Speechless

Cold never seemed to relax me so much before, and never did the light seem so inviting. Never had doors and locks scared me so much. I wouldn't let anyone hug me anymore; I wouldn't even let them lay a comforting arm on my shoulder.

No longer would I stand in the glow of the fire, but would simply hide in the shadows trying to escape the memory. Screams would puncture my heart and echo through my mind. I couldn't stand to look at the color black for long and one night threatened to throw my robes in the fire. No one knew what was wrong, nor, if they knew, could they possibly comprehend.

I could hardly stand the sight of the bed and would curl up at the foot at night shortly before the hangings and sob quietly to sleep. On the outside I tried to appear normal, but on the inside I was foreign. When I looked in the mirror I couldn't recognize the girl staring back.

In the hall he would look at me, his stare cold and common. I would look back at him when he smirked and I would mouth the familiar words that made him frown, 'what you did was wrong.' His face would slowly pale and I would slip out of the hall.

It wasn't until it began that I realized I had to face him. But never, in all my nightmares, had I believed it to be in public.

The morning light was warm, inviting. The hall was bustling with its usual noise and everyone was abundantly happy for reasons unknown. I picked at my crust, though I was very unusually hungry, and waited for him to enter. I had sent him a note, saying I needed to speak with him. And right on cue he entered, smirking that most usual smirk, a serene look plastered on his face. And I glowed with disgust; but then again, why would it affect you as it had me?

When the owls came in I avoided eye contact hoping that it would help ease the pain in my head and stomach. But I never expected him to confront me.

"What is it you want Granger?" his voice drawled an uncomfortable distance from my head. I sighed closing my eyes, not here, not now! I opened them slowly and looked to his figure above me. There he was hovering, attracting the whole hall's attention; you always liked that didn't you?

"I said I wanted to talk to you alone," I hissed in his direction. But he stood there, cold green eyes penetrating mine, his black hair cascading into his face in dangerous waves.

"What do you want?" Ron asked a ways down the table. Him and Harry and taken to keeping a safe distance away since I had insulted them in a rage one night. It was the second night after it happened, and they had noticed a change in me, but never had I meant to be so rude. But I hadn't apologized since that night either.

"Leave her alone Zabini," Harry growled.

"I'd love to Potter," the Slytherin growled back, "but your girlfriend here sent me a love note I thought I'd look into."

I was up so quick it took both of us by surprise. And as the whole hall watched I slapped Blaise Zabini with all the force in my unstable body. His head snapped to the side and a pained expression was evident on his face.

I was walking away when he spoke, "didn't enjoy it I take it?" The smirk plastered on his pale complexion was cunning and evil, and the look on my face was of dire dread. I saw it in the grey eyes shortly seated from where I had stopped. He looked at my expression curiously, his bluish-grey eyes darting between Blaise and me.

"What is it Malfoy, I really have got homework to do," I said as I followed the blonde down the narrow passage.

"I told you Granger, Blaise told me to fetch you quickly," Malfoy said leading me into a deserted classroom. "He's the only Slytherin our year in one of his classes and he needs your help. It shouldn't take very long."

"If he needed help couldn't he had just waited until breakfast?"

"And do it in public? Slytherins do have pride Granger," he drawled leaving me in the dark classroom. "Besides, he just insisted on talking to you now. Don't shoot the messenger Granger."

"Speechless?" he asked coming a few steps closer. "May everyone bare witness to this day, Granger is speechless," he joked making an announcement to the hall, but no one laughed, for the pain was etched clearly in my face. Don't, please, I begged silently, don't do this!

But I swallowed my fear and turned on my heel toward him. "You want to make this a public appearance, fine," I spat using my finger to push his masculine chest further away from me. At my words he appeared genuinely shocked and begun to realize I was serious. "I'm not scared of you anymore Blaise. Sure, you hade me cowering in the corner for a week but not anymore." I would've continued had a long cold hand not been placed on my shoulder. I shivered under the touch and tried to shrug it off, as I had become accustomed to doing, but it held strong.

"Why doesn't Blaise tell the hall," Malfoy stated from behind me, his usual proud composure evident. But when I turned to look at him there was lightness to his eyes I had never seen before.

"Malfoy, what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Blaise asked wide-eyed.

