To Be a Father

A few days later, after getting the permission from Dumbledore (which hadn't been very hard), Severus and Sandrine were at the Diagon Alley. It being Saturday, they saw quite many families with their little children there, so it was easy for them to slip in to the crowd. Some people who recognized Severus gave them a few curious glances, but an icy glare from him always scared them away.

Sandrine was absolutely in Heaven. Anything she dared to ask for, she got - not that it was very much, she wasn't used to have very much. But, Severus did buy her new toys, clothes, and all other things he could imagine a little girl needed and wanted.

He also bought, unknown to Sandrine, a package of wizarding markers. They'd glitter if she activated the charm by blowing at the picture. After paying he slipped the package to his pocket just in time before Sandrine ran to the place. She'd get her gift that night.

"What's that?" she asked suddenly, pointing at the nearby store.

Severus followed her gaze and saw what she was pointing at. "It's the pet shop," he said, slightly surprised. "Do you like animals?"

"I do, but I couldn't have pets before," she told him. "Mommy said they were really nice, but too expensive. We could only afford one owl to tell Mommy's friends that he was okay."

"Well, I have plenty of money," the Potions Master said, not even noticing what he was saying before the words had left his mouth. "I can buy you a pet, if you want one."

"Would you?" she asked, her eyes wide with surprise and excitement.

Severus shrugged. "Of course. I am your other father, after all. Just one thing - no toads. I can't stand toads."

She grinned slightly. "No problem," she replied. "I can't stand them, either."

They entered the pet store. Sandrine looked around her, taking in every little detail like only children can. Severus followed her around, never going far away so Sandrine could maintain her grip on his robes.

"That one looks like Cheryl," she said, pointing at a tawny cat who sat calmly on a chair in the corner of the shop.

"Cheryl?" Severus echoed. "Who's she? Didn't you just say you didn't have any pets?"

"She was my toy cat," Sandrine told. "She was just the same colour as that one." She pointed again at the cat in the corner. "I got her from Mommy when I was just three years old, and she was my favourite toy."

"Hold on. What do you mean, 'was?' Don't you play with her anymore? Or did you lost her?" Severus asked. He couldn't help but be curious.

"The wolf tore her apart two months ago," she told quietly. "I forgot to take her to my bedroom - that's where we lock everything we have to keep safe from the wolf. She was too torn to be even repaired. Mommy was of course really sorry, but said that we couldn't yet afford a new one. And it wasn't really his fault, after all."

"Would you like a real cat, then?" Severus asked, in a sudden flow of fatherly love. He could keep a cat in his dungeons. He quite liked them, actually. So, it would be no problem if Sandrine had one.

"No," she said, however, shaking her head. "Mommy's said that cats don't like him. It was something about being a werewolf and that it's Dark magic. And I can't have a pet that doesn't like Mommy, right? Since when he comes back from the hospital, it could cause problems."

The Slytherin swallowed. Just that morning, he'd received a message that it couldn't yet be said whether Remus would survive. And here was Sandrine, her eyes bright, in all her trustfulness talking about the time he'd come back.

How could Severus tell this girl... His daughter, his own flesh and blood... That she might never see her Mommy alive again? How could he break her little heart by doing that?

"Okay," he said with a forced smile. "No cats, then. Would you like something else?"

"Umm..." She looked around her almost shyly. Then she hesitantly pointed at one animal and said, "Could I have that? Or is it too expensive?"

Severus looked at what she was pointing at. It was a large crow, a fine, night-black bird with intelligent eyes. A good pet for a child by his mind. He'd himself had a crow when he'd been young, named Mudin. "Of course you can, if you like him," he replied immediately. "A good choice, anyway. Crows don't mind werewolves at all." He walked nearer, examining the bird. Sandrine walked by his side, clutching tightly on his robes like she'd been afraid he might go away all of sudden.

"May I help you?" a voice asked suddenly behind them. He turned around and saw the shopkeeper, whose eyes widened as he saw the infamous, scary Potions Master with a child.

"I think so," Severus replied, raising an eyebrow. "My daughter would want to buy this crow." He pointed at the animal.

