Black Heart

Black Heart

three little girls sit in what they mean to be a circle, but as they are only three, it's a triangle instead. the eldest howls because the youngest won't pay attention. the middle girl soothes the angry sister, and comforts the scared one. she is rewarded with a slap and a curse. the eldest laughs.

Guilty. I am. Am I. Crucio.

I was always the dangerous one.

My lord and master is not gone. He will return, no mere infant can kill him.

'look at the baby, bellatrix. isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?' bellatrix gazes at her new baby sister and makes up her mind. 'i hate you,' she whispers under her breath so her mother doesn't hear. 'this is my world, not yours. i am the only black worth having.'

They think I do not see. How they whisper, how they point. Murderess, they call me behind my back as if somehow I will not hear. What are their words to me? I have already been sentenced, but I do not care. I do not plan to spend life in prison. No cage can hold me.

They tear Rodolphus from my side as soon as we step onto the island. No longer will the sound of his breathing lull me to sleep at night. No more will my eyes gaze into his, drawing his power and taking his strength.

'Good evening, Bella,' he says to me as if he will see me in the morning. I smile and blow him a kiss, and am struck down for my insolence.

Keep calm. Do not let them get under your skin. Control, maintain control of the situation.

'you are a black,' bella's father says, not loudly but sharply so that she clings to each precious word. 'you are always in control. lose that and you have nothing, you become worthless. do you understand me?' bella nods, but her father's laugh is filled with scorn. 'of course you don't. you understand nothing. idiot child.'

Faces, all empty faces stare at me as I pass. There is no pity in my eyes for them, only scorn and contempt. They fight to escape this hell; I welcome it with open arms. I will not be here long. My lord will come for me. I am faithful. No dementor can take that from me.

They deserve death, all who oppose him. No regrets. No tears, no anguish, or misery for me. I will do it again. Crucio. I wrap myself in their screams like a warm, comforting blanket.

Crying. Someone is crying in the darkness. Tears remind me of Narcissa, and I lean towards the sound. Drip. Drip. Drip.

My sister. My true sister. Worthy of our blood. She always does as I ask, even when the request is to marry Lucius Malfoy.

He and I will have words when I am gone from here. He will be punished by our master for pretending he was under the Imperius curse and deserting his comrades. I will make him pay. After all, we are family now.

Yet he is the perfect match for Narcissa. Rich, powerful, and handsome, I have chosen well. Disobedience will be corrected, but at least he gives to Narcissa the life she deserves, and the life she needs.

blood. so much blood, everywhere, she can't see and fears that she'll drown. 'i'm dying,' she whispers. 'no,' says andromeda mockingly. 'you have forgotten.' 'forgotten what?' asks bella, terrified. 'forgotten what it means to be a black. we are not allowed to feel pain. remember.' bella remembers.

With a loud creak the door to my cell opens, and I am pushed by rough, filthy hands through the doorway. How dare they touch me! With their foul Mudblood hands; they will die for this.

I shriek, then scream, then curse the sky above for the sheer joy of having my voice. Mutters outside my prison tell me that men stand there, not dementors. Afraid to set a dementor against a woman, are they? With a few carefully chosen words I tell them I am no lady, and I see even the bravest back away. My eyes sparkle wickedly and I begin to laugh. A deep throaty chuckle turns to peals of laughter, high-pitched and penetrating. I almost imagine I hear a voice call my name, but no one knows I am here.

Suddenly I feel a sense of loss. Not for my husband, or even for my fallen master. I feel as though a piece of myself is missing, and realise with a pang that my wand has been taken from me. My magic is out of reach.

But I am not sad at this notion; I am angry. Biting my lip until it bleeds, I reach a hand through my bars, examining my cage. My fingers run along the greasy and blood stained steel, until, momentarily defeated, I pull my hand back. There is more blood on my fingers; I have cut myself on the rough edge of the bar. My own blood makes me think of the blood of others I have spilled.

the rabbit twitches and jerks, its face stiff and its eyes wide with pain. 'stop that, bella,' andromeda demands, turning her face from the horrific sight. 'you aren't strong enough to hold out much longer.' 'no,' replies bella calmly. she enjoys the power over life. 'bella,' whimpers narcissa, 'that's enough.' 'perhaps,' says bella, lowering her wand. 'for now.'

