A Father's Love

A Father's Love

*

Of Past and Future

*

"How is he?" asked Severus quietly as he returned home, finding Remus sitting on Jeremy's bedside. The werewolf was petting the boy's hair gently, a tiny smile gracing his lips.

"As good as can be expected," replied the werewolf quietly. "Asleep, for now. Are they alive?" he then asked. As Severus nodded, Remus raised his eyebrows. "What did you do to them, then?" Petting Jeremy's hair for the one last time, he leant forward, and placed a light kiss on Jeremy's forehead. "Good night, little one," he whispered.

Severus watched silently as his husband tucked their son into the bed -- a sigh he'd thought would never meet his eyes. It made him feel strange. Though the feeling wasn't exactly familiar to him, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. In fact, it felt quite pleasant. Maybe it was paternal love, maybe not; he couldn't really tell. However, he indeed could tell that he loved Jeremy. True, he did hate all child abusers with a fierce passion, but he'd been even more hateful towards the monsters who had called themselves Dursleys. And it wasn't only because they'd hurt Remus with their treatment of Jeremy, either.

"Let's go somewhere else so we won't wake him, and I'll tell you," replied Severus. As Remus seemed to hesitate, he sighed. "Really, Remus. The house-elves will tell us if something happens. He's not going to vanish if you leave the room." At least Severus desperately hoped he wouldn't. Remus would never get over it if that happened.

"You're right." Remus gave him a weak smile. "I just find it so unbelievable, that we finally do have him. I simply don't want to risk losing him yet again."

"You won't lose him," promised Severus. "As long as I'm alive, Jeremy will stay with us. I will not let anybody take him away, not ever again." While wrapping an arm around the werewolf's shoulders, he vowed that he would never forgive Albus Dumbledore for what he had done. After seeing his lover and husband mourning their thought-to-be-dead son for four whole years, he couldn't tell what was worse -- Remus's endless delight about getting back what by right should have been his all the time, or his desperate fear of losing the boy again. Nothing could have pained Severus more than seeing his dear Remus's pain.

"So," Remus said as soon as they reached the kitchen and Severus had asked a house-elf for some hot chocolate. "If you really let them stay alive, what did you do, then? You looked pretty mad when you left."

"That's because I was mad," replied Severus. "Do not worry, nobody can trace anything back to me."

"Of course not, you're too Slytherin for that." Remus took a sip of his chocolate, then asked, "So, what did you do to them, exactly? Turned them into toads, perhaps? And what about their son?"

"Well, the boy's an orphan now, though his parents are not dead," replied Severus. "That horse-faced whore is currently wandering around as a madwoman; I do fear she managed to lose her mind. Let her know what it feels like to be despised and called a freak, now." Not looking at his husband, he took a sip of his own drink before continuing, "As for the pig of a man, Well, I noticed that their son's boxing bag was a bit old." Putting his hand into his pocket, he drew out the brand new boxing bag he'd shrunk to make it easier to carry around. "I'll send him a little gift soon. I truly hope that he'll make use of it."

"So you're going to make his own son beat him in a regular basis?" To Severus's great surprise, the werewolf actually chuckled. Then a soft kiss was placed on his cheek. "Thank you, Severus. I always did know there was a reason why I love you so much."

"You're not criticizing me?" Severus raised an eyebrow, turning towards Remus. To his surprise, he only saw sincerity in the bright amber eyes. "I thought you wouldn't fully approve of my actions."

"What you did to them just serves them fair," said Remus. "They neglected and abused an innocent child, our son, for years running. They deserve nothing better."

"I completely agree." After the justification of his actions had been agreed on, he then moved to other pressing topics. "Anyway. What do we have to get for the boy? Clothes and toys, that I do know, but what else does he need right now?"

"Well..." Remus looked at him over his cup. "I firecalled Molly earlier, and she gave me a few of Ron's old clothes. She told me to just keep them -- those that fit Jeremy are far too little for Ron," he sighed.

"On that note," Severus mused aloud, "I must brew a couple of nutrification and growth-speeding potions for the boy. Considering how tiny and malnourished he is, the growth-spurt those potions cause will probably have him grow out of Ron's clothes soon."

"Could you please stop that?" Remus looked rather annoyed, and a bit nervous.

"Could I stop what?" asked Severus. He was, for once, genuinely confused as of what Remus meant.

"Calling Jeremy 'the boy'. He's our son, for Merlin's sake! Call him that, or by his name! It feels like I was sitting in front of --" Suddenly Remus fell silent, and shivered. Then, he finished, "It feels like I was sitting here with Vernon Dursley." Both of them knew that, despite his hatred for the man-now-turned-boxing-bag, Dursley had not been the name Remus had originally meant to finish his sentence with.

