The Magic of Old

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Chapter 6: It Was All a Lie

It was early morning and all was quiet in Gryffindor tower and when the students began to arrive in the common room, I was greeted with zest. Everyone wanted to talk to me about my being a Sorceress and thank me for staying with them last night. I went to breakfast walking with Harry and Ron.

"Ellie, do you know what's going on? I mean, do you have any idea who the heir of Slytherin might be?" Harry asked.

"We thought it was Malfoy at first but, er...he...um, checked out," said Ron, looking shiftily at Harry.

"I could have told you it wasn't Malfoy. His dad went here, you know, so it would have happened then too. I swear that I have no idea who it is," I assured them.

"Well then, I guess that rules out Snape too," Harry muttered, sounding disappointed. "I wish Hermione were here. We could really use her right now."

"She will be back very soon, I promise. I know you two are, shall we say, detectives of sorts, but if you go looking for trouble be ready for it. Your parents would have killed me if I let anything happen to you, Harry! And yours too, Ron!" I warned. "Never let your guard down. Promise me."

"I promise," said Harry.

"Me too," repeated Ron.

"Now, go stuff yourselves silly and have a good time causing mischief." I winked. "I will see you both later." As they started to walk away I said covertly, "Oh, and give Filch a bit of hell for me, would you. Mind Mrs. Norris though, she can smell you through the cloak." They laughed, looking a little shocked, and went to their table.

After breakfast and the meeting with Dumbledore, I went back to my rooms to get some sleep. I had been up all night and I didn't have to teach today. I had just nodded off when I got a knock on my door. I was so tired and I didn't want to get up, so I yelled, "Come on in. It's not locked."

"Do you think it wise to sleep with an open door, Kinsington? Any sort of evil could just walk right in," he snapped in a rather foul way.

"Any sort of evil just did!" I snapped back. "I am exhausted! I am closing my eyes now."

"Agitated are you? Well I will make this brief. You will not have a lesson tonight because I have an errand to perform for the headmaster. If you desire, you may turn in the reports before you make the potions tomorrow," he dictated. "I have something I need to return to you." He held up a pair of black lace panties. "I found these under my pillow this morning."

I turned dark crimson and covered my eyes with my hands. I was so embarrassed! I had torn out of there in such a fright that I had forgotten he had removed them. "Just throw them...over there...somewhere." I was mortified!

"Hm, yes well, I must go. Longbottom is in my next class and if I don't hurry, there will be no class left to teach. Sleep well." He turned on his heels and strode out of the room, locking the door behind him.

"That went well," I sighed, "I must have left my brain under his pillow as well."

I was kicking myself for my forgetfulness. How very formal he had been. He must have realized that he made a mistake last night almost making love to me. I let out a huge sigh as I fell back onto the pillows.

I told him horrible things about myself last night and he had time to let it all sink in. He thinks I'm dirty and used. Maybe I shouldn't have told him? If he thinks that badly of me now, just wait until I tell him the really bad parts. I had only scratched the surface.

I forced myself to stop thinking and get some sleep. Eventually, I drifted off...

***Dream sequence***

...I was with the baby boy with dark hair and green eyes...we were side by side as a green light enveloped us. Screams filled the air and the baby was gone...I was alone in the basement; all was quiet and dark...I heard footsteps and a familiar voice. SIR.

"You thought you were clever, didn't you wretch? Madam is gone forever now. She can't help you anymore," he laughed maniacally. "You lusty little whore. Oh you'll taste so sweet." He pounded my face with his fist.

"Scream all you like, no one can hear you." He hit me again and ripped my blouse. "Try to run, I'll find you! You'll pay for making me wait!" He threw me to the stone floor and kicked me again and again in the side and head.

He pressed his knee to my throat and twisted it, grinding me into the rough, cold floor. I couldn't breathe! Blood was spewing out of my mouth and nose as I tried to breathe. He threw a dirty rag at me. "Clean yourself up, bitch! Make yourself nice and pretty for me. You're gonna love it, you know? Just wait till I get back!" I heard his footsteps; the thuds growing softer and softer as he climbed the steps.

I gasped for breath and tried to pull myself up. "AHHH!" I cried. My body was terribly wrong. My right eye was swollen shut and my head was spinning. I dragged my body across the floor, ripping my skin on the sharp stones.

I'm not stopping.

I reached the first stair. I pulled and dragged myself up for what had to be hours. I slid a few steps down and cried out in agony. I sobbed weakly as I made my way back to the top then I forced the door open and crawled into the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood behind me.

Sir came running and kicked me in my stomach and ribs, then grabbed me by the hair, dragged me over to the table, and slammed me down on it. I screamed out in pain again and then spit blood in his eyes. Sir slapped me and I fell back. He pulled my head up by the hair and slammed it into the table, again and again. One hand squeezed my throat. With the other, he reached up my skirt and ripped off my underwear.

