- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- Schnoogle
- Genres:
- Romance Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Order of the Phoenix
- Stats:
-
Published: 06/07/2004Updated: 04/09/2005Words: 18,283Chapters: 4Hits: 4,178
Bring it On
Elven Dagger
- Story Summary:
- "Nobody EVER pranks the Marauders, Evans," snarled James, looking so furious that even Lily felt scared for a moment. "I'll forgive you if you grovel. Now. If not...This-Means-War!" Lily simply looked at him coolly and said, very coldly, "Bring it on."
Chapter 03
- Chapter Summary:
- Hell hath no fury like woman scorned! In this chapter, James pushes Lily over the edge.
- Posted:
- 03/07/2005
- Hits:
- 749
"I'm telling you, Tay," Lily mumbled, piercing a piece of steak, "he's up to something. He and his stupid friends are definitely plotting how to cause trouble."
"Lily. You - are - obsessed," she replied calmly and firmly, gulping down pumpkin juice. "Now. Be a good girl and stop staring at them, or people might start to think that you're interested."
"That's gross," commented Andrea, sounding disgruntled. "Oh, give me your mash potatoes if you're just gonna play with them like that," she added before quickly spooning all the fluffy potatoes off Lily's plate and onto her own.
"I have a right to make sure that no one causes trouble," said Lily stiffly, still glaring at them and failing to notice the missing food. "Oy! Give me back those potatoes Andrea Persephone Rose!"
"Shh! Don't call me by my middle name!" she hissed, clamping one hand over Lily's mouth and quickly shoving the potatoes back to their rightful plate. If there was one thing she hated, it was to be reminded that she even had a middle name. "Besides, it's not like you were even going to eat them! You were just pushing them around in the shape of a face! A bespectacled face with messy hair, I might add," she said coyly.
"I was not!" Lily practically shouted, causing several people to turn and stare. She lowered her voice slightly, turning hard and bitter. "Both of you know what happened. You even saw it happen, Andrea."
"Lily," said Taylor softly, in her most comforting tone. Even Andrea, who was usually too busy stuffing her face to notice if a hundred Howlers landed in the Great Hall looked up, concerned. "I know that you don't like to talk about it, but you're seventeen. You should at least be able to hear me out. You've been running away for seven years now! Can't you just bury the hatchet? Forgive and forget? He hasn't been that bad since."
"If I had a hatchet, I'd know exactly where I'd like to bury it," snarled Lily, glaring murderously at the four boys who were talking intensely.
"I'm not so sure about that, Tay," said Andrea, her voice unusually soft, talking as they always talked when discussing this matter. "He hasn't stopped jinxing Snape, has he? Or hexing people who annoy him? Or just showing off and playing pranks on us left and right?"
"As strange as it may be, she's right, Taylor," snapped Lily, "He's never apologized to me. In fact, he didn't even notice that I was alive after that incident until the fourth year... when I finally 'matured' physically," she snorted, with a look of great contempt at this. "He's nothing more than a shallow oaf. He hasn't stopped pranking us since I turned him down. Give it up, Taylor. I know that you like to see the best in people, but face it. This boy's a lost case."
"I didn't mean that he's improved that much, but, I mean, he has stopped cursing people when he feels like it, right?" admitted Taylor. "But I think that you could... I dunno... change him. And stop staring at them! It's getting really spooky."
"No," said Lily firmly, "That was the whole reason you and Andy went out with him in the first place, wasn't it? That, and to try to get me to make peace with him? Well-"
"I didn't go out with him for that!" interrupted Andrea quickly, "I stuck with him because he's a great kisser."
"It sure didn't work, did it?" continued Lily, deliberately not replying, not too eager to discuss the finer points of James Potter's snogging techniques. "Both of you only lasted a few months!"
"Lily..." sighed Taylor in defeat, "I wanted to change him. I really did. But sometimes... when I was with him, I could tell that he was imagining that I was you. I know that he does this to every girl he's with, that's why his relationships never last so long."
"Oh, yeah? I thought that it was 'cause he's an insufferable prick."