"Your daughter?" the shopkeeper's eyes, if possible, widened even more.

"Yes," he snapped, now very annoyed. "My daughter. Sandrine Snape. Do I have to spell it out? She - wants - to - buy - this - crow."

"Oh, yes. Very well. I take it you're buying a cage also?"

"And everything else that the bird needs," Severus replied dryly. "And right now. We should be back at Hogwarts tonight."

"I see." The man took the crow from its perch, placing it then to a simple bird cage. Then he collected a couple of dishes for the bird's feeding, a couple of toys - who'd known that crows liked playing just like canaries? - and some bird's food. At last he collected everything on the selling table and told the price, which made Sandrine's eyes almost pop out of her head but didn't even sound big to Severus. He paid for the purchases, shrank everything minus the cage and the bird inside it, then left the shop with Sandrine happily skipping next to him.

"Do you have to jump all the time?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm. "It's rather irritating."

"I'm sorry, Father," she said, and stopped immediately. "Do we still have to go somewhere?"

"I don't think so," he replied. "Unless you want some ice-cream, that is. Or candies - but not too much, it's bad for your teeth."

Her eyes widened again, and then she smiled broadly. "I'd love to," she breathed.

"I figured so," Severus said, smiling dryly. "Shall we go, then?"

They ate their ice-creams in peace, although Severus Snape with a crow in a cage and a little girl gained not a few curious glances. Then, they Flooed back to the Hogsmeade, where Sandrine spent the most wonderful half an hour in her life searching through the stocks of the Honeydukes.

*

Sandrine slept peacefully in her bed. The crow, whom she had to Severus's great amusement and delight named Hugin, was sleeping in his cage. Two new stuffed animals, a five-legged teddybear and a puppy Grim - gifts from Vector and Sprout, whom Severus had started to like more and more - were sitting on the foot of the bed, watching over the girl's sleep. She had wrapped her arms tightly around the worn-out wolf plushie, her face hid into the fur.

Severus stood in the doorway, taking this all in. There were a lot of thoughts in his mind, mostly about the day that was just about to end. After their shopping trip, they'd spent the whole evening in his quarters. Sandrine had been excited about her new markers, drawing a picture after a picture. These she was going to present to various members of the faculty, all of which Severus knew would be just as excited about these gifts as the girl giving them. One of the drawings, a golden wolf with big amber eyes and a silvery full moon in the background, Sandrine had given to Severus. "So you remember Mommy," she said firmly.

Severus was going to hang the drawing to the wall of his office.

He would have never thought that it was quite so nice to be a father. Somehow, to have a little child so much liking him, so dependant on him, touched something deep inside his heart... So deep that nobody had ever touched there, nobody but a certain werewolf with golden hair and a warm smile.

Biting his teeth together, Severus turned around and left the room. This was no time to dwell in the past. Today, it was just he, and Sandrine. Whatever tomorrow would bring would be dealt with tomorrow.

Until then, he could just hope.

*

Monday came, bringing along the question as of what to do with Sandrine. The most natural solution, of course, would have been to put her to the Potions class, where Severus could easily keep an eye on her. That was how they'd done before, anyway.

It was, however, obvious even early in the morning that the day was going to be bright and warm outside. Even though Severus himself enjoyed the cool air and closedness of the dungeons, he had firm suspicions that Sandrine wouldn't. She had, after all, spent most of the summer outdoors with her Mommy. Severus simply had no heart to force her to stay inside on such a fine day.

That was the reason why he shocked the whole staff in the breakfast table by deliberately starting a conversation with Sprout and Vector. He secretly enjoyed the looks on both the addressed witches' as well as the other teachers' faces as he thanked the two about the stuffed toys they'd bought for his daughter. Sandrine also gave her own thanks, accompanied with one of her adorable smiles.

After a few exchanged comments Sprout had happily agreed to look after the girl in the greenhouses. Severus could have sworn that Vector looked almost envious. Sandrine, on the other hand, looked absolutely delighted at the idea.

So, after leaving the Great Hall, Sandrine parted from her father, and followed the Herbology Professor outside.