"I would like to know," Draco began from behind me still, though he had removed his hand. "What is it you've been secretly boasting about for days? What is it that's scared Granger out of her wits and made you walk taller?"

"I assure you I don't know what the Mudblood is talking about," Blaise said innocently. The teacher table waited anxiously, though not many were left there.

"I would like to know the same thing Mr. Zabini," McGonagall said standing up to her full height, her lips pursed in a thin line and her hands clinging together.

"I assure you Professor, it truly is nothing," he said, almost convincingly. And when no one said anything else, and I made no emotion to show he was lying, he went and collected his bag and made his way to the door.

When his slender hand rested lightly on the doorknob I spoke, "you liar!" I spat, unable to control it any longer. "You will tell them what you did!"

"Hermione......listen," he began trying to calm me. He swiftly brought his lanky body toward me and was standing dangerously close so he could whisper in my ear. "Don't do this; it was as much your fault as mine."

"I. Said. No!" I shouted knocking some of the levitating candles in their holders. Some people, mostly muggle-borns, gasped in recognition.

"Granger, you shut your mouth right now!" he hollered and hit me hard across my right cheek. I stumbled backwards and ran heavily into the Gryffindor table colliding slowly to the floor. I rocked back and forth and moaned feeling my abdominal area.

I stumbled to my feet before any one had the chance to help me and limped my way over to him. "If you hurt it in any way..........."

"You son of a bitch, if I'd of known........." Malfoy said staring at Hermione with a pleading look in his eyes. Then, quicker than a blink, he turned around, taking his balled fist with him. The impact turned Zabini in a circle before he crashed to the floor, blood flowing feely from his mouth.

Blaise muttered some cuss words from his position, but just lay there cupping his nose in his hand.

"Hermione, what is going on?" Harry asked getting up from his spot, a concerned and confused look on his face.

"You couldn't have known Malfoy," I assured him, for he looked ready to punch himself.

"I can't believe he would..........." Draco started, but never finished.

"What in the world is going on in here?!" Madam Pomfrey screeched as she walked through the doorway. "Minerva, are we suddenly allowing students to let blood flow freely from their faces?"

"Certainly not!" McGonagall snapped impatiently. "I was simply waiting for an answer. Miss Granger?"

"I can't," I whispered to no one but myself. Harry gave me an encouraging nudge, though I knew it was more from his curiosity then from strength.

"Hermione, just tell us what it is," Harry said adding words to his actions, "we all want to know what's been up with you. We want to help."

I silently willed myself to slowly turn around after catching a sympathetic glance in the eyes in front of me. "You can't help me Harry, no one can."

"Goddamit Malfoy, that hurt!" Zabini started stumbling up from the floor. "Don't you say a thing Granger or I'll personally see to it that my father has you thrown in Azkaban."

Something possessed me then, thought I still don't rightly know what, and anger flashed in my eyes. In a heartbeat I had my hand on the door and Zabini lay curled in the corner where my hex had thrown him.

"Miss Granger, I order some explanations this instant or I will see to it that you see nothing but a classroom for a week!" McGonnegal shrilled as the Headmaster entered the room accompanied by Madam Pomfrey yet again.

I shut my eyes and felt heat roll over my eyes, I pushed on the door and was nearly out it when Malfoy caught my arm.

"You have to tell them Granger, no one can do it for you."

"Why are you helping me?" I said struggling to hold tears back.

"It was my fault you entered that classroom that night..........."

"It wasn't, you couldn't have possibly known what was going to happen."

"Tell them or they'll accuse you for something you couldn't help," he said indicating to my stomach. His grip lessened and his fingers slowly brushed off my arm. Blaise was already wobbling around on his feet again and he stumbled towards me as I made my way to the center of the hall.

"Granger," he gasped clinging desperately to my arm because my hex had winded him, "don't do this."

"You know what you did was wrong," I stated evenly keeping a blank emotion on my face and ignoring his presence. "Professors," I said standing before Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall. "I do have something I wish to tell you."

"Go on Miss Granger," the Headmaster spoke encouragingly, "we're all ears."

"Blaise Zabini raped me a week ago," there was a collective murmur around the hall at this but Hermione continued. "And," she said glancing at Malfoy quick for some sort of encouragement, "I'm pregnant."