The Devil May Care

The Devil May Care

By Dimgwrthien

Sirius and Harry were at the table once more, eating their way through another bag of candy. Seeing as Harry did not trust Sirius to cook again and Sirius did not trust himself not to kill his godson by ways of choking, they decided that it was safest to have a sugar infested breakfast.

Harry could see that Sirius was staring near Remus’ bedroom’s door, trying to catch of glimpse of him. He had been jumpy all morning, running into his room and back, trying to comfort himself with the thought that Remus was fine. Harry would have found it humorous if he had not been doing the same, too.

“He was fine last time when I saw him,” Harry said to Sirius, who looked pale and nervous. He did not mention how Remus had been unconscious with the long scars down his throat. “He’ll be up soon, don’t worry.”

Sirius nodded, gulping visibly and stuffing a chocolate frog in his mouth whole, not even chewing it. “Is it taking him longer now that he’s older?”

Giving Sirius a long look, Harry told him, “I wasn’t around before.”

He nodded. “Oh - right.” Taking the bite out of the frog and chewing it, Sirius told him, “Well, is he alright afterwards? How long does it take him to heal now?”

“He was out for a few hours,” Harry said, thinking back. He hated the memory. It did not feel right to imagine Remus in pain. “When he was up, he was fine, I think. Nothing too bad.”

Sirius squinted into the distance as though trying to remember something. “That was when they tested the potion, right?” When Harry nodded, he asked, “Did it work?”

“By the sound of it, no,” Harry answered truthfully. He did not want to worry Sirius, but it did not feel right to keep everything from him. “He was poisoned by the potion and I know that he didn’t seem bothered by it, but he was in bad shape then.”

Memories of the previous night flitted through Sirius’ head: Remus’ weakened movements, the way his lungs seemed to try harder to get air.

“I think it’s still working its way through him,” he said to the younger boy.

Harry nodded. “Don’t worry too much. I know he’ll be fine.”

Sirius smiled wryly. “Just because he always says he’s fine doesn’t mean he’s always telling the truth.

Harry wanted to cry right there. It wasn’t fair now that he knew. Remus had lied to him every time he said he was fine. Harry cared for Remus more than he had ever cared for a person, and it turned out that his caring was being taken as a joke!

“Why does he do that?” he asked miserably.

“He just wants to help you - us,” Sirius told him bitterly, slamming the broken chocolate frog around the table and leaving smears of chocolate. “He did it the first time he found out about it…”

“What happened?” Harry asked eagerly, wanting to hear any story he could.

“The three of us noticed that he always left once a month. Remus is a horrible liar, I’m sure you’ve noticed,” Sirius pointed out. Harry smiled slightly. “He’s good at hiding his emotions, but he can’t tell a real lie to save his life. Said his mother was ill and his aunt died. We started wondering how many aunts he had to spare. When he came back, he looked dreadful. I think it was worse for him as a kid.

“Then, one night, when Remus was gone, James told us what he thought was going on and everything started to make sense. We didn’t leave him though, but wanted him to realize that we knew and didn’t hate him.

“We went outside and met him outside of - it’s called the Whomping Willow. It’s a tree that hits anything around it. Turns out there was a tunnel under there that Remus went through when he went to transform.” Sirius’ voice was starting to sound ragged and he took a breath and looked at the table rather than Harry.

“He came out, of course, and panicked. Tried to get off. We told him, all of that. Then I asked if he was fine. He said he was, of course, and fell unconscious on the spot.” A smalls mile fell on his lips. “Did that almost every month afterwards, I think.”

Harry could only smile a bit after this. As funny as it was to think about, he could only imagine how he would feel if Remus fell unconscious when with him. It had been terrifying enough….

Sirius’ eyes were glazed over again in memory and he kept silent, nibbling on the chocolate frog without really seeing it. Harry gave up on trying to talk to him and ended up walking into Remus’ room without being noticed.

Remus was still sleeping, looking rather like a patient in a hospital. The covers were smoothed over his chest, arms perfectly straight over them, chest lifting as he breathed slowly.

Harry placed himself on the edge of the bed, looking into Remus’ face. He could tell that Sirius tried to clean blood off of him before Harry could see it as there was still a hint of red underneath the fingernails. He could see the faintest outline of red on his lips too, and it scared Harry more than anything else to think that, once a month, Remus would happily drink anyone’s blood.

However, the boy reached out and grabbed Remus’ hand with one of his own, small hands, doing what he had seen Sirius do so many times: run his thumb over Remus’ thumb, using his fingers to barely tickle the underside of the hand.

“Sirius is really worried,” Harry told Remus’ sleeping form, laughing slightly. “He’s still in the kitchen, thinking. I never know what he’s thinking. H doesn’t talk too often. He’ll talk to us, I’ve seen that, but he won’t say how he feels.”