"Sure doesn't stop him from giving those stupid ditzes that trail after him like a band of lost puppies hickeys, does it?" growled Andrea. "I agree with Lily on that one, he is such a jerk."
"This isn't about the fact that he dumped you before you could dump him, is it? Because if it is-"
"He did not dump me! No one dumps me! He just had the nerve to put whipped cream in my hair, right after I get it washed at the most expensive hair salon in Hogsmeade! Do you know how impossible it is to even get an appointment there!? I mean-"
"Okay! End of discussion!" said Lily in a cold tone, her eyes burning holes in James Potter's unaware head. "If he cared about me so much, he would be crawling on his hands and knees, begging for my forgiveness. If he wanted me so much, he would treat me way nicer. So stop talking about him!"
Just then, James looked up from his heated discussion and caught her staring at him. He gave her a cocky grin while raising an eyebrow suggestively. She in turn hardened her glare before quickly turning away to spear a baby pea with far more force than was required, blushing furiously.
I'll never forgive him, she thought angrily, taking a peek and seeing him still smiling that stupid smug smile, Never.
***
She's definitely interested," said James, grinning from ear to ear. "Did you guys see the way she was staring at me?"
"Yeah," said Remus, "if looks could kill, you'd already be dead and buried."
"Forget it," replied James, feeling annoyed. "This is why you haven't had a girlfriend for a year, Moony. You have no imagination."
"This is also why I didn't end looking like a poisonous piece of fungi and having to wait till the trolley lady takes pity on me and turns me back," shot back Remus.
"Fine," grumbled James, casting around for a change of subject. "What do you think of my plan so far? Simple, yet effective."
Sirius continued to shovel food at high speed into his mouth without really pausing to chew. He nodded his head slightly before snatching the serving dish of treacle tart and miraculously inhaling most of it in. The only one who was really paying attention to him was Peter, who at the same time was also trying to snatch a slice of tart from Sirius.
"Sure, Prongs," said Peter quickly, grabbing a piece of the coveted dessert and stuffing it into his mouth before Sirius could wrestle it from him, then sulking, as he realized that he couldn't taste it. "How're you gonna do it?"
"Good man, Peter," said James, grinning, "Knew you'd be in for it!" he then turned to Remus, "Moo-oo-nii-hhee!" he whined in his most wheedling tone. "You know that I'd never do anything to harm Ev- I mean Lily intentionally! Don't you trust one of your bestest friends in the whole world?"
James looked up at him, making his eyes wide and imploring, knowing how many had crumbled beneath the look that he had perfected since he was five. Sure enough, Remus felt himself weaken.
"Fine," he replied at last, giving in as he always did. "But don't think that I don't know why you're begging so hard, there's one part that involves research for something, isn't there?"
"Knew you'd do it, Moony!" yelled James happily, making to slap him on the back, but changing direction at the last moment and whacking Sirius on the shoulder in retaliation for spraying bits of pudding on him seconds earlier. Sirius paid him no heed, but continued amazing the first years with his eating skills.
"Kindly bear in mind that I trust you, just not when you're around Evans. But I think that your plan wouldn't include anything that would hurt her, right?" he asked, fixing him with a stare that that he used to make his fellow Marauders squirm when he thought that there may have been something they weren't telling him. "And the real reason I'm doing this would be because I know that you've got something for Lily... think how adorable both of you would look together!" he couldn't resist adding.
"I do not!" he protested, as the other three snorted, even Sirius, whose cheeks was bulging at the humungous amount of fudge stuffed in, somehow managed to make a sound resembling said offensive noise. "Don't believe me then! But she will never be anything to me other than an extremely short-tempered red-head whom I merely want to triumph over right after I get revenge on her."
"That explains the faraway look in your eyes every time you look at her," commented Remus, looking innocent while snatching a jam tart off the platter that Sirius was eyeing before he could stop him.
"I - do - not - like - her! Get that into your thick head! End of story!" growled James. The other three shut up immediately, all knowing how unwise it was to test James in this sort of mood. "Alright you lot, listen up," he said calming down, "Moony, you're in charge of..."
