Falling

"Falling"

Hermione glanced at the mirror as she struggled to pull her hair back into a messy bun. She got the messy part, but it looked nothing like a bun. She sighed, Just my luck, she thought. She tilted her head upwards and towards the right, trying to catch a glimpse of the back of her head. She took her hair down and tried again.

She knew what the problem was. True she did have problems with her hair on a regular basis, but this was different. Today she just couldn't stop fidgeting, or stop her hands from shaking. She had spent most of the night before lying on her bed, writing in her journal.

The past weeks she had been trying to fight these intense feelings and upsetting thoughts in her. She sighed heavily and placed her hands on either side of her head. She let out a small scream and tried to make her breathing normal.

"What is wrong with me!" she cried out loud.

"That's what I've been trying to figure out." A voice behind her laughed. Hermione turned around and looked at the figure that had entered.

"Ha ha...very funny Ginny. Except it's not funny at all! I don't know what I'm going to do!" Hermione slightly whined and looked at Ginny for reassurance.

Ginny and Hermione had become close friends in their earlier years in Hogwarts. Each was glad to have a girl best friend as Hermione was an only child that spent most of her time with Harry and Ron and Ginny lived with six brothers. Ginny was Ron's little sister and often got left out of things because of it. But Hermione and Ginny had shared a dorm for the past five years at Hogwarts.

It was now Hermione's seventh and final year at Hogwarts and Ginny's sixth. Hermione had grown into a beautiful young lady but was still not sure of her self. She still felt like the frizzy-haired, bucktoothed twelve year old. Not even fixed teeth and straightened hair could fix the emotional uncertainties.

"Need help?" Ginny asked as she gestured to Hermione's hair that was now frazzled a bit.

"Yes! Thank you so much Ginny. I don't know what's wrong with me today."

"Yes, you do. You finally realized that you're in love with Harry, haven't you?" Ginny said this as nonchalantly as someone mentioning the weather outside was looking well.

"Ww..wha...what are you talking about?" Hermione knew that the stuttering would most definitely give her away, in addition to her blushing that was now appearing in her reflection that Ginny could see her by.

"Please!" Ginny laughed. "Ron and I figured that one out over a year ago. We thought you would have caught on a while ago. Maybe you should spend less time studying and more time realizing your feelings for Harry."

Hermione didn't know what to say. Which was definitely a first for her. She had always been one to have too much to say at all the wrong times. Hermione started to speak several times, but couldn't think of anything to say. Instead she watched Ginny delicately place her hair up in a cute messy bun, just how she liked. After she had finished Hermione felt her eyes swell up with tears. Ginny was right, she should have figured this out a long time ago. And now there was so much to think about. Did Harry love her too? Would she tell him? What would she say?

Hermione whimpered as she started to cry. Ginny looked a bit surprised but soon placed her arms around Hermione's shoulders and held her close.

"Shh...it's going to be okay. Hermione...he loves you too." Ginny said softly.

Hermione backed her upper body so that she could look up at Ginny. She stopped crying and swiped at the water on her cheeks.

"How do you know that?"

"I just do. You two should have gotten together a long time ago." Ginny took her hands and wiped at Hermione's face a bit so that it looked all right. "Now, you go and tell him okay?"

Hermione got up and nodded. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her Hogwarts uniform and felt rather uncomfortable in it. She was done with class for the day, so she decided to change before she left. She went into her closet and picked out a black skirt and a red tank top. Harry she knew was outside and didn't want to be too hot, as the weather had been getting warmer and warmer lately. She looked at herself again in the mirror and decided that she looked about as good as she was going to ever get.

"I guess it's now or never." She said to Ginny, but more so to herself. She walked out of their dorm and down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. She saw a few people in there doing work, Lavender and Parvati were by the fire giggling, no doubt gossiping about something. Hermione walked through the portrait and down the hall. She followed the stairs down and walked through many more hallways until she reached the door outside to the courtyard.

As Hermione pushed open the door she instantly looked around for Harry. She spotted him almost immediately, sitting with Ron and laughing. He has the best laugh I've ever heard. Hermione inhaled quickly and started off towards the two boys. Ron caught glimpse of her about half way there and motioned to Harry when he did. Ron made some comment that Hermione couldn't hear that made Harry glance down at his feet quickly, and Hermione could have sworn he started to blush. She reached the two boys and took a seat next to Harry.

"Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi." The two boys both replied.

Ron looked at Harry and then at Hermione and then again at Harry.

"Umm...ya. I was just about to leave then. See you two later." Harry gave a teasing smile and was off.

