La Vie en Rose

Five Years Before

Ron said goodbye to Harry and his friends as they were leaving Ron's place after Ron's stag party. Once he was alone, Ron walked to his armchair, slightly drunk, taking on his way the picture of his fiancée. He threw himself on the armchair.

Ron and Eileen had been engaged for one year then. They had met at the Leaky Cauldron in 1998, after Ron's final year at Hogwarts. Eileen was three years older than him, and was working in a bookshop in Diagon Alley. He had liked her as soon as he had seen her. Little by little, he had fallen in love with her, but no matter how sweet and wonderful Eileen was, she could not take Hermione's place in Ron's heart.

Ron had loved Hermione since he was 13, but, by fear of being rejected, of not being good enough for her, he had nver told his friend his feelings for her were not only friendly ones.

Ron, Harry and Hermione were training to become Aurors at the time. There was still need for Aurors then, though Harry had finally defeated Voldemort for ever in his eighteenth year. But many were those who wanted another Dark Lord to rise. For some, like the Malfoy family, being on the side of an evil and powerful man was full of advantages.

But there were no Malfoys now, and few were the Death Eaters. Lucius and Draco had been killed some months before Ron had met Eileen. Harry and Hermione had decided to remain Aurors, whereas Ron had decided to work with his father for the Ministry of Magic.

Ron looked at the picture of the pretty blonde girl.

Eileen.

He loved her.

Of course, he loved her, he was going to marry her the next day. She was going to become Mrs. Ronald Weasley. Ron could not help but sigh as he remembered how much he had wanted Hermione to be his wife, even though he had never told her what he was feeling for her. He was happy to get married but there was this nagging voice inside of him which kept telling him, 'You're not getting married to the woman you want to marry. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself you're in love with Eileen, you know that you will never feel real, pure love for anyone but Hermione. You are using Eileen because you can't have Hermione.'

"Shut up!" Ron told the nagging voice.

But what it had said was so true. Ron would never love anyone like he loved Hermione. He knew that. He could feel it in his heart. She would be the one forever. Was he being unfair to Eileen, pretending she was the love of his life, the one woman he wanted to spend his life with? Of course it was unfair.

Ron felt so ill at ease. He knew it was unfair to marry Eileen, when he was thinking about Hermione all the time. He should never have proposed to Eileen.

Never.

But she loved him. No one could deny it. She was always looking at him as if he was some sort of hero, some sort of wonderful man. He felt he was someone worthy when he was in her arms. She was good for his ego. Hermione... Hermione loved him, too, he knew that, but, at the best, she loved him as a brother, the brother she had never had. At Hogwarts, she had found two: Harry and Ron. She would never love him the way he loved her. How could she?

But Ron was feeling guilty. No matter how much he liked, perhaps even loved Eileen - he was not sure about anything but his love for Hermione right now - he could not help but feel guilty knowing he was marrying her for the wrong reasons. He loved Hermione, but did not want to spend his lifetime waiting for her. He wanted to be married for he was sure she would marry one day, too, and he knew it would break his heart the day she would tell him, "Ron, I am getting married! He's so wonderful, I love him so much..." Perhaps being already married would help him. Maybe, in the end, Eileen would take Hermione's place in his heart? Or was he just marrying her because he was selfish; because he was afraid of growing old alone? Or was he doing this to hurt Hermione, to make her react in some unconscious way?

Ron shook his head. It was too late anyway. Too late to cancel a wedding... to cancel a planned life with someone who was counting on you. Someone who loved you...

But will Eileen be happy with me in the long term? Or will she find out one day I'm in love with someone else and reproach me for having married her? Will life always be such a struggle between heart and reason? I don't want Eileen to hurt because of me, but what if it was already too late? What if I have started something that will end in misery? he thought. Merlin, I wish I knew what I should do.

The nagging voice in the back of his head started talking again, 'You know what you have to do... But you're too much of a coward to do what you have to do... Still... How can you even think you would EVER be good enough for someone like Hermione Granger? You really are the king of wishful thinking, Ronald Weasley.'

"Shut the fuck up!!!"

He was brave, he would never have been a Gryffindor if he wasn't brave. He wasn't a coward! He had faced death many times to help Harry... Hadn't he?

He ran a hand through his hair. He felt so lost, so lonely... Why couldn't Hermione love him? Everything would have been easier. But why blame it on her? Why couldn't he NOT have fallen in love with her, instead? But somewhere, deep inside, a voice spoke from his heart, a voice which told him: 'It is better to have known what love is, even if the person doesn't love you back, than to live a whole life never knowing what it feels to be in love.'

