Jessica Is Fine

Jessica Is Fine

*

There was a ring Severus Snape always wore. It wasn't silver, like would have been appropriate for the Head of Slytherin; no, it was gold. In the middle of it one could see two stones, a piece of onyx and another of amber, finely cut so that they fitted together perfectly, forming an exact circle. Nobody had questioned him when he'd started to wear it -- many would have wanted to, but none dared. Neither did anybody ask him anything when a tiny pearl was added on one side of the joined stones, and later a sparkling sapphire on the other side. All the stones also seemed to have some kind of faint, inner glow in them, that made everybody sure that they were somehow magical.

Many did give him questioning glances, however, when suddenly, in the middle of a staff meeting, the sapphire flared high with an inner light unlike anything they'd seen before. The pearl also twinkled like the light had been caught in it, although the sapphire did not seem to cast the light anywhere. Then, just as suddenly as the light had gone high, it disappeared from both tiny stones, and at almost the same moment, the amber started to shine brightly, almost hurting their eyes. Then its light, too, faded, but the usual glow still remained, unlike with the pearl and the sapphire.

As everybody was still staring at the ring, Severus jumped up so fast that he knocked his chair over. He then tried to rush towards the door, but Dumbledore stopped him. "Explain yourself, please," the ancient wizard said, frowning. "Why are you on such haste, Severus?"

The Potions Master gave him a nasty glare. "Albus, I'm going now," he said coldly through clenched teeth. "There's no stopping me. Even if Voldemort himself was attacking, I'd leave!"

"Why, Severus?" the Headmaster demanded. "Tell me at least why!"

"I've got a family," the Potions Master replied coolly. "Two daughters, and a spouse - and now, something has happened to my daughters!" With this said, he fled, leaving a group of dumbfounded wizards and witches staring after himself.

*

Right after getting out of the school's grounds, Severus Disapparated. Just a moment after that, he arrived into an alley next to his home in a wizarding neighbourhood. He ran out of the alley, already dreading what he would find once he got home.

At first, he saw the car. It had crashed against the stone fence, its front completely crushed. The iron gate that led to his home's front yard had been pushed away from its place. Severus swallowed. Part of the car was just on the spot where his daughters often played.

Then, he saw the people. A bloodied heap lay on the ground, almost twenty feet away from the car. And Remus, his beloved Remus, kneeled down to the ground, cradling Rebecca's unmoving body on his arms, trying to make her wake up. From the deep gash he saw on the side of the girl's head Severus knew that she'd never wake up again.

The Potions Master crossed the lawn to the distressed werewolf. "Remus," he said, forcing himself to stay calm, "where's Jessica? What has happened to her?"

Remus raised his teary eyes to his husband. "Jessica's fine," he replied with a hoarse voice. "Nothing is wrong with Jessica. Jessica is playing with the neighbours' kids."

"If Jessica is fine," Severus said with a gentle tone, "what is that?" He pointed at the bloody thing that lay on the ground some way away from them.

"That's not Jessica!" the werewolf argued. "Jessica's not dead! She's just fine..." The brunet man sobbed incoherently for a moment, then turned again towards the little girl on his arms. "Wake up, Becca... Please... You'll get ice-cream if you wake up..."

Severus swallowed. It was obvious that Remus didn't even realize the truth; his senses were overwhelmed with shock and grief. He himself knelt down next to the bloody mess that had once been his eldest daughter.

Somebody walked towards him, and he looked up. A wizard looked down at him, looking ashamed. "I'm the one who drove the car," the man said quietly. "I'm so sorry, Merlin, I'm so sorry..."

"'Sorry' isn't near enough," Severus said coolly. He gathered Jessica's dead body into his arms, pressing the girl's bloody remains against his chest. "Not ever enough," he then said quietly, struggling against the tears that threatened to fall. He would not break down. Not now, when Remus so obviously needed his support.

Just then, a magical ambulance from St. Julian's, the nearest magical hospital, arrived. At the same time arrived most of the Hogwarts staff, who'd quite obviously ran after Severus and used a spell to locate his destination. He chose to ignore them, however. There were more pressing matters right now.

Wordlessly he allowed the mediwizards to take the bloodied remains of his beloved daughter. Then he quietly moved to Remus's side, watching as the werewolf argued with the mediwizards who were trying to take Rebecca's corpse from him.