Staring at the closed eyes, he added, “Same with you. You’ve never told me the truth on how you feel, have you? But maybe you’re just… changing the truth. I could tell you weren’t fine after the last time.” He gulped and forced himself to keep talking. “It’s wasn’t hard to tell. You didn’t look too good. But maybe some part of you was feeling fine. I know how it is.” He smiled and continued stroking Remus’ thumb with his own. “The Dursleys never abused me or anything. They made me feel unwanted, though. I came here without even knowing more than your name and - well, I wasn’t feeling good. It was weird. But it was great to be away from them, even if for a little while. That’s why I came back. To be here with you and Sirius.”

Harry did not cry. What he was saying to Remus was not some depression speech he had planned out. He was just telling Remus the full truth for once.

“I can tell you and Sirius are friends. It’s not hard. I saw you two last night when you were outside and it was wonderful. I’ve never seen two people that way. I don’t know how much you love each other, but I know I’ve never seen Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia do that. I think he would crush her.

“I could tell that Sirius hated Danielle for liking you. She told me once, when you weren’t there, that she liked you. Not like she liked Peter back then, but she thinks you’re wonderful. She doesn’t care that you’re a werewolf. Neither do I. I don’t think any of us do. You’re just a good person, Remus. Nothing else.”

The older man’s blue eyes opened slowly, blinking against the strong light filtering through the window. “Harry?” he murmured, seeing the dark haired boy. “Are you alright?” His eyes were unfocused and he still looked tired. Harry could understand; it had only been about two hours since he transformed back. “Were you saying something?”

“No,” Harry answered. “Just checking up on you.”

Harry found himself walking back to where Sirius was. He had stopped staring off into the distance and was instead sitting on the chair in the front room, watching outside the window. When he heard Harry come in, he asked, “Do you want to go outside for a little while?”

“Sure,” Harry answered, putting on a jumper that was on the back of the chair and following Sirius outside the door.

It was indeed cold outside as Sirius said the night before. A blanket of snow fell around the house and made the village beyond the yard look completely white. Sirius bent once they were in the yard and picked up a handful of snow, pressing it into a tight ball and throwing it at a nearby tree. More snow fell from the branches.

“Remus likes the cold, does he?” Harry asked, repeating what Sirius did and only getting a weak amount of snow from the tree.

Sirius grinned and picked up another snowball, tossing it at Harry’s feet. “He does. I think it’s too cold to even go outside in the winter.”

More snow fell from the sky and Harry looked up. Sirius was not throwing any more snowballs, but it was really snowing. Harry smiled and stretched his arms out, catching flakes of it before it melted in his hand.

Sirius picked p another snowball and placed it in the snow, rolling it up until it became the size of his head. Then he continued it several times, placing them all on top of the other. A mound of seven snowballs teetered near the falling point and Sirius kept it up.

“It looks too tall to be a snowman,” Harry said, laughing at it. It was around Sirius’ height. A finger was shoved into the top ball and dug out a mouth and eyes.

“I think the others are too short to be snowmen,” Sirius corrected, still smiling.

“It needs legs,” Harry added, pointing near the ground. Sirius kicked out a hole in the center of the bottom roll and, right as Harry could see two legs in it, the entire man fell.

“Maybe it doesn‘t.” Sirius sat on the mound, cloak becoming wet as the snow melted under him. Harry supposed the cloak was either thick or impervious to the cold as Sirius still looked fine after sitting.

They stayed outside for a while longer, catching the flakes of snow. Sirius managed to teach Harry how to freeze the snow in air and they ended up creating pattern in front of their faces out of the droplets. Harry could almost make out the shapes of the snowflakes for once.

Once Harry’s lips were blue and Sirius could no longer move his hands for being cold, they went inside. A fire was lit by Sirius and they sat in front of it again, warming their hands as quickly as possible.

Harry felt a cold hand on his shoulder and looked at Sirius. He was smiling.

“I haven’t had a good winter in a long time,” he murmured more to the fire than Harry. “I think this one is going to be the best.”

Harry nodded.

Sirius sighed and glanced at Harry again, eyes flickering to the hall. “Remus has to tutor today, doesn’t he? At noon?” Harry nodded again and Sirius sighed again, standing up. “That’ll be in soon. He’s not going to be able to do it.” At the table was the folder Remus had always referred to. Sirius grabbed it by the spine and opened it, glancing through. “It’s organized. I’ll go in and do it for him.”

Harry nodded again. “What should I say to him if he gets angry?”

“It’s for his bloody good so he should be thanking me,” Sirius said sternly. He was looking through the names. “Some kid at noon. Alright. I can do that.”

He glanced at the clock over the mantle piece and saw that it was past eleven already.

“I’ll be leaving then,” he said. “It’ll take time to explain to Dumbledore why I’m there. Mustn’t disappoint the Headmaster.” He grinned at Harry. “Make sure Remus doesn’t come after me or do anything stupid. Keep inside. Be safe. I’ll see you soon.”

He left through the fireplace, and Harry watched the fire flicker back to red and orange before turning away from it.

