Zigzag

Zigzag

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Chapter 3

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"Now," Albus said in his ever-cheerful manner, "the first thing we have to decide is how to tell you apart." He eyed all the Remuses, Severuses and a few Luciuses in front of him. "Some of you are of course very different from the others, and appearances can always be changed. However, finding enough names for you all might prove hard."

"Well, this one here is Danpa," said one Remus cheerfully, petting the panda who stood on his side. The panda sent him a murderous glare, then huffed and turned his head away. The Severuses looked horrorized. Was that really one of them?

"Fine, Danpa he will be," Albus said cheerfully. "And what shall be your own name?"

"Cuddler seems to be a rather good option, considering that he can't keep his hands off the panda even though it clearly doesn't want him to do anything," observed the original Severus dryly. "And that little girl there is rather obviously Remia." He pointed at the young female Lupin, who blushed slightly.

"Are any of you named after your fathers?" asked Remia's universe's Severus. As they all shook their heads, he continued, "Fine, well, I am -- my father is Severus Snape, the DADA Professor." At this, most Severuses just stared at him, and many Remuses made gagging noises. Purposefully ignoring them, the young Slytherin continued, "So, I guess I'll just be Severus Junior, as that's what I'm always called by everyone."

"Very well!" Albus's eyes twinkled. A few people stepped backwards at the sight of that. "Now, do any of you others have any suggestions? Family names that are different from the others' own, maybe?"

"Well..." The expensive-robed Remus glanced at the Lucius on his side, then turned towards Albus. "I do think I'm the only Remus Malfoy around here," he said quietly, eyeing carefully everyone around.

"Well, I should think that," snorted the original Severus. "In our universe, Lucius would never have anything to do with a Halfblood, lycanthropic Gryffindor." He calmly ignored the numerous glares shot to his direction. Eyeing hopefully his replicas, he then asked, "None of you have been stupid enough to marry a Gryffindor, have you?"

"Severus Black, in your service," said mockingly the Severus from Remus Malfoy's universe, raising an eyebrow. "I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but yes, I did indeed marry the infinite menace."

"Same here," said a particularly thin-looking Severus, whom the original's mind immediately recognized as one of the two Severuses who'd announced themselves to be pregnant. "Not only married, I am carrying our first child, too, thank you very much." Oh, yes. This was getting just more and more absurd.

"Severus Snape-Black," said quietly one of his replicas. "Although I've currently been a widower for -- what? Two hours?" The Remus of his universe nodded.

"Time goes differently here than in our world," he said quietly. "There, it had been only a couple of hours."

"Well, that's certainly unique," Albus said, his eyes twinkling madly. "And what's your name?" he then asked from the Remus who'd last spoken up.

"Remus Potter," spat the man, looking almost disgusted. "Although I refuse to be called that."

"Why so?" asked the youngest Remus, his eyes very wide. "You married James? Don't you like him?"

"Yes, I married him, and I'm regretting it more than anything," the werewolf sighed quietly, moving a hand over his eyes. "James... He betrayed Lily and Peter," he said quietly. "And murdered Sirius -- who was currently pregnant."

"Wait a minute," one of the teenager Remuses said -- the one with blind Severus and wheelchair-ridden Lucius. "You're saying that your Lily married Peter? How's that ever possible?"

"Why, of course he did," the other replied. "They had been dating ever since our fifth year."

"Now, isn't that amusing," muttered the Lucius in the wheelchair. "And whom did I marry, pray tell?"

"Why, Narcissa Black," replied the Remus. Most of the people in the room nodded in agreement -- in fact, only those who were too young for Lucius to have married anybody didn't nod.

The blond's eyes widened slightly. "You must be kidding," he said. "Why'd I ever marry that bitch?"

"Well, you never cared to inform me about it," replied Remus Malfoy, raising his eyebrow at his own Lucius, who snorted. "Yes, of course you must keep up the facade, but still, I do not understand!"

"Besides, Lucius," the blind Severus commented, "you're one to talk about marrying someone unexpected. I'm sure that none of these other people would have ever thought that you're going to marry Sirius." Truly, not a few gasped in shock.

"Not my choice, anyway," the man in the wheelchair replied lightly. "It's not like I arranged it, it was our mothers. And you should use the past tense, dear Severus," he said over-sweetly. "Why ever do you think Solomon had me attacked? Because I already married Sirius to get him out of the man's clutches, that's why."

"Sirius married you?" echoed one of the Remuses disbelievingly. "You must be kidding!"

"Why not?" The wheelchair-Lucius raised an eyebrow. "If Severus here can be engaged to James, the very core of Gryffindor, then why on Earth couldn't I marry Sirius?" Almost all Severuses, the original included, gagged.

"Because it seems that in the other universes," the original Remus said, "Sirius is either with me, or Severus, or died without getting involved with anyone. Most definitely he did not marry you."

"Well, to be honest," one of the Luciuses said amusedly, "in our universe, he did." As they all turned to look at him, raising their eyebrows at how near both his world's Severus and Remus were to him, the blond continued calmly, "Well, he and four other men did. Lucius Lupin-Potter-Snape-Malfoy-Black, in your service."