"NO!" I choked out with all my might.

He laughed and proclaimed, "You're gonna love it! I can tell you want it." Letting go of my neck, Sir pulled down his pants and forced himself into me. I blacked out.

My eyes came slowly back into focus. I had a knife. I knew what to do...

***

"NOOOOOOOO!" I screamed, waking myself up. I looked all around, panting for breath.

It was only a nightmare. I am safe in my bed at Hogwarts.

I got out of bed, shaking a little, and made my way to the bench by the fire. I was drenched in sweat and shivering.

How can I tell Severus what I did? And what about what Sir did to me?

I felt filthy so I rose to take a bath and made the water extra hot and used a lot of soap and perfumes. The water stung my skin as I stepped into it . If I had a scouring pad, I would have used it. I scrubbed furiously at my skin, causing it to turn red and blotchy. For a moment, I thought that I was covered in blood, and shook my head at the thought of it. I sat in the bath, hugging my legs to my chest, rocking back and forth, until the water was cold.

When I dried myself off and put on a nightgown, I went out on the balcony. I thought I saw him walking in the shadows toward the castle as I looked away and out over the rose garden.

I love it here. I won't let my past push me out again. I willnot leave him unless he asked me to. I have a long way to go, but I've traveled far, and I'm closer to home than ever before. I will not run anymore.

It was nearly morning now and the air was full of roses and the sky was pink as well. Daylight was on its way and soon I would feel warm again.

---

Spring fell to summer and, before I knew it, June was here. Harry had killed the basilisk, destroying Tom Riddle. Severus had gone back to his old habits, never mentioning that night almost two months ago. We didn't see each other, outside my lessons or meals, and we spoke of nothing but work. The students would be leaving for summer holiday soon, and I thought maybe I would also. I was starting to believe that Severus would never talk to me again, that I would never tell him what I needed to. Then he approached me on my way to the Great Hall.

"May I have a moment of your time?" Snape asked.

"How may I help you, Professor?" I asked a bit uneasily.

"You and I have unfinished business, Kinsington," he began. I felt as though I might cry, but did not show it. "Would you join me for dinner in Hogsmeade?"

"When?" I asked.

Please don't say now.

"Immediately. I have arranged transportation there, but we shall have to walk back when we have finished." He was being very cold and I wanted to turn and run back to my rooms, crying like a schoolgirl.

"Fine," I replied reluctantly.

We walked at breakneck speed to a small carriage outside. I got in, plopped down, and stared angrily out the window. I was practically pouting and, when I realized it, I pulled myself together immediately.

As the carriage pulled away he spoke, "Where would you like to go?"

"Wherever is fine by me," I snapped.

"The Three Broomsticks it is then," he decided. "I can see that you are in a delightful mood, Kinsington. What's got your panties in a wad?"

Oh no he didn't! Son of a bitch! Is he joking, or is he simply trying to infuriate me?

"You ass!" I snapped.

"That was a bad choice of words; a simple mistake, I assure you." I could swear he was trying not to smile.

"I'm not stupid, SSeverussss," I said, hissing his name, making it sound long and snake-like.

"I never said that you were. Are you finished preparing your examinations?" He was playing it cool.

"Yes I have." I was holding my temper best I could manage. "What about you?"

"Nearly, I have finished grading your early examination, Kinsington. Would you like to know you results now, or would you rather wait until Monday?"

"If I got anything less than top marks you should look over it again!"

"Of course you did. I am an excellent teacher," he muttered.

"That may be, but you could do with an attitude adjustment, Professor."

"Hm...maybe I am not alone in that," he mumbled. "We have arrived. Shall we?"

I climbed out of the carriage and walked haughtily into the bar, allowing the doors to nearly hit him in his face. I took a seat at a table in the corner and he joined me. He scowled at me and I smiled facetiously back at him. What a pair we made; Snide and Bitchy, Bitchy and Snide. I could see us now clearly on stage at a Muggle comedy review: He with his club and me with my hammer; beating the bejeezus out of one another, with a giant cane around our waists, dragging us off the stage.

"I'll have a shot of Firewhiskey with a beer chaser," I ordered angrily when the barmaid approached. "He'll have a shot of piss with a vinegar chaser!"

"As tempting as that sounds, I think a bottle of red wine will suffice," he corrected disdainfully, shooting me a look of reproach.

The barmaid nodded and scurried away, probably out of fear that I might ask her to bring me his head on a platter next. She wasn't far off with that one. She returned in a flash, placed the bottle and glasses on the table, and looked at us timidly for our order.

