Dragon's Fire

The following week, Ginny and I were as inseparable as it was possible to be, considering we were two separate people. If anything, our closet snogs seemed to lose a little bit of their heat. That didn't worry me much, because Ginny and I had gotten all of the rush out of our systems. We had learned that slow was infinitely better and far more pleasurable, though fast-paced certainly had its place. Ginny spent the night a few more times before we agreed that it was harder for her sneak back to her dorm in the morning rather than at night. She spent nearly all of her free time with me.

We did homework or practiced spells and charms. It wasn't all about making out or making love, not to us. I helped her with potions and she looked over my Muggle Studies. We talked about everything; her family and mine, school, friends, the future. Though the future looked grim, we imagined our lives together. I never mentioned that our union was unlikely to ever occur, even though we both knew it. I wanted to believe that it would last and nearly did believe it, but still a tiny part of me held doubt. I wanted badly to believe that Voldemort would fall, that the world could heal itself of blood prejudices and color biases, but my naiveté had long since disappeared.

My double life continued, against Ginny's wishes. Voldemort's plans continued to be thwarted, and he didn't seem to realize that information was leaking. I gave McGonagall all the information I ever received from good ol' Voldie. She trusted me as Dumbledore had; to tell her everything I knew and hold nothing back. At the most recent meeting, I received word that would devastate many. The Death Eaters were to hit Hogwarts and kill as many people as possible, including teachers. I was unaware of the day this would happen, but I knew that it would be soon.

To add to my list of frustrations, Ginny wanted to tell her brothers that we were together. I was against it solely because I didn't want Ginny to get hurt because of me. I didn't care what her brothers did to me; I deserved whatever they inflicted on me. Ginny continued to insist that she could "handle it" and that she didn't care. I was also afraid of how my House would treat Ginny. They knew better than to mess with me, but they would give Ginny hell. Ginny and I had argued this point till we were blue in the face, and still had not gained any ground either way.

I still argued that we not say anything, mostly because her brothers would not accept us as a couple. I knew this for a fact as Blaise was good mates with Dean Thomas, a former boyfriend of Ginny's. Ron wasn't too keen with Ginny dating Dean, so I shuddered to think about his reaction toward my dating (and sleeping with) Ginny.

Ginny maintained that she could make her brothers and Potter understand, but I knew how futile that would be. None of those guys were very open-minded, and even less so toward someone they considered evil. Sadly, I was considered evil, even though I only used my Mark for good. It was unfair, but most people believe that a leopard doesn't change his spots. Sometimes I felt as though my good deeds were worth nothing, that my "mission" was bogus and that Dumbledore was just a crazy old man with an idealist's dream that would never come true.

How I longed to tell everyone about my double life. I craved to see the shock register on their faces. I wanted, more than anything, to prove them wrong about me. I dreamed of the day I could finally show them up; prove that they were no better than me. Ginny, of course, encouraged me to come forward now. This was another subject we'd exhausted. Mostly, we'd agreed to disagree. It was difficult to explain why I wanted to wait. I wanted this to be a huge shock; I wanted people to know I'd aided Voldemort's downfall, and had done so joyfully.

Eventually though, I gave into Ginny. We decided to tell her brothers together. It scared me and excited me at the same time. It scared me because I didn't want anyone to hurt Ginny for dating me. It excited me because I'd finally be able to tell everyone that I loved Ginny and she loved me.

I sat on my bed, thoughts mulling around in my head. I had to meet Ginny later, to tell her brothers the good news. I was not looking forward to this. Then again, who would? Not me, that was for sure. I just wanted it to be over, whether her brothers accepted us or not.

I folded my clothes, trying to distract myself from what I knew was coming. Strangely, cleaning had a calming effect on me. Any small task seemed to relax me. Cleaning was the most productive, though, as it relaxed my mind and my sense of clutter. It was as though cleaning my room was representative of clearing my mind. With a clean room, my mind was better able to focus on a given task rather than the half-assed attention that I gave everything else, except Ginny and Voldemort.

Voldemort's deadly plan for Hogwarts was always at the back of my mind, like a finger in the eye. It hurt, but only because I prodded it with my niggling doubts. I doubted we would ever be victorious. I knew Voldemort's hate was deep; it had been festering for 50 years. I knew that his hate could overwhelm all those at Hogwarts whose greatest desire was to vanquish the evil and live in relative peace.

I didn't honestly believe that complete peace was possible. Outwardly, I wanted peace as much as every Muggle-lover, but I wasn't blind to the horrors of wizard- and humankind alike. I knew that somewhere, the defenseless were raped, abused, and killed. I knew that still others were so greedy to want power or money at any cost. I knew that more killers and thieves were being shaped and moulded right at that moment. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it, so I tried not to dwell on it. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly time to meet Ginny. I grabbed my wand, tucking it in the back waistband of my jeans and donned my robes. I sealed the door as I left, wishing for a better way.