La Vie en Rose

She stopped halfway across the bridge. No one was in sight. Perfect. She turned and faced the fence protecting people from falling in the water. She had made her decision. She would not stop. She would go through with it and do was she had decided to. Shaking, she took out her wand from the inside pocket of her coat. She pointed it to one of the barges.

"Accio rope!" she whispered, her throat hurting.

The rope which was holding the barge to the quay untied itself and flew towards her. Once she had it in her hands, she pointed her wand towards the big stone she had seen near the barge and said, "Accio stone!"

The stone flew towards her. She levitated it to the fence and made it rest on it. She put her wand back in her pocket. She tied the rope around the stone, then climbed up on the fence. She looked down at the water and swallowed hard. It was so dark, so far away... So scary. Like the reflection of death itself. She shut her eyes tight and crouched to tie the other end of the rope to her ankle.

She stood up and looked up at the black sky. There was only a tiny but very bright star. It seemed so lonely, lost in the immensity of the sky. She half-smiled then looked down at the stone. She said a final goodbye to the city of Paris, to Ron, wherever he was, to all the ones she loved, and asked Eileen and Ron to forgive her once more.

She then pushed the stone with her hands and it was a matter of seconds before she felt the icy water stabbing her. She hadn't seen a familiar figure walking on the bridge, wondering what she was doing, then running towards her once he had understood what she was about to do.

Hermione felt herself being pulled to the very bottom of the river, her eyes wide open. She saw the light of the lamposts fading as the darkness of the shallow water surrounded her. Flashbacks of her life came back to her...

Her vision of Eileen...

Learning Eileen had killed herself...

The memory of Ron sinking to his knees in the cemetery...

Seeing Ron in the Sacré Coeur, after five long years...

Visiting her future flat in Paris....

Moving to France, leaving Greece...

Moving to Greece, leaving Italy...

Deciding to take the identity of Emily Smith...

The final minutes in her London flat...

Spending a heavenly night in Ron's arms, not believing his words of love...

Ron asking her to be one of his witnesses for his wedding with Eileen...

Eileen in her white dress, radiant as she and Ron were telling everyone they were getting married and the pain and sorrow she had felt...

Their final day at Hogwarts... The final battle against Voldemort...

The death of Sirius...

Being made a prefect along with Ron...

The Yule Ball and the fight afterwards...

Not talking to Ron because of Crookshanks and Scabbers...

Falling in love with Ron little by little...

Ron and Harry fighting a troll to save her...

Meeting Ron and Harry on the Hogwarts Express for the first time...

Receiving a letter telling her she was a witch...

Laughing with her parents...

Being Daddy's little girl and Mummy's sweetheart...

She was suffocating now, but she wasn't feeling the pain. It felt like she was falling asleep... She let the darkness invade her and closed her eyes.

She suddenly felt someone reaching for her, freeing her from the stone and bringing her up to the surface. She felt like her lungs were going to burst when she breathed the cold air again. Her eyes were still closed, but she could vaguely hear someone call her name, as she was being pulled towards the bank. No, it wasn't her name...

"Lily... Lily... Emily!" she heard someone call. She knew that voice...

She tried to speak but couldn't manage to, at first. She finally managed to let out a puzzled, "Aymeric?"

"I've got you Lily, I've got you. Hang on to me..."

He was breathing hard. Eventually, she found herself resting on the bank, not far from the barge where she had taken the rope. She was on her back. Aymeric was at her side, on his knees, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Aymeric..."

"Yes, Lily, I'm here. But what did you do that for, Lily?" he asked her in French. "What did you do that for?"

My name's not Lily.

She tried to get up but fell back on the ground.

"Lily! Emily, do you want me to call an ambulance?" he asked, taking his cell phone out of his pocket. It was completely wet and busted.

"Oh shit!"

"I'm so sorry, Aymeric. I'll buy you a new one," she croaked.

"I don't fucking care about the phone! Lily, why did you throw yourself in the Seine?"

"I... I..."

"Are you so unhappy you thought it was not worth living?"