***
The second day of the term dawned bright and clear for Lily, who happened to be in a very good mood. Their first day back had been just about perfect; there hadn't been a single disturbance from Potter or his stupid cronies, who were supposedly 'working'. Most likely the warning that Professor Dumbledore had given them after the Feast (having heard the incident on the train.) had given them was still ringing in his head. Professor Flitwick had practically sung in delight at her performance in his class, or that may have been due to the fact that Andrea's spell went wrong.
She smiled as she got dressed, determined to do well for her worst subject, Advanced Transfiguration. She did wonderfully in theory part, but when it came to the practical, she basically flopped, and she flopped badly. It was thanks to the full marks that she had received for her theory paper that had scraped her the "O" in her OWLs after she Transfigured her flower into a three headed chicken.
"Nothing can spoil this day!" she exclaimed happily, jumping up and pushing a very groggy Andrea off the dressing table.
"Mmf," grunted Taylor, throwing a pillow at her before burrowing deeper into her covers while covering her head with her reaming pillow. Lily dodged the pillow and continued brushing her hair.
"Why d'you have to be so bouncy?" grumbled Andrea stifling a yawn and shifting a chair near Lily so that she could continue applying make up. "It's the crack of dawn. Couldn't you have just stayed in the Head's Room if you're gonna be so energetic?"
"Firstly, Potter might be there," said Lily brightly, tying half of her hair up so that it didn't fall on her face, "Secondly, classes are starting soon, so I've got to make sure that both of you are on time. Don't give me that look, Andy, you fell asleep on the dressing table last year after you finished putting on your make up, and both of you ended up an hour late for Revolski's class. Anyway! Up and at 'em, Tay!"
"You get up. You get at 'em," mumbled Taylor, curling up tightly.
"Lily, it was Potions. I hate Potions," whined Andrea, to sleepy to think of a better argument, "And anyway, we'll never be early risers like you. Give it up."
"You've been up since 6.30. C'mon Tay, rise and shine!"
"You rise... you shine."
"Today's special. I need to get dressed and ready. That bastard Diggory is in our first class, and I've got to make sure he sees the beauty he cheated on," she argued. "Besides, I was planning to go back to sleep."
"Oh no you don't," said Lily, tugging Taylor's arm while her other arm clutched the bed post, "We have Ad. Transfiguration first two periods, and I need all the help I can get."
"Andy... are my eyes open?" Taylor muttered, both hands now firmly hanging on to the bed head while Lily used her entire body weight to pull at her legs. But she wasn't one of the best Chasers in Gryffindor for nothing, so Lily failed to even loosen her grip.
"No," replied Andrea without turning back, smearing lip-gloss on her cheeks in mid-yawn.
"Good."
***
Sirius yawned and fell asleep on the breakfast table.
"Up, Padfoot! Up!" grunted James, whacking his snoring friend on the head.
"Let 'em rest, Prongs," said Remus, rubbing his eyes blearily as Peter fell asleep in his porridge. "They were the ones stuck in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom the whole night, waiting for your potion to mature, remember?"
"But they're the distraction!" he grumbled, shaking both of them, Peter sleeping contentedly in his breakfast. "You sure you don't want to help?"
"Yes," he replied firmly without looking up. "I did the research and got you the ingredients for the Bile, got up at five in the morning just to help you flask it and saved Padfoot and Wormtail from Myrtle who went on rampage after both of them had apparently fallen asleep while she was talking. I'm not going to get my head blasted off by Lily and her friends."
"Fine. We'll handle it ourselves," he said, sulking and splashing pumpkin juice over both their faces.
"I'm up, you old hag! I'm up!" yelled Sirius, jerking his face out of the bacon and hitting Peter by accident. "Geroff, mum!"
"Hurry! They're here!" hissed James, shoving them off.
Lily walked into the Great Hall happily with Andrea and Taylor trailing behind her, but she felt her good mood evaporating the moment she saw Sirius and Peter approaching them.
"Whatever you two want, the answer is no," she snapped before either of them could open their mouths.
"Lily! Darling! What makes you think I want anything?" said Sirius, recovering quickly and smiling charmingly while slinging an arm across her shoulders.
