Fenris' Justice

The wolf could not struggle free. The ribbon that ensnared him tightened whenever he tried to struggle until it cut into his skin. He never stood a chance. Is this justice? Blood seeping through his fur, he stared up the man, and very deliberately the wolf closed his teeth on his hand...

***

Blinding pain slowly overtook him, pushed him off the threshold of something intangible, and Remus stifled the urge to scream. He was falling faster and faster until he collapsed back into his human conscious. At the moment of impact, he suffocated on the silent screams.

Confined in his mind, he could not open his eyes. His senses reached out tentatively to his human form, as if trying to decide which of the two changes were worse. At least when he was wolf, his senses would leisurely open up and expand until the air around him becomes tangible enough for him to taste it. Plummeting back to his human conscious cut all those things off at once, like cutting off limbs.

"Remus."

Remus tried to focus on the voice; he tried to let the voice ease him through the shock of the transition.

"You know you can scream if you want, Remus. I think I'd rather hear you scream than the choking sounds you make," Sirius' voice complained softly as Remus felt blankets being wrapped around him. His eyes managed to open to slits, but his vision was still blurred. Vaguely, he could feel Sirius picking him up from the ground, and depositing him back on to his lumpy bed.

"Did I hurt you?" Remus managed to form coherent words despite the lack of limberness in his tongue.

"Of course not," Sirius said and immediately Remus knew he had.

"How did I hurt you? What did I do?" Remus struggled to get up so that he could look over his friend, but Sirius firmly pushed him back down.

"You didn't."

"Don't lie to me!" Remus snapped.

"I never lie to you," Sirius' eyes met his steadily. "I'm fine, Remus. Do you want me to strip naked so you can check just to make sure?"

"But I tried to hurt you, didn't I?" Remus stared at the folds of his blanket.

"You didn't hurt me," Sirius sat down on the bed, and slowly lowered himself next to the werewolf, "and you never will. Now, stop wallowing in your self-inflicted guilt and we can both get some rest before tonight."

"I'm getting more violent when I change... I can feel it..." Remus turned his body sideways so that he faced away from Sirius.

"No, just--bigger," Sirius laughed as he wrapped one of his arms around Remus. "When are you going to stop growing? Twenty-three is awfully old to still have growing pains. But at least I know now where all the food you eat goes to because you are getting skinnier."

"I was thinking, maybe I should get a cage just to make sure..."

"Hell no!" Sirius grabbed Remus' shoulders and rolled the werewolf over to face him. "As long as I'm around, you are not going to lock yourself up like an animal."

"A cage would be safer."

"No. You bite yourself when you are in a cage," Sirius' hands tightened around Remus' shoulders. "Damn it Moony, don't be stupid! Do you remember how much blood you lost from your wounds? Or do you fancy fainting again?"

Remus did not answer and Sirius let the subject drop.

"It's my turn to go over tonight," Remus said after a long silence.

"I can take over your shift," Sirius offered as he finally let go of Remus' shoulders.

"You don't need to. I will be fine by tonight. The last day of full moon just passed."

Sirius grunted, sounding remarkably like Padfoot.

Remus smiled, closed his eyes, and sleep overtook him.

***

The wolf tucked his face partly under his paws, trying to take comfort in his own warmth. His paws were leathery and rough. Not like his mother's at all. But mother hadn't been a wolf. Mother had smooth skin and wore soft cloth. And when she would hold him, he could feel her warmth through her garments.

But then he woke up one day here and mother was gone. He had wandered through all the marble halls for days looking for her, but mother wasn't here. He had tried to ask the creatures that lived here where she was but they had backed away from him in terror. When he finally collapsed in one of the corridors from exhaustion and hunger, they just walked by him like he didn't exist.

So he stayed there. It might have been days or years, but he couldn't get himself to care enough to move. Part of him knew that it must have been a long time because his paws were getting bigger and he couldn't quite remember his name any more.

"Here." A man placed a plate of food and a bowl of water in front of him. The wolf barely managed to look up. He had never seen this man before.

"Why are you doing this?" the wolf regarded the man coldly.

