The Magic of Old

Saturday morning dawned bright and cold. This was the last Hogsmeade weekend for students before Christmas and I was scheduled to accompany them. I missed breakfast on purpose, intending to eat at one of the shops in the village. Unfortunately, I knew that Snape had also been scheduled to chaperone this excursion, and I wondered if there would still be any traces of his agreeable mood from last night. When I arrived outside, there was a large group of students eagerly waiting for me. I checked their names with the roster I had been provided, then set off for a chilly but otherwise nice walk to Hogsmeade. Except for the Slytherins, all the students were really well behaved. I knew I would not be spying on them, as I was sure Snape would take care of that.

“Gorgeous day,” I piped cheerily, as I entered the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer to take the edge off my mild hangover. I sat at the bar sipping that lovely beverage while a familiar voice hissed out to me.

“At it again so soon, Kinsington? Is it Firewhiskey next?”

Snape. Just what I need.

“Morning, Professor Snape,” I replied without looking at him.

“You were not at breakfast, so I assumed you had taken ill from the wine. It was a rather large bottle.” He was using a low voice and I could tell he too had a bit of a hangover.

“Half a bottle of wine on an empty stomach is always an excellent idea, isn’t it?” I retorted.

“Hm. Keep it down over there, Wood, this is not a Quidditch Pitch!” he fired angrily at a table containing some Gryffindor 6th years. “Twenty points from Gryffindor!”

“I should take twenty from Slytherin for your spoiling their good time. Unfortunately, my headache agrees with you,” I said.

After we had both finished our butterbeers, he stood and prepared to leave asking, “Since you’ve not yet eaten, perhaps you will join me for lunch.” He curled his upper lip in his usual manner.

Well now, hath hell frozen over?

Hastily weighing my options I asked, “Isn’t it a bit early for lunch? It’s only just 10.”

“If you’re not hungry a simple ‘no’ will suffice,” he spat.

“Where do you suggest we go?” I knew by the look on his face that he had expected me to refuse his offer. I quickly added, “If the invitation still stands?”

“Well, Kinsington, it is a bit dodgy, but the food is more than acceptable at Bindor’s Crook. It is directly across from Flourish and Blott’s. I haven’t much time. I also need to replenish some potion ingredients like…dried cat’s blood.”

“Dodgy sounds great. I like dodgy,” I said with a wink.

I noticed Wood and his friends staring at us as we left. They probably thought Snape would try and kill me or something. So did I.

Wonder what Snape's up to? I can only hope he has the decency to use Avada Kedavra.

“Professor, do you think you could slow down a bit? I didn’t wear my jogging shoes today,” I complained, clutching the stitch in my side from the rushed walk in the freezing air.

“What’s the matter, Kinsington? I thought you rather enjoyed running?”

That was a stinger. He meant it to be and did not slow his pace. I kept up even though my lungs were hurting from the December air. Thank gods we were finally there. The heat from the fire immediately thawed my frozen body. We took a table in a corner away from the other sinister patrons.

“Beef stew,” he barked at the bar maid, “tea and whatever she wants.”

“I’ll have the same, please. Lovely manners you’ve got there, Snape.”

“I haven’t time for such pleasantries,” he snapped.

When the food arrived, I realized that I was truly hungry for the first time in ages. It smelled wonderful.

Snape was glaring at me while he spooned the stew into his mouth.

“You should try and eat the lot of it, Kinsington. You’ve lost quite a bit of weight.”

It was true. I had been feeling depressed, not to mention terribly stressed out. My appetite had suffered a heavy blow. Just this morning, I had to wear a dress with a corset top that I could cinch up tightly, so it wouldn’t hang sack-like on my emaciated form.

“I hadn’t really noticed,” I lied and began to eat the rich stew.

“Your course work has been satisfactory thus far. I will tell you that the reports you hand in are…the best I’ve seen. You may not be much of a potion maker, but you seem to know how to write.” He said this all very fast and matter-of-factly. “You will begin second year lessons immediately. If you keep up, you may be able to finish the third year by the end of the summer. Assuming of course that you do not feel the need to re-circle the globe.” He glared at me then.

“I am not going anywhere,” I challenged. “You want me to take lessons all summer?”

“I was of the impression that you were serious about finishing your grade schooling! I am a very busy man. I thought that I could afford you several days a week, but if you’d rather squander your time, canoodling about like a silly child, than by all means stop wasting my time! ” Anger was beginning to build and he was shouting at me.

“For your information, I do not ‘canoodle about’! I am very serious about school and I appreciate your time!” I shouted in reply.

“We shall see,” muttered Snape.

We ate without further discussion. I had the sudden urge to grab his greasy neck and squeeze the holy hell out of him! He slammed some money down on the table and managed to say, "“I have business to attend. Good day, Miss Kinsington.”

