The Magic of Old

---

Chapter 12: The Other Man

We informed the staff of my condition at breakfast the next morning. After Dumbledore, McGonagall was next. She knew we were married, but somehow she seemed more than a little uneasy with the idea that two of her former students would actually engage in conjugal activities.

"I'm due in April."

"Congratulations." The look she gave my husband was one of accusation rather than congratulations. It was almost as if she was scolding Severus for soiling one of her precious Gryffindors.

"Minerva, will you stop gaping at me like that!"

"Severus," I said calmly, "you may want to keep your voice down. The Slytherins are beginning to stare."

He muttered something unintelligible before slamming down into his seat. Severus Snape was not a man of few words, though many people would prefer it if he was, as his choice of words were generally icy and of a less than flattering nature. His kinder, more considerate words were reserved only for me, and occasionally Dumbledore, when no one else was around. Lately I had noticed a change in him. I wouldn't call him distant, not that he was ever near to begin with, but I was of the impression that he wanted very badly to tell me something, but wasn't quite sure how to say it.

We enjoyed companionable silence most evenings in his office, where we would both become rather engrossed in our work, the only sound being the scratching of our quills. Call it intuition or whatever, but when I looked across the room at my husband that night to find him staring back at me, I knew he had to tell me something important. Silently, I closed my book and made my way to his desk.

"What do I tell him?" he asked.

"What do you tell whom, Severus?" I took a seat on his lap and took his hands in mine.

"When I was young and foolish, full of hatred and hungry for power...all those people, Ellie," he began. "Some of them were younger than our students. The first time I killed someone I was sick, horrified by what I had done. Then, each one after became...easier somehow."

"Oh, I see. This is about..."

"What sort of god or gods or person for that matter would allow a man such as me to have a child? I am far better suited to destroy than to nurture, and I certainly have no patience of any substance. My own father was the worst sort of man. He never bestowed any affection, on my mother or me, and certainly did not pretend that either of us was of any importance. I hated him from the moment I could speak."

Even just talking about his father was enough to bring the venom to his eyes. I knew that look and feeling all too well.

"Joining the Death Eaters pleased my father, you know," he informed.

"It was the only time when he actually told me he was proud that I shared his name. He was proud of me. Proud that I tortured, raped, poisoned, and murdered innocent people for a cause I never believed in."

"Severus, you are not your father. You know that."

"I am far worse."

"No, you would have been, but you made a choice not to be. I am not going to pretend that what you did was justifiable or that I fully understand. The difference is that you chose not to continue down that particular path. You have spent over a decade working against you-know-who, and at great personal expense."

"My debt will never be paid in full. I can still hear their voices and see their faces!" he hissed.

"I know," I whispered.

"I was a fool who became an animal." Severus took my face in his hands. "Why do you love me?"

"Honestly? Well, I just do. I could give you hundreds of reasons, Severus, but when it comes down to it, I just love you." I thought for a moment and then continued. "When I was in college, a good friend of mine told me that love isn't about the one you can live with, it's about the one you can't live without. When I was away from you, I was...lacking. It was if my reason for continuing to live had been removed from my being. That may sound…silly or trite, but I was so dead inside."

"I do understand."

"No matter how far I traveled, or how many things I learned, or how many people I met, I knew I was missing something. I never could find it; it was always just around the corner. The first time I met you when I was ten, something inside me came alive. You can't imagine what it felt like to see you there across the room. For the first time it was as if someone reallysaw me, really wanted to see me."

I kissed his lips sweetly and continued. "Severus, I came back for you. All of you. Sins, regrets, lies…love, friendship --all the things within you. I don't care how broken or guarded you are. I need you."

His eyes closed as he embraced me. "I do not deserve you."

"Bullshit! I blame myself for some of your decisions."

"Never, ever say that," he commanded. "I did not take the Dark Mark because you left me. I took it because I was weak and then left the Dark Lord because I was weak!"

"No! You joined a group of wizards who made you feel powerful and promised you a place where you would belong. You left because you knew it was wrong!"

"It was more than wrong," he hissed. "It was utterly immoral."

"Yes, it was," I agreed. "You are only human and for that reason you are flawed. It is not as if I am perfect. You always did put me on some pedestal far above everyone else and you never should have. I lie and cheat and hurt people too. I have even murdered, remember?"

"That is different! You committed a righteous act when you killed Sir, Ellie! I killed for sport and because I was trying to please my master!"

"Killing Sir might have been an act of righteousness, but I killed him nonetheless," I replied. "You know, The Guardians were not exactly good parents either, Severus. At least we know what not to do with our child."