"Because someone needed to," the man answered.

***

Remus rang the doorbell and eyed it curiously as he waited. James had been insistent on putting in an electric Muggle doorbell. He said it reminded him of his Mum's place when he was young. Remus was wondering how exactly electricity was able to get to the bell when James opened the door. The former Head Boy was clad in a grease-stained apron, and still held a wooden spoon in his hand. "Remus!" James hugged his friend, then pulled back immediately, his eyes lingering apologetically at the stains he just left on Remus' robes.

Remus smiled as he stepped into the Potters' home. Some things never change.

"You're early, Remus," Lily stepped into the living room, holding Harry with one arm, and bracing most of his weight on her hip.

Harry giggled immediately at the sight of the guest and Remus automatically held out his arms to take the baby. He quickly took them back, embarrassed at his own presumptiveness.

Lily laughed as she handed Harry to Remus. "I don't know what it is about you and Sirius, but you are the only ones Harry likes."

"I know he likes Remus because he likes the hair," James snickered. "He's the only one that Harry's seen who has that color hair."

As if trying to prove his father's point, Harry clutched a handful of Remus' locks.

"When this is all over, will you still come and baby-sit?" Lily placed her hand on Remus' shoulder.

Remus nodded as he tried to free himself of Harry's surprisingly strong grip. Finally, he gave up and sat himself on the recliner with young Harry still clinging on.

"This delightful vigil of watching over our family between Peter, you and Sirius is becoming rather a burden to my budget," James said.

"Oh?" Remus looked up a little too quickly and felt dull pain where his hair attached to his scalp.

"You are eating me out of house and home," James smirked at Remus.

"Well, Sirius is, anyway," James amended. "Every time he comes, he looks like he's been trotting around the whole of England."

Remus looked down at the baby. Sirius made him promise that he wasn't going to tell James that he was literally trotting around as a dog looking for Voldemort. "He's a dog."

"A very large and hungry one at that," James said as he straightened himself a little, and pushed up his glasses. "I better go finish up with dinner. We could fatten you up a bit, Remus. It isn't right that a dog weighs more than you." Kissing his wife quickly on the lips, James headed for the kitchen.

Lily watched James disappear behind the kitchen door before turning back to Remus. Leaning on the recliner, Lily stroke Harry's head a little, "Sirius is actively seeking out Voldemort, isn't he?"

Remus' breath caught in his throat, but he did not look up, nor did he make an effort to deny it.

"James can be blind sometimes to how brash Sirius is," Lily's voice was soft. Remus could feel her gazing down at him. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet hers.

"If Sirius keeps this up, he's going to hurt someone, most likely himself. And every time he does that, you and James go through hell. Peter too. The three of you let him get away with too many things," Lily's tone was not unkind, "especially you. You're a werewolf, Remus, not a fur rug."

"You know, Padfoot sheds a lot more than I do. He's more of a fur rug than me," Remus smiled slowly.

Lily stared him down. "Don't be daft, Lupin. We both know how rash Sirius is. You might have forgiven him for that debacle fifth year--"

"He has more than paid for that since then--"

"You might have forgiven him for that," Lily ignored Remus' comment, "but you can't have forgotten about it. Bravery and repentance is well and good for a Gryffindor, but we are not in Hogwarts any more. Sirius won't be able to pay for the consequences of his actions this time."

"I will talk to him, Lily," Remus said after a long silence.

"We are all in danger right now, Remus, not just our family," Lily laid her hand on Remus' shoulders. "If we lost any of you, I don't think our family would ever be alright again."

"*I* will make sure that never happens," Remus said slowly, surprised at the vehemence in his voice.

To his wonder, Lily laughed, "That pack instinct of yours." Then she met his eyes again, "I'm glad my family is part of your pack."

Without warning a small explosion sounded toward the kitchen, Remus and Lily hurried towards it.

"He's not trying one of Sirius' Inferno Scandinavian recipes, is he?" Remus returned Harry to Lily.

"You know James..." Lily clanged to her child protectively, as Remus tentatively opened the door to the kitchen.

James was covered from head to foot in black soot. The explosion, however, did not affect the rest of the kitchen.

