Everything You Want

~*Everything You Want*~

Chapter Two: Did You Ever Love Somebody

"Did you ever lay your head down

On the shoulder of a good friend?

And then have to look away somehow

Had to hide the way you felt for them

Have you ever prayed the day would come?

You´d hear them say they feel it too

Did you ever love somebody?

Who never knew..."

-Jessica Simpson, "Did You Ever Love Somebody"

Sitting on the Hogwarts express on the first day of her fourth year, Cho Chang was very excited. The Seeker of the Ravenclaw team, by name of Edward West, had graduated the past year. Cho had been the Reserve Seeker for Ravenclaw since her second year, thanks in part to her close friendship with Roger Davies. Now that Edward was gone, however, moved on to the fascinating world of the Ministry of Magic, Cho was guaranteed the position. Of course, considering that the only game she had played to date, her second year against Hufflepuff, had resulted in a concussion from a bludger, she probably shouldn´t have been so irrationally eager. She was, however, of the type that cheerfully overlooked problems if they didn´t suit them, and was therefore having a wonderful time imagining her brilliant victory in the Quidditch Cup.

Her mother had been particularly glad that her school was near home this year, for bad luck seemed to be pummeling the wizarding world lately. First that mess with the Chamber of Secrets last year, and now the news full of an escaped convict named Sirius Black. Cho, being the good little hard working Ravenclaw that she was, naturally knew who Sirius Black was, what he had done, and had her own theories on what he was after. Her mother, however, having met Sirius at school, was particularly vicious when it came to the subject of the Azkaban escapee. Apparently, she took him becoming a Death Eater very personally.

"I´m surprised you haven´t jumped out of your skin yet," commented Roger, who was lounging on the seat next to her, absently flipping through a textbook. She spared him a glare when he tweaked her braid lightly. "It´s only Quidditch."

Cho rolled her eyes. "It´s not `only Quidditch´ if we win the Cup this year, now is it?"

Roger shrugged, still immersed in his book. "The chances are very slim with Potter playing for Gryffindor," he said mildly. "I´m only being realistic."

Cho sighed deeply. "Where´s your sense of House pride? Besides, I haven´t gotten my chance to play yet."

"I´ve seen you play," he pointed out. "I spent my allowance sending flowers to the Hospital Wing for a week."

Cho grimaced. "Shut up, Roger."

"No, sorry." He grinned at her, not looking sorry at all, then sobered slightly, "What I really worry about, though, Cup or no Cup, is you. You know that both Wood and Flint are going to be gone next year, so both Gryffindor and Slytherin will be fiercely competitive for the Cup this year. I´m especially worried about Slytherin. Gryffindor, as much as they want to win, won´t do anything nasty, but Slytherin might very well resort to any measures they deem necessary, up to and including deliberately putting rival Seekers in the hospital."

Cho smiled and patted his head in a patronizing manner, despite her being two years younger than him. "Thanks for your concern, Roger, but I´ll be fine."

Humming gaily, Cho spent the rest of the train ride immersed in wonderful visions of Quidditch glory, of making a daring dive and capturing the snitch, the wind whistling through her hair, blue robes fluttering around her. Next to her, Roger´s mind was full of thoughts of an entirely different vein.

His worries about Cho were genuine. From experience and observation, rival Seekers did tend to get clobbered around by other teams. He did not really worry about Oliver Wood and his bunch; they generally played fair, and besides, with Potter, they probably did not worry too much about Cho anyway, but the idea of the feisty, fey-like girl next to him being attacked and ambushed by the huge, brutal Slytherin team... Flint... Warrington... Bole... Derrick... Derrick had had a vendetta against both of them ever since he, Roger, had beaten him over the head with a broomstick so long ago, when they were kids.

He shuddered. Cho, sitting next to him, looked at him with concern shining in those gorgeous dark eyes, asking, "Everything all right?"

He did not answer, not knowing how to tell her that he was really, really concerned about her, that he was thinking more about her than he was accustomed or ought to, and that right then, perched gracefully on her seat, legs stretched out casually, long hair glistening like polished ebony in the sunlight, she was the prettiest thing that he´d ever seen. Cho looked at him a moment longer, then shrugged and lazily closed her eyes, basking in the sunlight streaming through the open window of their train compartment. With her eyes closed, she did not see him staring at her, suddenly unable to look away.