"I think we need a bit of time, Madam Crawford," Severus instructed. She nodded, looking much relieved as she left us.

"I think we need more than just a bit of time. A few days should do it," I snorted.

He poured himself a glass and then began to pour mine, but I snatched the bottle out of his hand. I took a large, sloppy sip from the bottle and wiped my mouth with my hand. "How engaging, Kinsington," he criticized. I took another swig and then poured myself a glass, relinquishing the bottle to him at last. "Now that we have that settled, on to more important matters."

"What brings us here tonight, Professor?" I asked calmly, trying to get a grip on my temper.

"I am afraid we will have to begin your third year lessons next term. This summer I will be leaving to tend to matters of a top secret nature," he began. "I will return shortly before the commencement of the school year. I assume that you will be here when I return?"

"I do plan to teach again next year, if that's what you're asking."

Did he just say that he was leaving?

"I didn't know you were leaving," I replied, this time sounding a little sad.

Snape replied, "I only just found out this morning," his voice not sounding as harsh. "I set out in one week, the same day the students leave for holiday. I cannot inform you of any details, so do not bother asking."

"Oh, I see." I looked down at the table.

"I have a word of warning for you: stay away from Lucius Malfoy! I know the two of you were friendly during school, but things have changed over the years. I cannot tell you how just now, but trust me. Stay away from Lucius Malfoy."

"I trust you, Severus, and I will avoid him." He seemed unconvinced. "I will, I promise. Is this anything to do with him being a...you know?" I had heard that Lucius and Severus had been Death Eaters around the time when Lily and James had been murdered.

"You know about that then?" he asked, eyeing me to see what else I knew. "Yes, it has everything to do with it. I did not realize that you knew anything about those times."

"I heard about Lily and James when I was away at college." I felt very sad thinking about how my friends had died at Voldemort's hands. I hadn't been there for them, or my other friends, and that was still a fresh wound. I teared up a little. "Let's not talk about this." I was choking back my tears and took a large drink of wine finishing the glass, hoping to dull the ache in my chest.

Severus poured me another. "I know they were your friends and I am truly sorry." He knew I couldn't take this line of conversation anymore. "We should order dinner. I am having roast beef." I was far off thinking about Harry, and how much he looked like James. "Ellie...Ellie?" I snapped out of it. "What would you like?"

"Uhm...how's the fish and chips here?" I asked.

"I've had it many times. I think you will enjoy it."

"Then that's what I'll have, please. I think I would also like an iced tea with dinner. I wouldn't want to make a spectacle out of myself again, now would I?"

"Excellent choice." He called the barmaid over and placed our order. "Can we speak rationally now?"

I smiled weakly and replied, "Of course. I'm sorry for being so...bitchy."

"Yes, well you are not alone. I have been rather snide myself." I let out a giggle, remembering the Muggle comedy review. "What?"

"Nothing, really, it's nothing." I stopped giggling. "I am glad that things have gone back to normal at the castle. Can you believe Harry Potter?"

He cringed a little at the name, but did not turn foul again. "No, nevertheless I am glad it is over. You Gryffindors have a real hero complex, don't you? Always saving the castle from giant reptilian creatures. I wonder if that dragon ever knew what hit him?" he pondered.

I laughed. "I guess it's in our blood, Severus. Saving the castle from giant Slytherins, I mean reptiles." He seemed rather amused. I laughed again as dinner arrived.

"Good to see you smiling again. I was beginning to think you had forgotten how," he hissed.

"Sometimes it isn't easy, but I seem to manage now and again." We began to eat.

"If you are a good girl and eat all your dinner, I may buy you some fudge on our way out of Hogsmeade," he divulged with a smile.

He actually smiled! It was quick, but he actually smiled!

"Now you're talking!" I thought of how lovely a block of rich, velvety fudge would be. "You really do know how to get my attention, don't you?"

"Haven't I always?" he purred in that sexy, silky voice of his.

True to his word, we stopped into Honeydukes on our way out of town. He rolled his eyes as he paid for my fudge. I was truly a very big kid in a candy store. We began our walk back to the castle in silence, since my mouth was full of fudge.

"Thanks, that was marvelous!" I announced with great enthusiasm. I was almost theatrical. "Severus, do you remember that time when we came in here after the dance with Malfoy?"

"Yes, how could I forget?" He scowled a little, remembering how we had been sabotaged in our attempt at a first kiss.

"Do you remember how Lucius kept pushing me out in front of him, mumbling something about, ‘better let her go first, I think I heard something'?" I started laughing at the thought of six foot, two hundred pound Malfoy pushing a five foot seven, hundred and twenty pound fifteen-year-old girl in front of him like a shield.

