Profile of a True Gryffindor

16 October, 1973

Dear Diary,

I can't believe it's midterms already! Abbey, Constance, and I have been staying up late to study. I have found that Potions is my weakest subject. I don't know what my problem is. I thought it would be like following some sort of recipe, but it's a little bit fussier than that. Sometimes you have to stir this way and then another few times in another. I'm hopeless. Professor Slughorn seems to favor the Pureblood and Half-Blood students. Every time I ask for help, he seems to look through me.

Mum has gone completely spare over my headaches lately. Since midterms have started, I have a headache pop up at least three or four times a week. I need to see Madam Pomfrey every day now for a check up. How embarrassing! Regulus and his cronies found out about this somehow. They have been tormenting me with tripping jinxes all week. Abbey and I have been trying to catch him alone, because we plan to use a hex and lock him in a broom cupboard for a few hours.

Several of the older students in our house have warned the other Muggleborns to not be out on their own. There is safety in numbers. Emily Waters was found trying to swim across the lake to reach the other side. She was in forty feet of water when someone jumped in to stop her. They say she had a blank stare in her eyes as if she didn't see who her rescuer was. When she came to an hour later, she had no memory of what happened. The rumor is that she was cursed. Sometimes the darker side of magic scares me. There are moments I want to snap my wand in half and pretend I never came here.

Mum has been writing me once a week, and her last letter did not make me too happy about the holidays. Apparently, she wants to fly to Canada to visit Auntie. I hate going there. This is the same woman who told my mother that I needed to be seen by a priest after all the light bulbs in the house blew out when I had a tantrum when I was five. I like going to see the sights, but I wish we would stay in a hotel instead of Auntie's house.

I have to report to tutoring for my Potions exam next week.

Nell

The cauldron bubbles in front of me, and it is doing a great imitation of my gut at the moment. I did not do as well as I wanted on my Potions exams, and I am trying to focus more in class. For whatever reason, my stupid crickets are choosing not to dissolve in my potion. I have raised my hand over and over, but our Potions Master seems to be ignoring me. I look like a complete idiot as my attempts grow more and more desperate. I have to bring my grades up.

The bell rings, and finally Professor Slughorn makes his way over to my desk.

"What was your question Miss Howard?" he inquires, looking into my ruined potion. "That doesn't look quite right, does it?"

"I tried to get your attention, but I guess you didn't see me." I want to cry. "I am having problems with some of the practical parts of the course. I am trying hard."

"Yes, your midterm grade was a bit disappointing, but that is to be expected for someone coming from you background." He smiles benignly at me.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand?" I ask, knowing he just called me an idiot.

"Well, Muggleborns aren't exposed the magical world like the other children," he says, attempting to placate me.

I decide it is a good time for me to leave before I really burst out into tears. Did he just tell me that I couldn't get a potion right because I am Muggleborn? Is he ignoring me in class because I don't have a magical ancestry?

As I bolt out the door in tears, I realize several of my classmates have watched this whole exchange take place. I can't look them in the eye.

I am so happy Potions is the last class of the day, because this means I can go to my dorm, shut the curtains on the bed, and have a good cry in private. I can expect some teasing from the likes of Regulus, but Professor Slughorn seeing me in the same light is taking it too far.

All I want to do is be good at something for once. I was out of place at home. Auntie saw me as a freak who needed to be taken care of, I was a pest at my primary school, and my headaches cause too much attention. Can't I be normal?

Although I missed dinner by staying in my dorm, I don't regret it. I don't need anyone to see me blubbering like a baby. I decide I need to do the mountain of homework for my classes. I can't fail.

I hear the bell announcing to first years it is time to remain in their dorms for the night. Moments later, I hear voices coming up the stairs. It's my friends returning from dinner and looking rather concerned.

Abbey attempts to begin a conversation, but I don't want to talk about what they saw in the Potions classroom.

"Nell, don't be a prat, Professor Slughorn is an idiot." She sits down on the mattress to pull me into a hug. "He doesn't know what he's saying. Some of the top kids here are Muggleborn." She passes me a Chocolate Frog from her pocket to cheer me up.

I do my best to act like I feel better. I really don't, because every word is burned into my brain. I'll show Professor Slughorn and everyone else that I am definitely not subnormal.

It's around midnight when Abbey dampens her lamp for the night, and I am still working on my Potions homework. It's a simple assignment on the side effects of mandrake root, but I need it to be perfect. The harder I work on my essay, the angrier I am getting, and I start crying again. I don't want to wake my classmates, so I close the hangings on the bed and finish by wand light.

