Dragon's Fire

When I awoke the following day, I had no idea how to tell her the truth. I decided that I'd just have to wing it and pray that she didn't laugh in my face or slap me. I padded over to my wardrobe trunk and began searching for the cleanest outfit I could find. For all that I was rich; I could never find any clean clothes. After gathering all the necessities, I walked to the Prefects' bathroom. I whispered the password and headed to the shower stalls. I found that I could only use the bath tub when the shower was broken.

After showering, I toweled off and got dressed. I checked to make sure my tie was straight and my hair was not mussed. When everything was in place, I grabbed my pajamas and dirty towel and headed back to my dormitory. I grabbed the bottle of cologne on my nightstand and poured a small amount into my hands. After making sure that it was all rubbed in, I washed my hands in the tiny bathroom in my dorm and brushed my teeth.

My mind was flooded with ways to tell Ginny how I feel about her. I think that Pansy's idea sounded the best, so I'd take my cue from her and send Ginny flowers and notes. I'd be a secret admirer and she'd never find out. Part of me thought that this was a fantastic idea and patted my back and part of me thought that it would cave in and she'd never know how I feel.

I wish I could ask Pansy about this, but she already had enough problems on her plate. Her father still wants us to be wed, and refuses to accept that Pansy loves Lavender and that they will be moving into a flat together after school is over. I, of course, would not dare to marry Pansy now; not because she is a lesbian, but because she is in love with someone else. I felt bad for Pansy, but at least she had someone to share all of her sorrows with. Since losing Pansy to Lavender, I had no real friends with whom I could speak freely. It was very frustrating.

I walked down to breakfast, as I thought to myself, when a rather solid-feeling something gave way in front of me and we both fell to the floor. I sat up and began to stand when I noticed who it is that I'd run into- Ginny.

"I'm sorry. Let me help you up," I said, holding out a hand to her. She took it and I helped her rise to her feet. That jolt of awareness was still there, and I tried not to shudder.

"Thanks, Draco. I'll see you after breakfast," she said and walked off to her table in the Great Hall. I just stood there, staring after her. In my head, I berated myself furiously for not saying anything intelligent when she was around. Damn it, what was it about her that made me so stupid? I didn't know, but I had every intention of finding out.

I sat at my table, surrounded by people that I'd known for seven years, and still felt all alone, because she was across the room listening to that idiot Weasel tell a joke or Granger spout off none-too-interesting facts about absolutely nothing. My earlier frustration returned with vigor, and was once again torn between following through with my plan and just giving up and letting her get on with her life. I was walking a difficult path, wrought with indecision and waging war against myself. I wanted her to know how I felt, to make her understand that Potter wasn't the only man that could fill her life; not the only one whom she could love. How I envied Potter and the little taste of heaven he had being in her adoring gaze. How I wished for so long that she would one day turn that brilliant smile on me and mean it. Ginny Weasley was the symbol of everything that was good and beautiful in this world, both the magical pieces and the muggle parts, and I wanted to bathe in her light. In the midst of my musings, I felt my left arm being shaken rather forcefully. I turned to see Blaise Zabini's cool glance give me a once-over and arch a brow.

"What?" I asked, and my voice came out irritated.

"Nothing, mate. I just saw you staring at the Gryff table and wondered if maybe you'd been infected with a disease or something. Sorry to bother you," Blaise replied, sounding upset.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't get much sleep last night. I was up, thinking about a girl," I replied. A new smile transformed his face from concerned to lewd.

"I just bet you were. How was she?"

"I said thinking, Blaise. You know, as in, not fucking." Confusion clouded his features, which is not a good look on him.

"You're not sleeping with this girl, but you were up all night thinking about her?" he asked me loudly.

"Geez, Blaise, broadcast it, why don't you?" I said angrily.

"Sorry, mate. But you have to admit that this is weird for you. You're always nailing some girl, not thinking about it," he said, lewd smile back in place.

"Haven't you ever wanted more?" I asked; suddenly weary of my old life tales.

"What else is there? All I need is a hot girl, hot food and cold beer," he said, eliciting a laugh from deep within me.

"No, I mean, haven't you ever wanted love?"

"No way, mate. That shit will get you killed. Love is not worth the pain it brings. Let me let you in on a little secret: I was in love with Lavender. Then, one day, she tells me that it's over and she's found something better. I was so bummed out that summer that I nearly killed myself with all the drugs I took to try to fill the space where I put my love for her. Trust me, mate, love is not shit when you compare it to a new hot girl every night." I fought not to smile, because now I knew that Blaise was the reason Lavender had finally turned to Pansy's side. If I were to tell him, he might actually kill himself. The idea that Blaise was the cause of all this was laughable; he had finally done something in his life, but he wasn't aware of it. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up against my will.

"What are you smiling at? That was not a funny story," Blaise said. I tried not to laugh, I really did, but it just finally bubbled out of me.

"It's nothing, Blaise. Believe me, mate, you don't want to know," I said, still laughing like a loon.

"Whatever you say, Draco." He turned back to face the rest of our Slytherin housemates, while I settled my gaze on a gorgeous redhead across the room. She really was perfect; her smile, her laugh, the crinkles in her forehead from worry about all of the Trio's dangerous ventures, the way she looked at someone with deep concern and sympathy. She was definitely the girl for me. The only problem was; how did I become the guy for her? I didn't really have a clue how to go about earning her love, but I had to try. I finished my breakfast in record time and walked quickly to my first class, thoughts of Ginny still close to the surface.