"What's with him?" Hermione asked, even though after her talk with Ginny, she was quite sure she knew what.

"Uhh...I don't know." Harry stammered a bit and gave Hermione a goofy grin.

"Harry, there's something I really need to say to you." It was getting harder and harder the longer she sat next to him to say anything, and she wanted to tell him before she lost the nerve.

"What is it Hermione? Is everything okay?" Harry looked confused.

"Ya, everything is...fine. I just need to tell you something." Hermione tried to stop her heart from beating so fast and so loud. She closed her eyes and inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I just wanted to tell you that I think I'm in love with you." She opened her eyes back at Harry and saw a look of shock on his face. She didn't that look so she quickly shut her eyes again. "I know it sounds crazy," she continued. "I mean, how could I be in love with you? We're best friends and...I don't know what. I just know that I can't deny what I feel for you because it's eating me up inside." She opened her eyes up again cautiously.

"I don't know what to say." He stared at Hermione for a while, barely moving at all. "I know that I've been confused about you for a long time too. We spend almost all our time together and I'm closer to you than almost anyone in my life and I know that I would do anything for you. I just don't know if I know what love is."

Hermione's heart sank. If he loved her, he would know it, like she did. Hermione tried to smile at Harry, to reassure him that it was okay that he didn't share the same feelings, but just felt her eyes start to water again. She couldn't cry in front of him, she already made herself look like a big enough fool. She bit her lip so that her tears wouldn't fall, but it didn't seem to work. She let out a loud sob and covered her face in her hands.

"I'm...so...sorry...Harry...I...shouldn't...have...said...anything.... I'm...so...sorry." Hermione managed to choke out between sobs. She closed her eyes as she cried even harder. Then she felt two hands wrap themselves around her, Harry brought her close to his chest and held on tight.

"Don't be sorry, please don't be sorry Hermione. I didn't mean to make you cry." Harry whispered in her ear.

Hermione pushed herself away from Harry. She got up quickly and turned to look at him. He looked frightened, and Hermione never felt worse in her life.

"Don't apologize Harry, really. I was crazy to ever think you could love me. You're a great friend, the best really. And I'm just ruining everything." Hermione started to sob again but this time, she turned around and started running back to the dormitories.

As she ran away, she could hear Harry yelling at her to stop, but she kept on running. She couldn't face him now, she wasn't sure she could face him ever again.

Hermione ran into the common room only to be stopped by Ron.

"Hermione! What's wrong?" Ron grabbed her arm and looked at her intensely.

"Nothing Ron, just let me go, okay?" Hermione looked away, she didn't feel like talking to him about what had just happened. She was embarrassed enough.

"Nothing?" Ron stepped in closer and spoke into her ear. "I can tell you've been crying, I'm not that stupid you know Hermione."

Hermione felt herself wanting to cry again. She had cried twice today, which is probably more than she had cried in the past year put together, and she didn't feel like starting again. She coughed to clear her throat. She moved her arm so that Ron released his tight grip on her. She could feel herself becoming increasingly unsteady and so she held onto Ron slightly until the room stopped spinning.

"I know you're not stupid Ron." She said softly. "I just don't know what to say. I'm the biggest idiot and I just told Harry that I was in love with him and I don't even know if that's true. And he got scared and who can blame him really. I just feel incredibly foolish and I just really want to be alone. Is that okay? I'm sure Harry will tell you the whole story." Hermione stared at Ron until his features softened.

"I'm sorry." Ron said back to Hermione.

Both Hermione and Ron turned sharply as they heard someone enter. It was Harry looking worried but a bit relieved as he saw Hermione.

"Hermione! I want to talk to you!" He yelled from across the room.

Hermione's face grew red and she could sense everyone in the room staring at them all. She didn't know what she wanted to do, but she knew she couldn't face him right now.

"Tell Harry I can't talk now and I'm sorry for everything." Hermione whispered quickly to Ron as Harry ran towards them. She glanced at Harry once again before turning and quickly running up to the girl's dorm.

She could feel Harry following her but didn't stop. She heard him call but continued to run up the stairs. She stopped about half way up and turned towards him. She knew he was still at the bottom of the stairs, as Hogwarts had bewitched them many years ago to not allow boys up to the girl's room. She knew she was safe from where she stood and she mouthed, "I'm sorry" to him before turning around again and running to her room.