"What do I tell him when he asks me about my past?"

"Tell him what you want, but don't lie to him. He will understand when he is old enough, which won't be for a very long time," I assured him.

He placed his hands on my belly. "He will never know the kind of suffering we have. I will make sure of that."

"I know," I whispered.

We decided to go to bed early that night but talked for a long while about all sorts of things as we lay in each other's arms. Parents were a sore spot for both of us since we had the very worst anyone could hope for. Severus never really discussed his home life, but I knew much about it from what we had shown each other from time to time. He was just as damaged as I. I thought at times that at least together we made a complete person; maybe not a well adjusted one but a complete one nonetheless.

"I have told you much of my times at University but you always avoid the subject when I ask you," Severus mentioned as he twisted my hair in his fingers.

I giggled and asked, "What would you like to know?"

"Everything," he replied smoothly. "What did those Americans do to you that made you stay for so long? Even I could not persuade you to remain here for very long."

"That's not fair, you wanker!" I snapped. "I'll have you know that some of my best friends weren't even American."

"Are you going to talk to me or are you just going to insult me all night?"

"I do so enjoy insulting you," I chirped in a silly tone. "Uhm, well, college? As you can imagine I was a bit of a nerd."

That comment was answered by a snort of amusement from Snape. "Nerd indeed. You mean know-it-all."

"If that's what you want to call it, then yes. Now shut up already so I can continue! Did you know that the main reason I took chemistry was because of you?" He arched his eyebrow in curiosity but did not interrupt. "It was the closest thing to Potions. It surely didn't help though, did it? Anyway, I decided that being a teacher would be a good choice for me. I love to share my ideas and knowledge with fresh young minds, or at least semi fresh minds. That may sound ridiculous to you but I just have so many thoughts in my head, it seems a shame to keep them all bottled up."

"Hm. Details, woman. I want details not drabble."

"Patience, Professor," I hissed. "So, college was wonderful. I enjoyed playing Muggle and had to contain myself many times from correcting professors, my history teachers in particular. Other than my academic pursuits, I did make good friends with several people. My best friend was named Rob Milner. He and I would argue about nearly everything but we got along well. He helped me learn all about computers and I helped him pass chemistry without blowing up the lab."

"How very Longbottomesque," hissed Snape.

"He really was very brilliant, just not in chemistry," I informed. "He was really there for me through some extremely difficult times. And, no, he wasn't my boyfriend. We were just very good friends."

"Hm."

"Most of my friends were boys, Severus. You may as well get used to that idea. You know how I feel about most girls: too silly and back-stabbing for my taste. I was just one of the guys to them."

"Ha! With a body such as yours I find that impossible to believe," he grumbled in a jealous tone.

"You would!" I remarked. "I suppose you don't want to hear about my holiday trip to Florida then."

"Does it involve you and a boy?" he asked nastily.

"Three boys, actually."

"Ménage a..." he started.

"Not likely," I stopped. "Forget it. I think I have something that will entertain you more than a story anyway."

Severus pulled me on top of him and asked, "Does it start like this?"

"You are a quick learner, Professor," I whispered as I nibbled his neck.

---

The Triwizard Tournament began at last. The first event was a success and Harry was still alive. I ate with Harry, his friends, and the other Weasleys that night, while Severus talked with Karkarov.

Later that night in the office Severus informed me that he had something to show me.

Severus pulled back his robe to expose the hideous mark on his arm. "It is getting more visible," he hissed.

"It won't be long now, will it?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I wish I could say no," he remarked. "Do you have a gown for the Yule Ball? It has been a long time since I had you on the dance floor?" he asked, changing the subject.

"You don't really think I'm going like this, do you? I am getting bigger every day!"

"You shall attend with me, for I refuse to go alone!"

"If you laugh at me in the tent of a dress I shall have to wear, I'll slap you silly!" I spat.

"You will look amazing and you know it. But er, mind that your breasts do not spill out too much. They are getting rather large," he mused while staring at my chest.

"You haven't seen anything yet, you just wait," I warned. "Oh, hell, will Lucius be there? If I have to listen to him go on about purebloods and children like we're some sort of livestock, I may not be able to control myself."

"You know he will be. Leave him to me; he shall not say a word."

***

I had fun at the dance and did feel rather pretty. Severus and I were making out in the rose garden like teenagers when low and behold we were once again sabotaged.

"Really you two, that is how you have found yourself in this condition to begin with," crooned Lucius Malfoy. "You owe me a dance, Mrs. Snape, you promised."