"Don't touch her!" screamed the now clearly hysteric werewolf. "Don't take her away! She needs to be here, with me, she'll be afraid if you take her anywhere else! She'll have bad dreams! I can make her wake up, she's just sleeping, for Merlin's sake..." And then he broke down, weeping comfortlessly as the mediwizards took the corpse of their baby girl from him, and even more as Severus wrapped his arms around the slender shoulders, tears stinging in the Slytherin's eyes also.

"Severus?" he then heard a hesitant voice behind him. As the Slytherin turned his head, not loosening his embrace around his weeping husband, he saw Dumbledore and the other teachers approaching him slowly.

"I'm sorry," said Dumbledore quietly. "I'm so terribly sorry, Severus... I didn't even know you had a family, none of us did."

"You didn't know, because I didn't tell you," he replied flatly, needing anything to take his concentration away from the little bodies that were currently being carried to the ambulance. "But I have one. Had one, anyway." With a deep breath, he continued, "Rebecca, two years, and Jessica, four years." With one long look at the broken man in his arms, he then finished, "And, of course, Remus, forty-two years."

"Well, that really wasn't what I'd expected," muttered Sprout. "I mean, you always hated each other, right?"

"When exactly are you going to get it into your thick head that I rarely think what I appear to be thinking, Pomona?" he snapped harshly. True, he rarely was that rude to his colleagues, but he was too much in stress right now.

Jessica was dead. Rebecca was dead. His little daughters, his little ones were dead, dead because some incompetent wizard didn't know how to drive a Muggle car. And Remus was clinging to him tightly, crying like there was no tomorrow.

Maybe there wasn't. Severus couldn't tell for sure anymore.

A couple of hot, salty tears rolled down his cheeks despite his feeble attempts to stop them. They fell all the way down his pale face, and then to Remus's hair, soaking it like Remus's tears were currently soaking the front of his robes.

No more would there be "Daddy" or "Papa" echoing through the house. No more would he hear an enthusiastic giggle as he went to pick up his younger daughter from her bed, or a delighted squeal as his elder one finally managed to solve one of the wizarding children's puzzles, where the little bears and bunnies and such started to move when all four or even nine pieces were at their proper places. When he came home for holidays and every weekend he could slip away, there would be no more tiny arms being wrapped around his legs in a welcoming hug, or a tiny voice demanding to be picked up.

Had it really happened, even? Or was this all just a nightmare, something he'd soon wake up from in his quiet, lonely dungeons at Hogwarts -- or, better even, next to Remus in their bed during a weekend? It had to be that, this all had to be just a horrifying nightmare, it could not be real...

But he knew that it was real, all of it. The destroyed fence and gate, the remains of blood on their front lawn, the magical ambulance that prepared to take the dead bodies of his little sweethearts to the hospital, the rest of the Hogwarts staff standing there with looks of concern and horror on their faces, and Remus, his Remus, his adorable and beautiful and intelligent and calm Remus crying in his arms like a lost child.

No. Not like a lost child. Rather he cried like somebody who had lost a child.

Like he had.

All Severus wanted to do at the moment was to fall down to the ground and wail until his eyes would not see anymore, until he wouldn't see everything that marked his horrifying loss, their horrifying loss. But he knew that he couldn't do that, since if he broke down, there would be nobody to support Remus.

And he had to stand in his husband's aid. He could not break down.

Not even if he felt like his heart had been torn apart.

*

It didn't take too long to figure out what had happened. The girls had just been in front of their gate, going to go to the neighbour's yard to play with their kids, when the car had got out of the driver's control and slid right towards them. Rebecca, being younger and lighter, had simply flew over the gate and hit her head as she landed, dying instantly. Jessica, however, had been crushed against the iron gate, which had then been forced open by the car's weight, and the girl's bloodied body had flown to the front lawn of her home.

At that point, Remus, who'd to his great infortune seen everything through the kitchen window he used to watch the girls when they were outside, had managed to rush outside, but it was too late. Rebecca and Jessica had both been already dead. Ironically enough, the wizard who'd driven the car, hadn't got more than mere scratches to his skin.

The man had got a year's sentence in Azkaban. Severus had listened to his daughters' killer's sentence be announced without a bat of an eyelid. Remus, however, had merely cried, his pale hands clutching his husband's robes.

However, when they got home after the girls' funeral, Remus had been almost frighteningly calm, going on with his usual routines without seemingly any difficulty at all. Severus had wondered what had got to him that had so completely wiped away all signs of his former grief.

Then, however, he had got a great startle. "I hope it doesn't start to rain," Remus had said, frowning, as he'd looked up to the sky, where grey clouds were truly gathering. "Jessica's playing with the neighbours' kids, I don't want her to get wet."