She shut the door behind her, drowning out the sound of Harry calling to her. She knew Harry was too much of a nice guy to not care, but she just wished he, and the rest of the world would go away. Leave her to her sorrow. She slid down the door and placed her face against her knees as she pulled them up close to her. She wasn't crying but she knew it was because she was empty. There was nothing left to cry inside of her.

She sat there for what felt like a long time. It might have been hours, it might have been minutes, however long it actually was, and it felt like not long enough. She finally got up after awhile just because she wanted to lie in her own bed. She wanted to feel the comfort of it and just lie in it until everything fixed itself on it's own.

She reached her bed and decided to change first. She left her tank top on, but removed her skirt and replaced it with some pajama pants. She stared at the clock. Since it was Friday, she didn't have to worry about classes the next day. She pulled the tie out of her hair and placed it on her wrist. She peeled back the covers of her bed and slipped right in.

She closed her eyes as she lay down, there was that feeling that only your bed could give you, and she thought of home. She wished she were in her bed at home. She wished that she wasn't at Hogwarts for the first time in her seven years there. But mostly, she wished that this day had never happened. She couldn't deny that she didn't love Harry, but she knew it was easier just being his best friend.

What if I never have that back? What if we aren't friends anymore? Hermione thought to herself for the first time. Why hadn't she thought of these things BEFORE she ruined everything? Because she's an idiot, that's why. Ginny was right, she might be smart when it comes to studying, but she didn't know anything when it came to life.

She heard Ginny rush into the room and Hermione shut her eyes quickly. She didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.

"Hermione. I know you're not asleep. I saw that your eyes were open when I came in here." Hermione felt the bed move a little as Ginny climbed on it. Hermione didn't open her eyes though, she couldn't. "You don't have to talk to me Hermione, but you should talk to Harry. He's really worried about you, and feels bad for everything he said. He says it came out all wrong. You should go and listen to what he has to say." Ginny and Hermione sat there in silence until Ginny realized that Hermione wasn't going to budge.

"All right. It's okay, I understand Hermione." Ginny said a bit softer. Hermione felt the bed move more as Ginny laid down next to Hermione and started to stroke her head softly, like a mother would to a child.

This became all too much for Hermione and she felt herself sobbing again.

"Shh...it's okay Hermione. I'm here; you don't have to say a thing. Just lay there until you feel okay."

Hermione turned around and stared at Ginny with her tear-streaked face. "Aren't you getting sick of me yet?" Hermione joked. Hermione wiped her eyes and sat up, Ginny doing the same.

"Oh, Ginny it was horrible! He doesn't love me at all! And I think I just ruined my friendship with him! I didn't even think about any of that before, what am I going to do without him in my life?" Hermione reached for Ginny and let Ginny hug her close.

"First of all, you're being a complete idiot. Harry doesn't hate you at all, why would you even think that? He's just incredibly worried about you and wondering why you keep running away from him. Seriously, you need to go talk to him, and now. He's driving himself crazy down there." Hermione looked up at Ginny as she finished speaking.

Hermione didn't say anything to Ginny; she merely nodded before getting up and walking out of the room. She walked down the stairs and the image of Harry became larger as she got closer to him. There he was, the man she know knew she loved, sitting with his back against the wall and his head in his hands. Hermione bit her lip and hated seeing him like that. She hated that she was the one that made him feel that.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she expected Harry to hear her and look up. But he didn't move at all. So Hermione cleared her throat and as Harry looked up at her, she tried to give a smile to him, but it ended up being rather weak and forced.

"Hi...Harry. Look, I'm sorry I ran away. I just got really scared. I mean I told you something really big and it was hard for me and I guess I just didn't think it out." As Hermione babbled on, she watched Harry get up and walk towards her, with a determined look in his face. "I mean, the last thing I would ever want to do is ruin the friendship that we have, you know? I mean you're closer to me than anyone here and there's no way that I can't have that anymore. I rather that you just forget everything I said to you today and we can just go back to being best friends again, okay?" Hermione bit her lower lip and waited for Harry to say something, anything.

"There's no way that I could ever forget what you told me today Hermione."

Hermione looked down at the floor...that was what she was afraid of. Her mind filled with thoughts of what would happen now. Would he tell her they couldn't talk to each other anymore? She dreaded hearing him speak again. Hermione felt Harry's hand on her chin, he pulled her head up so that they were now looking up into each other's eyes.

"I couldn't forget it and I would never want to. You caught me off guard today, but the truth is that I'm in love with you too. I always have been." Hermione inhaled sharply, she thought she must have been dreaming.

But she knew that she wasn't dreaming and that it was all very real when he leaned closer and kissed her for the very first time.