Rumored Nervous Breakdown

It has only been an hour since I came back to the school and found out about Minerva lying in the hospital wing. I tried sneaking up to see her, but my attempts have been hampered by the Aurors standing outside my door.

The Canadian Ministry will be picking up most of my belongings in a few days. They have left me a list of instructions and labels for packing up my belongings. Every once in a while, I will come upon a reminder of Rupert, but I know the past needs to stay in the past.

I wonder if Dolores will realize that once the labels from the Canadian Ministry are placed on the crates, she cannot open them up. If she tries, it would become an international incident. Berns said relations between both Ministries are already strained to the breaking point, and Dolores would be stupid to pull any stunts.

"Running away again, Eleanor?" a mocking voice inquires from behind me.

I spin around to find Dawlish standing behind me, leaning nonchalantly in the doorway.

"Piss off, Dawlish. I've better things to do. Did the rest of the teachers become too hard to use for target practice? I am sure there are a few first years that will be challenging." I turn away from him and continue boxing up some clothing.

"How was dinner with Berns?" he questions mockingly. "Did you sleep with him to get the position?" I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me. "Of course, you have a habit of doing that, don't you?"

"Shove your broomstick up your arse and rotate, Dawlish. I'm not in the mood to trade insults with you right now." I turn back around, take a deep breath, and throw more clothing into a crate. "The Canadian Ministry came looking for me, and not the other way around." I spin around quickly to face him. "Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Come on, Eleanor. Remember, Irwin?" he asks with a nasty expression. "Dolores caught the pair of you snogging in an office. Two months later you were promoted to a position that I was in line for." He lets of a chortle of laughter and inquires, "Does Berns know about your little office flings?"

"Get out of my room, now!" I shout, but he doesn't move. "What do you want from me?"

"There were so many rumors about the private meetings in your office at the Ministry," he says, moving closer to me and whispering. "Several of them were about the leisurely lunches; about how well you and Irwin got along; the amount of time you spent together in your office..." Dawlish pulls his wand out and twirls it casually around his fingers. He seems to be enjoying himself.

"We were conducting an audit of Ministry finan..." I stop short, because I don't want to give anything away.

He continues, totally clueless of what is going on at the Ministry: "You left the Ministry with quite a reputation," he says with a mocking smile. "Of course, Irwin went on holiday and hasn't come back. So, no one is there to say any different." He walks over to me, invading my personal space. I don't like it.

"Irwin, I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess."

Now I'm angry. "I earned that promotion, you incompetent twit! You lost it after someone Confunded you so they could escape capture. It took me a week to round them back up," I tell him as he presses his huge frame against my body to prevent any escape from our confrontation. A pang of fear trickles down my spine as my breath catches in my throat.

"Dolores was ferreting around the office to see if you had 'relations' with anyone else when you reappeared after the winter holiday. I was more than happy to discuss the rumors about your closed door meetings and leisurely lunches. Oh, I mentioned a few tidbits of how you cornered me in your office one day for a bit of a 'romp'," he confesses, pushing me backwards toward the wall with his hand on my shoulder. "It's a little payback for ruining my life." The expression on his face is clouded with resentment and anger.

"...Lying, little son-of-a-bitch!" I make an attempt to push him back, but he just deflects my blows. "So, you're the reason Dolores keeps calling me a whore." I feel tears forming in my eyes. I try not to panic, because I can't get to my wand. The pressure on my shoulder prevents me from pulling it out of my sleeve. My heart is hammering in my chest painfully.

"Well, you set yourself up for it really." Dawlish shoves me harder in the shoulder, and the back of my head hits the wall hard; the room spins for a moment. "This will follow you wherever you go." He pins me to the wall with a hand around my throat. He leans into me and whispers, "People will only know you as the 'office-slut-who-slept-her-way-to-the-top',"

I need to get away from him. I manage to get one foot free and kick him hard in the shins. "Get off of me you sleezy piece of shit!"

Dawlish backs away in shock, staring at me coldly; however it doesn't take him but an instant to recover his senses. He rushes at me once more "You stupid bi..." He has his wand pointed at my chest in an instant; however, it disappears as a male voice calls his name. He whips around and moves several feet away from me.

Severus walks into the room, and he catches my eye. His expression shows a flicker of concern. I have never been so relieved to see him.

"Dawlish, it seems Headmistress is very angry because you have left your post. She wants to see you in her office, now," Severus orders him.

Dawlish skulks out of the room, but Severus does not immediately follow. I wonder how much of the argument he heard. His stare just seems to bore into my soul.

The tears are threatening to fall, and I want to be alone. I turn away from him to begin packing up my belongings once more. Unfortunately, the tears fall unchecked.

"Eleanor..." Severus's voice lacks its sardonic edge.

"What do you want, Severus? I'm in no mood for games," I tell him. I keep my back turned to him.

