A Flawless Plan

II. [Transforming]

The rest of the month flew by like a Thestral, that is, mostly unnoticed. Between classes, brewing the potion, trips around the castle wrapped in my Invisibility Cloak, observing Potter and picking random fights with him, there wasn't much time for anything else.

The trips around the castle at night became a habit pretty soon after receiving my Invisibility Cloak. I knew Potter had one, too, and was probably using it the same way I did. So I tried to track him down, but he somehow managed to avoid me every time (I couldn't understand it then, because he definitely didn't know I, too, had an Invisibility Cloak), yet I never saw or heard anything to indicate his presence. There had been only one exception. We were both wearing our Cloaks and we didn't become aware of the other's presence until we collided rather violently. I assumed that, whatever Potter had been doing on the other nights to avoid me, he neglected to do on that particular occasion.

He, I have to say, had been more surprised than I, even shocked by our unexpected encounter. Which only proved that until then he had had no idea I had a Cloak as well. I was rather furious he'd found out about it, but I didn't want to pick a fight and draw attention to the fact that we were out of bed so late at night and get detention. I could've invoked Prefect duties and get away with it, but I still didn't want anyone else to know about my Cloak. So I quietly covered myself and went away. Potter did the same.

And then, the inactivity period was finally over. The night when my plan would truly come to life arrived at long last. The Transjuice Potion was ready.

Using my Cloak, I sneaked again to the disused classroom where I had brewed the potion. I couldn't but hope Potter wasn't anyway near to witness what was about to happen.

There is a reason (and quite a good one, I'd say) for which, when you learn about the Polyjuice Potion, one of the first things they say is never try turning into someone of the opposite sex. This kind of transformation is highly unstable and dangerous. That's what the Transjuice Potion is for. It's not as unstable as the Polyjuice because you don't actually turn into a different person, but into the person you'd have been if you had been born a girl instead of a boy or a boy instead of a girl.

To be perfectly honest, the mere idea had nauseated me at first. When the initial excitement for my plan was gone, and the difference between theoretically becoming a girl and actually going to do it struck me like a viciousely-aimed Bludger, I found myself shuddering at the thought. But still, it was something that was going to happen in the future. I was going to deal with it when the time would come. Only, the time had come already. Yet I was no less determined. I can overcome disgust. It's easier to overcome than pain or fear. There are a lot of things that disgust me, but I have to put up with them, like Mudbloods, for example, or some of Father's 'friends'. Yet I go to school with the former and attend reunions back at home where the latter are invited. So I had kept telling myself, how bad was it going be? Well, one thing was for sure. I would find out for myself soon enough.

~''~

There was no need to delay the moment any further. But, first thing first, the potion and the spell had to be tested. I had captured several Candlelight Butterflies the other evening using a Conjuring Spell and secured them in a jar, enchanted to keep them alive as long as I needed. (Dark stuff, naturally, they never teach you that in school, but Father believed in expanding the boundaries of education.) The butterflies where perfect for my purpose because one could easily tell the males from the females. The former were larger and more vividly coloured.

I conjured my first test subject, a male butterfly. I poured a drop of Transjuice Potion over its body, pointed my wand to it and said, as clearly as I could, the one word of the spell.

Convercorpus.

I have to admit, shameful as it is, that my first attempt at the Convercorpus Spell failed gloriously. The butterfly disintegrated, bad luck for him. However, I managed the next two better. They transformed, but still died. The rest weren't a problem at all. I transformed them forth and back several times and they survived, though the looked a bit dizzy. It was time to try the potion and the spell myself. Whoever said Slytherins lacked courage!

Actually, I'd lie if I said I wasn't nervous about it. But nothing had prepared me for what would follow. I took a sip. And another. I didn't feel anything strange happening to my body up to that point, except for the slight stomach disturbance caused by it's horrid taste. I pointed my wand to myself. Piece of cake, really. One word, loud and clear.

Convercorpus.

Barely had the last syllable escaped my throat that I dropped the goblet and collapsed on the floor, writhing in pain.

I hate pain more than anything else, you see. I hate it because I can't control it. I hate it because pain can make one loose all traces of dignity and turn into a crawling, despicable sub-human life form. I fear it for the same reason. I had seen the Cruciatus performed back at home, in the dungeons. Father was punishing a fellow conspirator suspected of betrayal. After a couple of minutes, there was nothing left of that wizard but a yelping puppy that would have licked Father's boots had he commanded him so. Hell, he would've licked Father's arse, but I don't think Father is into that sort of thing. Anyway, he said it was a lesson about power that I had to learn.

I'm not the one to underestimate pain, much as I hate it. Sooner or later, everyone breaks. I fall into the 'sooner' cathegory. Though I didn't cry during my transformation - I didn't make a single sound, as far as I recall - I would've sold my soul in the blink of an eye to make the pain go away. Luckily for me, there was no fiend around to bargain for it. It felt altogether like being skinned alive, stabbed with countless little poisonous needles and then have melted iron poured over the open, bleeding wounds.