"There -- there are only five family names," the original Severus said, trying his best to stay calm. "Didn't you just say that there are six of you?"

"Well, I and Draco originally had the same name," replied Lucius lightly. As the people from the universes also including Draco all looked disgusted, he rolled his eyes, sighing. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he said. "You're all like some bloody Muggles. In our universe, we're soulmates. It is not incest -- he ceased to be my son the moment he turned sixteen."

"Now, at least we won't have any problems naming you," Albus said happily. "Lupin-Potter -- how did it go?"

"Just say Lionsnake," the Severus of that universe sighed, rolling his eyes. "That's what we call the former Malfoy Manor in our world -- the Lionsnake Manor, for Gryffindor and Slytherin."

"Batty?" asked an innocent voice, startling them all. "Batty, bad men. No flowewz. Bad men take Wemuz flowewz?"

As they turned to look, the Severus next to the wheelchair-Remus sighed. "No, Remus, these Luciuses are not bad," he said patiently, more patiently than most of the other Severuses had ever spoken. "And they most definitely did not take your flowers, the flowers just became too old." After saying this, he created new flowers with another drop of his potion.

The werewolf giggled happily and clapped his hands. "Ta, Batty!" he exclaimed.

"Ah, our little Remus here," Albus said with a sad smile. "Silver poisoning, right?" he asked from the Severus of this Remus's world. As the Potions Master nodded briefly, he continued, "So, he shall be Wemuz, then. And as for you --"

"NO, Albus!" exclaimed the Severus, looking absolutely fearful. "I will NOT be called 'Batty' by anybody else! Just get the Blacks here so I can get this overgrown child away from my hands!"

"But Severus, then how will be able to tell you apart from the others?" the Headmaster asked ever so sweetly. "And just think about it. 'Batty' hardly can be any worse than Danpa." Of course, the panda growled at this.

"I was a Potter before the Snapes adopted me," one Severus said calmly. "So I guess I can go as Severus Potter."

"Wounded Remus," suggested one werewolf for himself. "Last thing I remember from my universe was Wormtail hitting me on the shoulder with a silver dagger." Many winced, those who were friendly with Pettigrew in their universes more than the others. However, Albus accepted this name.

"Well, of the remaining..." One Remus -- the teenparent -- glanced hesitantly around, then said, "Would anybody protest if I went as Father Remus?" Some smirked, but nodded.

"I'm a father, too," an older Remus said, raising an eyebrow. "However... I'm dating with Kingsley at the moment, and even though we're not even engaged, I think I could go as Remus Shacklebolt."

So, after some time, they had Remus Malfoy, Remus Potter -- the one who was married to Harry, the other had refused to use James's name anymore -- Remus Lionsnake, Remus Black, Dark Remus, Father Remus, Cuddler, Wemuz, Remia, Rem (the youngest one -- none of the adults or teenagers had accepted to be called that), and, to the original Severus's immense horror, even Remus Snape. The one who was engaged to Pettigrew had asked to be called as such, even if they weren't married yet, in the same manner as they had Remus Shacklebolt. It had taken quite some convincing to make Thin Remus accept his name, but he could not deny that while the other Remuses were all slim, he looked anorexic. Even more difficult, however, it had been for the one Remus who'd turned his Severus into a werewolf to accept his name as Turner Remus. And, finally, the one Remus who was married to the traitorous James Potter had got the name of Remus Lupin.

Even more various group were the Severuses -- Severus Black (the one who wasn't pregnant), Severus Baby-Black (the one who was), Severus Snape-Black, Batty, Danpa, Sev (again, the youngest around), Blind Severus, Werewolf Severus, Severus Junior, Severus Shacklebolt (this Severus and Kingsley were not married, but they were indeed together), Severus Baby-Shacklebolt (again, they weren't married -- yet), Father Severus (of the many fathers they'd picked the one with the youngest child), Severus Potter, Severus Lionsnake, Severus Malfoy (though not married -- what a surprise), Dark Severus (a half-vampire), and a simple Severus Snape. The original would be called Severus, and the original Remus would be called Remus.

And, of course, there were Wheelchair Lucius, Cane Lucius, Lucius Lionsnake, Dark Lucius (a half-Veela, from Dark Severus and Remus's universe), and Lucius Snape (the one who was dating Severus Malfoy). They had not bothered to find a name with which to call the original Lucius Malfoy.

Of course, there were still some problems. They had no idea what to call the one pair of Remus and Severus who'd left the room to avoid meeting any Luciuses, and just as well one of the Severuses, who'd come alone from his universe, had no name. Albus had opened his mouth as if to say something, but an icy glare and, "Don't even think about it, Albus," had silenced him rather effectively. Curiously, this was also the one Severus who had managed to convince Albus to bring Siriuses along, too.

"Very well!" Albus clapped his hands gleefully together. "We'll clear out the rest of the names tomorrow, when I'll also summon the Harries and Siriuses here. Until then, feel free to choose your rooms." Another swish of the Headmaster's wand, and they saw a corridor appearing to the side of the room. Along the corridor they saw two seemingly endless rows of doors, one on each wall.

So, most of them headed on to find rooms for themselves. However, some wanted answers.

And they were going to get them.

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