My noise attracts attention. They place two dementors as my guards and despite myself I flinch. I can't escape the coldness that seeps into my heart, closing around it and squeezing until I gasp from the icy pressure.

Deeply ashamed I close my eyes and remember. The sounds of muffled screams echo around me, and I cannot tell if they are really in the air or memories of victims past. I think of the first person I made scream.

Andromeda. She stole my life. What should have been mine, her power, her mind, she took for granted. Damn her for wasting such a gift. Damn her for hating me, for turning from our family.

At this time, in what is supposed to be my darkest hour, I want to claim to love her, to repent. But I can only laugh at that notion.

bella resolves not to make the same mistakes with narcissa that she makes with andromeda. everyone is surprised when she takes the baby from its cradle and holds it. narcissa giggles and even preens at such attention and bella swells with pride. this sister will love her. to this sister she will be everything, as she should have been to andromeda. bella smiles.

She is not the only member of my blood I hate now. I hear a hoarse bark and think of Sirius. He is here. I almost sense him, angry, bitter, and burning with hatred of his own. The world thinks he is a servant of the Dark Lord; ha! I tremble with suppressed amusement at the very idea. As if he is worthy. He is worthy of nothing. He who has turned his back on his blood and name for false ideals and imagined morality.

That fire warms me from the inside out and the dementors suddenly mean less.

There is a whimper that is not my own. For the first time in months I think of Regulus. I loved him once, I think. At least I cared for him. So disappointing. I give him the world on a silver platter and he drops it. He displeased my lord, and his life was forfeit. I feel no sadness at this remembrance. He chose, as I did, a path and he had to face what was at the end of it.

All roads lead to death.

I do not worry about dying. I do not worry that Rodolphus will die without my knowledge. And I do not believe the Dark Lord is dead.

Death is for those who give up on life, and I do not give up yet. I concentrate, I focus on my lord, on the knowledge of my superiority. I am better than the others who waste away in Azkaban. I will not fall.

watching her, sirius asks, 'what makes you so sure?' bella thinks a moment and replies, 'my blood. our blood.' 'it doesn't mean as much as you think it does.' 'it's that lack of faith that will be your destruction, cousin.' 'perhaps your obsession will be yours.' bella considers this possibility and shakes her head. 'no. i'm right. i have to be.' 'why?' 'because i'm not allowed to be wrong.'

That devotion is what will save me, I know it. It will protect me from the dementors, and I will still be worthy when my lord comes for me. I know it.

andromeda asks, 'do you love you-know-who more than us? your sisters, your blood?' bella laughs. 'it isn't a question of love. no one loves the dark lord. i serve him because he's the future. i won't raise my children in a world where filth has the same rights as we.' narcissa echoes her older sister, 'it's a cause worth dying for.' andromeda looks mad enough to spit. 'you both make me sick.'

And yet...there is a fear. A sadness. The dementors pounce on it, like a kitten on a mouse. I have no one to love. The chill seeps back into my bones.

My husband is a puppet on a string, and though I admire him and I enjoy our marriage, I do not love him.

'i'll curse you,' bella hisses. 'painfully and slowly.' narcissa looks momentarily afraid, but then smiles smugly. 'you won't. you can't. you aren't andie.' bella's expression turns murderous. 'it doesn't matter. one day, curses and hexes will flow from my wand tip like wine from a bottle. just wait and see, narcissa.' narcissa shrugs. 'perhaps.' 'not perhaps. definitely.' bella stares off into space, thinking of all the power that is just beyond her reach. not for long.

My sisters have their children. Narcissa, a beautiful boy who will one day join us and serve the Dark Lord. I vow to teach him all I know, as if he were my own. That future has been torn from me.