Ass!

“Thanks for lunch,” I shouted after him, but he pretended not to hear me. I hoped with all my heart that this was the beginning of a truce. It was much the way it had been years ago I recall…

I was now in the middle of my third year at Hogwarts and the Christmas Holidays were not far off. Dumbledore addressed us at dinner this night. “Students, as is the annual tradition, there will be a Yule Ball next Saturday evening. The banquet will begin at eight followed by the dance, which is open to all students in their 4th year and above. Younger students may attend if invited by an upper classmen. I expect a good turn out and fun times for all.”

I have never been to a dance. Surely no one will ask me.

I hoped secretly that Snape would ask me. We rarely ever said anything to one another, but maybe now things would be different. An excited chill swept up my spine as I fantasized about being in his arms, dancing the whole night through. I prayed each night about it before I went to sleep. Like all those before it, my prayer went unanswered.

Sod it!

I decided to do something outrageous. After Charms Friday morning, I did it. I looked at him with a great confidence and began, “Are you planning to attend the ball tomorrow, Mr. Snape?” He just stared at me. “If so, I would gladly like to accompany you,” I said boldly.

He belched a malevolent laugh and announced at once, “You must be mad to think a baby Mudblood such as yourself could be considered an acceptable date.”

Even though I was deeply hurt, I calmly replied, “I am mad, you know; raving in fact. Maybe next time then?” With that, I forced a wide smile, looked directly into his surprised eyes, and then sauntered off like a runway model. I felt proud no matter that he had refused me.

One day it will be…I just know it!

When the Ball approached my next year, I was true to the threat I had made. Once again, I caught him after class the day before the ball.

“Mr. Snape, will you go to the ball with me?” I asked formally. He was intrigued and his black eyes glimmered. “Well?”

He smiled with a fierce wildness about him and got directly in my face. “I thought I expressed myself rather clearly the last time you dared insult me?”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying, can you? Later then...perhaps next year?” I breathed this answer all over his face before I slowly stepped away and left.

The next year, which was my fifth at Hogwarts, I asked him again. He refused. I was going with or without him to this one!

The night had arrived and I dressed, nervously examining myself in the long mirror in my dorm. I had chosen to wear a gown of pink silk, the color of a particularly sweet spring sunset. It was long and flowing, with a tightly fitted bodice to enhance the blossoming breasts that, I had only just noticed, were more than ample for a girl of fourteen. My curly, golden hair had grown slightly past my shoulders and I chose to put it up. A single, tiny pink rose behind my right ear was the only accessory that I bothered with. I had to admit to myself that I looked really pretty.

I joined a 6th year red-headed girl, who I had grown to rather like, by the name of Lily Evans. She and I waited in the common room for our friends to arrive. James Potter and his cronies Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black arrived a few minutes later. We all left together for our evening of dancing. I knew that Severus hated these boys, particularly James and Sirius, and I wanted to really rub it in.

“My, my, Kinsington, don’t you look ravishing tonight!” sang out Sirius, in his usual overconfident, flirtatious way. He was quite the Don Juan of Hogwarts. He was a very handsome boy, but I thought him ridiculous. “You will be dancing with me tonight won’t you?”

“Thanks, but I don’t think so,” I replied.

“Oh, playing hard to get, are we? I love a good game! You’ll be dancing with me before the music starts. You’ll see.” He smiled coyly and offered me his arm.

I rolled my eyes and walked on ahead of them, hearing Lily say, “Honestly Sirius, she’s way too clever to fall for that. Have a go like that again and I wouldn’t be surprised if she slaps you!”

The six of us sat at a small round table in the Great Hall, which was dimly lit by floating candles. All the tables that were normally there were gone. We began to eat and then Lucius Malfoy, accompanied by his usual gang of thugs, and to my delight, Severus Snape, approached the table.

“Mudblood party of six your table is now available!” Lucius called out, impersonating a maître d'. “Well, if it isn’t the Muggle magician herself. Tell me again, Kinsington. Just how many others were there in the litter when you popped out your bitch of a mother? Oh, I remember now. The others were accidentally drowned at birth when your parents were attempting to wash you off them.” He roared with laughter accompanied by his friends. All of them except Severus.

James, Sirius, and Lupin leapt to their feet brandishing their wands. “Say anything more and you’ll never say anything again, you slimy little git!” Sirius threatened, jabbing his wand into Malfoy’s neck, “I dare you!”

“So you’ve gone and found yourself a boyfriend. Or maybe the four of them pass you around for amusement!” Lucius sneered.

“That’s it!” screamed Sirius as his raised his wand. At that time, Professor Dumbledore had joined the small crowd now surrounding us.

