Death Whispers

Chapter Nineteen - Run!

Hogwarts, early morning January 28th, 1982

Severus ran across the Hogwarts grounds adrenaline pumping through him. He hoped that Dumbledore had returned as he fumbled his way to the Headmasters office. Rounding the corner he saw the old man, he wasn't alone. Hugging another man loosly Dumbledore stood back his face full of sorrow. Severus quickly drew back in the shadows not prepared to interrupt such an intimate moment. His heart was still pounding rapidly from the raid at the Longbottoms.

"If you ever want a job here," Dumbledore offered the man.

"No," Remus shook his head. "You have already done so much Professor."

Severus recognised the voice and peered from his hiding place. Remus looked worse than usual, his friends murdered, or in Azkaban. Severus felt uncertain for a moment, was it pity? He narrowed his eyes at the werewolf, this man had once tried to kill him, as he gathered himself together and he walked confidently around the corner.

"Headmaster," he said and cast a meaningful look at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded and then gathered Remus in another big hug holding the younger man who gasped deeply as if holding back tears and fiercely hugged him back. Severus felt nervous watching their display of affection but tried to ignore it, his face covered in its usual blank mask.

"Stay here tonight," Dumbledore said to Remus once they had broken, "go see Pomfrey. You have had a rough couple of months, I'm just so glad I found you. Don't forget we're here to help."

Remus nodded and dropped his arms. The thin scars on his wrist and arms glistered by the candlelight.

"Suffering is a blessing Headmaster," Remus whispered, "one in my condition knows that too well, it forces you to rely on others, even when you think you can never trust again. It makes you humble and grateful. Thank you Albus. Thank you."

Severus surveyed the man sharply, his dark eyes filled with a fetid disgust - this man, this monster - how is it that he can feel so passionatly, so deeply when he was nothing but a raging shell.

The Headmaster smiled his blue eyes with their usual twinkle, "No need Remus, now off with you, up to Pomfrey, I'll come and see you tomorrow."

Once Remus had left Severus and Dumbledore entered his office. The walk up the stairs was a silent one and Severus took his chair in front of the Headmasters desk before either spoke.

"Poor Remus," Dumbledore sighed. "He has had it rough, after the war his friends gone, his pain hidden, his changes more violent and brutal, I have brought him here for a while to see what Pomfrey can do. Perhaps there is a potion?"

Severus nodded silently, admittedly he wasn't paying much attention, he knew whatever he said next would end him. The Longbottoms were aurors, they were loved - Severus's eyes roved around the office stalling for as long as Dumbledore would allow. It hadn't changed since he was a schoolboy and neither had his feelings as he entered it. The same feelings of hesitation welled in the pit of his stomach.

"I was called away," he murmured, launching straight to the point his torture could not continue any longer.

"Any news?" asked Dumbledore as he tried to catch a chocolate frog. Severus gauged him momentarily, the man had obviously had a difficult night. I hated playing messenger then and I hate playing messenger now!. Another voice hissed, but you weren't just the messenger tonight, you belong with me. He cursed mentally, gathered his wits and launched into a relay of the night's events. Dumbledore was initially shocked but listened carefully to Severus' descriptions. Severus' voice took on a lecturing monotone to keep himself distant. He didn't omit his involvement, not even his violent use of the curse.

"......I believe the group have gone to the Lestranges home." He finished and hung his head.

"Thank you Severus," Dumbledore said, "you did all you could."

"I let you down again," Severus spoke the words sounding foreign his head was full of smoke.

"We're not infallible," Dumbledore said, "if you could have done something I'm sure you would have. Grief makes us forget who we are, just look at young Sirius."

Severus' snapped to attention at the mention of his childhood enemy.

"I could have seen that coming, he almost killed me because he couldn't keep a secret. Potter should have learned his lesson, but he, like the stubborn fool that he was believes in second chances."

"So do I Severus," the headmaster said meaningfully afraid Severus had missed the point.

"It'll be your downfall," Severus said kindly accepting the rebuke. Dumbledore just laughed and smiled.

As Severus got up to leave, his eyes stinging from lack of sleep. "Goodnight Headmaster."

xxxxxxx

Severus' Quarters, late morning January 28th, 1982

"Goodmorning Severus."

Crash!

Severus woke breathing short and quickly. In his haste he had knocked over the water glass beside his bed. He had his wand in his hand and he was unsure why. Looking around his empty dungeon he recognised as safe he lowered his raised wand. He could still here screaming in his head. He hadn't had nightmares like these since Lallie.

He tried to settle back to sleep but he couldn't get comfortable. Every position was unbearable like he was sleeping on stone instead of cushion. After an hour of turning he got up and stalked his dungeons it was nearing lunch, he wondered if he should leave the dungeons. Dumbledore must have cancelled his classes. Guilt was keeping him awake, he twitched compulsively.

I might as well make myself useful, he thought dragging himself up as he headed to his private workshop. The gentle sounds of a bubbling cauldron and the familiar motion of potion making lulled him gently. He looked around the workroom and decided what he should do.

The corridor was full of noisy students. Groups were huddled together crying, some angry, some confused. Severus had emerged near dinnertime and strode down the corridor.

"What's happening?" he demanded of the nearest Slytherin.

"The Longbottoms were attacked by Death Eaters, Sir. It was in the Prophet this morning. Dumbledore's been called away."

Severus nodded and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. The name haunted him as he swept toward the Great Hall. It was nearing lunchtime and there were students about. Wanting to be alone Severus turned and went down to the kitchens.

Minerva was already there. She turned around clutching a glass of water; her free hand clenching and unclenching nervously. Her face was red and blotchy as if she had been crying and her tight bun had frissy stands falling across her face.

"My God Severus," she wept as she saw him, "have you heard about the attack?"

He nodded unaccustomed to his teacher being so out of control.

"I taught them," she whispered, "such good people."

Minerva reached for Severus and cried on his shoulder. Severus stood rigid at the contact, only yesterday this teacher was accusing him of being involved in Dark Activities. And today she held him as if she might break.

"Dreadful news," he muttered. Once she had regained control she stood before him wiping her face.

"Here." Severus handed her his handkerchief.

"Sorry, I'm just in shock, I can't believe it, just when we were rebuilding, just when we thought we were safe. The whole family was cast with the unforgivables, so much so they've been driven mad. Can you even imagine such torture?"

"Surely not the whole family, the son was alright wasn't he?" Severus asked without thinking.

Minerva drew back and looked at him. Severus realised his mistake.

"How do.." she began shaking uncontrollably as her mind worked faster than she was able to put into words, she hadn't seen him all morning, his late meetings, cold demeanor, black soulless eyes.

"How do you know," she demanded. "They never reported on Neville, Oh Severus what have you done!"

"Dumbledore told me," he said quickly.

"But you've just arrived," she reasoned, "and Dumbledore's not here."

She lunged at him and started hitting him in an irrational display of emotion from the usually reserved transfiguration mistress.

"Tell me!" she cried in anger.

"Tell me what you've done!"

"I tried," Severus murmured but she wasn't listening. She drew back from the man her worst fears confirmed. Her eyes blazed with anger and power.

"You didn't try fucking hard enough!" and she stormed out.