"Lucius, why is it that every time Ellie and I step into the rose garden you feel it necessary to interrupt?" spat Snape.

He laughed and said, "Come now, Severus, surely you are not jealous." Severus curled his lip in disgust.

"All right boys, don't make me separate you two. My love, I did promise," I informed my husband as I took Malfoy's arm.

Malfoy spun me onto the dance floor and drew me close to him.

"It is a pity you and I never got together," Lucius proclaimed as we danced, a little closer than I would have liked. "We would have made quite a pair."

A pair of what?

"I always fancied you, you know. You were always the loveliest girl in school." He was now a little closer.

Oh please don't go there!

"Lucius, I don't think Narcissa would appreciate that very much." I hoped he would drop it and back off a little.

"No, I suppose she wouldn't, but I do not care," he muttered. "If you ever tire of your husband I would be happy to step in."

What!?! No no no no no no no!!!!

"Or even if you wanted to keep him, I would be more than happy to have a fling. I'll tell you a little secret: When I married Narcissa I closed my eyes and pretended it was you. Maybe you might even have my child someday. Oh, Mrs. Snape, I fear that I am in love with you."

BLOODY HELL! What is he talking about? I have got to get the hell away from this crazy bastard now!

"What the hell are you..." I began.

"Draco adores you, Ellie. He would easily forget about Narcissa if you were to be his mother. Think about it. I would love you and show you pleasure like you've never known," he sighed hungrily.

Just as I was about to run away, he kissed me! And it was no peck either. He nearly gagged me with his tongue down my throat.

"UNHAND MY WIFE, MALFOY!" roared Severus as he advanced with his wand at the ready.

Everyone was staring as I was trying to pry myself from Malfoy's hands. Severus was furious! I ran to his arm and grabbed it. I thought he would kill Malfoy right there in front of everyone.

"Now, Severus, I was simply congratulating Mrs. Snape about the baby. There is no need for jealousy, is there, Ellie?" he said calm and cool, as if he was telling the truth.

"Definitely not, Lucius," I insisted coldly. "Make sure to say hello to your wife for me, would you."

"Of course. Now, I think it is time for me to leave. Do come to dinner soon, won't you?" Lucius relayed cordially.

Severus lowered his wand and calmed himself. "We shall see," he spat. "I think you should go now, Lucius, before you feel the need to congratulate someone else's wife."

When he had left Severus and I decided to leave as well. "I shall kill him if he ever lays a hand on you again!" Snape was livid.

"That was by far the most disgusting, embarrassing, utterly repulsive thing that has ever happened to me!" I said emphatically. "What in the hell was he doing? He knew you could see him! You won't believe what I have to show you."

I placed my ring to his temple and showed him all that Lucius had said. He was even angrier than before. "Can you believe he wants me to be his mistress? He sounds like he's going to do in Narcissa and replace her with me!" I yelled.

"He professed his love for you! He wants father your children!" he raged. "He wants you to sneak round behind my back and sleep with him!"

"Severus, surely you don't think I would..."

"No, of course not! I know better than that! I just want to kill him! Another man is after my wife!"

Then suddenly he became silent and pondered something.

"What is it? Are you all right?" I was concerned.

He took me gently in his arms and kissed me for a long time. "You know that I love you, don't you?" he asked very seriously.

"Yes, I know. What is it?"

"Maybe you should play along and have an affair."

"Have you gone barmy? You want me to sleep with Malfoy!" I screamed.

He's lost his mind!

"No, but just think, if he trusted you and thought that you had feelings for him, he would divulge certain things; things that even I cannot discover by spying," he replied smoothly.

"Please tell me that you aren't serious?" I begged.

"It may be our best hope. I know it would not mean anything, and if you do it now there is no chance you'll have his child," he said sadly.

"There is no way in hell I will agree to it! Do you have any idea what you are saying? Please tell me you aren't serious! Severus!" I yelled. He didn't answer me. He was serious!

I started crying and ran into the bedroom slamming the doors behind me. He wasn't joking. He wanted me to have an affair like some whore, and with his child inside me! I felt almost like I had the night of the rape.

How could he ask me to do this?

I cried so hard I thought I might drown. "Get out of here!" I screamed at him. "I can't bear to look at you!" I threw my pillow at him and stood up. "How dare you treat me like some common prostitute? Get out now!" I fell back on the bed crying madly.

"Please listen to me," he pleaded.

"I said get out!" I was hysterical. "I need to be alone right now! I won't listen to you about this anymore!"

"Do you know how serious this situation is? He has opened a door and we must try to..."

"WE? This is ridiculous! Stop this, now!"

