Someone's Everything

My house has become a sanctuary, a place where the outside world that would know the full extent of our insanity cannot come in and rip down our self-projected façade of normalcy.

We both know that we are losing control, but we do not want to know, and we do not want to think about it, and that is the whole point of what we are doing now - pretending that the rest of the world isn't there, and forgetting responsibility and the proper thing to do, so when the doorbell rings that afternoon when he is sleeping, at first I do not realize what it is.

And then I do. And I feel the walls we have built up begin to shake, threatening to fall down, and when I open the door and you are standing there with a smirk on your perfect beautiful face, I feel all desperation at my situation, hatred towards you for what you have done to him and taken from me, and my shock and anger at you who have destryed everything, daring to come here and destroy it all over again, start to build inside me and I do not know what to do, so I just stand and stare, feeling naked as the sunlight from outside floods down onto my face, and the cool breeze sweeps through my boxers and undershirt, and it is the last breath of sanity I breathe as you walk in and shut the door, and just stand there as if waiting for me to make the first move, but I cannot move because maybe if I am still for long enough you will blur before my eyes and disappear, and then I will be able to breathe.

Finally you look at me and give an exasperated sigh, cross the room, and kiss me hard, and I am burning inside because you are his everything, and everything I loathe, and you are kissing me, and now I am kissing you back because it seems that that is the thing to do to you, this will be my revenge and I can taste it on your tongue, as I dig my nails through your shirt into your skin and you only kiss me harder.

And that's when he comes in. Not really surprised, as if he has been expecting this all along, and it was simply a question of the inevitable being initiated, and now everything inside can come out, because the triangle is complete. Complete like how he looks for a moment when we have pulled apart and he is looking at you, but then the light in his eyes breaks and shatters, and his shoulders drop forward, and his whole body sags and I catch him as he falls against me, and kiss him and his tears in front of you, but you only lean forward into my back and ghost hot breath against my neck as your hands pull my hips back into yours, and then reach around to pull him even closer.

I cannot breathe and my mind has stopped and has ceased to be a relentless force. I have entered a distorted world and insanity has finally taken me, because oblivion has reached me, and I do not care what this is, do not care what this means, do not care that you are biting down on faded bruises and drawing blood, and that he is kissing me back now with feeling, real feeling, but his hands reach beyond me to settle on your waist.

Suddenly I am weak and everything around me, the heat pressed on from both sides, the hands sweeping across my body become too much and as I sink to the floor between you both, it occurs to me that I do not know the last time I ate. But as I sit on the floor, blood rushing to my head so quickly it mutes all background noise the barrier between you and him is gone. You stare at him with eyes that hold so many emotions they are almost incomprehensible. The predatory look that I expected is not there and neither is the self-satisfied superiority that has been present in your eyes for so long. Instead I see dark, hurt, seeking, longing, desperation burning inside and the quiet plea that begs understand me and his eyes gaze back, suddenly calm, and respond I do. And then I know in a shattering, heart-breaking moment that this is more than I ever thought, I have drastically misunderstood and I have just taken my last breath as my head slips underwater for the final time.