"I'm going to kill Sirius!" James mumbled.

Lily handed Harry back to Remus, and then proceeded to keel over with laughter.

James spent rest of the night and part of the next morning scrubbing the soot off himself. Remus helped him as much as he could but he was laughing most of the time. The soot had managed to lodge itself determinedly on every part of James's body and cleaning spells did not do the trick. Lily was laughing too hard every time she looked at James to be of any assistance.

When Remus left for his tiny apartment the next morning he had only gotten a few hours of sleep.

The motorcycle parked outside told him who was inside.

He found Sirius on the couch with a can of beer in his hand.

"Isn't it a little early for alcohol?" Remus asked.

"It's never too early for booze!" Sirius held up his beer to his friend in a gesture of cheer. "You look like hell. Did James and Lily keep you up by shagging too loudly?"

"No, James tried one of those Inferno Scandinavian recipes you gave him and I had to spend most of the night cleaning him with my tongue," Remus answered as he hung up his coat.

Sirius choked on his beer, and spilled some of it on the couch.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Remus?"

"Your Remus is wondering what you are doing here?" Remus asked as he sat down next to his friend.

"I'm hurt Remus! I'm only welcome as Padfoot?"

"I don't need you to protect me, Sirius," Remus frowned slightly. "Voldemort is not going to attack me."

"I could use the company, Moony," Sirius said and then gulped his beer.

***

The man came back every day to feed the wolf and eventually the wolf had enough strength to move around again.

Then one day, when the man came, his left arm was bleeding.

"Did someone bite you?" the wolf asked curiously.

"No, Loki stabbed me with a dagger," the man said.

"Why did he do that?" the wolf asked. "Did he want to eat you?" He had seen these people carrying around shining weapons, but he never saw them hunting.

The man laughed, "No. It was revenge I think. He knew I was the one who asked the others to bind him."

"Why did you wish to bind him?"

"Because he deserves it. Because it's justice," the man was very stiff when he answered.

"What's justice?"

The man opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it quickly and shook as if he was about to fall. The wolf placed himself next to the man and allowed the man to grab on to his fur to steady himself. Slowly the man sat himself on the ground, leaning on the wolf.

Twisting his head a little, the wolf licked the wound.

The man winced when the wolf's rough tongue first brushed against him, but he allowed it. After the wolf had licked the last of the blood away, he realized that the man had fallen asleep against him.

"Why are you not afraid of me?" the wolf asked the sleeping man.

***

"Sirius!" Remus was surprised when he found his friend at his door again for the third night in a roll. Before Remus could get another word out Sirius started to fall forward and he quickly caught the larger man as he collapsed.

A string of colorful curses came out of Sirius' mouth, directed at Voldemort, Death Eaters and their mothers.

Remus felt himself relaxing slightly at the inventiveness of the curses, helped Sirius to his bed, and gently laid him down.

"I'm fine, Remus," Sirius said while Remus took off his shoes. "Just tired beyond all measure."

"You are *not* fine, Sirius," Remus had begun to unbutton Sirius' coat when Sirius caught his hand.

"Undressing me is a task left to lovers," Sirius held on.

"Don't be a git, Sirius," Remus whapped away Sirius' hand. "I'm not going to go out to find a girl to take care of you, and you obviously can't take care of yourself very well."

"You are acting very alpha-male, today," Sirius licked his lip. "You've been talking to Lily, haven't you?"

Remus ignored him as he pulled Sirius up a little to relieve him of his coat.

Remus caught his breath. Underneath the coat, Sirius' left shoulder was caked in dried blood.

"Damned Death Eaters blasted spells at everything that moves. I brilliantly dodged a string of them and then tripped and fell on some sharp rocks."

"We need to get you to an infirmary--" before Remus could finish, Sirius pulled Remus on top of him.

"I will be fine," Sirius whispered into Remus' hair.

Remus pulled himself up a little but Sirius' hands held on to him.

"Let go of me, Sirius," Remus warned.

"I'm going to be fine. I'm just so tired, Moony," Sirius muttered. "Just stay with me?"