Snape responded, "Yes, courageous that one. He should have paid you a galleon a day for services rendered." He shook his head. "As I recall, he ingested so much Firewhiskey, that you had to conjure a bucket of water, after he caught the bosom of Narcissa's dress on fire."

I laughed so hard that I had to stop walking.

He continued, "Then, to top it all off, you had to slap him about the face when he began sobbing about how much he'd miss her breasts, now that he had burned them off."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I was doubled over in fits of laughter.

Snape grinned and finished, "I thought you would never convince him that he had only gotten the dress, and not what lie underneath."

That was it! I fell to the ground and continued on about my spell. I gasped for breath, giggling a little more, and wiped my eyes and cheeks.

"Gods, that was funny! I haven't laughed so hard since, I can't remember when." I got up and straightened my clothing and we began walking again. "We had some good times, didn't we?"

"Yes, very good times indeed."

He seemed a bit more serious than before. I felt his hand brush mine. A moment later, he took my hand in his. We interlaced our fingers, little by little. I looked at him and then turned back to face ahead. The castle was just up ahead now. "Would you like to talk about...anything else tonight?" He slowed our pace a little as he waited for an answer.

"I think maybe we should. We need to do this before you leave for the summer."

"I am coming back," he said seriously, and he pulled me to a stop.

"I don't want you to go, but I won't ask you not to. I won't ask you why or what or where. You have your reasons, as I had mine," I said solemnly.

"I will explain everything to you when I return. Now, I think you should finish telling me what you must. Where do you want to go?" he asked.

I asked, "How about my rooms?"

He agreed and we proceed back to the castle, and all the way to my rooms. We went in and sat, facing each other, on the bench before the fire. He continued to hold my hand. I sighed and began to feel a great fear.

"What you told me before explained a great many things, however it does not explain why you ran away and never came back." He was a little stern which caused me to wriggle in my seat. "Make me understand why I should forgive you after all these years."

"I am not asking for your forgiveness. I cannot ask you to do what I cannot do myself," I began. "In order for you to understand, I am going to have to bring you back to a place neither one of us wants to go." He stiffened up bracing himself for what was next. "Back to that day in March, you know the one that I mean. Remember the letter?..."

---

In my sixth year, things had been wonderful between the two of us since Christmas in the closet. I was full of bliss and I could tell he was too. It was on a Monday, during the first week of March, that my life would be forever changed. We were writing back and forth in our journals during breakfast, peeking up at each other from across the room. Owl post has just started circling about, but I never received a letter in my whole time at school, so I paid them no mind.

"Don't be worried about that now! We have plenty of time to study for your N.E.W.T.s," I wrote and gazed over at him, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me! I'll have to teach you a lesson! I think you might like it, though," he wrote.

"I bet I will. I love it when they have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast! I'm going to try and steal the last one from Remus. Hold on."

"You are so very predictable, Kinsington. Since you are going over there anyway, put a stinging hex on Black for me, would you?" I saw an evil little grin appear on his lips.

"Do your own nasty deeds, you loathsome, slimy, Slytherin prat!" I wrote.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me," he replied.

"Yes, well..." I had just received an owl. I stared at the yellow envelope, unable to believe my eyes. It was addressed, ‘Miss E.C.Kinsington, Great Hall, Hogwarts', in red ink. I turned it over. It had the Ministry of Magic seal on it.

What in the blazes would they want with me?

I looked up and saw Severus looking at me with great interest.

"What is that?" he wrote.

I mouthed, "I don't know," at him then looked back at the letter.

I have a really bad feeling about this.

Timidly, not at all tearing the paper, I opened it. Two separate letters fell out on the table. One looked very formal on expensive oatmeal parchment; the other looked like a page torn hastily out of a notepad. I picked up the former and began to read...

‘Dear Miss Kinsington, it is with deepest regret that we inform you...'

I jumped up from my seat, and drew in a breath so loud, that James and his friends turned to look at me. I shook my head in disbelief. "No!" I gasped.

I read the other letter... It was from Sir! I ran up to the staff table and flung the letters at Dumbledore. "You have to help me!" I pleaded loudly. "I can't...won't...you have to help me!"

Dumbledore rose slowly to his feet. I have never seen him look so sad before. "Ellie, I am afraid that I cannot," he said, looking suddenly weak and pitiful.

"No!" I shook my head. "No! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!"

I was getting hysterical. Dumbledore said nothing more. I snatched the letters out of his hands. "I don't believe you," I whispered. I ran from the Great Hall, leaving all my books and the journal behind at the table.

I ran and ran and ran. I went into my dorm in Gryffindor tower. I ran wildly about the room, gathering my belongings, and hurling them into a large, red and gold Quidditch bag. I had to go. I had to go at once.

I sprinted out of the dorm, out of the tower, out of the castle, and into the Enchanted Forrest behind Hagrid's cabin. There was no one in sight.