Comfortable in the sunshine, Cho fell into a light sleep, unaware that Roger watched her sleep for an hour without getting bored in the least. The sun set and still she dozed.

Then the train shuddered to a stop and the lights went out, and Cho´s eyes popped open, as she was suddenly wide-awake and mildly frightened. "What´s going on?" she asked Roger. "D´you think the train broke down? It´s never done that before."

"No," Roger said, sounding uncomfortable. "This doesn´t feel right... hold on... where are you?" He found her hand and she let him hold it gratefully, for the darkness was all-encompassing, tangible, and frankly petrifying, though perhaps it was odd to be frightened of the dark at fourteen.

Then the door to the compartment slid open. In the faint light coming from the hallway, Cho could make out a tall, hooded figure. Suddenly, it was as though a block of ice grew in her stomach, and she was badly dizzy. The feeling of Roger´s hand squeezing hers faded away until all she felt was an unpleasant floating sensation, and all she heard was a shrill voice yelling in rapid Chinese.

Something had exploded in daycare that day. She had gotten angry, and suddenly there was an explosion. She had tried to explain about her magic, for at four years old, she was perfectly certain of the goodness and open-mindedness of all other people. That lovely fiction was dispelled by the teacher´s furied shout of "Xiao Yao Nu!" and the accompanying slap... the cruel laughter of the other children at their class freak...

She felt the pain again, and the humiliation, and the disappointment, and the horrible disillusioned feeling of a child being thrown rudely into reality. She hated these intense feelings of helplessness, and she was all set to cry when she heard, through a haze, Roger´s voice shouting "Expecto Patronum!"

Instantly, the haze cleared, she was holding one hand to her unmarred cheek, very near crying, and Roger, who was still holding her other hand, looked as though he was about to collapse from concentration. A bright silver eagle hovered between them and the cloaked figure, which Cho now realized was a Dementor from the horror stories the Ravenclaw girls liked to tell before bed. Roger looked livid, and the Dementor stood, silently watching them, or so it seemed, before the compartment door slid closed. Roger put down his wand and took a deep, shaky breath. Turning to Cho and noticing her one tear, he immediately brought up a hand in an absent gesture to wipe it off. "Are you all right?"

Cho swallowed and nodded. "Yeah... sorry... those things... books just can´t..."

He nodded and, suddenly realizing he held her hand, patted it uncomfortably before putting both hands in his lap. "I know," he said. "It´s all right. Dementors bring out your worst memories; that´s why Azkaban is such a horrid place. What did you remember, Cho? Must have been something awful, I´ve never seen you that close to tears before."

Cho swallowed and flushed, fidgeting uncomfortably. Now that the Dementor was gone, it seemed somewhat silly to be nearly crying over the memory. "Oh, just something that happened long ago. Say, Roger, what was that spell you used against it? I´ve never seen it before," she hurriedly changed the subject.

Roger gave her a strange look, but answered her question, and so the two of them finished the train ride with him telling her about Patroni and what they represented. However, he neglected to tell her that the happy memory that he had chosen for the spell, that had come to him without thought, was the memory of a boy of eight years old in a garden by a bird bath, tugging on the neat black braid of the sweet little girl who had just moved in next door.

"Hey there, Cho!" A cheery, warm tenor reached her ears as she and Roger walked into the school. Cho spun around, not noticing her companion stiffening almost imperceptibly beside her, and rushed towards a tall, handsome Hufflepuff boy sporting a Prefect badge on his robes.

"Cedric! I´m so glad to see you!" Cho giggled as her "other best friend" laughed and swung her into the air. Roger watched this entire exchange, and his face darkened, not that Cho noticed. She was too busy hobnobbing with the Hufflepuff.

"Say, that was a dreadful train ride, wasn´t it?" Cedric said as he set the small Ravenclaw girl back on her feet, "Those Dementors are something awful. Reviving a bunch of horrible memories, I heard from the Gryffindor Head Boy, you know, Percy Weasley, that Harry Potter actually fell unconscious. Poor bloke, he must have remembered something horrifying, and a Gryffindor, too..."