“That will be quite enough, gentlemen!” said the headmaster. All the boys put away their wands and retreated.

I was dazed by the spectacle of it all. Severus was still nearby when I said to Sirius, “Thanks, Sirius, but my mother isn’t worth fighting about.”

I retreated to a corner for most of the evening, glad that Severus had not joined them in their attack on me. I had to turn down a surprising number of invitations to dance that night, including the unceasing flirtations from Black. Whatever I was thinking I will never remember. Somehow, I ended up facing the gang of Slytherins yet again; this time on purpose.

“Excuse me, Severus. Would you care to dance?” I looked only at him not the others.

Laughing near hysterically, Malfoy slapped Severus on the back and said in amusement, “Did you hear that, Severus? She wants to dance with you!” Malfoy continued laughing. “You’ve got some nerve girl! I would almost admire you if you weren’t so pathetic!”

“I wasn’t asking you for your permission, Malfoy! I think Severus can decide for himself!” I yelled.

“How dare you speak to me!” roared Malfoy.

I had had enough! I lunged forward and slapped him hard across his hideous face.

WHACK!!!

Malfoy drew back his fist and swung forward, but Severus reached out and grabbed his arm. “If you hit her, Lucius, you’ll be expelled!”

“It might be worth it! If you ever touch me with your filthy hands again I WILL KILL YOU!” bellowed Malfoy, now beyond reason with rage.

Sirius grabbed me from behind firmly by both arms and said, “You are dancing with me now!” He dragged me to the other side of the room, and I danced with him without even meaning to. “Are you mad, Ellie? What did you want going over there to that lot by yourself?”

All I could say was, “I don’t know,” for I no longer did.

I was really agonizing about going to Charms. I was sure that Malfoy would make my life miserable after what I did. Malfoy did not attack me; in fact he ignored to me. That terrified more than anything because I knew he was plotting against me.

That same week, Professor Grim, my Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher decided it was time I move on and join his 6th year class. Once again, I would have a class with the Slytherins. The 6th year students were allowed to duel in class as practice. In pairs of two, the students would face off. The winner would go on to the next person. I had never dueled before and was very nervous when I had to face the student that had taken on almost the entire class and won. Lucius Malfoy.

We bowed and took 5 paces each in opposite direction, turned, and began on the count of 3, 2, “Inverte” Malfoy shouted. I was knocked off my feet.

“Stupefy,” I retorted, and he was struck still. I followed with, “Expelliarmus,” which sent his wand flying.

When my spell had worn off, Snape handed Lucius his wand. He hit me with, “Arachnia Stinga.” I was stung all over with large, angry whelps.

In unison we cried, “Petrificus Totalis!” This caused us both to fly back a good six feet or so.

He was angry now and yelled, “Expelliarmus,” which sent my wand flying out of my hand, then it landed next to Snape. Then Malfoy did what he should not have done. He sent spells at me when I was disarmed. “Mobulis Libras!” Tons of heavy books flew at me from every direction slamming into me, making me scream out in pain. “Serpent Sortia Multiplicus,” he yelled almost immediately. This sent dozens of venomous snakes flying and slithering at me simultaneously.

My rage had taken over. Still wand-less, I yelled words I had never known, “Samuria et in corpus,” making a motion with my hands. Two thin steel swords materialized in my hand. Automatically, I leapt into the air, slicing and beheading the snakes, spinning around ninja-like, and pinning the last two snakes to the platform with my swords. The blades disappeared and I pointed my hand at Malfoy yelling, “Expelliarmus!” Blue light emanated from my hand and disarmed him.

The entire class stood astounded, with their eyes unnaturally wide and jaws dropped to the floor. I had just now realized what I had done and jumped down from the platform to retrieve my wand. Snape snatched it up and studied it. Everyone was talking excitedly.

“Give me my wand,” I demanded of Snape.

“This isn’t a wand!” He snapped it in half and looked terrified. He examined the inside of the pieces then whipped them at me. “There is nothing in there! It is just a stick!”

“No! That was my wand, the one I’ve always used!” I shreiked in disbelief, as I too saw the truth of his words.

“You’re a Sorceress!!! My Lord, you’re a Sorceress!!! But you’re a Muggle-born?” Snape yelled, terrified at his revelation.

“No, I’m a witch! What are you saying?” I had no idea what he was talking about.

“You can’t be!” he said horrified, backing away from me.

I ran from the room, no longer able to breathe or comprehend what they were saying about me.

“Dumbledore!!! Professor Dumbledore!!! What do they mean?”…

I snapped back to reality when the bar maid came to my table.

“You look like you are somewhere else, Miss.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking.” I left straight away.

Where shall I go?