"I'm sorry," Severus said quietly. "Of course Jeremy is our son; I'd never say anything else. I guess I just need some time to get used to this, those words don't come easy to me. I love you, Remus, never have any doubt about that, and I also love our son. But you have to understand that it will take time from me to have the same bond with him as you have, if I can ever achieve that. Before today, Jeremy has always been some kind of a story to me, a story that is real but only you know anything about. To me, he's always been just a shadow from our past, something that you have told me about. You were pregnant with him, you loved him while you still had him. Before now, all of him I've been able to love has been a memory, a memory that's not even mine." After a moment of silence, he added, "Try to understand, Remus. I do love Jeremy. It's just that I've never known him before, he's not been so real to me."

Remus was quiet for a while, then sighed. "I do understand," he said quietly. "You are right, after all -- you've never had him before, unlike me, who could have him for at least nine months. But try to call him by his name at least when he's around, okay? I don't want him remembering any of the Dursleys." As Severus nodded, Remus looked relieved. "So, we need to get him bigger clothes, for when he's grown to the size he's supposed to be. Also, I want him to have toys, any toys he might like. After the Dursleys, I don't think that anything we can do for him could make him spoiled. Some kid furniture for his room also has to be purchased." After a pause, Remus said, "Aside from that and proper food, not much else. Care, time, safety, and love, yes, but nothing that would cost any money."

"If it is so, tomorrow we're going to go to buy all those purchaseable items," Severus said determinedly. "And as for the rest... Well, we'll also see to those." Their gazes met, held, and then they both nodded. "I'll go brew those potions right now," the Potions Master said then, finishing his chocolate with one big gulp and standing up. "If I start now, I'll be finished before midnight." Leaning down to place a kiss on his still sitting husband's forehead, he added, "Do try not to worry too much. I won't let anybody hurt Jeremy ever again." 'Or you,' he added silently in his mind, but didn't say it aloud.

And then, Severus left to go to his laboratory. On his way there, he thought about his little family. About the small, badly hurt boy sleeping in his shrunk pyjamas somewhere within the Manor, about the tired and much-suffered man he'd left behind to the kitchen, and also about the small, shivering child in the back of his mind who was in reality him. Wondering how their fates seemed to be so similar, he silently vowed that Jeremy would never again suffer the same fate as his both parents.

*

Severus glanced down at the potion in the cauldron. Then, nodding in satisfaction, he started to bottle it. After finishing his work, he bent his body back from the waist up. His back gave a loud, cracking sound, and he winced.

Leaving the laboratory, he consulted his inner clock, which told him that it was truly about midnight now. Despite the late hour, however, he knew very well that Remus could not be found in the master bedroom. So, he walked towards the room that now belonged to their little son.

When he reached Jeremy's room, however, he froze in the doorway. Remus was there, yes. He was sitting next to Jeremy's bed, one of his hands petting the boy's hair. The werewolf was singing quietly, seeming to be completely at peace with himself and the world alike.

"Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in, like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within..." Remus's voice echoed through the otherwise quiet room. This sight -- his beloved husband, finally at peace for the first time in what seemed to be forever, and the fragile child lying on the bed -- made Severus's heart clench in his chest. It felt different from what he'd analysed as paternal pride -- more familiar, and even more pleasant. The feeling was similar, though stronger, to the one he sometimes got while lying awake in their bed at night, running his fingers through Remus's soft hair and listening to the werewolf's almost soundless breath, enjoying the pleasant, reassuring weight of his husband lying over his chest. For a moment, Severus wondered if this was what happiness felt like.

Then, however, he broke out of his daze. "You should be sleeping," he said quietly. "It's not that long to the next full moon. The -- Jeremy will not disappear even if you do get some well-needed rest."

"But what if he wakes up in the middle of night, and gets scared when he's alone in a strange place?" asked Remus. He didn't seem startled; his keen werewolf senses had of course noticed Severus a lot earlier. "Or what if he has some nightmare? I have to be here with him so he won't get so frightened!"

"We can cast charms that will allow us to hear if he wakes up," Severus replied. "Come on now, Remus. You won't do our son any good by exhausting yourself like this. You don't have to make up for all the missing years at once, you know."

"But I want to." Remus smiled weakly, then got up. "I guess you're right," he said then, sighing. "I just can't get over the fact that we finally have him." Then, his amber eyes getting icy, he added, "That reminds me, we still have one problem to solve." At Severus's questioning gaze as they exited their son's room, he said, "We still haven't established what we're going to do about Dumbledore."

Now, Severus's expression hardened. "If I only could, I would go through with my plans and threats and kill him for everything he's done," he muttered. "But he's probably the most powerful wizard in the world, I can't do anything to him." He sighed, but then smirked. "So, where would you want to go? France, or Russia? Or perhaps you'd prefer the United States?"