So she was not the most severely affected one, after all. Feeling a bit better, she nodded, "I know! I remembered this one time when I was four..." Cho and Cedric moved out of earshot, and Roger stood, leaning against the wall, watching the two walk away with the rest of the entering students. A sense of desolation and not a little bit of resentment filled his heart, and he stalked away to the Great Hall, scowling.

The feast passed uneventfully, though Cho couldn´t help but shudder when Dumbledore announced the fact that Dementors would be patrolling the school. She thought that maybe she wouldn´t go to Hogsmeade so often this year, after all. The time could be best spent studying anyway. She sat next to Roger, who was almost forcedly cheerful. Every time she asked him what was wrong, though, he looked at her funny and said that it didn´t really matter. Finally, she gave up asking.

As soon as people began to drift out, she stood, making her excuses to her housemates, and headed across the entrance hall and up a few flights to the portrait guarding the Ravenclaw dormitory door. "Wingardium Leviosa," she said, and stepped into the nearly-empty common room. It was a good thing she had bothered Roger the Prefect for a password before leaving.

Many of the new first years had already come in, and although there were maybe five people there, it was noisy. Cho settled down in her favorite spot-the window seat with a candle sconce set consideringly above it for late night studiers. Every chair and table in the Ravenclaw wing was well-lighted, mainly because there was always at least one student working through the night. Ced had told her that Hufflepuff was not like this at all, and there was actually such a thing as "quiet hours". Cho had just laughed, unable to imagine a place were studying wasn´t always top priority.

Now, sitting in the bay window which so conveniently overlooked the Quidditch pitch, she dreamed. Her summer homework was done, unlike the group of frantic third-years, deathly afraid that they would have Potions in the morning, who were quickly scribbling essays in the corner. Some things would never change.

There was a tap on the window. She looked up lazily to behold a large barn owl. Opening a square in the glass which had been made into a door for mail, Cho looked curiously at the owl, who dropped a scrap of parchment in her lap and flew away. What could Cedric want this time of night?

She unfolded to see a quickly scrawled message:

Meet me in the Astronomy Tower

Ced

Shrugging, she stood up and headed back towards the portrait. She supposed staying out late on her first night back wasn´t entirely intelligent, but she and Cedric had a system in which the Astronomy Tower conferences only happened when one or the other desperately needed to talk privately. Therefore, Cho was sure that Cedric had something to discuss with her that he had not been able to bring up earlier with people around. Out the portrait hole and down the hall she went, accordingly.

Roger met her as he was returning to the dormitories with a few more first years and fellow Prefect Penelope. "Where are you headed this late?" he asked, amused.

"The Astronomy Tower," she said immediately. "Ced sent me an owl."

"What, first day of term?"

"Afraid so," she said. Penelope looked mildly scandalized. Flashing the group at large a grin, Cho called "See you!" as she headed down the hall. Roger, watching her slender form disappearing down the hall, shimmering braid bouncing lightly as she walked, felt a scowl returning to his face. Suddenly, he felt someone nudge his arm, and turned to see the mildly amused face of Penelope Clearwater.

"She´s sweet. Don´t do anything to hurt her; you´ll never get so lucky again," the other Prefect remarked before turning around and walking into the common room, leaving him standing there alone in the hallway, mouth agape.

Cho waved as she passed the Grey Lady on her way up the stairway to the Astronomy Tower. Cedric was already waiting there when she got to the top. Deciding not to waste any time on useless pleasantries with such a close friend, she went straight to the point and asked, "So Cedric, what do you want to tell me?"

Cedric smiled in a rather uncomfortable fashion. "Perhaps you should sit down."

Cho looked pointedly around the Astronomy Tower, which was open to the sky and bare of any sort of place to sit. Students even stood during class, except those brave enough to plop down on the floor. After her eyes had finished the deliberate circle of the room, they stopped back on Cedric´s face. "In all the time we´ve been friends, Ced, I haven´t seen you nervous enough to be stupid."

Cedric winced slightly. "You´re not making this easy, Cho."

"I know." She smiled winningly. "And?"