I decided on the book store down the street a bit. Other than the owner, I had the store to myself.

“Excuse me, Sir? Where do you keep the really old books about natural magic?”

“It’s Tibbs, Miss, and those books are upstairs near the back, opposite the fireplace. Is there anything specific I can help you find?” asked the sweet looking old wizard.

“No, not really. I’m just curious. I’m Ellie Kinsington, Tibbs. I teach at Hogwarts.”

“Well, Miss Ellie, mind you watch that last step. It’s a bit tricky.”

I smiled warmly and replied,“Thanks, Tibbs.”

The second floor was dusty, dimly lit, and absolutely jam-packed with books. I mean floor to ceiling! It took an hour just to find anything close to the subject I was searching for. Then it caught my eye. The "Magic of Olde" was a large red book, with thick gold lettering and a black dragon-hide spine. I opened the cover to check the contents.

My face was staring back at me on the first page. I was wearing a crown and my hair was considerably longer, but it was definitely me.

Is this some sort of enchantment? Does everyone see themselves on this page?

I ran my hand across the page and the image vanished to reveal the table of contents. It was a book on sorcery written nearly 1500 years ago!

“Excellent,” I proclaimed aloud.

I sat cross-legged on the dusty old floor beside the fire, and pulled the book onto my lap. The book was mesmerizing. I simply could not stop looking at it.

“AHHH!!” I screamed loudly. “Damn it, Severus! You scared the wits out of me!”

“That is painfully obvious,” he said while massaging his ears, a scowl on his lips. “What are you doing up here?”

“Do you mean other than having a heart attack? I was looking for something and I believe I have found it. What are you doing up here?” I snapped.

“Looking for something. I believe I have also been successful.” I think he was referring to me. “It is time to escort the students back to the castle. You are late.”

“What time is it? I only just sat down.”

“It is quarter past four. Hurry and make your purchase! You should have been ready to leave 15 minutes ago.” I could hear the annoyance in his voice. I had been reading for over 4 hours and hadn’t even noticed.

“Right then.” I struggled to get up from the floor since the enormously heavy book was on my lap.

“Allow me to assist.” He snatched the book from my lap impatiently. I stood up and stretched a bit. “Will you be moving before sundown, or shall summon a blanket?”

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’ll hurry, all right?” We descended the stairs and I went to the counter to pay for the book. “I’ll take this one please, Tibbs.” I pulled out my money bag, noticing that all I had was Muggle money. “I don’t suppose you’ll take this?”

“I am afraid I wouldn’t know what to do with it, Miss Ellie. You could pay me for it next time if you like. I was a student at Hogwarts myself once. But that was many years ago,” Tibbs said kindly.

“That won’t be necessary.” Snape took out his own money bag and brandished several galleons.

That's a surprise!

“Thank you, Professor Snape. Thanks again, Tibbs.”

“I hope to see you soon, Miss Ellie. Have a Happy Christmas!” That kindly old man shook my hand, grinning from ear to ear.

Snape practically shoved me out of the store and up the street to the group of students waiting for us.

“I can pay you back as soon as we return. All my wizarding money is in my rooms. Tell me something, what do you see?” I opened the book to the first page where I had seen my royal self earlier and handed it to him.

“The table of contents. What else is there on the first page of a book of this size?” He slammed the book shut and thrust it back to me, seeming quite annoyed.

“Nothing, it’s just that earlier I could have sworn that I saw…never mind.”

The walk back was considerably colder than the one we had taken earlier. Everyone was moving in haste. The book weighed a good hundred pounds, well actually more like thirty, but none the less it began to slow me down. I needed a break. We were back on school grounds with less than five minutes walking left, but I had to stop.

“Go on ahead I just need to catch my breath,” I gasped, releasing the book from my arms and letting it fall to the ground.

Snape stopped to look at me and then kept going. I was really dizzy and the ground was beginning to spin before my eyes. I propped myself up against a large rock and tried to breathe regularly. Before I knew it, I was on the ground unconscious. Snow was beginning to fall and the icy flakes on my cheeks were successful in waking me. I sat up a little with my head still swimming.

“Kinsington, what are you doing down there? If you need a nap, I suggest you wait until you get to your rooms.” A very testy Snape was standing over me.

Of all the nerve! Leave me be, you surly bastard!

“I just got a bit light-headed is all. Go on, I’m fine.”

“Hmm, yes. You’re in excellent condition.” His voice was rich with sarcasm. “Wingardium Leviosa.” The book lifted up and hovered at his eyelevel. “Are you able to stand?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” Using the rock, I pried myself from the ground and eventually to my feet. I got up way too fast. “Uhm, maybe not.” I sat back down on the rock. He grabbed my left arm firmly and pulled me up again. I grabbed his arm with my right hand to steady myself. “Thanks, I can surely make it now.”