I finally have my homework done at two in the morning, and I drift off into an uneasy sleep. All too soon, morning has come with a vengeance. I wake up with a nasty throb in my head as I blindly get ready for morning classes. Abbey and Constance are walking on eggshells around me. Twice they have asked me if I felt well enough to walk up to the hospital wing for my check up.

As I reluctantly shuffle into the hospital wing on my own a few minutes later, I notice that it is relatively empty except for one bed. I recognize the kid: it's Remus Lupin, also from Gryffindor. Madam Pomfrey is changing a bandage on his forehead when she notices that I have come through the door.

For once, I let her know that I have a headache, but I don't tell her how bad it really is. I want to stay in class today. I refuse to be beaten down. I am relieved when she gives me a couple of spoonsful of potion. I bolt towards Charms class as quickly as possible.

My head is hurting worse as the day wears on, but I want to face my Potions class head on. Abbey attempts to catch my eye as we work on our potions, but I keep concentrating the best I can. It's frustrating, because my Strengthening Solution is turning the wrong color. I can't fix it before Professor Slughorn comes to examine it.

"Humm... Bit off color, isn't it? You need to work a little harder." He saunters away without telling me where I went wrong; however, he is stopping to smile at Abbey's cauldron. I don't know why he's smiling; the potion has already eaten through the spoon she is using to stir it with.

My head is fit to burst, and I know I am supposed to get something for it, but I am too angry to move. I have an urge to yell at Abbey for some reason. Finally, Slughorn makes another lap past my cauldron a few minutes later. I have managed to fix the color of my potion, but my hopes of getting some praise are dashed.

"Do you have a headache, Miss Howard? You look a bit peaky. I think your headaches are causing the issues with your Potions studies."

My cheeks burn red-hot, a wave of anger washes over me, and something in me snaps. "Professor, just because my head hurts, doesn't turn me into a complete idiot. You've been ignoring my questions the entire period. That's the problem!"

The room becomes still as the benign smile melts from his face. "Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Howard. See me after class."

I hear sniggering going on behind me. I see that it is Regulus having a great laugh at my expense. Of course, Professor Slughorn is totally ignoring the whispered catcalls sent my way.

The bell rings and I bottle up my potion to be graded. As I walk towards the front desk to turn in my assignment, I turn to find Regulus has not left with his mates. I don't know what his purpose is, but I want nothing more than to curse him into oblivion. He would provide a good outlet to vent my spleen right now.

Once everyone else has left the classroom, Professor Slughorn sends Regulus on his way, and shuts the door. When I was in primary school, they would ring Mum and Dad for a meeting and deal with it that way. My stomach churns with terror as the realization hits that I am now on my own.

"Now, Miss Howard, I believe we need to discuss what happened in class today," he says, motioning for me to sit in the front row as he goes behind his desk. "I did not expect this type of behavior out of you."

My head is really pounding right now, and I unconsciously reach up to rub my temples with my fingers. "I'm sorry, sir." I can do nothing but hang my head down. This is not the first time my temper has gotten me in trouble at school in the past year. "A headache doesn't make me stupid. It embarrasses me when people talk about them."

"Oh, ho. I see. I didn't realize this bothered you. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't in any pain." He looks genuinely concerned. "You have been struggling so much lately in class and spending a few more days than usual in the hospital wing."

The tears fall down my cheeks unchecked. "My problem is that I can't get my head around the potion-making process. I asked you for help, but you ignore me." I start crying in earnest as he conjures a handkerchief. "You told me that because I was Muggleborn, I could never handle this subject. That's not fair."

"You must have misunderstood. It's just you... er... Muggleborn students are not exposed to spells and the traditions that go along with the subject. It puts many of you at a disadvantage when doing your studies here at Hogwarts," he says awkwardly, fidgeting with a quill on the desk.

"Potions is the only class that I have been having problems with this term. I have trouble with the fussy bits. You know: Ten clockwise stirs then one anticlockwise or bring to a simmer for so long. That is where I run into problems. I'm not thick. If I am going to do something, I at least want to do it right."

"Oh, I see," he says with a smile of relief that all I need is a little tutoring. "There is a remedial group on Thursday evenings that you may join. I wasn't aware that you are willing to put forth so much effort into the course. I must say I admire your determination," he says, pulling out a piece of parchment. "I will not give you detention this time for your cheek; however, don't let it happen again."