Masking his shock with the experience of years as a spy during both Wars against Voldemort, Severus had asked quite calmly, "And what about Becca?"

"She's sleeping, of course," his husband had replied lightly. At that moment, Severus had realized that the werewolf had not got over his grief -- he had closed it, and the cause of it, completely outside his mind.

Severus could not leave Remus alone, not now. If he did, his husband would soon go to ask the neighbours why Jessica hadn't come home yet. At that, they would surely cart him off to the closed ward of St. Mungo's. And Remus was not insane; he was just grieving.

Fortunately, Dumbledore understood. The Headmaster told him that he could stay with Remus as long as was necessary.

All Severus could do was to hope that he could indeed leave some day without having to fear that Remus might do something extremely stupid.

*

"Severus?" asked Remus casually, not even looking up from his book.

"Yes?" he asked back, trying to manage the same casual tone. He knew he didn't manage too well.

"When do you think Jessica'll come home?" asked the werewolf then, frowning slightly. Now he did raise his eyes at his book, looking at Severus, but obviously not noticing, or choosing to ignore, the shock on the other wizard's face. "It's getting a bit late," he mused aloud. "Maybe I should go and get her. Little girls like she should already be asleep by this time." With a gentle smile, he added, "Rebecca's such a nice girl. She's already sleeping."

Severus knew that he should break this, that he should keep telling Remus the horrifying truth until the news finally penetrated the mental walls around the werewolf's mind. But he couldn't. Seeing the casual smile and look of contentment on his husband's face made him unable to. The pain in his own heart was too fresh, too raw to be exposed. He simply couldn't bring that pain to Remus. Not yet.

He wondered whether he ever could, or whether Jessica would always stay playing with the neighbours' kids. Or whether Rebecca had pleasant dreams during the long, endless night she was sleeping through.

Tears stung again in his eyes, threatening to fall as a sign of his intense pain and sorrow. But he couldn't let them. For Remus, he would stay strong. No matter what the cost.

No matter how high the cost.

*

"Severus? Hey, Severus?"

The Slytherin was startled awake by Remus's whisper. "What now, love?" he asked quietly.

"Rebecca is crying," mumbled his husband. "Could you go to check on her?"

Severus froze for a moment. Then his ears truly caught the faint sound of crying coming from the room of their younger daughter. "Of course, dear," he replied, hoping that his voice didn't sound as strained to Remus as it sounded to him.

So, he got up, secretly fearing what he would find in Rebecca's room. A ghost, maybe? Or something... different? His daughter it could not be, it couldn't, since Rebecca was... dead.

Still, he couldn't help but testingly call, "Becca?" when he entered the room.

In response, to his great shock, he received a teary, "Papa?" And it didn't come from a wailing ghost, but from a small, real, alive child. Rebecca.

"Why are you crying, Becca?" he asked, all the time fearing that she'd vanish when he went slowly nearer. She didn't, however. Instead, she stayed, allowing him to lift her to his slightly trembling arms, clinging tightly on his neck.

"Bad dweam," mumbled Rebecca with a tear-muffled voice. "Becca scawed."

"No reason to be afraid, sweetheart," murmured Severus, petting her midnight-black hair comfortingly. "I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"Not Becca," mumbled the girl. Then, from within her, spoke a voice that wasn't hers, but raspy and empty of feelings and... old. Decades, centuries, milleniums old. "It was you who died," said the voice from his daughter's lips.

And with a startle Severus realized that he was petting a corpse's head, only a few pieces of rotting flesh still clinging to the bare skull. He tried to drop the horrifying creature that was not Rebecca from his arms, but bony fingers were wrapping around his throat, no, no fingers, bare bones, and he couldn't breathe, he couldn't --

"Severus! Merlin, Severus, wake up! You're having a nightmare! Severus!"

Slowly, Severus woke up -- for real this time. He stared up right into the concerned amber eyes of his husband. "Yes," he said quietly. "Just a nightmare."

"Don't worry about it," murmured Remus, embracing him comfortingly, like he always did after Severus had had a nightmare. "It's over now."

But Severus knew that it was not over. He knew that he would get up in the morning and continue living the waking nightmare that his life had become.

*

"Remus?"

"Yes, love?" replied the werewolf, turning towards him with a questioning expression.

"If..." Severus drew a deep breath, then tried again, "If something happened to Jess or Becca... something really, really bad... How would you react?"