Could he squeeze my arm any harder?

“Perhaps you should visit Madam Pomfrey before going to dinner,” he suggested curtly while we walked slowly toward the castle.

“That won’t be necessary, Professor. I think I shall just go to my rooms and lie down. I need to get you your galleons anyway.”

I sure as hell don't want to be indebted to you.

“Whatever you say.” He ushered me to my door and released me.

“Recipre Incantatem.” At my words, the book was now levitating under my control. I guided it to my table and then went to my dresser to get the money. “Here you are. Thank you for all your help today.”

He pocketed the gold and asked, “Aren’t you coming to dinner?”

“No. As I said before, I just need to lie down.”

“Maybe if you would not neglect your meals so often this would not happen,” he accused.

“I appreciated your advice, but I am quite fine, really.” Actually, I felt terrible.

“Have it your way then.” And with that, he left.

I awoke sometime around eleven the next morning. I got up and took a quick bath, then changed into my robes for lunch. Snape wasn’t there; neither was Dumbledore. I ate half a sandwich and was very full.

This is ridiculous. I shall have to procure a whole new wardrobe if this keeps up.

I forced down a cup of vegetable soup to spite myself.

To the library it is.

Reports had to be finished for Snape and I had papers to grade for my own students. All afternoon I labored until my jobs were done. It was seven already.

“I’ll be damned if I haven’t missed dinner again! What an idiot!” I said out loud.

“Yes, I rather agree,” replied a silky voice. “The Headmaster asked me to find you. He thought you might be here.” Snape had his arms crossed over his chest, looking like a father who had just discovered his child misbehaving.

“Does he need to see me?”

“He wanted to make sure you that hadn’t passed out on the lawn again.”

“You told him?” I asked.

“No, he saw me dragging you in last night. He said he has not seen you all day.”

“I overslept breakfast and Dumbledore wasn’t at lunch,” I explained.

“You could use some tea.” Snape seemed to be sizing me up. “I was just about to have some myself. You may join me in my office, if you desire.”

Two invitations in less than 48 hours? I really should read the Prophet to see about Hell's weather!

“Tea is an excellent idea. Let me gather my things. Here,” I held out the reports, “you might as well take them now. There’s no sense in my carrying them all over the school twice. I need to go to my classroom and put these in my cabinet, then I’ll meet you in your office.”

“Do not wait until it is cold!” He snapped. The billowing black robes disappeared from view and I set off to my classroom.

Ten minutes later I was at his office doors, knocking softly.

“Enter.”

“Do I smell raspberries?” I asked as I walked to the table to get a cup of tea.

“Your observational skills are astounding,” he said dryly. “It is Raspberry tea with chamomile and pepper, to be exact.”

“Pepper?”

“Yes, Miss Kinsington, pepper! Perhaps Poppy should check your hearing.”

“Charming, aren’t you?” I nearly bit my tongue off to keep the insults from flying out of my mouth. “I just find it a bit odd.”

“I will not force you to drink it! I brew potions for a living! I think you could trust me to make a simple pot of tea.”

Nothing with you is ever simple, Severus!

I apprehensively sipped the tea and to my surprise, “Delicious. I don’t even need honey or sugar.”

He winced at the thought of my adding something to his little masterpiece. “You’ll find that not everything has to be sickly sweet to be palatable. Are you going to stand there all nigh, or will you take a seat?”

I flopped down on the floor by the fire and leaned against the chair.

“You seem to enjoy sitting on the ground, Kinsington. Or are you simply saving yourself the trouble of a fall when you pass out again?”

“This is just more relaxing. If it bothers you so profoundly I will get into the chair,” I snapped.

“You are what bothers me profoundly, Kinsington. Don’t bother to get up!”

“Really? Why did you invite you me here then? You have plenty of opportunities to berate me during the week, or are five days no longer enough?” I fired angrily.

“Professor Dumbledore thought it would be wise to see to it that someone made sure you were well. It is my opinion that you are not, even though you make claims to the contrary.”

“Listen, Snape, I have a lot on my mind lately and I just get a little distracted. I have so many responsibilities and very little time. I know you understand because you are constantly working yourself. The holiday next week will do me some good. I just need a few days to catch up and clear my head.”

“I should think that fourteen years would have more than ample,” he hissed firing those black eyes at me.

“What is it you think I have been doing all these years? Hopping around the world like a tourist, sunning it on the beach and lazing about in five star hotels? If so, then you are gravely mistaken!” I was starting to get worked up and I was feeling very panicky. I got up and walked across the room to get more tea.

