The Stressful Life of Severus Snape

We are the hollow men

We are the stuffed men

Leaning together

Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!

Our dried voices, when

We whisper together

Are quiet and meaningless

As wind in dry grass

Or rats' feet over broken glass

In our dry cellar.

Shape without form, shade without colour,

Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed

With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom

Remember us - if at all - not as lost

Violent souls, but only

As the hollow men

The stuffed men.

.

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams

In death's dream kingdom

These do not appear:

There, the eyes are

Sunlight on a broken column

There, is a tree swinging

And voices are

In the wind's singing

More distant and more solemn

Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer

In death's dream kingdom

Let me also wear

Such deliberate disguises

Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves

In a field

Behaving as the wind behaves

No nearer-

Not that final meeting

In the twilight kingdom.

October 31, 1981

Hallows Eve

Gravel bit into his hand and he clenched a fist into the dirt and rubble surrounding him. A trickle of blood feel onto the ground, but he ignored everything around him but two bodies feet away from him.

Both wore looks of pure horror. The woman's red hair was flared around her face like a red frame surrounding the pale and beautiful face of Lily Potter. The male's glasses were a foot away from his face. Black hair was coated in a fine layer of soot, intensing the color to a darker shade.

The sun was setting into a rich red and pink while Sirius Black stared into the faces of two of his best friends.

"Damn the little rat," he choked through tears. He shut his eyes, trying to rid himself of the image of James and Lily. Hot tears fell onto the hand that was now coated in black. "Damn that little -" Before he finished, another image floated to mind: a small child of about a year of age with black hair like his father's. Green eyes were wide and smooth like his mother's.

Sirius stood up quickly and felt his now numb leg drag on the ground. He ignored the shooting pain like needles and ran to where the nursery would have been if the large house had been whole again.

Red shards covered the area and Sirius had to turn away with a hand to his face. Harry would be dead if he wasn't there. But-

A scream pierced the chill air. The dark-haired man ran to where the noise came from. In Lily's arms was a bundle of blankets. Sirius carefully peeled them away and peek in the hole.

Harry stopped crying and looked at Sirius curiously. Blood trickled down his forehead onto his nose. Sirius peeled off his jacket and used it to wipe Harry clean. The child wrapped his small arms around Sirius' neck and buried his face into Sirius' shirt collar.

"It looks like I'll have to take you with me, Harry," he muttered quietly. Harry snuggled deeper and gave a hiccup. "I'll have to do something with you for now. First I need to kill that -" He took a deep breath. "Remus can take you for now. I have some business to attend to."

Talking to Harry was like talking to himself. He felt Harry understand, but Harry never answered or paid any mind to what Sirius said. At the time, Sirius was glad of this.

Walking down the brick walkway, Sirius took out his wand to make sure nothing could attack them.

"Sirius!" Sirius whipped around and his eyes darted around to find the gruff voice that called. A giant outline of a man strode forward, an umbrella in hand.

"Hagrid?" Sirius called back, sure that only the half-giant could make such an outline.

"Where are yeh?" He muttered something and his umbrella produced a faint light. "I wouldn't mind if yeh don't tell Dumbledore 'bout this," he added, pointing to the pink umbrella. Sirius, still shocked, nodded.

"What are you doing here?"

"Dumbledore sent me ter get Harry to his relatives." Sirius' eyes widened.

"But -" He pushed his black hair out of his eyes and thought. "I'm his godfather. Shouldn't I take him?"

Hagrid only shook his head. "Professor Dumbledore asked me to bring him ter his relatives."

"I can take him Hagrid," Sirius snapped. This was starting to annoy him. Harry was his godson, meaning that if anything happened to Lily and James, Harry was Sirius'. Dumbledore had no right to mess with that!

"Please, Sirius. Professor Dumbledore said ter -"

There was no way around this. "Alright, Hagrid. Just, please, take -take good care of him. And -" he glanced at his moterbike "- take it. I won't be needing it." He pointed to it and cast a sad look at the muggle bike. With a casual movement, he tossed the keys to the giant man.

"You won't be needing that," came a voice from somewhere. "Hand over the child and noone will get hurt."

Sirius turned around and pointed his wand into the face of a masked woman. She smirked, pulled off the white mask that belonged in the opera, and Sirius' gaze hardened.

Bellatrix Lestrange glared at him through lidded eyes. Her black hair, due to the wind, covered half her face and she wore black robes. Behind her, nearly twenty cloaked figures had their wands out.

"Hand him over," she repeated in a deadly hiss, "and no one gets hurt."

There was a moment's indesision before Sirius yelled, "Hagrid, take Harry and leave quick!" Hagrid ran, reflecting the spells without the use of a wand, and jumped on the large moterbike, which expanded and he managed to fly off on it into the cloudy sky. Sirius didn't look to see where he went.