"Let go of me first," Remus let his own voice soften. Sirius released him. Remus rolled off Sirius and started to undress him again. "At least let me clean this up."

Sirius nodded and watched Remus unbutton his shirt. He shifted a little to help Remus take it off.

The wound was an ugly gash that had been clumsily half healed by a spell. Remus felt his stomach turn a little, but he was relieved that it didn't appear to be too deep. With a series of Accio spells Remus got his water kettle, some towels, and a flask of numbing potion. Remus handed the flask to Sirius who took a big gulp of it right away. With a wet towel Remus began to gently wipe away the blood; cleaning spells caused too much discomfort.

When he had finished, he realized that Sirius had been staring at him.

"Does it hurt much?" Remus asked softly.

Sirius shook his head. "Thanks."

"If James knew you were doing this he'd kill you himself," Remus said. He started to put away the dirty towel and Sirius' bloodstained clothes.

"No lectures right now."

Remus sighed, and lay down next to his friend, and pulled his blankets over both of them.

"Thanks, Moony," Sirius leaned closer to Remus, nuzzling against Remus' shoulder in a distinct canine manner until his breathing slowed and evened.

"I let you get away with too much, Padfoot," Remus sighed and closed his eyes and felt his mind falling into blissful oblivion.

When Remus was aware of himself again, he couldn't quite breathe. Slowly he opened his eyes, and realized that a rather large and sometimes obnoxious person was lying on top of him. It had always been fairly obvious that Sirius was much bigger than Remus. But Remus was just now truly accounting for the volume difference, and how much more Sirius weighed.

Remus started to push the large man off of him as gently as he could.

"Well, I never thought I'd live to see the day that I'd wake up on top of you, Remus," Sirius opened his eyes, and flashed Remus an easy grin.

"Your scores of female companions must have a stronger rib cages than I do," Remus shoved Sirius off. They had fallen asleep on the same bed many times, but Sirius had never ended up on top of him before.

Sirius yelped a little as his shoulder hit the bed.

Remus jumped up. "Sorry!"

"Relax, I'm not going to die," Sirius smiled. "And I don't have scores of female companions... not recently anyway," Sirius placed one hand over his injured shoulder. "Just you. Though I have not been afforded the usual benefits of companionship."

"Sirius, I have no intentions of becoming your bitch."

Sirius laughed.

"How is your shoulder?" Remus touched the wound lightly with his fingers.

"A little numb but it will be alright," Sirius caught Remus' hand again. "Though if you keep on touching me like that another part of my body is going to start to react."

Remus leapt back so fast he tripped on something on the ground and fell on his butt.

"Aren't wolves supposed to be graceful?"

Lying flat on the ground, Remus did not answer.

***

After the first time the man fell asleep on the wolf, the man slept with the wolf every night. The man would bring the wolf his food, and then fall asleep touching the wolf. Sometimes the man even clung onto the wolf's fur.

The wolf was curious why the man did this, but he did not ask. The wolf just kept on growing larger and larger until he was so big that the man slept on top of him, and the wolf started to enjoy the warm weight of the man.

***

Remus had begun to think of his visits to the Potters as counsels-of-war. Voldemort's attacks had started to increase and the death toll was mounting. People were so spooked they started to call the Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, fearing that simply invoking his name would cause disaster to befall them.

James had decided that a secrecy spell was the best way to protect his family, and Lily had asked Remus to be the person to carry it, but Remus refused. There were too many spells that Voldemort could use to track a werewolf.

"Use Sirius," Remus said evenly, "it will keep him from doing something stupid. He won't confront Voldemort directly knowing that his death will mean the discovery of your secret."

James nodded, and Remus could see the lines of tension on James' face.

"He has been looking for Voldemort, hasn't he?" James asked.

Remus felt his chest tighten.

James laughed a little, "Since when did it ever become, 'let's not tell James that his best friend is a reckless git'?"

"I'm sorry James, I promised that--"

"It's not your fault, Moony," James said. "I will ask him tomorrow when he comes."

Remus nodded.

***

As the wolf grew, he realized that the fear in the people around him grew as well. He knew the man noticed as well.