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Ron sighed and got up, and put back the picture of Eileen on the mantelpiece as he walked to the door.

Hermione was standing on the threshold. It was raining outside and she was drenched to the bones. She looked extremely sad and nervous.

"Hi," she simply said, playing with a lock of her wet hair.

Ron looked at her, dumbfounded. What was she doing in front of his door, at 2 in the morning on a Friday night, all wet because of the rain? It had to be very important, if she had not been able to wait for the next day to tell him whatever she had to tell him. After all, as paradoxal as it was, wasn't she one of Ron's witnesses at his wedding?

Merlin, I'm such a sick guy. The woman I love is the witness for my wedding with another woman. What the hell is wrong with me?

Another thought struck his mind. Why was she completely wet? She must have been walking for a good time outside to be this wet. Why hadn't she apparated right in front of his door instead? Ron let his thoughts wander until he realized she was still outside, waiting for an answer.

"Hi," Ron repeated, for once at a loss for words.

"Can I come in?" She sniffled.

"Er..., sure, sure, come in," he said, as he opened the door wide to let her in.

He watched her take her wand from the inside pocket of her mac. She whispered something, and was completely dry the next second, as Ron was closing the door.

She stood there, in the middle of his living-room, looking at him, not saying a word. He saw her swallow hard. He was still standing next to the door, his hand on the doorknob. She ran her hand through her hair, as he had done a few seconds earlier, before walking to the fireplace, to warm herself up a bit. She was dry, but cold.

Ron slowly walked to her. Something seemed to be bothering her, and he did not like it. He hated it when Hermione looked sad or distressed, and when Hermione was mute, she was either angry or sad. She did not look angry at all, so Ron guessed she was sad.

"Hermione, wh...."

She suddenly turned round to face him. She put her fingers on his mouth to shut him up. He had to resist the urge of kissing them.

"Shhh..." She lowered her lashes very slowly, before lifting them agin, not seductively, but Ron thought that was the most erotic thing he had ever seen. He had trouble concentrating on what she was saying. "Ron... I have come tonight because I want to tell you something. Something important. But you'll hate me as soon as I tell you what I have to say."

She removed her fingers from his mouth and trained her brown eyes on his. He looked at her quizzically, and tried to take her hand in his, but she wouldn't let him. He was hurt, but did not tell her so. Instead, he said, "Hermione, you know I could never hate you."

He was honest. He knew it. She knew it too. She had to. Hadn't they known each other for nine years?

"I hope so, Ron."

"How can you even doubt it?"

She did not answer. She was silent for a moment, facing the fireplace again.

"First of all, I want to ask you something," she said.

"Go on," he said, stepping closer.

"Did... Did... you have a nice time at your stag party?"

Ron was taken aback.

"What? Er... Er.... Y.. Yes."

She turned round and took a step towards him. They were now only a feet away.

"Did... did Harry hire a girl?"

"What???"

There were tears in her eyes. Ron did not know what to do. Hermione was acting so strange.

"Hermione, are you alright? You're acting so strange."

There was concern in his voice.

"Did. Harry. hire. a. girl?" she repeated.

"You mean a... strip-girl?"

He heard her swallow hard again, then said, "Yes."

"No. I mean, no, he didn't. But..."

"Oh, Ron!"

She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He wrapped his arms around her waist, enjoying the feeling of holding her so close to him. She was wetting his shirt with her tears. He caressed her hair and breathed in her sweet scent. But he could also smell something else... The smell of alcohol. Or was it the smell of the alcohol he had drunk that was lingering on him? He smelled of alcohol, he knew that, but he also knew Hermione smelled of alcohol, too.That was odd. Hermione never drank.

He tried to say something but she told him not to speak for now. She only wanted to hold him tight.

However, if she carried on holding him like that, he would not be able to control himself. He caressed her hair lovingly. It felt so right, as if it had been written centuries before that he would be the one to have the right to hold her this way.

"Ron, I knew it was a stupid thing to ask, but I... I wanted to give you... I am so sorry I came here tonight," she said, still crying, her head against his chest, her hands now around his waist, "I shouldn't have, but I wanted to tell you something... I had to... I know you're going to get married tomorrow and I am really glad you have found someone you love, and, and she loves you too, I mean everybody can see it, and she's such a nice girl, I'm very fond of her... but... but I needed to tell you that... to tell you that... that... I... I love you."