"Get lost, Black," she snarled, ducking out underneath his arm.
"Why, Taylor!" said Andrea suddenly, in a falsely curious voice, despite the fact that she was glowering at Sirius, her eyes boring hard into his quaking form. "Is it just my imagination, or is the perverted idiot who happens to be missing's even more perverted best friend being unusually chummy with us?"
"Why, Andrea," continued Taylor in the same tone and glaring at Peter, who had just opened his mouth to speak to them, "I do believe you're right! Now why would that be so?"
"Alright, alright," said Sirius, holding up his hands, and shifting slightly so he was blocking their line of view of a certain trouble-making Marauder who was creeping up to one end of the table and filling a jug of juice with liquid from a flask. "Geez. Girls. Why the heck are you all so paranoid?"
"Might be the time you pretended to be patting me and shoved a frog down my robes, Black," growled Andrea.
"Don't worry," said Peter, trying, but failing horrendously to be soothing. "We merely want to have the pleasure of accompanying three ravishingly beautiful ladies to the breakfast table."
"Cut the crap, Pettigrew," replied Andrea, turning her vicious gaze on Peter, who seemed to shrink slightly. "Has Black been trying to teach you those ridiculous lines? They so do not work on you."
"Are you actually saying they work on Black?" asked Lily incredulously.
"NO!"
"But you did go out with him... so they must work."
"Taylor!"
"At least allow us to lead you to your seats," said Sirius (who was pretending that he couldn't hear their argument while smirking.) so persuasively that the three began to walk forward with him. The Black charm rarely failed, after all, he did manage to convince Lily Evans whose sworn foe was his best friend to date him didn't he?
He led them to their chairs near the head of the Gryffindor table and even pulled out their chairs for them. They sat after inspecting the chairs carefully.
"Well?" asked Taylor with narrowed eyes. "What're you waiting for? Pull whatever stupid joke that you wanted and leave."
"Give us this chance to gentlemanly, ladies," said Sirius, with a warming smile and taking a goblet from behind him while filling it up with pumpkin juice.
"The day you become a gentleman, is the day cows fly," snorted Lily, remembering the short period of time they went out and the way he had acted.
"Actually, cows did fly last year," squeaked Peter timidly, who too, was helping to fill up goblets. "Remember the Transfiguration lesson where we-"
"Shut up," commanded Andrea.
Peter fell silent while Sirius handed Lily the goblet that he had filled.
Lily took it and laughed, "Honestly, Black," she said snidely, "did you think that I was born yesterday?" she thrust the goblet back to Sirius and grabbed one next to her while filling it with another pitcher of pumpkin juice.
"Guess we can't pull the dragon skin over your eyes, eh Evans?" said Sirius, sighing and looking downcast. "C'mon Pete, we mist make our sad, sad retreat. Alas! We have failed like the scum we are, to fool these three brilliant, gorgeous, witty-"
"Go - a - way!"
"Lovely young girls," he finished quickly before leaving.
Lily smirked to herself, not seeing the two high five each other while James emerged from behind a curtain as she was taking a large gulp of the beverage.
***
"Okay," muttered Remus to the other two as they walked to the Advanced Transfiguration classroom (Peter had gone to DADA since he didn't take advanced classes.) "I've put a timing spell on the Bile. I've been counting the minutes since she drank it, so it should start taking effect in 15 minutes, right in the middle of McGonagall's NEWTs speech."
"I owe you, Moony," said James, traipsing along happily. "She's always mad when she's interrupted when she's interrupted during her speeches. Evans'll definitely get detention with me, giving me a whole night to charm her."
"I've got a question, Prongs," said Sirius suddenly. "Have you already gotten detention? And if you have, how're you going to get the same detention time as her?"
James stopped walking just outside the classroom, staring at his friends blankly, avoiding their incredulous looks and their 'You-mean-you-don't-know?' expressions. He finally scowled, comforting himself that at least he was teaching her not to mess with him, and said, "Shut up, Padfoot."
***
"Advanced Transfiguration," breathed Lily, clutching her books to her chest and seeming to be in pure bliss as she looked at the classroom door. "Finally! After all that hard work! At long last, I'm finally here!"
