Fathers and Sons

Fathers and Sons

*

Sirius Thoughts

*

Sirius.

That one thought was like a scream in the middle of emptiness as it suddenly echoed through Michael's head. This far his mind had been occupied with other thoughts. Now, however, Sirius returned there only stronger than before.

When he'd been Harry, he'd never questioned Sirius's feelings for him. His Godfather cared for him, loved him even, and nothing could change that fact. Whenever he needed somebody to talk to or just silent support, Sirius was there.

Now Sirius wasn't. This one time he'd most needed all the support and comfort he could get to understand this new drastic turn in his life, Sirius wasn't there. If Harry sent him an owl, it would turn back immediately, knowing that he was nowhere to be found. If he tried to call him through Floo, it wouldn't be Sirius who answered but some other Order member residing at the Grimmauld Place. And if he tried to talk to the mirror, that blasted mirror, nobody would answer.

Why, oh, why hadn't he originally tried to contact Sirius through the mirror instead of Flooing? Then it couldn't have been anybody else who answered. He would have known for sure. But no, he'd had to trust Kreacher. And because of that, Sirius was now dead.

But even though he'd before been agonized about the thought that Sirius was dead because of his mistake, that wasn't the one thought on top of his mind right now. What bothered him more was that he doubted Sirius would go to death for him anymore.

Everybody always said that Sirius was mistaking him for James, that he was just transferring his feelings for his best friend to the best friend's son. This far he'd never believed it, but now he had begun to doubt. What if it was true? What if it had been only his great resemblance with James Potter that had made Sirius care for him?

And now he no longer resembled James. If Sirius was still alive, would he still care about him -- or would he hate him for being Severus Snape's son? Since logically, if being his best friend's son would make Sirius almost obsessive about him, being his worst enemy's son would make the Animagus hate him.

Michael bit his bottom lip. He tried to convince himself that no, Sirius wouldn't abandon him. Surely his Godfather had loved him for himself, not for a ghost of his father? But even that thought wasn't comforting. After all, even if Sirius had loved Harry, he maybe wouldn't have loved Michael.

"Michael?" asked a quiet voice from the doorway. "Michael, is everything okay?"

"Of course. Everything is fine," he lied. "Why do you even ask?"

"Because you look distracted. And you smell that, too," the werewolf added with a slightly sad smile. Walking to his son's side, he sat down next to the teen, crossing his legs on the bed and tugging his feet under himself. Michael couldn't help but smile weakly as he recognized this little habit -- recognized it from himself. Now that he paid more attention to it, he was sitting the exactly same way, not even thinking about it. It had just felt natural to him.

It was like he had always sat that way. And in reality, he had -- or he would have, if not for the Potters and the Adoption Charm making him their son, which had changed him from what he should have been like. For even though it felt like he'd been changed now, he knew that his previous form had been the changed one, and he had now become what he had been meant to be. It wasn't easy to accept, no, but it was true.

"Why did you come here, anyway?" asked Michael, trying to avoid the intent amber eyes that were locked at him. "I thought you and Father went -- well -- erm --" Now, not even the Marauder genes could save him from blushing furiously.

"Yes, I figured that's what you would think," his carrier said, smirking a bit. "Truly inappropriate, that -- and truly Marauderish, I admit that. That was just like something that Sirius would have said." As he saw the flinch Michael couldn't hold back, he realized immediately what was wrong. "It's Sirius, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes," the teen admitted quietly. "I can't help but think that he wouldn't love me, well, like I am now..." He gestured helplessly at his new appearance. "I mean, everybody always said he liked me only because I reminded him of James. And now I'm not James's son anymore."

"I can admit that Sirius was a few sickles short of a galleon, yes," Remus said quietly. "Even if he did survive Azkaban miraculously well, it still left traces to him -- he was only a human, after all. But he did realize that you were you, and not James. His feelings for you weren't just some misplaced feelings of friendship towards James, they were just because of you. You, and not your father."

"Except that he was not my father," muttered Michael. "And I'm not myself -- not the same person as I was before."

"But I was Sirius's friend also," reminded the werewolf gently. "And besides, maybe you won't change that much from your former self. Adoption charms can change a person's personality and appearance in many ways, depending on how strong they are. On you, the appearance part was very strong, as both Severus and I have some very easily identifiable features, like both of our eyes or his... well, nose." A flicker of amusement could be easily seen in the werewolf's eyes as he tried not to look at Michael's nose. "So, as the chances were you would get at least some of those features, like you now got all of Severus's facial features, which are rather unique, we made the appearance-changing charms strong. However, the personality-changing charms were rather weak, at least compared with what they usually are."