"Nothing." He walks out of the room without another word.

I abandon packing the crate, because I can no longer see what I am doing through the tears. I don't know what is eating at me more: Being called the 'office slut' or possibly being responsible for Irwin's demise.

Irwin and I found each other at a vulnerable time in our lives. I just had a nasty break-up with someone in Ludicrous Patents, and he recently called it quits with his girlfriend. We were looking for something to fill the void. It was wrong. Although it only lasted a few weeks, it was very intense and passionate. Keeping our relationship a secret was difficult. We were finally forced to stop seeing each other when Dolores caught us kissing in an unoccupied office one evening. We were told if the relationship continued, we would be terminated. Several months later, Dawlish and I were up for a promotion when Irwin was in Internal Affairs. Dawlish screwed up an arrest, and I was given the promotion. Dawlish never got over it.

I'm too drained from crying to finish packing tonight. I go into the bathroom to wash my face. As I look into the mirror, I don't recognize the person staring back at me. I look as if I have aged twenty years in a matter months. I started out on this endeavor: happy, full of life, and whole. Now, I am broken, ill, and lost forever.

I don't know when and how it happened, but I collapse on the mattress without changing my clothes. As the sun hits my eyes, I hope today will get better, but sometimes when I think I have hit bottom, I sink even further into the abyss.

I can smell coffee and bacon coming from the front room. I'm famished, and Daisy is already willing the coffee into the cup, so I can feed the dregs to her. Always the same: two sugars and lots of cream. Before I can get to the coffee, my eye falls on a copy of the Prophet under the tray.

Canadian Ministry Making Mistake

Christopher Berns, Head of Canadian Magical Law Enforcement and National Security, announces a new staff member during a short press conference late last night. Berns has chosen former Head of Internal Affairs and Current Muggle Studies professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Eleanor April Howard, 36, to head up a task force to track and monitor fugitive activities.

Howard has been the center of controversy over the past few months due to a probable suicide attempt in November and a disappearance in December. Ms. Howard's character, morals, and stability have all been called into question this year.

Minister Fudge has declined comment at this time. When Berns was questioned about Ms. Howard's recent issues, he said, "We have been recruiting her for sometime. Obviously, there is no issue."

An undisclosed source in the Ministry explains that there are tensions between the Canadian and British Ministries over concerns of You-Know-Who's return. Canada and the United States have wasted time and money on tracking family and associates of former Death Eaters. When representatives of each country were asked for comments, they kicked this reporter off embassy property.

I am in fear for the people reading this sorry excuse for a newspaper. The Prophet is the Ministry's weapon for control over the community. Pretend all is well; then it must be. I am so glad I'm leaving this insanity.

Eating is out of the question. I am too irritated and pissed off about my treatment in the paper to settle down to breakfast. I want to know what is happening with Minerva; however, I can't risk a run-in with Dawlish.

I realize there are still crates left to be labeled in my office. Since it is so early in the morning, now would be the best time before students are up and about.

Even though it only has taken me minutes to go from my room to office, I have developed the worst pain in my neck from looking over my shoulder. I can't believe that I would fear a fellow Auror more than any dark wizard. Dawlish trapping me against that wall has scared the shit out of me. I enter the room on my guard.

As I go through the crates, I find the one with my mementos of Rupert. I don't know if it would be proper to take them with me to Canada. I'm stuck, confused, and frustrated. I unseal the lid one last time, deciding to keep two things: the Snitch and the diamond bracelet. I will send Rupert's personal items to his parents. It's time I move on.

I continue to label crates, throw out items I can do without, and stop every once in a while to lose myself in a memory.

"Enjoying yourself, Eleanor?" a drawling voice inquires. Severus is leering from the doorway as I sit on the floor with the last crate. He has a copy of the Prophet clutched in his hand.

I jump up and defensively reply, "What the hell do you want?"

"Being that I have no students or duties this morning, I have been asked to inform you that Minerva has been transferred to St. Mungo's. She may make a full recovery," he says, walking further into the room, examining some of the crate labels.

I hope he will turn around and go away, but he doesn't. "Well, what?"

He holds up the newspaper, showing the picture of Berns at the press conference. "As usual, you have made the front page. I'm surprised it does not contain Dawlish's theory on how you gain employment opportunities."

"How much of that conversation did you hear?" I pull out my wand and slam the door shut with a flick of my wrist.

Severus gives a huff of amusement. "I know you were always popular with the boys at school, but really, Eleanor." He is standing over the one crate labeled 'Rupert', examining it with casual interest. "Did Rupert know about your reputation as the 'office slut'?"