Severus dismissed his class before lunch earlier than usually. When the Herbology class ended, the students gave frightened glances at their Potions Professor, who was approaching the greenhouses.

"Severus!" Sprout exclaimed, as he stepped into her sight. "You frightened me. You can really be a scary sight."

"So I've been told," he replied dryly. "Where's Sandrine?"

"She's still in there," she said, nodding towards the nearest greenhouse. "Why so? Don't you trust my skills in taking care of children?"

"If Dumbledore has hired you for a teacher, I trust you to keep them from killing themselves," Severus said. "But my only daughter, whom I've only had for a few days, is far different from students in general."

"Indeed," Sprout smiled. She still looked a bit nervous as they walked towards the greenhouse. Well, Severus couldn't really blame her. He'd certainly deserved his reputation as a difficult man.

"Sandrine!" Sprout called. "Your father came to fetch you for lunch!"

Sandrine raised her golden eyes from something she'd been examining. "Hi, Father!" she said happily, bouncing up from her tiny seat. "Guess what? I got to water the plants!"

"Really?" Severus replied, at the same time glaring sharply at Sprout.

The witch eyed him a bit uneasily, and said quietly, "Nothing dangerous, I promise."

He nodded briefly, then turned back to Sandrine. "Have you behaved yourself?" he asked, although his voice lacked its usual menace. "Or have you gave troubles to professor Sprout?"

"I've been nice," the girl assured him. "Haven't I?" she asked then, turning towards the female professor.

"Very nice," Sprout verified. "She's really been no bother at all. She's very clever," she added.

"Of course she is," Severus smirked. "She's my daughter, after all." He noticed that Sandrine had reached his side. The girl reached her hands upward, and he picked her up without thinking twice. It wasn't until he noticed Sprout staring at him in a funny way that he noticed how uncharacteristical it had to be for him. He shoved the little, embarrassed feeling away, not letting go of Sandrine. 'Remus probably carried her all the time,' he thought to himself in an attempt to justify his doings. 'I'm just helping her to get used to the new enviroment by giving her something familiar to relate to.'

He carried Sandrine all the way to the castle, half chattering wtih Sprout, half listening to Sandrine's cheerful talk. He distantly noticed that the girl was a lot smaller and lighter than children usually were in her age. Well, Remus had always been small, and Severus himself, although tall, was rather light-built as well. Besides, the children of werewolves were usually small in size, although they rarely were lycanthropic themselves. So, it most probably was not a reason to worry.

By the time they reached the doors of the Great Hall, Sprout had joyfully promised to look after Sandrine after the lunch as well. The girl looked happy about this, so Severus gave his permission right away.

Sandrine kept talking all the lunch about everything she'd done and seen that morning. Severus couldn't help but wonder what had made the great change from Saturday to happen.

Sinistra'd moved away from them, making room to Sandrine's admirers. Flitwick and Vector were listening eagerly, looking envious every time Sandrine said something to Sprout. Severus kept smirking all the time. Obviously the girl had inherited Remus's skills to please people.

By the end of the lunch Flitwick announced that if the weather was good the next day, he'd give the lessons outdoors. With the same breath he asked whether he could have Sandrine as a guest on his lessons.

Severus frowned. "What have you planned for tomorrow?" he asked warily. He'd already missed seven years of his daughter's life. He definitely wasn't going to let some Hufflepuff blow her up now that he finally had her.

"Oh, nothing dangerous," Flitwick said quickly. "Just a couple of Colouring Charms for second-years and Organizing Spells for my fifth-year classes."

"What do you think, Sandrine?" Severus asked, turning towards his daughter. "Would you like to go with Professor Flitwick tomorrow?"

The little girl thought for a moment, then nodded happily. "I'd like that," she chirped. The tiny wizard beamed, and Severus could see how Vector cursed herself in her mind for not getting the idea first.

"It's okay, then," Severus shrugged, "as long as I don't get her back coloured."

"You won't," Flitwick promised, a beaming smile adorning his tiny face. Severus snorted and continued his eating.

When he went again to get Sandrine after the last classes, the girl was waiting for him with a pot in his hands.

"Father, look at this!" she exclaimed, holding the pot high. "May I keep it in my room?"