The tension grew until finally one of the other people asked the wolf to show his strength by breaking a chain. The wolf accepted. He knew he could and he did. But he knew this was a test. They had asked him to break a chain the day before he was taken away from his mother. He didn't remember how the people looked then when he broke it then. This time he paid attention. They were more frightened now. After they had left, the man came to him with his food.

"Will you leave me?" the wolf asked.

"Yes," the man answered, "it is the justice of the gods."

"What is justice?" the wolf asked. The man had never answered him before.

"I don't know," the man said.

***

Remus stared at the moon and willed it to change. Unfortunately, he did not have the power to perform temporal spells. Tomorrow would be the full moon again and he would not be able to stay with the Potters. Cursing softly, he opened the door to his apartment.

Someone was sitting in couch in the darkness. Immediately wand in hand, Remus lighted up the room.

"What are you still doing here?" Remus stared at Sirius in disbelief. "Sirius, you need to go hide from Voldemort, now! There is no more time! Damn it, Sirius, you have James and Lily's secret, if Voldemort finds you..."

"I hate this, Moony," Sirius closed the distance between them until he was barely inches away. "All this waiting. Waiting for him to attack. Waiting for him to strike first."

"Sirius, don't do anything stupid!" Remus' eyes locked on to the other man. "You hold their secret. Don't go facing him, Sirius. It will just make things worse."

Sirius looked away. "I've been looking through your books, Remus."

"What?"

"Why does every wolf story you own end up really badly for the wolf?" Sirius asked; his eyes focused on some interesting spot on the ground.

Remus looked toward the couch and saw his copy of Fenris, A Biography lying there.

"I don't know where you're going with this... and I'm not going to ask why you were reading in the dark but..."

Suddenly, Sirius' lips were on him, and for a moment Remus couldn't move. When the shock wore off, Remus shoved Sirius away, but his arms felt weak.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Tell me you don't want me and I will let it be," Sirius approached him.

"What are you talking about?" Remus felt his head getting dizzy.

"I want you, Remus. I always have. Since I was thirteen. Tell me you don't want me and I will let it be..."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Sirius' hand found its way on Remus' face, his rough fingers brushed against Remus' lips.

The wolf stared at the ribbon being placed in front of him. He knew he would not be able to break it. He could smell the other's lies, but it was the man who was holding the ribbon to him and on the man he could only smell himself.

"Tyr will put his arm in your mouth when we put the ribbon on you," someone said. But the wolf wasn't paying attention. He was looking at the man.

"Very well," the wolf agreed and opened his mouth. The man placed his arm in the wolf's mouth while the others put on the ribbon. He did not resist. He could not resist the man's request.

***

Remus crashed into his human conscious and he screamed. He felt someone catching him.

"Remus," the voice called to him. But it wasn't Sirius' voice.

Remus' eyes jerked open. "Professor Dumbledore!"

He was already wrapped in his blanket as he stared at his former professor.

"Remus, I'm so sorry..."

Remus didn't need to hear the words. He could sense them...

"...Lily, James, and Peter are dead... I'm afraid it looks like Sirius was the one who betrayed them..."

The ribbon wrapped around the wolf's throat and began to choke him.

Remus' mind barely registered the words that followed.

"Harry?" He heard the cracking in his own voice.

"He survived... but the ministry has will not let you raise him... I argued your case to them but they refused to listen... he will be raised by his muggle relatives. It might for the best that he's raised away from all of this..."

Remus stared at the professor but he couldn't hear the words any more. His vision started to become unbearably bright: he was blinded by it. He heard the sound his body hitting the ground.

***

Remus watched the dementors march Sirius towards the opening of Azkaban. Despite the crowd, Sirius saw him. His eyes immediately locked onto Remus'.

The wolf could not struggle free. The ribbon ensnared him tightened whenever he tries to struggle until it cut into his skin. He never stood a chance. Is this justice?

Blood seeping through his fur, he stared up at the man, and very deliberately the wolf closed his teeth on his hand...

Remus walked off without looking back knowing that Sirius was still watching him.