“I don’t care where it is you’ve been, or what you’ve been doing! You will not speak to me about this! How dare you think I would waste my thoughts on you!” His words were so full of hatred.

I felt like dying just then because my heart had been broken for so long.

“You needn’t be so cruel, Professor. I already know that you hate me. But you will find that I have loathed myself far longer, and more intensely, than you could ever dream of.” My voice sounded devoid of any traces of anger. I sounded more like the ghost of a woman haunted by herself.

I placed the teacup gently down. I spoke very slowly and very deliberately, “I have been alone all my life; every day, every miserable hour. I have searched the world over and over. What for? I have nothing and I don’t care anymore. I am drained of it, and I just don’t care anymore.”

I walked out the door and all the way to my rooms. Tears were long since obsolete and my anguish inexpressible. I changed into a nightgown, brushed my hair, crawled into bed, and hoped never to wake. When I slept, I saw The Guardians waiting for me. I heard the screams of terror echo all around me as I fought for my life.

Severus was not at my left as I ate breakfast the first day of the last week before break. He was not at lunch or dinner either. When I went to his dungeon for my lesson, it was like it was before. I prepared my potions and left to go to the library, never looking or speaking to him. The rest of the week played out; everyday exactly like the one before. The Holiday arrived and I packed my things and set off for London. I just needed to get away. As I stepped into the carriage, I saw him watching from behind a window in the Great Hall.

I will come back this time. I am not running anymore.

I wonder if he thought to come after me?

I came back to the castle on the Hogwarts Express with the rest of the students. When I got back, I decided to go to Gryffindor tower and see if anyone needed any help settling in.

“Excuse me, Miss Kinsington, but would you mind if we join you? There isn’t anywhere else,” asked Hermione politely. The common room was full except for the table at which I was sitting.

“I would love the company,” I replied.

“Malfoy has the whole of the library full of his creepy friends and Filch is chasing people out of the hallways, trying to strip search anyone who he thinks looks suspicious,” Ron said shaking his head.

“Malfoy is such a prick! Er, um, sorry, Miss Kinsington,” Harry apologized.

They were surprised when I laughed. I suppose they were expecting me to take points. “I quite agree, Harry, don’t worry. I think you can all call me Ellie since we are not in class. We needn’t be so formal.”

They definitely looked a little relieved. “Thanks Miss...I mean, Ellie,” said Harry.

"No worries.Honeydukes best anyone? I have loads of it.” I offered the chocolate to all, each one taking some.

“Ellie,” began Ron, “did you go to school with Harry’s mum and dad?”

“Really, Ron, couldn’t you swallow first?” Hermione said rolling her eyes.

“Bugger off, Hermione! You sound like my mum!”

I giggled then answered, “Yes, Ron, I did.” I looked at Harry, who was looking at me with interest. “I was a year behind them. Your parents were some of the only friends I had at school. I spent most of my time alone.”

“You knew Snape then too?” Ron said curling his lips, “Sorry for that.”

“Did you know my parents after Hogwarts?” Harry asked hopefully.

“No, Harry, I am sorry to say that I did not. I left in bit of a hurry during my 6th year, which is why I am still a student. I know everything that happened,” I said gently to Harry. “I was in America at the time in college.”

“You went to Harvard, didn’t you? I bet you learned loads!” Hermione said excitedly.

“Yes, but I have learned far more everywhere else.” She looked appalled by this. “Books can only take you so far. Sometimes you have to look elsewhere to really learn.”

“You see, Hermione, books aren’t everything,” Ron teased. “So if you’re a year younger than Harry’s parents, then you’re…”

“Ron! That’s rude!” Hermione scolded.

“Actually, I am almost two years younger, Ron, because I started Hogwarts when I was ten.” They were impressed with this. “I don’t mind if you do the math because I am glad not to be a kid anymore.” I smiled. “I’m not so old, just you wait.”

“You must have been really good then. No one ever gets in that young,” said Hermione. “Why ever did you leave, Ellie?”

“Now who’s being rude?” asked Ron.

“Things were…different then. But this time, I’m not going anywhere and shall finish what I started.” They understood that I intended to go no further with this. “Oh, I forgot. I was supposed to meet with Dumbledore when I got back. I have to go. As long as no one else is around, the lot of you can still call me Ellie, okay?”

“Thanks for sharing your chocolate and all,” said Harry.

“Bye,” the others chimed.

They will all know soon enough.

At dinner that night, Severus looked astonished that I had in fact returned.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” he hissed at me.

“I found it a long time ago.” I wonder if he understood that I meant him. “But I can never seem to take hold of it.” No more needed to be said. I knew he was livid as he sat at my left in silence. I was overwhelmed again by the memories that flooded my head…

After running wildly from that horrific dueling scene, I arrived at Dumbledore’s office. The staircase opened for me upon my arrival.