"Thank you, sir," I reply with a sniff. My head is going to explode at any moment, and I want to get out of here. "It won't happen again."

I hope Professor Slughorn and I have cleared the air, but somehow, I don't think he gets it yet.

Dinner in the Great Hall is a tense affair as a whispered warning goes down the tables to all the Muggleborn students that more attacks are about to occur. No one knows when it might happen, who the target will be, or what they will do, but something horrible is about to go down. The prefects have told us to stay in groups when moving from place to place.

My head hurts so bad at the end of dinner, I can't take it any longer, so I swallow my pride and head off to see Madam Pomfrey. Unfortunately, I have to go alone. Abbey has detention with Professor Flitwick, and Constance has remedial studies with Professor Sprout. There are plenty of people coming and going from the hospital wing for daily medication, so I should be fine.

The hospital wing is not as busy as I thought it would be. The only student that is in there is Remus Lupin. I just hope Regulus didn't see me come up here. Madam Pomfrey gives me a dose of headache remedy along with something to stop the pain from coming back in the morning. I feel a sense of relief when she allows me to return to my dorm tonight.

The corridor seems deserted as I make my way back to the common room. The whispered warning at dinner starts to creep back into my mind as footfalls come quickly behind me. I turn around and see no one there, so I keep walking, but the footsteps start again.

Something grabs me around my legs and the ground comes up to meet my face. I roll over to find Regulus and several other Slytherin boys standing next to him laughing while blood pours out of my nose. I quickly pull my wand out of my sleeve.

"What happened, Mudblood?" Regulus inquires. "Have a little problem walking?"

I scramble to my feet, shouting: "Shut it, Regulus!" I attempt to push past him, but his cronies are blocking my way. "Get out of my way."

"Oh, look, it speaks." Regulus is really showing his arse for his friends. "Why don't you go home, you piece of filth?"

"Bugger off, git. I got a letter just like you did." I stare him down coldly. "Just because you couldn't charm your way out of a wet paper bag in a thunderstorm, doesn't mean you can push Muggleborns around."

"Those pathetic blood traitor friends of yours have put some stupid ideas in your head. My family has been here for centuries. You heard Slughorn yesterday. Mudbloods don't have the right to be here."

"That is not what he said," I tell him angrily. He has hit a nerve. I am about to break down into tears. I want this to stop.

"Come on, Regulus. Are we going to sit here and have a chat, or are we going to do something about it?" a blonde Slytherin boy says from behind Regulus.

I find myself being pushed backwards towards a window by the crowd of boys. I can't think of a spell to use. I'm falling into a panic.

"Leave me alone!" I shout. I know this is useless, but it might attract some attention.

I hear the echo of running footsteps. "Oi, what's going on over there!"

Regulus and his friends scatter as an older boy runs over to where I am standing. Even in the low light, I realize it is Remus Lupin. Madam Pomfrey must have just released him from the hospital wing.

"Are you okay?" he inquires. "Let's get you back to the common room."

"I'm fine," I tell him through gritted teeth. My face really smarts, but I am not going to cry in front of a stranger. "Stupid git," I mumble under my breath. "Thanks for the help. I'm Nell Howard by the way," I say with a suppressed sniff as my nose continues to drip blood.

"Remus Lupin," he says with a shy grin. "It's all over the school Muggleborns shouldn't be out alone. What were you playing at?" he asks. "Gryffindor courage is one thing, but right now, it's just stupid to be wandering around alone." His grin has faded to deep a frown.

I stop in the hallway to collect my thoughts. "Who thought of these crazy rules?" I ask him. "I am top in my class in Transfiguration and fifth in Charms. Obviously I do belong here, don't I? Did I walk into the school with 'Muggleborn' tattooed across my forehead so people can plan to pick on me?"

"As my Mum would say, 'It's the elephant sitting in the room.' Most of the Pureblood families are closely related, and your birth would be known among them. I'm a Half- Blood, and things can get a little tense where my family is concerned." He starts to walk towards the common room again at a brisk pace. "I would suggest you go to the library and check out Hogwarts, A History. It might explain why blood status is important to some families who go here."

We walk in silence until we get to the portrait of the Fat Lady. Before he gives the password he asks, "You will promise me that you will not go out on your own again, right?"

"All right." I don't like being told what to do by some strange kid I just met in a hallway, but he has just saved me from being the 'Mudblood Victim of the Day.' "I promise."

The pair of us enter the common room to only go our separate ways; however, I will never forget what Remus Lupin did for me tonight.