She was speaking very fast, either afraid she would not have the nerve to say what she wanted to say if she talked more slowly, or afraid that he would cut her mid-sentence. He pushed her away slowly to look at her in the eyes. She wouldn't let him.

Still having one arm around her waist, he lifted her chin to make eye contact with her. She was crying softly. For a moment, he did not know what to do, what to say. She loved him... Was it true? And then, all of a sudden, he knew exactly what he had to do.

He kissed her tears away. Kissed her cheeks, her eyelids. She let him do it. The hand that was resting on her waist a few seconds before was now playing with her hair as he drew his lips closer to the corner of her mouth to kiss another tear. She turned her head and pulled his towards hers, and kissed him fully on the lips. She was hungry for his kiss and he was hungry for hers. It was only a matter of nanoseconds before both his hands were on her head, trying to pull her mouth even closer than it already was. She let his tongue invade her mouth, discover the innermost recesses of it. He then let her do the same.

He reached for her neck and kissed her soft skin, his hands embarking on a journey of their own, sliding along her curves, her belly, her buttocks. She was moaning softly in his ear, burrying her hands in his hair.

"Ron... Ron... Oh, Ron, be mine for tonight..." she whispered, almost pleaded. "I wanted... I wanted to be yours tonight. Be mine tonight..."

Even if only for tonight, she thought, kissing him again.

He groaned and his hands found the knot of the belt of her mac. He undid it and took the mac off. She was wearing a jumper and a skirt under it. He let his hands slid to her buttocks and pushed at them, lifting her up. He tried to walk them to his bedroom, but they hit a wall instead. That did not prevent them from kissing even more. He caressed her thighs and she played with his hair. Ron's trousers were becoming way too tight. He was about to open them when Hermione's hands found their way to his buttocks. He moaned in pleasure as she tried to bring him closer. She felt his erection through her knickers and his trousers.

"Ron..."

She began to kiss his mouth savagely.

"'Mione," he moaned into her mouth.

He felt her hand travel from his back to his chest until she finally rested it on the bulge of his trousers. Ron closed his eyes tight, enjoying the feeling of being so intimate with Hermione.

"Hermione," he managed to say, "bedroom."

She nodded and he put her back on her feet. He took her hand and led her to the bedroom. They teased and played and kissed and discovered until the moment Ron entered her. She was on her back, naked, in his bed, where he had wanted her to be for so long. Her hair was spread across the pillows. Once he was deep inside her, he looked at her in the eyes. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She looked both happy and sad. He held her face with his hands, wiping her tears with his thumbs, and asked, "Why are you crying, love?"

"Because I am happy," she said honestly. And she was. At that very moment, she was truly happy. It would be her last happy moment for a long time to come.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No... Ron..."

"Yes, Hermione?" he asked gently, lovingly.

"I love you..." she whispered. "I love you!" she moaned as he was beginning to move inside her.

More tears, different ones, rolled down her cheeks. He wiped them with his kisses, each time saying "I love you." He buried his head in the crook of her neck and admitted, "Merlin, Hermione, I have loved you for so long. Forever. I can't believe you're here, in my arms. I want this moment to be engraved in my memory forever."

She did her best not to burst in tears. Her voice shaking, she begged, "Ron, make love to me. Please, make love to me."

All through their love making, she begged him to love her, to hold her tight, to make love to her. He looked at her for a long time afterwards, once she had fallen asleep. The sheets only half-covered her beautiful and full breasts. He caressed her hair. Before falling asleep, too, he knew what he ought to do: he had to cancel his wedding with Eileen. How could he still pretend? A new life was waiting for him, a life full of Hermione's smiles, of making love to Hermione... A brand new life.

When she heard that his breathing was even, Hermione opened her eyes and looked at him to see if he was really sleeping. He was. She stared at the ceiling for a moment before looking down at the bedside table where was a picture of Eileen and Ron stood. Tears invaded her eyes. What had she done? What had she done to her best friend on the night before his wedding day? Even if she loved him, she shouldn't have done that to Ron. To Eileen. She bit her lips and pulled at her hair.

She got up slowly, afraid of waking him up, put on her clothes, her shoes. She walked to the bedroom door but stopped short once she stood there. She looked back at the bed, at Ron who was sleeping peacefully, almost smiling in his sleep.

"Goodbye, Ron," she mouthed. She kissed her fingertips and blew the kiss towards him. She nearly choked on a sob.

One minute later, her mac on, she took her wand and disapparated.