What could she really answer to that? That somehow, in her grief-clouded mind, she had wanted to get even with Eileen by killing herself, too? That she wanted to punish herself for having made a mess of Ron's life?

"I... I don't know... I felt so desperate, all of a sudden dying seemed the only way out. I did something very bad, Aymeric... I..."

She suddenly noticed, as she was avoiding his eyes, that a piece of rope was still tied to her ankle.

"How... How did you save me...You saved me..." she asked and stated at the same time.

Aymeric ran a hand through his wet hair and explained, "I was walking on the bridge and saw you standing on the fence. I wondered at first what you were doing then I saw the stone and you were out of my sight before I could scream your name. I dived and brought you back to the surface."

"But how did you untie the rope? It was very strongly tied."

"I didn't untie it. I cut it. With this," he added as he showed her the Swiss Knife he was carrying everywhere.

"Oh. Then, anyway... I think I should thank you."

"You think?" He stood up. "For Heaven's sake, Lily, you tried to commit suicide! You are lucky I was there! You'd be dead by now! How can you do this? How can you do this to me..."

"To you? I owe you nothing, Aymeric... You ruined my plans!"

"Ruined your plans?"

"Yes!"

"You wanted to die so badly?"

She was speechless.

"Why, Lily, why? I don't get it! I know you're not very happy, but I thought you knew that if you had a problem you could tell me all about it. I thought we were friends!"

"We barely know each other, Aymeric..."

"But still!"

"Come on! You know nothing about me-"

"I wish I did!" he interrupted her.

"-and I know nothing about you."

"That's for sure, because if you knew me better you'd know that..."

"Know what?"

He was silent for a moment, then answered, "Know that I love you! Je t'aime!"

To Aymeric's amazement, Hermione did not look the least surprised.

"You knew..." he gasped.

"Yes..."

"Then why didn't you..." He stopped talking when she looked into his eyes. "Oh, I see. Your heart belongs to another..."

"I like you Aymeric, I really do, but I'm sorry... I'm not in love with you," she said, tears in her voice. Here she was, hurting a man again. She seemed to have a gift for hurting people, especially men in love with her.

"Is it that red-haired man?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed, then widened in surprise.

"Red-haired man?" she repeated. "How do you know about Ron?"

"So his name's Ron... typical English name."

"How do you know about him?" she repeated.

"I didn't. It's just that I saw you talking to this man this morning. You looked like you two knew each other... It made me wonder..."

"About what?"

"I wondered if this was the man who broke your heart."

Hermione was surprised once again but replied, in a hollow voice, "It seems I shattered his heart more than he shattered mine."

"What do you mean?"

"I cannot tell you. It hurts too much. All I can say is that we hurt each other very badly. And I don't know if these wounds could ever be mended."

"Did you try to kill yourself because of him?" he asked in a whisper.

Hermione swallowed hard.

"Yes... and no." She felt the urge to tell Aymeric everything but couldn't. Big wet tears invaded her eyes once more and she let them fall, slowly taking in the recent events, in the silence between her and Aymeric.

She had tried to kill herself.

"Oh no, Lily... " Aymeric hugged her while she cried loudly, rocking her in his arms. "There, there... I shouldn't have... shouldn't have asked you all these questions... I'm so sorry, Lily."

"I'm not Lily," she stammered but he did not hear her.

He gathered her in his arms and walked to the stairs to get back on the bridge.

"I'll take you home... You need some rest..."

"No..." she replied quickly. She did not want to be left alone. She didn't know if she could trust herself. She knew she wanted to see Ron but didn't know what to tell him, how to really apologize yet. "Take me to your flat," she pleaded, locking eyes with him.

He helped her to her feet and they started to climb the stairs slowly, but it was too much for Hermione. She felt dizzy and weak and disoriented. She fell to her knees, making Aymeric fall with her. He tried to prevent them from rolling to the bottom of the stairs but failed. They hit the floor painfully. While Aymeric was almost instantly recovering his senses, Hermione began to speak as if in a trance.

"Merlin, what have I done? What have I done, Ron?" she kept on asking. "Ron," she said, half-conscious, "What have I done? What have I done?"

Before she fainted.