Someone's Everything

Eyes that pierce, a cold smile, and that bitter laugh that tells him it was all a lie, and he is just like the others that warned him, but he never listened, did he? He was "the one", he was the "everything you ever wanted", "everything you'll ever need", that's what you said to him, that's what you lied to him, and now his eyes are not smiling at all, because they know that he is only like everyone else, he is only a lie, and a want, and hot burning lust that drives you to see nothing else, until one day you wake up and it is gone and so are you. Gone like you were never there, except for the burning he feels in his heart, and he cries like he did when Sirius died and he realized that death meant never again.

That's what you mean to him now, that everything is over, but it will never really finish. His life is stretched empty before him and he thinksknows he needs you, but he doesn't.

His green eyes are fading, green like the ocean that day I realized what was going on between the two of you, when we'd dragged ourselves out of the water, laughing with that giddydizzybarelysurvived post adrenaline rush feeling, and we dropped down onto the blanket beside you, where you sat awkwardly, and I went to his car we were using for laughs to get the beer, and I forgot the keys, and came back to get them, and you and him were talking, whispering, inches apart, lips so close that something told me I should not be watching. I went to turn around but found I couldn't, and I was hypnotized by the way you both were breathing so hard, and coming together so slowly, and that I could not breathe either, and was transfixed watching your mouths melt together, and I could feel the heat you were feeling, because I felt it once too, but that was a long time ago, and we were drunk and laughed it off, and never really thought about it. But then I remembered, and your hands were moving up his sides, and into his hair, and his eyelashes fluttered, and even though I was at least 300 feet away I was seeing everything in zoomslowmotion, and all of a sudden I felt sick, and hot, and I stumbled away, and walked home, and never said anything to either of you, but all of a sudden I realized how blind I had been to not see it before.

Once the awkwardness had been breached, you were trusted by him, which meant you were trusted by everyone, and accepted, and you laughed and touched and bothered each other, and when you thought we aren't looking, you let the shield slip a little, and a hand would reach out and caress, and I wanted to scream at the look in his eyes, because I had seen your hand on so many others when he hadn't been there, but to tell him that would have murdered him. He is dead now and unseeing, a shell of what he was that summer, over exposed, over bright, like a lumos spell that is just a little too good.

He thinks he wasn't good enough for you, and now he confides in me, a broken little boy who doesn't understand, and I pretend I had no idea, and never saw it coming, but I want to hit him, and hug him, and kiss him, and make it better, and make him see that he is someone's everything, but I know that he will never trust again, that he will never be mine again, even though he never really was, and that was only in my heartbroken dreams that I would never confess to anyone.

No one could replace him, but for you, anyone could, and you are already looking for your next, and pretending it never happened, and no one even notices, except to ask if he is feeling well, because he's seemed a bit pale lately. I smile and say he's been busy, and you nod approvingly, because you know I know and you know what he does not, and you are mocking me with your inquiries.

One day I will lose it, I think, and never make it out of wherever they send people who have lost it, which is probably hell, but hell is seeing him cover his wrists when anyone is near, and refusing to speak, or eat, or look at my face, and I wonder if I kissed him, if maybe he would forget, and move on, or maybe just be numb enough to play that game with me and tell me what I want to hear.