Where do I go? How do I find my way through here? No one must see me. I can't let them stop me!

It is all a bit foggy to me now. For hours and hours, I wandered in circles until it was night.

He will try and follow me. I have to make him understand that he can't. He must never follow me!

I put my bag under a tree and set off back to the castle. I made it to the rose garden, then fell to my knees, and began sobbing hysterically. I think it was a few minutes later when...

"Ellie! My gods!" I heard his voice cry out to me. "I have been trying to find you since breakfast. Where have you been? What's going on?" He sounded sick with worry. "Ellie..." he approached me and I bolted to my feet, flinging myself around his neck.

I sobbed into his chest, clinging to him for dear life. "I love you, Severus...please understand that I love you!"

"I know, I know," he soothed as he pressed my head to his chest with his hand. "Please tell me what's going on. Why are you so frightened?"

I shook, gasping for air, and slowly pulled away from him. My eyes were wild, crazed. I pulled the letters out of my robes and handed them to him. "I have to go. Listen to me, I have to go!"

"What?" He read the letters quickly, his eyes open in disbelief.

‘Dear Miss Kinsington,

It is with deepest regret that we inform you of your mother, Madam Cherise Reynard Kinsington's, untimely death. Your father, Sir Randolph Lloyd Kinsington III, has requested your immediate presence. You will henceforth be returned to him and your studies, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, put on hold, until such a time he deems appropriate. You will leave by carriage immediately following breakfast tomorrow and will be met by a representative of the Ministry of Magic, who will escort to your destination.

Benevolently,
Willis Linney,
Ministry of Magic, Magistrate to Domestic Affairs'

"But, Ellie..."

Severus read the other letter. It contained only four words: ‘Your time has come'.

"I'm coming with you," he said.

"NO! You must not follow me! Not now, not ever!" I screamed.

"I don't understand. I won't let you go through this alone! I won't let anyone hurt you. Ellie...," he said desperately.

"You don't know what you're saying! You can't protect me, no one can! I have to go away and you must promise never to look for me!" I pleaded.

Please! Sir will Kill you! I won't stand for it!

"Stop it!" he begged. "I will never leave you! We can go right now. I will keep you safe always. No one will ever touch you! I love you, Ellie! Let's run away together!"

He loved me so much. I could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, feel it emanating from his very being. What I said to him next, I said for his safety. A part of me died as my mouth formed the words. The very biggest part of my heart died.

I looked away from him and said in a calm cold dead voice, "I have never loved you. It was all a big joke!" I turned to face him, harnessing every bit of power I had in me, to finish the lie that would ruin my life. I looked him sharply in the eye.

"You are a fool, Snape! You actually believed that I could love someone like you? I loathe you."

He took a step back, his face twisted in agony and disbelief. "You are nothing to me! Nothing! I never want to see your disgusting face again! I HATE YOU, SEVERUS SNAPE! I HATE YOU!"

I ran so fast into the forest that I was nearly flying. I could not bear to see the look on his face, when I tore out his heart and mine as well. I was numb as I picked up my bag that night. No more tears could be shed. I was alone and I would be forever. I don't know how long it took, and I don't know how I did it, but I made my way through the trees, until there were no more. I went into hiding, place to place here and there, stumbling through the world in a trance...

---

I began to shake, as I recounted that day's events, on the bench by the fire. I felt as I had so many years ago: like no time at all had passed. But he was there, before my eyes, and I had to continue to make him understand that I had no other choice.

"Severus, I had no other choice," I whispered, begging him to understand. "I hid like a criminal for several months after I left the castle. I was beginning to think that I had escaped, and that he would never find me. When I saw him approach me in a store in Japan, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was frozen still! I couldn't move or speak. I just let him take me," I paused and stood up, released his hand, and walked over to the window.

"Sir brought me home, to my room in the basement." I then told him exactly as it occurred, like the dream I had had so many times.

When I got to the part when I blacked out I explained, "He raped me. I don't know how I got it, but I remember seeing it in my hand. It was long and sharp, like a sword. I fell to the floor and Sir was nowhere to be seen. I was badly injured so I couldn't make it out the door. Sir came at me again while I was crawling across the floor. When he got me back on the table, he pressed himself on top of me...I used the knife...to cut him.

I continued describing the scene, "I impaled him with it, again and again and again. I couldn't stop stabbing him! It was all over me...I was drenched in his blood! I could see the meat of his neck gaping out at me...he was nearly decapitated. I dropped the knife, and smeared my bloody hands all over my face, trying to wipe it off. I was covered in it."