"Panic, most likely," replied Remus lightly. Then he frowned. "Why on Earth do you ask something like that? Jessica is fine, isn't she? And Rebecca, too." Then he added, "Although I do hope Jessica would come home already. It's getting really late."

"Yes," said Severus, his voice hardly more than a whisper. "Jessica is fine."

*

No matter what, they had to eat. Even though Severus's appetite had almost wholly disappeared -- a case which Remus continuously expressed his concern about, not understanding what was distracting his husband -- and even though the girls obviously weren't there to eat -- Severus's heart ached at that thought -- the food resources of their home eventually ran low. Because Remus extremely despised conjured food, saying that it had a foul taste, Severus finally told him to take a nap while he'd go shopping. That way, he wouldn't have to worry about Remus making himself appear insane to the neighbours. It being only a couple of days to the next full moon, Remus readily agreed. So, Severus left him drifting on the bed as he himself went to the nearby grocery store.

The store was Muggle, but being married to a Halfblood for years had well trained Severus to get his purchases successfully done with Muggle means and money. As the store was located almost exactly on the invisible line between the wizarding and Muggle neighbourhoods of the area, there were a lot of other wizards and witches in the store, too. They avoided looking into his eyes, none daring to talk to him. Each and every one knew about Jessica and Rebecca. Yet another reason for Remus to stay home. No one maybe dared to talk to Severus -- he was the first one to admit that he was not an easily approachable man -- but to Remus, some might. And that would not do.

At last he got out of the shop and hurried home, hoping to find Remus sound asleep and safe. To his great shock, however, the werewolf was curled up in his favourite armchair, crying comfortlessly.

"Remus, love? What's wrong?" asked Severus warily. However, he already had his own, horrifying suspicions of what exactly could be the matter with his husband.

"S-Severus?" sobbed the other wizard, tears rolling down his pale cheeks. Then he asked, with a desperate tone that made the blood freeze in Severus's veins, "Severus... Are Jessica and Rebecca... dead?"

At first, Severus was too stunned to say anything. He just crossed the room to where his husband sat and closed him in a comforting embrace. "I'm sorry, Remus," he whispered. "I'm so fucking sorry..."

Remus clung to his robes like a drowning man on his saviour's hand. "I didn't remember," he sniffled, "I didn't remember it at all... Merlin, how could I forget something like that?"

"You didn't forget it," assured Severus gently. "You'd just closed it out of your mind because of the shock it caused you." Then, still cradling the smaller man in his arms, he asked quietly, "Could you tell me what exactly made you remember?"

"A dream," replied Remus shakily. "Jessica spoke to me... She said I should stop waiting her home, and that she's fine where she is now. She also said that Rebecca was there with her and that they both are really happy now."

"I hope so," said Severus quietly, struggling against the tears that threatened to fall. "Salazar, I really hope so."

"It has to be so," said Remus, trying in vain to dry the tears on his cheeks. "Jessica would not lie."

"No, she wouldn't," admitted Severus. "She never lied. I'm sure that Jessica is fine."

For a moment, they stayed silent in each other's tight embrace. Then, very quietly, Remus said, "Jessica said something else, too."

"What did she say, love?" asked the Potions Master, almost afraid of the answer.

"That she'd wanted to see her little brothers and her other little sister, but that she couldn't, because she went away before they arrived."

*

There was a ring Severus Snape always wore. It wasn't silver, like would have been appropriate for the Head of Slytherin; no, it was gold. In the middle of it one could see two stones, a piece of onyx and another of amber, finely cut so that they fitted together perfectly, forming an exact circle. Nobody anymore questioned him about it -- everybody already knew what it meant. Everybody also knew what it meant that the tiny pearl and even tinier sapphire didn't shine or reflect even the brightest lights. And what it meant that both the two stones in the middle of the ring and the smooth moonstone, the sparkling ruby, and the tiny emerald all seemed to glow with some kind of an inner light of their own.

When questioned about how his family was doing, he always replied the same way. "Remus is absolutely fine," he started, touching slightly the amber represented his husband. Then he moved to the moonstone and the ruby, which represented his twin sons, and the emerald, for his baby girl. "Severin and Remý are both doing well, as is Jamie." And, with the last, slight touch at the two stones that never shone with light, never again, he added, "Rebecca is sleeping, and Jessica... Jessica is fine." With a firmer voice than he ever used -- and that was saying something -- he yet repeated, "Jessica is fine."

And never anybody questioned him about it.