"I don't see what's so great about this, Lily," said Andrea, clearly unimpressed. "Besides, I find it boring."
"That's easy for you to say," she huffed, "I don't see you with a three-headed chicken instead of a dove for your OWLs. Besides, you're practically tying with Potter without even trying."
"No bickering," chided Taylor, "Let's go in. McGonagall's going to give her usual speech."
They took their seats near the front as a result of Lily's insistence because James was sitting right at the back, and she certainly didn't want to get near him, and because she claimed that sitting near the teacher would help her absorb every bit of knowledge given. The other two didn't protest, both knowing how mad Lily could get if she missed a second of any of her classes, especially her worst ones.
Professor McGonagall walked in, silencing the class's chatter immediately. "Before we begin," she started, "I wish to enlighten you on the sheer importance of your NEWTs exams. If you thought that your OWLs year was tough, it was nothing, and I mean nothing compared to the year that you are about to face."
Lily quivered on the edge of her seat, quill in her hand and ready to take notes.
Andrea groaned loudly.
"Ms. Rose, despite the fact that you seem to pass all my exams with flying colours even with your shameful lack of concentration in my class," she snapped, turning sharply to Andrea. "But I will make myself clear when I say that I expect far more attention to be paid this year. The NEWTs may be the most important wizarding exams that you will ever take in your time here at Hogwarts," she continued, turning her attention back to the class and making each student squirm under her beady eye, "They will determine your future, whether you become a success... or a failure. As you all already know, I expect nothing less from my top class except the best."
She paused, letting the words and the obvious threat sink in before continuing again, "Mock-NEWTs will be held around the middle of the school year to give you a realistic idea of what you should get in the real exam. Now-"
"Aurors are sooo sexy," said a voice abruptly, cutting her off. The entire class held their breath, turning to face the bold speaker as McGonagall's nostrils flared and her lips thinned.
"What did you say, Ms. Evans?" she snarled dangerously, bearing down on Lily who was looking horrified with herself, she opened her mouth to protest, but no one would know, for the words that came out were...
"Have you seen the shade of blue Cornish pixies are? I mean, puh-lease! What an eyesore!" she babbled mindlessly, her look of shock completely countering the casual ignorance of her voice. "If I ever had one, I'd be sure to dye it, I mean, like, think how it would clash with my hair!"
Andrea was nodding in agreement at the colour scheme that she was talking about; when she suddenly realized that it was not normal for Lily to suddenly start talking about colour coordination with her hair in class. She poked Lily on the waist, but Lily didn't even glance at her, instead continuing to speak.
"Actually, I've been wondering, have you ever taken your hair out of that bun, McGonagall? Like when you sleep or have sex?"
The entire class's mouths were hanging open, except for three certain boys who were sitting at the back. Two who were clutching their stomachs from laughter while the other's mouth was twitching but mixed with a huge load of guilt. Andrea's large blue eyes were open to their full extent. Never, never in her life had she heard her best friend be so rude or thoughtless. Taylor on the other hand was glancing at the three boys and Lily in turn. She remembered the incident at breakfast, and being almost as good as Snape in Potions, she recognized Lily's symptoms as one who had just taken a dose of the Babbling Bile.
She shifted her accusing glare to Remus, who immediately glanced away, blushing and looking horrendously guilty. She turned back to Lily, desperately thinking of a way to get her out of trouble.
"-Is there any difference between stomach crunches and sit ups? I've always wondered. Anyway, d'you know how absolutely adorable I find house-elves? I mean, have you ever snogged one?"
Professor McGonagall was looking in amazement at Lily. "Ms. Evans! I -"
"You know, I've always thought that he was gorgeous. I've admired him since first year... and the way he walks! Oooh, the grace!" squealed Lily in a star struck tone. Lily fought to control her mouth, after she realized who she was talking about. "Every night I dream of him! In my fantasies I always think that he'll be my Romeo or Prince Charming, sweeping me off my feet! Coming on his shining silver horse or broom or whatever to give me eternal happiness in his beautiful castle! Yes! I can't contain myself any longer! I'm going to shout out to the world! I LOVE RE-" at this, she clamped her hands over her own mouth tightly to muffle the words, fortunately turning the name that she had screamed out into a bunch of unidentifiable sounds.