I was not able to look Severus in the eyes. "It comes in flashes from there...I wandered around that house for days, never seeming to be able to find a door. The next clear memory that I have is waking up in a Muggle hospital, with policemen all around. My hands and legs were bound to the bed. When I had healed slightly, enough to move anyway, I used my magic to free myself and I began to run for my life. I was a fugitive from Muggle law for almost a year. Everywhere I went, they seemed to follow."

"One day, a wizard Apparated before me and told me that the Muggles were no longer searching for me. He said that Dumbledore had told the Ministry everything, and that memories had been altered. I thought for weeks that he had lied to me, so I kept running. When I finally accepted that it was true, I decided to forget that I had ever known magic." Severus listened patiently.

"America was my next stop. I lied and manipulated, so that I could begin again as a Muggle. Everyone thought that I was just like them. They hadn't any clue. It was just too easy. I drank heavily and did all sorts of foul intoxicants to help me forget who I really was. After college, I realized that I had no idea who I was anymore.

"Gradually, I allowed myself to remember, and set off around the world, searching. Searching for anything that could make sense. In the most ancient of places, I found clues and hints about myself and sorcery. I learned about the magic that had bound me to the Squibs, and I had a revelation. Those Squibs were not my parents." I couldn't continue and sat on the bench again.

"Unbelievable," gasped Severus.

"The Guardians were not my parents. My real parents were a wizard named Andreaus and a witch named Emmeline Kinsington. Sir was my father's brother and Madam his sister." I looked at Severus. He was blown away. "The Guardians stole me from them shortly before my second birthday."

Without saying a word, Severus wrapped his arms around me. The shock of it all was very apparent in both of us. "Ellie, how do you know all this?"

"My brother told me," I informed and began to weep in his arms.

"You see, when I was in Egypt, I became aware that I was being followed. He looked so much like me that I knew him before he uttered a word. I had seen his face before. He had been sent to kill me," I cried.

"He was under the Imperius Curse. He had been ever since the Squibs took me, that night when I was a child. He told me everything while he pointed the wand at me. I could tell that he was trying so hard to break the spell. He didn't want to kill me. When he said the words of the curse, he turned the wand on himself."

I sobbed harder and began to wish that I had died instead. Severus held me close. "His name was Julian, and he was my older brother by six years." I looked through my tear filled eyes at Severus. "I held him in my arms as he died. It didn't happen all at once. He told me that he had always loved me, and that he was so, so sorry." I was inconsolable at this point. For along time I cried in his arms both of us silent.

"For a long time after you left that night, I didn't really believe you. Over time, I began to accept that what you had told me was true," Severus said solemnly. "I never thought I would see you again. I became very bitter and withdrawn. You betrayed me and ripped my heart from my chest."

I was feeling very ashamed and walked away from him, to face the window again.

I knew he would never forgive me.

He came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "But I was wrong. Until just now, I never knew a thing." Severus turned me gently around, to make me face him. "You lied to me that night. You really did love me after all, didn't you?" he asked, just realizing the truth for himself.

"Yes, Severus, I lied to you." Tears began to fall on my cheeks again. "I had to make it so you wouldn't come after me. You couldn't have stopped him. The magic was too powerful for anyone to break. It was an accident and a miracle that I found that knife. Magic had nothing to do with what I did to break my imprisonment. A brutal, vicious act of savagery ended it all. I murdered him I am still covered in his blood."

"No," he whispered, his face drawing closer to mine, "you set yourself free. He won't hurt you anymore."

"Severus, I died before I killed him. I died the night I told you the lies. It was always you," I sobbed. "He ruined me, turned me into something less. I couldn't find you because I was too ashamed."

"I should have gone after you. I should have known you were lying. Don't ever be ashamed, because you are perfect, and I will never see you as anything less." I heard the love in his voice like it was the first time when we were young. It was in his eyes, and in his voice, and it was surrounding me. His lips brushed across mine slowly and again. "Ellie," he whispered as he began to kiss me tenderly.

He picked me up and carried me to my bed. He placed me down and lay on top of me, kissing me passionately and stroking my hair. I loved the way the weight of his body felt on mine; the way he encircled me. He whispered, "Ellie, there is nothing I want more than to make love to you right now, but I cannot."

As he looked at me with those dark, heartrending eyes, I thought for sure I knew why he had said that. He slid down me a little to lay his head on my chest.

"Severus, I know I'm filthy. I'm so sorry that I let him touch me, but there was never anyone else. I have never been with a man...not ever, other than him."

How could he ever want to lay his hands on me after I had been so pathetically weak?

He buried his face between my breasts and then looked up at me. "Is that what you think?" He looked hurt and explained, "No, Ellie, that is not it at all." He slid back up, his face now even with mine. "I do not want to hurt you, or make you think that I am anything like him. He mutilated you; forced himself on you. You did not give him anything; he took it all from you.