I shut my eyes tightly, stiffening from the pain. So cold. It's all so cold.

'i will murder you, bella,' he says, his eyes narrowing with anger. for the first time in a long time, she's scared. she knows she doesn't want to die. 'no.' 'what?' 'you will not hurt me. no one will ever hurt me. i won't let you.' she finds that as she says it, it's true. a smile spreads across his face. 'i love you, bella.' she says nothing, but will never forget the rage in his eyes mere moments ago.

Andromeda has her half-blood brat. Even she has someone to love. She claims this is why she abandoned us. For love, she says. For lust, say I. For a dream. But still she is gone, and now there is this child to remind us all of her mistake.

Still I have no one.

everyone is there. all look somber and mournful. on most it's pretense, except for bella and her sisters. andromeda sheds open tears on her mother's grave and bella looks away in disgust. narcissa stands detached from it all like the ice queen she is. bella looks angry. 'you were never mine,' she says softly. 'proud you may have been of me, but you never loved me. father doesn't love me. my sisters don't love me. fine. if they won't love me, i'll have them fear me. you'd hate that, wouldn't you, mother?' bella doesn't cry. 'goodbye. goodbye forever.'

A few burning tears make their escape down my cheeks and I move to brush them away. But my arms are frozen to my sides. Hating this sudden weakness, I find there is nothing I can do.

I...I have lost. I lost my family, my sense of power and everything that means anything to me. I will never leave this place. I will waste away until there is nothing left but bones and misery.

I bite back a sob. Different choices, different future. I wonder, could I have changed all of this? Could I have done better?

I am...I am sorry.

The dementors do their work, and nothing saves me from them. I consider ending my life myself, rather than allowing the dementors to do it for me.

bella steps forwards and bows her head. there is a small chuckle, like that of an indulgent uncle, and she looks up. 'are you certain this is what you want, young bellatrix black?' bella nods. 'bright girl.' bella beams with pride. no one has ever called her 'bright' before; that word is reserved for her sister. 'at my side you will have all the power you could desire, bellatrix. life and death will be at your command. join with me and your dreams will be realised.' bella smiles and then laughs. 'i promise to serve you faithfully, my lord,' she says. 'i'm

certain that is so.'

Laughter. I can hear laughter despite my sobs. Hysterical, insane laughter, perhaps, but it reminds me.

'bella, i want you and rodolphus to dispose of the prewetts. is that understood?' 'perfectly,' purrs bella, squirming with eagerness to begin. 'calmly, my protege,' he says gently with a hint of amusement. 'we have all the time in the world.' bella lowers her eyes, ashamed

at her lack of propriety. he laughs. 'do not feel ashamed, bella. your youth and energy are assets. learn to harness them.' nodding, bella learns.

A warm tingling spreads through my body again, a feeling which slowly burns and becomes anger. Anger at being trapped like an animal, anger at people for daring to imprison me. My eyes narrow. I don't deserve this, I rage. All traces of fear and sadness are wiped away as I remember why I am here.

'where is he?' bella screams. the auror frank longbottom and his wife alice say nothing at all. 'crucio!' their screams mix together and for a moment bella worries they will carry past the sound-proofing charms. rodolphus shoots her a reassuring smile, and bella returns to her task. 'you know where the dark lord is, blood traitor! tell us or your wife dies and you follow!' longbottom grunts some response, but the murderous look in his eyes is clear enough: he will tell them nothing. enraged, bella screams again, 'crucio!' alice screams again until she snaps and bella realises to her delight that she has been driven mad. longbottom holds out a little longer, but he too breaks like a brittle branch. chest heaving, bella smiles triumphantly.

she keeps her promise to narcissa; she has mastered the unforgivable curses.

I smile. Then I laugh. And the laughter echoes around me in my tiny cage, reminding me of one very important thing which I will never forget: I am Bellatrix Black, and the Dark Lord will come for me.