I violently kick the crate he is examining across the floor. As it slams into the opposite wall I shout, "Let's get something straight!" I am shaking with rage as I continue: "I earned my promotions. Dawlish and I were up for the same job, but he screwed up. I got it, but he didn't. He never got over it. Spreading rumors is his way of getting back at me." I kick another crate across the floor in frustration. "He told Dolores that I cornered him for a 'romp' in my office. He also embellished an incident where Dolores caught me kissing someone."

"Eleanor, Dawlish is correct, you do set yourself up for it. If you only knew how the world saw you. Not the sickly, mental train-wreck Dumbledore coddled, but a mentally deranged, suicidal, promiscuous, attention-seeking, drama queen," he says irritably. "Dumbledore tried to keep you out of trouble for your own good."

"What do you mean for my own good? I want answers, and I want them now! You are not leaving here until we discuss this."

"I don't think you can handle the truth," he says without an ounce of emotion.

"Well, go on..." I am getting impatient. It is less painful if one pulls a plaster off quickly.

"When you came back to the school after leaving that Muggle hospital, you were hanging on to sanity by a thread. Dolores's constant attacks on your character didn't help matters any. We left the papers behind that painting until you were attacked. Dumbledore had me retrieve them, because he was afraid you would be tempted to remove them." He has been circling the room, stopping every once in a while to examine a stray item on a shelf. "You were too delusional to be trusted."

"I was not delusional, you gutter-dwelling bastard!" I shout indignantly.

"It drove Osgood to distraction to keep you out of trouble," he says with a sniff. "He felt it was easier to keep an eye on you and the papers at the same time." He looks coldly at me. "Osgood was a fool."

"Rupert was not a fool; we were in love with each other."

"He was not up to your standards at all, Eleanor. It's time you understand that." He strides over to me, and like Dawlish, invades my personal space. "Osgood put his feelings above what needed to be done."

"How dare you speak about him like that?" It hurts to hear someone talk about Rupert that way.

"Dumbledore wanted to have you committed for your own safety; however, Osgood convinced your parents not to," He stands over my desk, absent-mindedly toying with the broken quills on the desk. "Sending you off to St. Mungo's made our task less complicated. You were safely locked up, unable to get into mischief, and the papers were out of your reach."

"I am willing to bet that when Rupert leaked a copy of the papers to the Canadian Government, you were livid," I reply.

"We were a bit shocked about the extent of the situation, but this doesn't change anything about who and what you are," he tells me. "When Osgood was murdered, you had a complete breakdown," he chides, turning his back in disgust.

"I was distraught!" I protest. "The man who has loved me since childhood was murdered right in front of me!" I realize my wand is still in my hand when it emits a blue flame, setting some packing material on fire. I quickly put the embers out. "Obviously, I have come to terms with it. Look, in the past few days I have been on my own with ample opportunity to kill myself in a myriad of ways. I'm still here."

Turning to face me once more, he barks, "I don't care what Berns thinks, you are going to crack at the first sign of trouble. When the spells start flying, you are going to fall apart." He is toying with the quills again. "Who will you cling to when things go wrong? You have to stand on your own two feet, Eleanor; however, most think you are incapable of doing that."

"How about shutting it and giving me the opportunity to do so," I snap. "Every time I step out to do something, I am cut off at the knees. I am getting a fresh start in a new place. So, get over it."

"I don't think you will ever understand what I'm trying to tell you." he retorts, storming across the room. He stops in the doorway, turns to face me and sneers, "Pitiful, just pitiful." He gives me one last piercing look before walking back into the hallway without another word.

It's been an hour since Severus left. I am so focused on packing in my office, I don't register Dolores has entered the office until I hear her familiar cough to gain my attention.

I look up to see a rather unhappy Dolores standing in the doorway, holding that damn copy of the Prophet. I know there isn't much she can do to me now, but I know better than to provoke her.

"You lied to me," Dolores snarls. "But, what can anybody expect out of someone like you." She throws the newspaper at my face, but I reduce it to ashes before it can hit me.

"I didn't lie to you," I tell her indignantly.

"What do you call it?" She stomps in angrily. "I thought you were just going to be sitting behind a desk, sending out Howlers." She is red-faced and perspiring heavily.

"What are you going on about?" I demand. "Why are you so worried about the change in my job title? I told you I am not going to tell anyone about this nonsense with the papers. This is stupid."

"You planned this all along, didn't you?" she inquires accusingly. "How did you convince someone like Christopher Berns to give you such a position?" She strides over so that she is only a foot from me and says, "You were out rather late last night, weren't you? Filch said it was well after midnight before you came straggling through the doors. You had a dinner date with Berns, did you not?" She whispers, "He has booked several rooms at the inn in Hogsmeade. I hear the inn keepers are quite 'discreet'."

"Dolores, get a grip. The 'office-slut' title is getting just a bit stale. Why don't you and the rest of the gossips at the Ministry come up with a better one?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest irritably. "Look, in another ten days, we'll be out of each other's hair. You'll have your papers, and I will be nothing but a bad memory to you."