And yet, pain is so ellusive. Once it's gone, your body and mind will do anything to forget about it. You take a deep breath and you're filled with nothing but gratitude for it being over. And, in my case, a persistent sickness in the stomach. I stood up shaking. My clothes were now too big for my... well, 'her' body, I should say - so I slipped out of them. I had brought a mirror, some nights ago, precisely for that moment. Feeling incredibly nauseous, I headed for the spot where it awaited.

And there 'she' was. I tried to convince myself it wasn't that bad, after all. I failed miserably. The feeling of disgust I was experiencing in my stomach intensified. When Mother Nature had decided for me to be a boy, She had had some very good reasons (other than not wanting to get Father Seriously Pissed Off, I mean. Really, there are very few people, beings, entities et caetera that would dare to get Father Pissed Off, not to mention Seriously). I was currently staring at a pale skinny girl of my age, bearing an uncanny resemblance to myself, and yet I was unable to shake the feeling I was staring at a stranger. On top of it, she had rather small, unattractive breasts. If I didn't find my own... ugh! That is, 'her' own breasts attractive, how was Potter ever going to do so? Anyway, I wasn't sure I wanted him to. Perhaps it was better that 'she' would mesmerize him with 'her' brilliant intelligence and witty remarks. Oh, who was I trying to fool?

I became curious about 'her' voice. I said something loud, don't remember what. 'She' had a clear, mellifluous, little voice. The voice of a child, so innocent that I almost laughed with the irony of it. I turned to the mirror again. 'She' had my soft, silvery-blond hair, except that it was longer and fell over 'her' back, all the way down to 'her' waist. (Weird, how that Potion worked.) It was the eyes that made me gasp in horror. They were my eyes, not a single bit changed. My eyes on a stranger's face.

'She' actually resembled me quite well. I expected this, of course, and I was prepared. Potter would most likely notice the resemblance, too, and then my plan was as good as rubbish.

First of all, I put on my robes. I figured I'd have to wear nothing but the robes, as I didn't have any girl clothes and no way to procure them without arising suspicion. Well, definitely a girl wearing only her robes, bare foot on top of it (shoes were too large now), would capture Potter's attention! But the floor was so damn cold! And there's obviousely no way to perform a Warming Charm if you've got no shoes to perform it on in the first place. Bloody McGonagall, never taught us to transfigure shoes!

With my feet turning blue with the cold already, I went back to the mirror and performed a spell to transfigure the robes into a tighter model, and then another one to keep me warm. I also wiped away the Slytherin crest and charmed them a faded blue. The clothing gave 'her' a surreal look, like 'she' was a being from another world. Which, in a way, 'she' was.

I focused my attention on the hair next. The colour could very well betray me, so it had to change. Luckily, I had managed to steal one of Pansy's many books on Beauty Charms (on a side note, I made it look like Millicent's fault. You don't grow up in Slytherin for nothing), so I found pretty soon just the things I needed. In no time, 'she' had no longer silvery-blonde, straight, silky hair, but chestnut, curly one.

And that left me with the eyes to 'adjust'. I suppose I did what I did because I couldn't stand to look at them any longer, the way they were. I charmed them black. You'd think black was rather dramatic to go with chestnut, curly hair, but it wasn't so. It gave 'her' a very distinctive appearance, strange, but at the same time fascinating. Or so I thought, but I might have been biased.

Anyway, I had only about half an hour left to find Potter (those charms hadn't been exactly a walk in the park), so I had to hurry. I had no idea where to start looking, so I figured I should first check the spot where we'd collided, not very long ago. I don't know what possessed me to change my mind midway, and stir left instead of right. If I'd believe in guardian angels, I could say mine did it, but, as I don't, I'll blame everything on a lucky coincidence.

As I turned around another corner, a voice out of nowhere questioned me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

~''~

It was time for the charade to begin.

"Hello, Harry," I said, cursing myself for the slight hesitation in pronouncing Potter's first name. He didn't notice, to my relief.

"You know me?" he looked at me - at 'her' suspiciously. "Oh," his face lit with understanding, "how stupid of me! Of course you know me. Everybody in this bloody world does," he continued, and I don't know whether he realized he was rubbing his scar. But was it my imagination, or Wonder Boy had sounded bitter and resentful this time? Almost like he didn't enjoy all the attention he was getting.

"But I still don't know who you are." He had an expectant look. I figured a bit of a dramatic performance was in order.

"Oh, I don't know, Harry Potter. Maybe I'm no one. Maybe I'm an illusion. Or maybe I'm not. What do you think, then? I could be your queen of the twenty-fifth hour," 'she' responded with 'her' annoyingly clear voice, smiling at a temporarily rendered speechless Potter.

The look on Potter's face was priceless at that point. He stared at 'her' like he had seen a ghost. Or a mad person. Okay, maybe I had overdone it a little. I wondered if he knew the story about the queen. Whatever the case, I hadn't expected to have such an easy job at confusing Potter with only some cheap ambiguous lines.

We stood there looking at each other for some very long seconds. He still said nothing. He did instead a thing that surprised me a bit. The Transfiguration classroom was nearby. He turned to the door and opened it.

"Come here, we're not safe on the corridor."