Cedric nearly squirmed under her gaze. "It´s just that I need to tell you something... really important... and I´m not sure how you´ll react."

Cho walked up to him and placed a hand on each shoulder. "Listen to me, Cedric. There is nothing-nothing--in the world that you could say to make me think less of you. So spit it out already, so that I can reassure you and we can both get some sleep. All right?"

Cedric looked down at her, appearing very unsure, took a very deep breath, and finally managed to say something. "I think I´m gay."

Cho´s eyes widened immensely and she looked at him with an owl-like countenance. "You think you´re... what?"

Cedric sighed, but patiently repeated his statement. "Gay. You know, as in not liking girls, as in liking boys, as in-"

"I know what it means."

"Well then, what am I being a dictionary for?" Cedric said, trying to hide his obvious fear of rejection by his closest friend, the only person he´d ever had the guts to tell his secret to. "Listen, if you don´t want to talk to me anymore or something, I totally understand, and-"

Cho effectively cut him off by raising a hand and covering his mouth with it. "Shut up," she said. "You´re being a prat. Why would I not want to talk to you? Because you´re being honest with me? Please, I hope you give me more credit than that." Taking her hand from his lips so he could talk again, she placed it back on his shoulder. "You´re my best friend, Cedric Diggory," she said, her eyes boring into his, "and if we can gossip about boys together, well..." she shrugged, "that only makes you better. So stop being a git. All right?"

Relieved that he had not lost his best friend after all, Cedric warmly returned Cho´s reassuring hug. The tension that had been pervading the atmosphere earlier disappeared, and the two talked of much lighter things, like how their summers had been, for the next hour.

By the time Cho got back to Ravenclaw Tower, it was midnight. As it was the first day of the term, and no new homework had been assigned yet, she did not expect anyone to still be up. Therefore, she was quite surprised when an irate Roger greeted her as soon as she stepped inside.

"Do you want to lose points for Ravenclaw on your first day back by breaking curfew?! What if one of the professors or Filch caught you? I can´t believe Diggory kept you for so long! He´s a bloody Prefect, he should know better!" Roger, her friend Roger, was actually glowering at her. "What was so incredibly important that he had to keep you up there in the Astronomy Tower `till midnight?"

At his rebuke, Cho grew a little bit nettled, "Well, that´s between him and me, and it´s not really any of your business, Roger! I´m sorry if Your Mighty Prefectness is upset, but I´m back here now, I didn´t get caught, and Ravenclaw didn´t lose any points, so stop with the questions and scolding! Anyway, I´m going to bed. Good night!" And with that, she disappeared up the stairs to the girls´ dormitories, leaving Roger to sit by the fire and sulk by himself.

Cho wasn´t all that angry, really, though she was confused. Her late-night excursions had never angered Roger in the past, though they had been nearly nightly her second year, when she had been determined to find a way to get the house-elves to deliver to the common room at night, for there had been at least three students overworking themselves and forgetting to eat. Roger had been not only accepting, but even approving in that case, and she didn´t see how it could be so terribly different now.

Sighing, she opened the door to find that while two of her dorm mates were asleep, Cassandra and Melissa were still awake, obviously gossiping. As she closed the door behind her, Cassandra, curlers in her hair, turned to Cho with a sly grin. "How is Cedric tonight?"

"He´s fine," Cho answered without thinking of the implications of this. She was very tired and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

"I knew it! Pay up, Melissa, I told you she was seeing him!"

Cho looked up at them from where she had begun changing into her pajamas. "What? Seeing who?"

"Your boyfriend Diggory, silly. It´s not like we don´t know," Cassandra said with a sparkle in her eyes. "Tell me, is he a good kisser?"

Cho rolled her eyes. "Oh please. I´ve never kissed Ced."

Melissa squealed. "She calls him Ced! How sweet!"

Cho sighed. "Since you obviously won´t listen to a word I say regardless, I´m going to bed. I suggest you do the same, as we have class in the morning, and I can almost bet it´s Potions first." Drawing her curtains around her as a sign she wished to be left alone, she yawned as she settled in between the warmed sheets. "Good night," she called softly. "Go to bed, you ridiculous magpies," she added under her breath before drifting off to sleep.