“Good afternoon, Ellie. I have been expecting you. Please have a seat.” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “Do you know what a Sorceress is, Ellie?” I shook my head no. “First, I must explain that The Guardians are Squibs and not Muggles, as I no doubt think you believe. Do you know what I mean by a Squib?”

I nodded, knowing that Squibs were born of magic but are not magical themselves.

Wht didn't they tell me?

“Before there where witches and wizards, there were Sorcerers. The very beginning of magic; pure natural magic, neither dark nor good, unfathomable and ancient. You are of that magic, Ellie. You are made of it.”

“Professor Dumbledore, what are you trying to say? I don’t understand.”

“It will be alright. You are a Sorceress, Ellie, not a witch. You do not need a wand for your magic like the other students here. I arranged for Mr. Ollivander to make a special wand for you to use. I thought it would be easier for you that way. I had to let you discover the truth for yourself. I did not intend for you to find out the way you did. Nonetheless, it has happened,” he paused, “Let it happen naturally, Ellie, don’t fight it. You are more powerful that you can imagine. Within you lies the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?” I wept weakly, begging for the key to all of this. “I-It just happened without me even thinking… that light from my hand… the swords out of nowhere. What is this inside me?”

“I cannot tell you, for only you can know. Trust me, it will come to you in due time.” That was all he could say to me then. “You should go and get some rest. I will have your dinner sent to your common room. I know you don’t want company right now, but I have asked your prefect to walk with you to your room. Lily is waiting for you just outside my office. She is alone and will not pry. Come to me anytime, Ellie, though I may not have what you seek.” I nodded ‘ok’ and got up to go find Lily.

Lily put her arm around my shoulder and smiled at me. “Let’s go and have some dinner, Ellie. I know you must be hungry.”

She led me back to the Gryffindor common room which was empty. We ate by the window quietly. “You are special, Ellie. I like you very much and so do James and his friends. If you ever need anything, we will be there for you.” I could tell she really meant it. “No one can possibly understand what you are going through, but I know what it’s like to have a family who is of no help. I am the only witch in my family, you know. I’m a Muggle-born.”

“I am not witch,” I whispered quietly and got up to go to bed.

I stayed in my bed the entire weekend. I did not go to classes for two days and I ate in the common room alone.

“There you are, Ellie. I was beginning to worry about you. Thought you might have left,” said Lupin, smiling warmly. “Professor Dumbledore thought you should return to your lessons today. I know you don’t want to, but you must try.”

“Are you afraid of me?” I asked him desperately.

“Not in the least. Tonight you and I should take a walk, just the two of us. I have something to share with you. A secret of my own that only James, Sirius and Peter know about. I think it will help. So meet me outside near Hagrid’s cabin around eight okay? Don’t tell anyone.” I nodded as he led me to my charms class. “See you tonight.”

I practically crawled into my seat next to Snape while looking down at my parchment and books. That is when Malfoy called to me quietly, “Oy, Ellie!” I did not look up. “Kinsington…hey! Sorry I called you a Mudblood.”

I was taken aback and whipped my head to look at him. I could swear he meant it!

Malfoy coninued by saying,“The hat was wrong, you know. You should be a Slytherin. We are all purebloods.”

Is he for real? Malfoy? He must be mental!!!

Severus was looking at me now.

Professor Flitwick asked a question and I wrote the answer on my parchment.

That is when Severus whispered, “Raise your hand, Kinsington, or I will do it for you.”

I looked at him to see what was in his eyes. It was respect not fear. I raised my hand and all eyes were on me.

Well, here goes.

“Yes, Miss Kinsington. Speak up dear,” Professor Flitwick.

For the first time in all my life I felt strong. Since I had everyone’s attention, I stood up to answer.

“The book is wrong, Professor. The spell can indeed be performed.”

I walked to the front of the room. There were whispers all about the class. “No one has been successful in performing it because they have not seen it with their own eyes. Wizards are afraid of it, you know, because it is displays such colossal power"

Should I do it? I know I can… I have no doubts…it is all very clear.

“Are you quite certain, Miss Kinsington? I have never heard of such,” the Professor asked.

“Oh, yes. I can see it.” I closed my eyes while raising my hands slowly out in front of me, palms forward. I inhaled deeply and slowly, breathing in the world around me.

“It’s everywhere, you know…magic, I mean.” I opened my eyes and whispered in an echo, “infinitum des aqueous...” The glass within the frames of the mammoth windows vibrated and hummed, shattering into shards by the thousands.

“Leviosum a me en totalium…” The shards levitated, seeming to quiver “…convertite des aqueous…” I closed my hands and turned my fists in toward myself, hurling them up into the air, then dropping them at once, opening my hands. The shards condensed to liquid and splashed to the floor with a thunderous downpour.