It felt as though he were alone in the house. His aunt and uncle rarely left him alone and instead left him with their batty neighbor, Mrs. Figg, who gave him nasty cakes and spoke about her cats. However, Remus was there, so he wasn’t all alone.

He began with sitting at the window, watching the snow fall. He did not want to go outside at all, seeing as he knew it was still freezing. Maybe he would explore a bit inside.

The first place he went was into the hallway. He knew that Sirius and Remus had went into the hall the night before but he still could not figure out where they went to after that. He did not look the night before out of fear.

However, being alone made him feel a bit braver.

He turned another corner in the hall, at the very end, where he did not even see that it twisted around. He had never gone that far down the hall as the other doors stopped several feet before.

A door that matched the wall color perfectly was set into the wall. Harry reached out and pushed it open as it had no handle. It opened easily and hi hand buzzed at the door; there were obvious signs of magic still on it.

Inside was just as dull as the door. There was nothing in there. Harry walked into the room, feeling the air become even colder if possible and he missed the warmth of the fire. Something drove him forward.

As he reached the end of the room, he saw that it was rather small. It was only about twenty paces around each wall and he found himself uncomfortable in such a small place. It was amazing that the two could stay in there the entire night.

He pulled out his wand and tried a lighting spell which he managed to get quickly. Light flooded the room, brightening the corners and making the dull grey color become yellow and vibrant.

Harry barely hid his gasp. There was blood over the wall in front of him and he felt himself step in another pile of it. It looked dry, but bits of it seemed to still give off a wet glow like water.

He left the room quickly, finding Remus in the hallway, standing in the doorframe. He still looked ill and grey, though his eyes looked alive.

“Harry?” he asked hoarsely. “Are you - what happened to you?”

Dropping the spell off of his wand, he knew that he had to look pale and scared. Remus seemed like a dog in that way - he could sense fear easily.

“I was - nothing,” Harry replied quickly.

Remus frowned and shook his head. “That can wait. Where’s Sirius?”

“Out,” was all Harry said.

Looking more exasperated, Remus asked Harry, “What’s he doing? What time is it?”

“It’s noon and he’s tutoring for you.”

Remus sighed and rested his head on the doorframe. “Stupid. He could have woken me.”

“I agree with Sirius on this,” Harry chirped in, trying to brighten the mood and forget what he saw minutes before. “Nothing can wake you. We thought it would be best if you slept a while longer.”

Remus shook his head. “No. It’s my job now to make sure they’re tutored correctly. I’m afraid of how Sirius is going to teach them now.”

“Just go back to sleep,” Harry told him, voice finally dropping back to a normal pitch. “It’ll be fine. He says he doesn’t want you to worry at all and that he an do it all himself.”

Although he tried to move out of the room, Remus seemed to catch himself in time. “I suppose I can skip this time,” he sighed. “It’s really my job now, though -”

“Next month we’ll make sure you can do it.” Harry waved his hand slightly, seeing that he was still holding his wand. He dropped it behind his back again, not wanting Remus to ask why he even had the wand out. “I don’t even see how anyone can expect you to do this when you’re like this.”

Harry pointed to the bed with such a force that sparks flew from the end of the wand. Remus gave him a smile and returned to the bed, sitting on it. Harry joined him.

“Dumbledore didn’t expect me to,” Remus answered. “I did.” Disgust lined his voice and he sounded rather bitter. Harry was shocked by the sudden change in tone. “I thought I could manage doing something right on these days for once -”

“No one is expecting anything of you right now!” Harry scolded. “Just get well and then we can go back to expecting you to do everything for us!”

Remus started laughing as Harry said it. “Harry, you really know how to make everything better.”

“So does sleep,” Harry added.

Still trying to supress his laughter, Remus just shook his head. “I’m not tired. I think I’m up for good.” He gave Harry a stern look. “Now, what were you doing when I found you.”

“Just looking around,” Harry replied, glancing at the ground. His feet were waving over them, still a few inches too short.

“You looked scared,” Remus pointed out. “I don’t have anything frightening around the room - Harry. You didn’t look -”

Harry nodded slightly, then turned it into a shrug. “I didn’t mean to! I was just curious!”

Remus did not answer for a moment but murmured, “It’s fine. I understand. Kids are curious. It’s not your fault. I should have secured it better.” He seemed to be glancing down at Harry because Harry could feel the blue stare on him and silence filled the room. “It’s not bad, Harry. Kids are curious. No one’s going to ever get angry at you for something you didn’t mean to do.”

“It’s not that,” Harry murmured. “It was just… weird in itself. I mean - you stay in there every month? It’s -”

“It’s fine,” Remus told him firmly. “Now, we’re going to go and I’ll make you some breakfast. I doubt you’ve eaten anything proper yet, judging by the chocolate on your cheek.” Remus wiped Harry’s face jokingly, managing to get rid of some of the smear.

As they walked out of the room, Harry glanced out the window again.

And that was when the attack started.