"I..." Dolores stops short as someone knocks on the half open door. She turns to face the intruder.

"Hello, Eleanor." It's Berns. "I thought I would drop by before heading home." He hands me an envelope and says, "Here are a few more things for you to look over. I see most of your things are packed. I have arranged for them to be picked up in a few days. There are a few forms in there needing to be filled out so you can take your pets with you."

"Thanks, I appreciate your warm welcome and..."

"Hem, hem."

I think Berns is deliberately snubbing Dolores.

"I'm sorry, could you please repeat that? I couldn't hear you?" Burns asks, turning back towards me. He is deliberately ignoring Dolores.

"Hem, hem." She is getting louder

"This is the most fun I've had in months."

"Good afternoon, Madam Umbridge. Could you please not interrupt my conversation?" Berns asks sharply. He turns his back on Dolores completely. "As you were saying..."

Dolores looks like Berns has slapped her across the face. Her mouth is agape in shock and horror.

"I really appreciate all you have done to make me feel welcome. I will fill the forms out and send them back this evening," I tell him, smugly, picking up on Dolores's growing impatience.

"I can't wait to have you in Toronto so you can see the lovely home you will be living in. I think your dog will enjoy the sights." Berns keeps the conversation rolling only for the sake of making Dolores angry.

"Yeah, I see it now, Daisy walking around Toronto with a map and wearing sunglasses."

"Hem, hem." The pitch of her cough increases with her irritation.

"Yes, I hear it is quite nice in the summer months," I tell him, attempting to suppress a grin.

"Part of your job will take you to the States for several months," Berns says as a grin spreads across his face. "Florida is wonderful in the winter." He suppresses a snigger with a great deal of self control. "How does Miami Beach sound?"

"Oh, I do love the beach," I gush with false enthusiasm. "I like to take Daisy to the shore when ever I get the opportunity."

"Payback is a bitch, isn't it, Dolores?"

"Hem, hem." It is now earsplitting. Dolores rocks up and down on the balls of her feet with a grimace of irritation on her face. She reminds me of an impatient toddler wanting to intercede in a conversation between two adults.

"Yes, Madam Umbridge, how may I help you?" Berns inquires irritably. "I must be leaving for an urgent appointment, and I don't have time for idle chatter."

With a false tone of civility Dolores says, "It's so sad you had to turn down our dinner invitation due to unforeseen events."

"Well I am running an investigation here. I will be happier when Eleanor has joined us full time," Berns says.

Dolores looks like she has just sucked a lemon. "We are going to miss our dear Eleanor," she simpers, reaching over to give me an affectionate pat on the back, but I pull away as if she were on fire. "She holds a special place in our hearts."

"Yeah, right. Probably someplace with restraints."

"Well, I'll see you in a few weeks, Eleanor. Madam Umbridge, give my regards to the Minister." Berns leaves Dolores in a dither as he strolls out of the room.

"Look at what you've started!" she shouts as soon as he is out of earshot.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I inquire defensively. "I haven't started a damn thing."

"As if relations aren't bad enough between our two ministries, you have to get involved with your drama," Dolores says. She turns her back on me and paces around the room. "I want those papers on the last day of the term. If you are not out of the country by nightfall, you will be arrested, or I will have you committed." She stops, turns to face me and says, "I'm sure you recognize some of your former co-workers patrolling outside your room and office. I hope you enjoy their company, but they have orders not to... let's say, enjoy yours too much." She gives me a scathing look before leaving the room. I can hear her shouting at one of the Aurors as she walks down the hallway.

Until about five minutes ago, I felt pretty confident in myself. I keep thinking about how wonderful life will be when I get out of here; however, Dolores just brought that one crashing to a halt. I know I have probably brought some of this on myself. Although the position in Berns' office doesn't start for another few weeks, I could have left with him. My new home is ready and waiting, and I would have put some much-needed physical distance between myself, Dolores, and her henchmen. Charity could cover the classes herself. For my sanity, it might be the best decision.

But I have never backed down on a fight, and I also don't want to send the message to the kids that it's okay to let yourself be victimized by bullies like Umbridge. Even though they may not know all of what's going on, if I left now, I'm sure Dolores would make sure some choice rumours got sent out as to the reason.

I also can't shake the feeling that there is one more act for me to play here. It could be that I can see to it that Dolores gets what's coming to her yet.

Although my information is greatly appreciated by the United States and Canada, there is one sticky issue: Dolores is guilty, but she is untouchable. No one is willing to go against her or Fudge. I doubt if anyone would have the bollocks to challenge any wrong-doing at the Ministry. They seem to go on holiday and never return. As far as the gifts given to the families of Death Eaters, I have two words: plausible deniability. Dolores is beyond reproach in this community. I've got my work cut out for me.