I heard gasps of amazement and continued, “…aqueous, medeleote… et a me...” I raised my hands above my head, palms down, and I flung them at the empty window frame. The liquid rose from the ground and, is if instantly frozen, became solid shards again. The pieces flew back to the window frame. It was like watching a puzzle piece by piece but all at once, until the glass was whole again. I lowered my arms. My trance had ended.

“Miraculous!!!” Flitwick gasped, his eyes wide open.

I sighed, looking over my left shoulder to see Severus in his seat. He was blown away; they all were.

“I never would have believed it had I not just seen it! Extraordinary, Ellie! Extraordinary!” Flitwick was speaking as if he had just seen the dead wake. “I am speechless!”

The Slytherins all stood applauded and cheering emphatically.

I recognize it now; it’s all becoming very clear.

I felt it inside and everywhere all around me. Energy, magic from everywhere!

“Now that’s magic!” Malfoy cheered. He looked at Severus then whispered something in his ear. Severus looked at me with pride.

He saw me! He really saw me!

It seemed like another lifetime ago. How young I had been. I was now walking to my rooms for the night. I decided to read some more of the old, red book. “There it is again,” I said aloud. The contents had been replaced by the image of me again. My picture raised a finger to her lips, as if to hush me. She smiled secretively and turned around, beckoning me with her finger to follow. I watched myself walk away and I saw things appear, like I was watching a movie.

I saw the sun rise above the mountains shrouded in a haze of misty clouds. The sun became the moon and the clouds faded to stars. I swept my hand across the page and felt the cold of night. It felt as though I was rising above it all, almost like I was I was looking down on the earth from far beyond. There was a loud knock on my door and the images disappeared to reveal the table of contents. Flabbergasted, I leapt up from the book at once.

“What in the world just happened?” I said quietly screwing up my face in confusion. The loud knock filled the room again.

I opened the door. “Severus.”

He looked me in the eyes a long time before speaking. “Now that you have returned we need to set a few things straight,” he said coldly, striding into my room.

I closed the door him watching him move to the fire. “Do come in won’t you?” I said sarcastically.

“Is there any tea?” he spat, taking a seat on the bench.

“I wasn’t expecting to entertain this evening! Let me go and fetch it for you,” I fired angrily. He fired his dark eyes at me. I went to brew some tea in the next room and came back in about ten minutes later. "This is all I have at hand. Shall I get you some pepper?”

“That won’t be necessary.” He took a sip made a face of disgust.

I was annoyed at his silence. “What is it that you want, Severus? I was in the middle of something just now and…”

“Silence!” he flared. He continued to drink. “Why did you come back to Hogwarts? How do you dare show your face to me after all this time?”

“You are asking me this now? You made it rather clear that I was not to speak of it, ever. What do you want me to say? After college…”

“America, Italy, France, Africa! I’ve heard all about your twelve year odyssey!” he interrupted in a rage. “Before college, the two years before you went to America! That is where the trail runs cold!”

That was a time I dare not speak of, not even myself. I was suddenly very afraid. “No, there was nothing before that! Nothing! I…I…there was nothing!” I screamed in hysteria.

He jumped up ran to me angrily, forcefully grabbing my arms shaking me as he spoke, “WHY DO YOU LIE TO ME?”

“Severus, let go of me! You’re hurting me!”

Still holding on to me he continued, “Answer me!”

“NO!” I screamed shrilly, “LET ME GO, NOW! Why are you doing this to me? How can you hate me so?”

“FOR HEANENS SAKE, WOMAN!”

He's lost his bloody mind!

He stopped yelling, but did not release me from his vice-grip. He held my arms for what seemed like forever, just glaring at me. . He grabbed my face with one hand, still tightly holding my arm with his other, and kissed me with frenzied, demanding passion. I felt my legs go weak my love for him consumed me.

Lord in heaven!

He released my arm and took me into his into his rough embrace. Suddenly, as if realizing what he had done, he shoved me away and stared at me like I had just slapped him. He shook his head and ran out the door.

Still breathless, I trembled as I stood where he had left me. I hadn’t felt his lips on mine in over fourteen years. The man I had loved all my life, and with all my being, had taken me in his embrace after a separation of infinite darkness. I cried the first real tears of my adult life that night. Of all the things for which I had ever prayed, I prayed harder that I could end it all. If I could just feel it slip away; release myself from this torment.

I can’t take it another day like this! Not one more miserable day!

“It was always you, Severus. It was always you."

I don’t remember passing out that night. Hell, I don’t remember getting into bed. All I remember is his eyes. I remember seeing his eyes.