"I should have protected you. If you had told me what was going on, I would have killed him. I know you felt that it was impossible, but I would have killed him, or fought to the death trying to save you." He caressed my face, rubbing his cheek on mine. "You needed me and I broke my promise not come after you. I believed that you hated me when I should have known better."

"Oh, Severus. You don't know what it took to lie to you, to make you understand. I had to make you see. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you because of him. I had to protect you, even if that meant telling the man that I loved since I was child, that he meant nothing to me, when really he was my very existence," I wept. "You could never hurt me, Severus. I know that, I always have. I want you to make love me... I want to be with you."

I put my hand on the back of his head and twirled my fingers in his hair. I pulled his head down and pressed his lips to mine, kissing him deeply. He did not resist me as our tongues entwined with hunger and adoration. I wrapped my leg around him, lifted his robes to rub my hands on his skin, and pressed my hips into his.

He rose to his knees, while sitting on top of me, and began to remove his clothing. When his chest was bare, he leaned over me, while I moved my hands over his chest and up to his shoulders, then down his arms and back again. He felt so wonderful; so firm and smooth all at once.

Severus unbuttoned my shirt and sat me up to slide it off me. I gasped as he kissed my neck and started to pull off my skirt. As he did this, I unbuttoned his pants and slid my hand inside to touch him. He finished what I had started and threw his pants to the floor, along with my clothes. There was nothing between now except our underwear, as he lay back down on me and resumed kissing me, wildly. He rolled over and pulled me on top of him.

"Pull back the blankets," he growled hungrily.

I rose to sit on top of him, pulled off my camisole, and then grabbed the top of the blankets to expose the sheets beside us. He drank me in. Snape ran his fingers up my stomach and over my breasts, like he had never seen a woman before. I just sat there, on top of him, and watched his face, feeling his touch as my heart exploded and fever spread throughout my body.

"You are so magnificent," he whispered breathlessly, seeming truly amazed by the curves of my hips, and the soft fullness of my breasts.

My nipples stiffened at his touch. I pressed myself down, to feel my skin on his own; my chest to his. He flipped me over, rolling me onto the sheets. He was once again on top. He moved his hand down the small of my stomach and under my panties. I felt his hardness through the silk of his boxers as I moved my hand down to him. I moaned as his fingers gently stroked my aching wetness. He expertly removed my underwear, and then I returned the favor. There was nothing between us now except our breath.

"Are you all right?" he asked sweetly, his eyes burning into mine.

"Severus, I have never been so sure of anything in all my life."

I had loved him for twenty years. We had waited so long, and I needed him now; all of him. I parted his lips with my tongue and made him understand. I never knew it could be like this. After all these years, I never imagined it could be like this. It was if the entire world disappeared and there was only the two of us.

He put himself inside me slowly and I cried out softly in ecstasy as he moaned and thrust himself deeper. The pleasure and agony of it was so overwhelming. His breath was hot on my face, which sent chills up my back, as he made love to me.

"Ellie, I need you," he moaned in my ear as we continued our frenzied movements.

I never wanted it to end. We couldn't control ourselves any longer. We became wild, our tension building, grinding into each other, writhing and moaning, until we had reached the end. We were covered in sweat and heaved for breath, as he collapsed down on me, and pressed his face in the crook of my neck, kissing it repeatedly.

He rolled over on his back, over to my left, and turned his head to me. I turned my head to look at him, our chests moving up and down rapidly. A tired smile played on my lips as we looked into each others eyes. We were beyond words, yet we said everything without a sound. Our breathing returned to normal after a long while.

We snuggled up together again, gently kissing. "I think I can sleep forever like this," I sighed. I was completely at ease and ridiculously exhausted.

"I hope that you will," he whispered. "I have never been so tired in all my life."

"Well you did have a bit of a workout," I giggled. "So did I, for that matter. Tomorrow is Saturday, so we can sleep in. No one ever comes to my door until after lunch." I knew this would have to be a secret. "You aren't going to go back to your rooms, are you?"

"I couldn't walk that far if I had too. I don't, do I? You're not throwing me out, are you?" he asked.

"No, of course not! I just don't want to get us in trouble," I replied.

Snape scowled and replied, "Hm...well we have plenty of experience with trouble."

How right he was. We had made it through some difficult events and relentless taunting for years at school. We had kept our relationship a secret before, and under more stressful circumstances. We were grown now, and it was more for the benefit of the children, than ourselves or the teachers. Dumbledore probably knew about it anyway. He always seemed to know. As soon as I closed my eyes and felt his heartbeat pounding rhythmically in my ear, I fell into a wonderful, nightmare-free sleep for the first time in ages.