"So I'm not that different from what I was before?" Michael asked just to be sure.

"Well, I'm not saying that," the werewolf said hesitantly. "You see, it's not only the genes that form your personality, it's also your upbringing. Now your personality will change to the one it would have been if we had raised you."

Michael quirked an eyebrow -- a gesture he wasn't even fully aware of before he'd already done it. "I somehow doubt that anybody raised by Father would even like Sirius, leave alone for Sirius to like them," he said dryly.

"But you still like him, right?" Remus noted. "So it is rather certain that you will mourn him in the future, too -- that drastic a change would have happened already. I would have been there to raise you, too, remember? I surely would have kept Severus in line."

"Somehow I think you're the only person who even could do that," Michael mentioned. "He isn't an easy person to keep in line."

"Oh, trust me, I can do that," his carrier assured. Then he continued with a more soothing tone, "Do not worry, Michael. Sirius would like you, no matter who you are. I'm his friend, too, remember? And he did even accept Severus and I being married -- even though he did not like it," he then added.

"How did that happen, anyway?" asked Michael. "And when? You weren't married when I was born, that I know for sure."

"No, we weren't," the werewolf admitted. "However, we made peace during your third year, even though we did keep it in secret. And the following Christmas, Severus proposed to me. We were wedded in private by an old wizard from my home village, and we've been married for a year and a half now. Sirius was the only one who knew until last night."

"So up until a year and a half ago, I was in fact a bastard," Michael concluded. "Right?" he added, a bit of Marauder mischief replacing the sadness in his eyes, even though the Sirius issue was all but forgotten.

"No, you aren't," Remus replied calmly. "The only bastard around here is your father."

"And on what do you found that particular opinion, my dear husband?" asked a dry voice from the doorway. "My parents were happily married five years before I was born, thank you very much." Then, with a small glance at his son, Severus added, "What's the matter, anyway?"

"Michael is worried that Sirius might not have loved him if he'd been our son all the time," Remus explained quietly. Michael didn't say anything, just nodded in confirmation.

"Oh, for the love of Salazar," sighed Severus, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, "you're not a Gryffindor anymore, you're a Hufflepuff." He'd never been the most polite of people, after all. "Think of it this way, Michael. You are now like you would have become if we'd raised you. If Black had truly hated you as our son, do you think you would be mourning him?"

"Well, if you put it that way..." Michael thought for a while, then shook his head. "No, I wouldn't be."

"Exactly." Now Severus raised an eyebrow at him, reflecting perfectly his gesture from earlier. "Now, is that matter settled now?"

"Yes." Surprising even himself, Michael then sprang up from his bed and went over to his father. Then, before Severus could protest or even understand what was going to happen, he'd closed the Potions Master in a big, warm hug. "Thank you, Father," he said, squeezing one more time before letting go. It wasn't until then that he realized what he'd done -- without even thinking about it.

For a moment, he and Severus stared at each other, both with wide eyes. Remus was staring at them both, wondering what Severus would do now. To both the werewolf's and the teen's surprise, the Potions Master actually smirked instead of getting furious.

"Well, this truly proves which one of us you take more after," he said dryly, sending a meaningful glance at his husband. Seeing his son's still startled expression, he added, "Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. In fact, it felt quite nice -- although if you ever mention that to anyone, I will kill you both, my family or no," he then said with a murderous glare. "And if you ever dare to do that in front of anybody outside our family, I will skin you alive, have no doubt about that."

"Better take that for sure, Son," Remus mentioned, soon gaining back his usual cheerfulness. "He won't let even me hold his hand in public, and I'm his husband!"

"Well, the fact that some of us try to pay thought to what is appropriate should not be a reason for wondering," Severus said. "The fact that some of us don't should be more that." With this, he sent a stern glance at Michael's direction, and the young wizard immediately knew that his inappropriate remark from earlier wasn't forgotten.

It truly hadn't, since no long after that Severus led Remus away. Then Michael -- who was of course listening carefully -- heard their bedroom door being clicked shut, and the faint murmurs of locking charms.

Then the silencing spells were added, and he heard no more -- something he was very grateful about.