Dear Sirius

Dear Sirius,

Hermione told me that when you lose someone close to you, it helps if you write them a letter. That way you can get all their feelings out on paper, and it allows you to heal, just a bit. I don't know if she's right, but when has Hermione ever been wrong?

I'm sorry. I wish you were here to scream at me for the stupid thing I did. But you're not. You died. I'm not even sure I understand why. It was just an archway. So why didn't you come back?

But I know it's not your fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have been there in the first place. I shouldn't have had the stupid dream in the first place. I should have focused more on my Occlumency lessons. I should have apologized to Snape. I should never have believed that stupid dream in the first place. I should have gone straight to Snape when I had the dream. He could have stopped everything right there. Then you wouldn't be gone. And Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Neville and Luna wouldn't have been hurt.

I wouldn't blame you if you did scream at me. I deserve it. I was an idiot. You'd think after five years of near-death experiences at the hands of Voldemort, that I'd be a little wiser by now. But I keep falling for it every time. And every time, it kills me just a little more. And now it's killed you.

If I could trade places with you, Sirius, I would. I want you to be here. Safe. Alive. Even if you were still locked up in that horrible house. At least I'd be able to talk to you. At least I'd be able to look at you again. To know that there was a chance that someday we could be free. Have a house together. Get to know each other. But that'll never happen now. I know you probably hate me for it, too.

I know Professor Lupin hates me for it. He says he doesn't blame me. That it was the way you would have wanted to go, if you could choose. I screamed at him when he told me. Told him that you didn't want to go, and how could he say that? He hasn't visited since.

I've been here less than a week, and I feel so alone, Sirius. I wish I could write to you, and you could tell me how you understand, cause you hate that house you had to live in, too. I wish you would come and rescue me, and we could fly off to Canada, or Australia, and forget about the Order, and Voldemort, and death.

You know Sirius, Hermione's smart about a lot of things. But I don't think Death is one. This letter hasn't helped. But I'll keep it. Maybe someday...

Harry looked down at the letter on the desk in front of him. It wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough. He just wanted Sirius back, and this couldn't do that.

He picked up the letter, folded it in half, then in quarters, and moved to the bed, where the photo album Hagrid had given him his first year at Hogwarts lay open. The picture that was showing was his favourite. Sirius standing beside his parents at their wedding. He tucked the letter behind the photograph and closed the book.

Maybe someday he'd be able to finish it.