes.

Sirius jumped from his chair and rushed before her. "You take that back, Morrigan! You'll regret you said that!" he shouted, standing eye to eye with her.

Althea stood her ground. "No, I won't take it back!"

"Fine then, fine," he said angrily, and clenched his fists at his sides.

Althea moved closer to Sirius. "Then do it. Hex me. Come on, blast me across the room."

Silence shrouded the room as Sirius and Althea stared each other down. Sirius's lips thinned and his jaw tightened. For a moment, Althea thought Sirius would blast her across the room. She did not have her wand with her, but clenched her right hand into a fist.

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek and backed away from her. "You are insufferable," he remarked and shook his head.

Althea turned and walked toward the girls' dormitory. God, he is such an arrogant idiot, she thought, her fingers gliding along the railing. Good one, though, 'not enough Muggle.' Serves him right, Muggles aren't playthings. As she climbed the stone steps, James began to shout at Sirius. Althea stopped to listen.

"You stupid git, now you've messed my chance with Evans!" James yelled.

"Me? What about you? Why not go with Sirius?"

Althea held onto the railing and leaned closer to hear the conversation.

"It was a good idea," James said.

"No it wasn't," Sirius said warily. "What, was I supposed to tell her the truth?"

Althea raised her eyebrow--what truth?

"Good point," James sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Sirius sighed. "Anyway, she's Moony's girl."

Althea stopped listening and hurriedly climbed the steps upstairs. What truth? What did Sirius have to say to her? Why could he not tell her the truth? What did he mean by, 'Moony's girl'? Althea shook her head--she was even more confused. Tired, she flung herself onto her bed. Suddenly, she felt someone sit down at the end of her bed. It was Jane Meadows, who had a large smile across her face. Jane was pretty, and petite, with large blue eyes and long blonde hair that framed her heart-shaped face.

"Why are you so happy?" Althea asked, sitting up on her elbows.

"Oh, I have a date for the Winter Fête," Jane replied teasingly.

"Oh really," Althea replied, raising her eyebrow. "With who?"

"Sirius Black," Jane said proudly, her grin widening.

Althea sat up straight. "Sirius Black? Really," she said, trying to hide her surprise. "Not Regulus--Sirius?"

"Yes," she said excitedly, "the Sirius Black!"

Althea frowned thoughtfully and murmured, "So that's what he meant by truth."

"What are you talking about?" Jane asked.

"Oh no, nothing," she replied, quickly shaking her head. She forced a smile. "I'm happy for you. How did you manage it?"

Jane's smile turned smug. "It wasn't me, Althea. He was the one that asked me," she said, sitting a little straighter.

This must be Jane's greatest triumph, Althea thought as she studied Jane. Jane was one of the girls that followed Sirius Black's every move. This year, for the first time Jane started to attend Quidditch matches--not to watch Althea--but to watch Gryffindor's new Beater, Sirius. Even girls from other Houses cheered Black, which angered their own boys and made Althea uncomfortable. It made her job as Seeker all that more difficult.

"So, our Jane has told you the good news," Lily said, leaning against the bedpost with her arms folded.

"Yeah, she's going with Black and you're going with Thompson," Althea said, lying back on her bed, "and I'm going with no one."

"Well, you could always go with Potter," Lily said with a wink.

"Very funny, but he has asked me to ask you if you would reconsider his offer."

Lily wrinkled her nose.

"He really wants to go with you, Lily," she said, smiling impishly. "I think he loves you," she added in a hushed tone.

Lily groaned and threw the pillow at Althea. Althea put her arms in front of her to block Lily's pillow.

"So your answer is still no, then?" she asked, throwing Lily's pillow back to her bed.

"Would it be any other answer?" Lily asked, looking incredulously at Althea.

"Of course not," Althea replied and rolled over onto her stomach. "Of course not."