---

When I woke up in the morning, I was on my side with Severus wrapped around me. I was so warm and comfortable. "Uhm," I yawned. I stretched slightly and squeezed his arms.

"I was wondering when you would wake. You looked so peaceful that I dare not disturb you." He nuzzled his nose on my cheek as he spoke. "I take it you slept well?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, did you?" I turned to peck him on the lips.

"I was oblivious to all." I started to wiggle my way out of his arms "Where are you going?" he asked.

"Ladies room," I said casually.

"Hm, well make it quick. What are you trying to hide? Don't do that!" He was referring to my behavior as I tried to cover myself with one of the blankets when I stood.

"Severus...I'm just a little...shy. I don't generally walk about nude in front of people. Now leave me be, I'll just be a minute." I was blushing now and felt a little self conscious as I made my way to the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I had a silly grin that I couldn't wipe off my face. When I opened the door, he was waiting for me just outside. Severus snatched the blanket from me and threw it back on the bed. I threw my hands up to cover my breasts and then changed my mind and covered my...other areas.

"What on earth are you trying to do? It's freezing in here!" I complained, now red all over.

He grinned smugly. "Yes, I can see that," he remarked, looking me up and down. "I shall keep you adequately warm if you return to the bed at once."

"You first! I shall want to get a good look, since you've already one." I was going to enjoy this. He was simply, for lack of a better word, delicious. I followed him back to bed and crawled in. He pulled me to him and kissed my cheeks, then my lips. "Not bad, Severus. Not bad at all," I teased.

"So this is how you look in the morning: All fresh and giggly, your hair all curly and twisted," he teased.

"Curly and twisted? I think you had something to do with that," I scolded.

"I know," he whispered. "So tell me, Kinsington, are you as ravenously hungry as I am? Or is it my mind playing tricks on me?"

"Let us not skip lunch, or we might have Potter and his cronies breaking down the door, to see that you are still alive! Your students seem to adore you, Kinsington. Have you been stealing the potions from your lessons?"

"You're just jealous, because you act like a fucking prick and make all your students hate you!" I scolded. "My students like me because I am interesting, not because I cast spells on them or enchant them with potions! They know about my being a Sorceress since that night Hermione was petrified. I did a few parlor tricks and spilled the beans about some of the things their parents used to do in school. They all seemed to take it rather well. Much better than I did when I found out...or shall I say freaked out," I admitted.

"Well it is about time! It is not as if you have a scarlet ‘S' branded on your chest! I have never understood why you always seemed to think of yourself as cursed. I think your abilities are astounding," he said firmly.

"I know that now, but it took years for me to admit it and learn how to let it happen. You know that book I'm always reading...the one you bought for me in Hogsmeade?"

"You mean the one where the table of contents is so very enthralling?"

"That's the one. I know that you see the table of contents, but that is not what I see." He cocked his eyebrow.

"It shows me things. When I open the book, I see myself, only I am different. It is hard to explain but I see images that play out a kind of...story. I see the beginnings of sorcery and how magic evolves. I see the planet and how life emerged from nothing. I learn how it is that pure magic passes down and leaves some, like Squibs, unable to use it. I know it sounds crazy, but it seems very familiar to me," I tried to explain.

"That sounds like Dark Magic. Why is it that you are the only one who can see this?" He sounded very concerned.

"As I interpret it, the book was created by Sorcerers long ago. I don't know if I can see it because I am a Sorceress, or if others can see it also. I haven't shown it to anyone except you and that was very brief. Maybe you can see it too, Severus. Or maybe you will see something else. I don't know. But if I am correct about it being a book of sorcery, then it is neither good nor evil, just pure natural magic," I surmised.

"That does not mean that it isn't dangerous. I shall examine it and see what happens. You were in a terrible state when you were left alone with the book for long periods of time, remember? Evil can come from unexpected places, even ourselves," he warned.

"I shall exercise caution, I promise." He held me a little tighter and we began to kiss. "I shall miss you very much this summer. Be very careful, I want you to promise me," I pleaded.

"I will do everything in my power to return to you in one piece." He became more serious and said. "As much as you may want to, you will not be able to contact me. You must not send any owls or ask any questions as to the nature of my whereabouts, or my mission. I will return and tell you everything."

I felt sad but tried to be strong. "I will do anything you ask of me."

He understood and kissed me as his reply. "It is nearly time for lunch. I shall return to my rooms and prepare myself for the day. I will see you there." He reluctantly got up and began to dress and I made my way to take a bath. "I have never had so much trouble getting out of bed in all my life." As he stood by the door, we shared one last look, and then he left.

I decided to pamper myself with a bit of a soak in bubbles. Leaning back in the tub, I remembered how it used to be before Severus and I had been so close. A time when he and his friends had treated me differently...

TO BE CONTINUED...

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