"Avada Ked-" Sirius was ready for Bellatrix's spell. The dodged to the side, roared, "Silencio," and ducked behind a large rock. She made a movement with he arm and the hoard of Death Eaters started fireing spells. Sirius was hoarse long before he could deflect all the spells. He hoped he would be able to live this to see Harry again.

Then, a jet of light hit him in the back and he reeled over.

Bellatrix approached him and all the rest of the Death Eaters stopped fireing.

Sirius felt unmistakeable pain. His back, legs, and toes wouldn't work and the rest of him felt tired. He wanted to sleep very badly...

When he attempted to lift his arm to stun Bellatrix, his eyes went out of focus and he felt even better. With a mumble, he fell into unconciousness.

This is the dead land

This is the cactus land

Here the stone images

Are raised, here they receive

The supplication of a dead man's hand

Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this

In death's other kingdom

Waking alone

At the hour when we are

Trembling with tenderness

Lips that would kiss

Form prayers to broken stone.

The eyes are not here

There are no eyes here

In this valley of dying stars

In this hallow valley

This broken jaw of our lost kingdom.

In this last of meeting places

We grope together

And avoid speech

Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless

The eyes reappear

As the perpetual star

Multifoliate rose

Of death's other kingdom

The hope only

Of empty men.

November 23, 1981

"I see that you heard about our dear Potions Master retiring after this year?" Dumbledore asked, smiling at the man sitting in front of him.

Severus Snape just nodded curtly. The Headmaster took a few minutes to stare at his former student. He was now very tall, but still had the same features as he did as a child. Raven hair, rather long but it fit his thin, pale face. He wore black robes, and Dumbledore wondered if he had ever worn any other color. Maybe Snape was colorblind? Dumbledore quicky expelled this thought.

"Yes, but that's not why I'm here." Dumbledore thought about Snape's voice. It changed only a little. As a child, the man had the same velvety and dangerous voice like a hiss, but it was a bit more high-pitched.

"What are you here for then, Severus?"

"I heard that your Defense Against the Dark Arts professor has had a... tramatic incident."

That was an understatement. Dumbledore winced as he remembered the man being slaughtered by one of the Herbology plants. His arm would never be the same.

"I would like to apply for the position." This snapped Dumbledore out of his thoughts in a painful bump.

"But you were always wonderful with potions. And we do need a new Potions Master. I remember that, when you were younger, you would talk and t-"

"You obviously remember wrong, Headmaster. I've always wished to be a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor." He leaned in a bit closer. " Is there a reason for why you are trying to change my mind?"

Dumbledore cleared his throat. He was usually a very calm and collected man, but this would be rather hard to explain. "Severus, you were once a - a-"

"Death Eater," Snape finished calmly.

"Yes, and I don't think it's best for you to teach children about defending yourself from the Dark Arts when you yourself have allied with them." There, it was all out.

"I was younger and foolish." The last word came out pained, as if Snape had long lost the habit of admitting his faults.

"All the same, Severus. I think it would be for the better if you are a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I think it would be all for the best."

"You don't trust me," Snape mused. Dumbledore noted the faint, almost indetectable trace of pain lingering about each word.

"I trust you, Severus. Why would I not? Lord Voldemort has fallen for now, though I have the feeling that is not the last we will ever see of Tom Riddle. You are now on our side, and I have your word for it. I can trust you. So, I will accept you as a Potions Master this year, and you are to start next week, if that is fine with you. Feel free to start moving in soon. And, we will be needing a new Head of Slytherin. Would you care to take up that position?"

"Of course," Snape agreed, nodding slightly. He stood, shook Dumbledore's hand, and walked out of the room, robes sweeping behind him. Dumbledore closed the door and sat down, head in his hands for a moment.

Since when could one of his past students make him feel - feel old. He felt as if there was something frightening lingering about the room, and he found himself checking the room for the feeling of dread.

"Looking for something?" came a silky voice from behind him. He jumped to see Phineas Nigellus raising an eyebrow while leaning carelessly on his frame. Dumbledore stared for a moment at the Slytherin ex-headmaster and shook his head.

"No, I'm perfectly fine. I was just thinking of going to sleep anyway." He turned to his room. "Good night, Phineas."

Here we go round the prickly pear

Prickly pear prickly pear

Here we go round the prickly pear

At five o'clock in the morning

Between the idea

And the reality

Between the motion

And the act

Falls the shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception

And the creation

Between the emotion

And the response

Falls the Shadow

Life is very long

Between the desire

And the spasm

Between the potency

And the existence

Between the essence

And the decent

Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is

Life is

For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper.

-T. S. Elliot, The Hollow Men