"I don't know," Severus replied hesitantly. "Not many plants survive in the dungeons."

"This one does!" Sandrine disagreed.

Sprout nodded. "This plant is the Silver Rope, also known as the Nightstar. It prefers dimness to light, and doesn't require sunlight at all. In too bright light or dry environment it dies, but in its preferable habitat, which is almost exactly like the dungeons, it blooms with silver and white, star-shaped flowers."

Severus thought about it for a moment, then nodded slowly. "If you like it, of course you may. But I have to shrink it now, and we will take it to your room after the dinner."

"Okay!" Sandrine squealed, watching in fascination as Severus shrank the pot and put it carefully into his pocket.

The dinner went also with Sandrine's cheerful chirping about her day. Seepingly Sprout had introduced her to some of the least dangerous plants, letting her water them, snip off dry leaves and such.

Dumbledore again insisted that they went to the staff room. Severus wasn't so eager, but as Sandrine seemed to like the idea, he agreed to go there after taking Sandrine's plant to the dungeons.

Sandrine was again the center of all attention. Her happy smile and warm eyues seemed to have charmed half of the teachers. Severus couldn't help but remember how Remus had seemed to get along with most people. He really was grateful that Sandrine had inherited the werewolf's skills to befriend people. If she'd had Severus's antisocial character, getting to know his daughter would have been next to impossible.

He stayed in his usual corner, looking so menacing that nobody dared to approach him. That was, until Sandrine suddenly stopped her happy conversation with her admirers, ran to Severus and looked up at him with big doe eyes. "Give me a hug," she ordered.

Severus blinked in surprise. Then, however, he leant forward to pick the girl up, determinedly ignoring the stares of the other staff. He gave her a warm, fatherly hug, then put her back to the floor. She beamed happily at him, then sprang back to her previous position.

After a moment, he heard someone walk beside his seat. He didn't bother to turn around, knowing that there was only one person other than Dumbledore or Sandrine who'd dare to come near him right now.

"You love her," Minerva observed calmly.

"I do," Severus admitted, realizing now that he really meant it.

"Why, though?" the Animagus asked. "You could claim fatherly love, of course, but I think that three days is a rather short time for that, if the girl is already seven years old."

Severus thought about it for a moment. Then he answered, truthfully, "She reminds me of her mother." It was really true. Whenever he looked into the girl's amber eyes, he remember Remus, and the equally amber eyes of the werewolf, shining with love. Her laughter, her smile, her voice, her words... Everything in her was a constant reminded of Remus and the love they'd shared.

"I see." Minerva was quiet for a moment, then said, "You know, I checked the school's records today." Another pause, then, "The last one under the name of Snape was you." She couldn't hide the curious tone in her voice.

"She isn't originally a Snape," he said, shrugging.

"So she's on her mother's name, then?" the Debuty Headmistress continued questioning him.

He shook his head. "It's hyphonated. Her mother's name is first."

"I see," she said again. Then she turned around, a thoughtful expression on her face.

Severus frowned, wondering whether he'd done the right decision in telling her that. Then he decided that it didn't really matter. She'd sooner or later read through the list and find Sandrine, the curious cat she was.

He turned his eyes back to Sandrine, watching her laugh and smile.

Something in his chest felt warm, reminding him that he indeed had a heart like any other human being.

*

Another day. Another evening. Another gathering of Sandrine Snape's fanclub in the Hogwarts Staff Room.

This time, however, the center of the attention wasn't present. She had left with Professor Vector for a quick trip to Hogsmeade - a privilege that the students wouldn't have even dreamed of getting outside the Hogsmeade weekends, but the pet of the staff got by granted.

Suddenly, Minerva McGonagall stormed into the room. She looked halfly shocked, halfly amused. "I found it!" she announced to the rest of the staff.

"Found what?" Hooch asked, curious. It was very unlike the Transfiguration Professor to get so excited. Therefore, it had to be something big.

"The name of Sandrine's other parent, of course." She gave Severus a pointed glance, and the Slytherin paled even past his usual paleness. The other teachers, of course, noticed this, their curiosity only growing.