"You said no matter the consequences, Ellie," he reminded me.

"I would die if you asked me to, but cheating on my husband and ruining our lives together wasn't part of the deal!" I replied. He just stared at me. "I don't even know you right now! If you don't stop I will leave you! Severus, I will leave you forever!" I screamed.

"Please, do not say that," he hissed. "You cannot mean it." I just continued to cry with my face in the pillows. "You have to calm down. This is not good for the baby."

"You think it will be good for our baby for me to have sex with Malfoy?" I spat hatefully. "What are you thinking?" I was disgusted. "Don't you dare touch me!" I warned as he tried to take my hands.

I went to my wardrobe and began throwing my clothes on the bed. I grabbed a bag and began stuffing my belongings into it. I stopped suddenly and put my hands on my belly because the baby was going nuts. I tried to calm down for my child's health, so I stopped packing and sat on the bed to rest a moment.

"Please don't leave me," he whispered softly. I reached out to him and he put his arms around me and put his head on my belly. "I love you more than anything. Please, Ellie, you cannot leave me again."

I had only ever seen him cry once before. It was after we had shown each other everything while in France and it wasn't like this. He was terrified that I might leave him. I was so angry and scared by what he was proposing, but the sight of the unemotional Severus Snape crying was enough to make me reconsider leaving.

I started to feel ill and there was a pain where the baby was. I winced and said, "I think something's wrong," as another pain, more intense than the last, stabbed at me.

He lifted his head from my belly. "What?" he asked concerned.

"My stomach hurts," I informed. Now I was scared that I might lose my child. "It's the stress. I can't lose this baby, not now!"

"I'll send for Poppy," he said quickly.

"I'm scared."

"This is my fault," he snapped. "I'll be back immediately." He ran out of the room leaving me terrified on the bed.

It was less than two minutes he was back with Madam Pomfrey. "Calm down, Ellie. It will be all right," she tried to comfort me. She took out her wand and examined me looking grave. "I don't know what started this, but severe stress can cause you to lose the baby. What happened?"

"Nothing," I muttered, not wanting her to blame Severus when I blamed Malfoy.

"Nothing wouldn't cause your baby to try and be born four months early," she said sternly.

"Oh, gods," sighed Severus. "Is he all right?"

"He? If you mean the baby, yes. For now it has stopped but, Ellie, you can't get too worked up. I want you to stay in bed tomorrow and then find some way to manage this stress, or your child will try and come far too early. A child born this early will not survive." She looked at Severus suspiciously. "You are both very lucky this time."

I closed my eyes and caressed my belly as she left.

"How can I begin to tell you how sorry I am? I would never endanger our son," he whispered when Poppy was gone. I didn't answer him. "When I saw Malfoy kiss you I went mad. Please, Ellie…please say something," he begged.

"Tomorrow I will send Lucius an owl to let him know I want to see him privately," I stated calmly. "I will do whatever he wants and I will get your information. I am used to men taking what they want from me so I will know how to handle it. I never thought in all my life that my husband would give me away so freely. I was wrong about a lot of things, I suppose. No one, and I mean no one, will ever take my child from me. Not even you." The only man I had ever loved had asked me to betray him, and in betraying him I betrayed myself.

"No," snapped Severus. "This is all wrong! There are others means of retrieving information. I was a fool to even suggest it."

"You were right, Severus. I will be Malfoy's whore," I hissed coldly. "Now get out of here and let me sleep before you try and kill my son again. OUT!"

When I fell asleep that night the nightmares had returned. I didn't care anymore; I only cared about my son.

---

I woke early and went to send Lucius the owl. When I came back to bed Severus was nowhere to be found, and for the first time in 16 years I did not look for him. I placed a ward on the bedroom door that only I could break and went back to sleep. By dinner time I was ready to eat so I left the room. I went to the kitchens to eat alone because I had no desire to see my husband. I went to Gryffindor tower to stay in the common room. Snape couldn't follow me there.

"Ellie, what are you doing here?" asked Hermione.

"I just needed a change of scenery, you know," I replied kindly.

"I guess the dungeons are a bit...dull. Are you sure you're all right? You look lost in thought."

"Yeah, I will be just fine."

"Professor Snape has been looking for you everywhere. Does he know you're here?"

"No, and I would like to keep it that way," I said a little firmly. "I'm sorry Hermione, hormones and all." I made an excuse.

"Men won't understand that but I most certainly do. Just relax a bit. I wish I could stay and talk but Harry and Ron are waiting for me in the library," she said. "I'll see you later, Ellie."