Now, it was Remus's turn to be confused. "What on Earth are you talking about?" he asked.

"Well, you know very well that, with my skills as a Potions Master, if I choose to offer my services to any Wizarding school or Potions company, they will accept immediately," Severus replied. "Beauxbatons, Dumstrang, the Salem Institute... All of them would hire me if I only asked, and be all too happy to host my husband and son as well. Which would you like best? I can't do much to Dumbledore directly, but I can make sure that he'll never again have a chance to mess with us or our son. Plus, it'll be rather difficult for him to find a new Potions Professor for his school, for I do not plan on telling him about my resignation until the students start to arrive," he explained, still smirking.

Remus pondered his options for a moment. "Beauxbatons would still be too near to Dumbledore," he said then. "As for Dumstrang, well, I don't know a word of Russian, and I'd rather not risk having any chance to meet your relatives there. And Salem's Headmaster is an old buddy of Dumbledore's, and I wouldn't put it past the old manipulative bastard to pay back by getting you sacked from there. But what about Canada? I heard that the current Potions Professor of Maltedaux is no good, and all my pleasant relatives live over there. Besides, the Headmaster is a good friend of my aunt's, she would be sure to hire you -- and not to care about the fact that the husband of yours her school would be hosting is a werewolf."

"Actually, that sounds like a good idea." Severus nodded approvingly. "Very well. I'll firecall the Headmaster of Maltedaux first thing tomorrow." Wrapping an arm around his husband's shoulders, he said then, "Now, it's well about the time for us both to get some sleep."

So, they walked to the master bedroom, where they quickly settled to sleep. Once they were both lying in their bed, however, Severus saw it fitting to speak up again. "Earlier, in the kitchen, when we were talking... It wasn't Dursley you originally meant to mention, was it?"

Remus sighed in quiet admission. "It wasn't, you're right on that. The way you spoke... 'the boy,' and all that... It made me think of my stepfather." After saying this, Remus hid his face against Severus's shoulder.

"Just what I thought, then." Severus nodded a bit in the darkness, knowing very well why Remus had made the connection between Severus's way to talk and his stepfather.

Jeremy's previous life truly resembled that of both of theirs. Severus's father had been, to put it nicely, a malicious bastard. In the age of fifteen, the young Slytherin had finally got enough of the old bastard beating him and raping his mother, and had poisoned him. Never in his life had he felt any remorse about that.

As for Remus, well... His parents had been good, true. When he'd been five, however, a werewolf had killed his father and Turned him. Unable to both care for her werewolf son and support them both, his mother had soon married another man. This man, however, was a monster of the worst kind. Blackmailing her by threatening to reveal Remus's secret -- and later on, threatening to take him out of school to make sure he would become an outcast of the Wizarding World -- he kept abusing both Remus's mother and the boy himself. In the end, he hadn't been content with just beating. He'd spent most nights of the summer after Remus's sixth year by raping his stepson. Unable to bear it anymore, Remus had finally run away, spending rest of the summer over at Severus's home. He hadn't heard a word of his mother ever since.

All these images of pain and fear came back to Severus's mind, uninvited. He vowed that his son would never have to be afraid of his father. Never, ever.

Just then, he felt a light hand crawling down his chest. Then, Remus's head popped up from underneath the covers, where it had been pressed against his shoulder. The werewolf's hot breath teased his skin for a while, before his lips were sealed by a warm, passionate kiss. Enjoying it, Severus let himself respond. However, when Remus's hand started to travel too low, he grasped the thin wrist underneath the fine sheets to stop it from going further. "No, Remus," he said, gently but firmly.

"Why not?" Confused amber eyes watched him from the perfect, heart-shaped face. "Don't you want me?"

"Never could I not want you, Remus," replied Severus. "However, I do not think it would be a good idea right now. I may sound selfish to you, but I will not make love to you if you're thinking about your stepfather. I don't want you to associate me with him, not in any way."

Remus sighed. "Please, Severus," he then pleaded. "I just need to forget about it. There's no way I could ever connect you to that bastard, I know you would never hurt me in any way. Please, I need you..."

Severus glanced at the amber eyes that were staring at him, glowing even in the semidarkness of their room. Seeing the same plea there as the one Remus had voiced, he sighed. "Fine. Be that way, then," he murmured, then leant in to kiss his husband, gently. "But promise me one thing, Remus. If you start to feel uncomfortable, at any point, for whatever reason, tell me, and I'll stop. I'd never want to hurt you."

"I know that," mumbled Remus in response. Then he kissed him again.

And then, talking and coherent thoughts were abandoned for the rest of the night.