"Who it is?" Sinistra asked eagerly, the familiar calculating expression on her face. "And how did you find out?"

"I looked through the whole book on her year," McGonagall explained. "There was only one child with the name Sandrine." She made a slight pause, then continued, "To be exact, Sandrine Lupin-Snape."

At first, everyone fell silent. Then, all the teachers started talking at the same time. They were asking questions from both McGonagall and Severus.

After a moment, Severus got fed up with this. "Silence!" he roared, standing. Everybody looked attentively at him, waiting.

"Minerva is correct," the Potions Master said coolly. "Sandrine's original familyname is indeed Lupin-Snape. Yes, her other parent is Remus Lupin, with whom I was in a romantical relationship for four years until two days before the Dark Lord's downfall. And, anybody making any negative remarks about him in either mine or Sandrine's hearing will suffer the consequences."

At last, somebody broke the stunned silence. "Is - is she -" started Flitwick, unable to finish his sentence.

"A werewolf? No. Sandrine is a fully human, intelligent, and perfectly sensible little girl, who adores her 'Mommy.' So, if you upset her, I swear I will kill you." He glared at every and each one of his collagues in turn, challenging them to say something low about Remus. "Understood?" he snapped then.

The door opened again, and the child in question came in, closely followed by Professor Vector. "Father!" Sandrine squealed happily. "I..." She stopped on her track, looking warily around her. "Why are you staring at me?" she asked quietly, looking uneasy.

Severus sighed and alked to his daughter, well aware of all the eyes locked on them both. He picked Sandrine up, then turned to Professor Vector, forcing himself to stay calm.

"May I introduce you," he said, raising his eyebrow mockingly. "This is Sandrine Lupin-Snape, I and Remus Lupin's daughter."

The Arithmancy teacher's jaw dropped. "But - how -" she managed to stammer. Then she shook her head, seemingly trying to calm herself down. "Oh, yes," she sighed then. "Should have been expecting something like this. After all, I doubt that anything less could have compensated the Snape genes." All the other teachers stared at her in horror, half expecting Severus to tear her apart.

Severus, however, merely raised an eyebrow. "That's your opinion," he said dryly. "Although I think that Remus's genes could compensate anything short of Voldemort's," he then added with a slight smile, giving Sandrine an adoring glance that made the girl giggle happily.

They heard a loud "THUD". As everyone turned to look, they saw that both Flitwick and Trelawney had fainted.

"What got to them?" Severus asked, irritated.

"Must be the shock," Minerva offered off-handedly. As he gave her a questioning glance, she continued, "You realize you actually smiled, right?"

"Right," he said. "And what about that?"

The Transfiguration Professor sighed. "Severus, you've taught here for nine years now," she said. "And during that time I've never, and I really mean never, seen you smile."

"You haven't?" Severus asked, raising his eyebrows. "Must be about the time, then."

Then, determinedly ignoring all the stares directed at him, he took Sandrine's hand and led her out of the room.

*

"Eat your vegetables, Sandrine," Severus commanded strictly. "They're good for your health."

"I don't like them," the little girl protested. "Why must I eat them? I'm not sick!"

Severus thought for a moment. The obvious answer, 'You'll get sick if you don't eat them,' wouldn't work for Sandrine. She was too clever to fall for that. While thinking, he felt the girl's intent gaze locked on himself, as well as those of several teachers'.

Then, suddenly, he got it. "If you eat your vegetables at, let's say, nine meals, I'll take you see your Mommy," he promised calmly. The girl's eyes widened, and she started eating obediently, no longer whining about the disliked things on her plate.

"Why nine?" whispered Sprout curiously, leaning towards Severus.

"I was going to take her to St. Mungo's at Monday after lunch anyway," Severus murmured back. "It's nine meals to that, and I'm sure she won't miss a single pea until then."

The witch smiled at him. "Ever the cunning Slytherin, I see," she teased the man.

Severus gave her a slight smirk in return. In his mind he couldn't help but wonder. Just a month before, Sprout would have never started a conversation with him, even less dared to tease him the slightest. Such a difference one little girl could make in a month.

Not that he minded, at least not much.