"Ms. Evans!" thundered Professor McGonagall, who believed that she was doing this on a dare of some sort. But since she was usually a model student, she was willing to let it go. "I command you to stop talking at once!"
"Not a chance, Minnie!" she chattered, both of her hands trying to control her mouth, but sadly failing. "By the way, have you gained weight? You look a little pudgy if you don't mind my saying so."
Professor McGonagall's mouth got even thinner than was thought possible.
Lily struggled to triumph over the liquid that had rendered her unable to say anything in her own defense, guessing the obvious cause of her current predicament, she focused all her will power and yelled, "JAMES POTTER - you are so not as well endowed as you make out to be," she continued dejectedly, the bile seizing control once again.
"Oy!"
"That is it, Ms. Evans! Detention tonight! 20 points for Gryffindor for your disgraceful behavior!" yelled Professor McGonagall, finally losing her already short temper.
Lily was shocked, her green eyes wide and tears welling up slightly at the corners while she said something about Buboter Pus. Even as she pushed her chair back and shoved her desk out of her way, sprinting out of the classroom, her loud cheerful voice could still be heard saying, "You know, you can always tell if a person has died his hair just by looking at the hair on his-"
The entire class was so silent from astonishment that you could hear a pin drop. Remus was looking extremely regretful and guilty. Even James and Sirius had the courtesy to be shocked at her reaction to their prank. Suddenly, Andrea stood up as well.
"Professor! I - I... um... I need to... Oh, what the hell! Crap! You already know where I'm going!" she yelled, charging out of the class and letting loose a string of foul words.
While she dashed off, Taylor scribbled the words 'I hope you're happy you bloody bastards!' on a piece of parchment, magically weighing it down and throwing it as hard as she could, successfully hitting Sirius right between his eyes and causing him to fall backwards before yelling that she was having feminine issues.
"This is going to be a long year," sighed McGonagall, rubbing her temples while watching Sirius pick himself off the floor with a lump forming on his forehead as most of the females remaining in her class helped him up, cooing over him.
***
Taylor found Andrea and Lily in the bathroom. Andrea was hugging her tightly while she stared with glassy eyes at a wall, not sobbing, just seeming blank and expressionless. The potion had obviously worn off.
"It was Potter and his gang," she said softly, announcing her presence. "They slipped a Babbling Bile into your pumpkin juice."
Andrea continued patting Lily on the head while mumbling curses under her breath, but Lily spoke with out any emotion except for a hint of suppressed rage, "Why do they have to keep doing this to me? Why can't they just leave me be?" she looked at them. "Do you know how badly I wanted to get into that class? I tried so hard. And they just... they embarrassed me so much on the first lesson..."
"Shh..." comforted Andrea, rocking Lily back and forth slightly. "We'll get back at those idiot Marauders if it's the last thing we do."
"That's right, Lily," said Taylor, feeling awkward. It would have been so much easier if Lily just cried, but the closest thing that Taylor had seen to crying was in the first year when Lily had red eyes. Whenever she was really hurt, most often because of James and the rest, she would just close up and stare at a wall with glassy eyes for over an hour, talking in a voice that was either emotionless or on the verge of tears, yet she failed to see her shed a tear. Not even once. "We will not let that prat get away with this!"
Lily sniffed slightly, rubbing her eyes, probably trying to get rid of the moistness discreetly before smiling shakily. Then she stood up from the bench she was sitting on and clenched her fists, "I don't care how invincible people say the Marauders are! I'll make him feel as humiliated as he's been making me feel through all his stupid pranks if it's the last thing I do!"
"Wait a minute..." mumbled Andrea suddenly, an unusual glint in her eye. The other two glanced at each other, when Andrea looked like that; it meant that she had just had one of her rare and brilliant brainstorms. "When you mentioned embarrassment... I just remembered something..."
Identical sneaky grins lit their faces as she filled them in.