"Bye. Tell them I said hello, won't you."

I talked with many students that day. When everyone had gone to bed I decided I needed to go home.

"I have been looking for you all day," Severus said calmly. "Are you alright?"

"No," I replied.

"I am sorry. Can we please discuss this?"

"No."

"I need to know that you are not leaving me. Please, just talk a bit," he begged gently.

"All right, I'll talk; you listen. I sent the owl this morning. I am waiting for Malfoy's reply and when I get it I will meet him. I am not leaving you. You know I never will. After he has his way with me I shall never be the same. If you don't like who I become you have only yourself to blame. I think we should sleep in separate rooms from now on. You can stay here and I will go back to my old rooms. When the baby is born you can decide if you want to be a part of his life, knowing his mother has betrayed you at your request," I informed calmly and went to the bedroom.

"I will not allow you to do this! I will not allow you to give yourself to him and I will not let you move back to your rooms! You cannot do this, Ellie. We have been through too much all these years to toss it all away! You are everything to me and I want my wife and son to be with me always. Do not allow a jealous rant from an angry man to drive you away," he pleaded with all his heart.

"Do you really mean that? I can't take this and if it ever happens again, Severus. I will snap." I wanted so much to forgive him. I just hurt so very deeply.

He came to me slowly and I held out my arms. He fell into my arms and I knew I could never be without him. "Nothing will ever come between us. I love you, Ellie. Can you forgive me?"

"I already have." I kissed him and held him tight. He carried me to our bed and held me all through the night.

---

Three days later, on a Sunday, I received an owl from Lucius. I looked at Severus as I opened it.

"What do we do about this?" I asked, having forgotten that I had sent Lucius the letter.

"Read it and than let me read it. We will figure something out," he assured.

I opened it and read:

'Dearest Ellie,

I have waited for this since the first time I knew you were pureblooded.
I can't wait to have you alone, and I promise you will not regret it.
Narcissa will be out of town for days and we can have the house entirely
to ourselves. Tell Severus you will be staying with a friend, I know he
trusts you.Meet me at my door at six o'clock Friday night. I love you,
Ellie, I really do. I will show you just how much over and over again.
Don't worry, I will be very gentle. I would never hurt you or your baby.
I cannot wait to see you!

All my love,
Lucius'

I thought I would be sick. "This is repulsive! Here..." I exclaimed and handed it to my husband, who read it and then made a face of utter disgust.

"Since the first time I knew you were pureblooded? Oh now that is true love," he spat.

"What in the hell are we going to do?" I asked.

"I can tell you exactly what you are not going to do," he spat.

"You can say that again."

"If you met with him and made it clear that you only wished to talk, I think he would respect your wishes. I know it is risky, but if you do not meet with him now it will look suspicious."

"Severus, I am sorry that I sent the owl. I have really made a huge mistake."

"Maybe not," he interjected. "You and I have an understanding that goes beyond words. Our love is strong, Ellie. Nothing can break us, nothing. Malfoy may very well love you and if he does you will easily be able to ensnare him. If not, the situation may become more complicated and dangerous."

"What if I have to, you know, to make him trust me?" I asked.

What if I have to sleep with him?

"Do whatever you think is right," he mumbled sadly. "I hope that it does not come to that, but only you can decide. There is nothing that you could ever do that could change the way I see you. We know the truth like no one else can," he whispered. He looked at my belly and put his hand on it. "We have worked miracles together. Our son may be in danger if we cannot find out why someone is trying to drive us apart. If our roles were reversed, and you could find a way to make our son safe that involved my being with another woman physically, how would you feel?"

I finally understood. I knew it wasn't anything but a weapon. I would love and respect him for it. I looked him in the eyes and we spoke volumes without a word. "We will fight for our son, and for the children and families torn apart by Voldemort. I don't want him to end up like Harry or me. We will not fail." I kissed him and ran my fingers through his hair.

After we made love I thought about something else.

"Severus, where exactly are we going to put the baby? He shall have to sleep with us at first but then, well, we can't just stick him in the office?"

"Quite right. I shall speak with Dumbledore about an expansion. There are empty rooms on the other side of that wall so I think it shall be fairly straight forward," he said.

"Great idea! Perhaps a small eating and living area, and of course a nursery."

"Yes, and we might as well add another room while we're at it. In case there is another baby someday," he casually remarked.

"Anything is possible, isn't it? Would you like another child?" I asked.

"No, I would love another child. Whatever we are blessed with we shall take." That really surprised me.

I bet we shall have four.

"I love you, Severus Snape. You never cease to amaze me."

---