We entered the classroom and Potter locked the door. I had to fight very hard not to laugh. If that idiot hoped he would get some tonight, he was in for a big surprise. I had to watch the time though. There was less than half of hour left before I would transform back.

"Malfoy could've bumped into us any moment out there," Potter explained.

I felt like being hit by an avalanche. All in all, feeling hit by an avalanche was better than feeling hit by, let's say, a falling brick - because then I would've dropped dead instead of just freezing and Potter might have gotten a clue. Freezing on the spot was acceptable. My pulse accelerated madly. My mind worked with fervour. Did Potter suspected anything? How could he? Was that a trap?

"He has an Invisibility Cloak, y'know," he continued. "I think he got it about a month ago and, ever since, there's not a single night when he's not out of bed, play with his new toy, the slimey bastard!"

I was very thankful right then for the tiny shred of control that never left me. I'm positive that my face didn't show the least sign of the panic I was beginning to experience, but it was building inside me, ready to burst any time now. Not to mention that Four-Eyes had just called me a 'slimey bastard' and I simply couldn't take out my wand and curse his sorry arse into oblivion, like I my fingers urged me to do. But how came that Potter knew so well about the time I've got my Cloak and my nightly trips around the castle when I'd only run into him once and had no idea what he had been doing the other nights?

"He shouldn't be anywhere near right now!" Potter assured 'her'. "I know because I have this map who shows you the whereabouts of everybody inside this castle! I saw him on it earlier. Look," to my horror, he took a folded parchment out of his pocket, "all you have to do is tap it three times like this and say 'I solemnly- "

I knew I had to do something or I'd be discovered. Wrong, actually. 'She' had to do something and 'she' did. Mind you, it was a really, really desperate situation. 'She' kissed Potter.

By the way he reacted, he definitely hadn't been expected this. Hell, I hadn't been expecting this! Potter dropped the map on the floor and I took advantage of his momentarily distraction to send it with a well-placed kick straight to the other side of the room. Meanwhile, Potter was getting rather excited with the kiss, which was no big surprise. I was, leaving all fake modesty aside, quite a kisser, so 'she', of course, was a damn good kisser too.

My purpose being achieved and the map having been sent out of Potter's reach, it was time for the kiss to end. And for me to get out of sight before I started transforming back. There's this thing for dramatic exits that runs in the family.

"Good night, Harry."

I took out my wand, pointed it to the door, whispered 'Alohomora' and I was gone. I started running down the corridors and, luckily, Potter didn't follow. I suppose he had been too shocked with the kiss.

The kiss. I didn't want to think about it right now. I mean, I had been aware that, ultimately, it would've come to this, were my plan to be successful, but it wasn't supposed to happen on the very first night. I had my pride. 'She' wasn't meant to be a slut. And I didn't even want to question myself as to why I had been so eager to jump on Potter like I just had. Because it hadn't been me who jumped on Potter. It had been 'her'! And that made The Difference. Circumstances had been desperate and called for desperate actions. If only it hadn't been for that cursed map! I had to steal it from Potter as soon as possible, that much was self-understood. There wouldn't be any more encounters between him and 'her' as long as Potter had the map.

I reached the disused classroom precisely in time. Transforming back was draining enough, but not as painful as transforming forth. Maybe because the pain held something familiar now. I managed to go through the whole process a little more aware of myself, not surrendering to the pain as completely as before. It had still felt like I would have sold my soul to make it stop, but this time, at least, I would have negotiated my own terms of the deal.

My robes were all torn, as I didn't have time to charm them back to their regular size before transforming. This taught me a lesson: never again charm robes so tight. I didn't have so many pairs to waste and didn't want to be forced to write home for new ones...

Dear Mother,

An unfortunate series of accidents deprieved me of every single pair of robes you bought for me at the beginning of this school year. Please send new ones a.s.a.p. The Malfoy Family Pride is at stake.

Your son (occasionally daughter).

Definitely not an option.

Shaking off the thought, I realised that my eyes and hair were still the way I'd charmed them for 'her' use. I didn't want to see myself like this, so I pointed my wand to my head and quickly performed the 'Finite Incantatem'. Only then I went to the mirror. 'She' was gone. I was back. It was stupid, but seeing my real body made me feel ten times better. I know it was illogical, but somewhere in a small corner of my mind had lurked this fear that I'd be stuck as 'her' for eternity.

I suddenly realized how tired I was. I wanted nothing more but to crawl to my bed and crash in. But there was another thing I had to take care of first. I had to return to the classroom where Potter had dropped the map. There was little hope he had left it there, but I had to try, even with the risk of running straight into him.

Covered in my Invisibility Cloak, I was again standing near the Transfiguration classroom door. There was no sign of Potter as far as my limited five senses could tell. I entered and went straight to the corner where I knew I had sent the map.

I couldn't believe my luck. It was still there, Gryffindor lack of focus be praised! I grabbed it and hurried back to the Slytherin dorms as fast as I could. Once there, I locked the map safely inside my trunk, then didn't waste any seconds and fell asleep. I don't remember having any dreams that night.

~''~''~