The Devil May Care

The Devil May Care

By Dimgwrthien

Christmas drew closer as the new group of three spent all of their time together. None of them really needed to leave the house except for Remus, who was continuing the tutoring. It was the only time at which any of them spoke to Dumbledore, and still then, Remus knew that he had to keep their secret, even from the most trust-worthy man he had ever met.

“Of course, Headmaster,” Remus always answered when Dumbledore asked for him to tutor a student who was falling behind, then he would appear, nodding to Dumbledore, who nodded back, and going on to the student.

Most of the students seem to not realize Remus’ condition, or else did not acknowledge it. Usually, the student would go on treating him like the rest of their teachers. Several appeared to treat him normally, but he found that they watched him closely whenever their back was turned, giving small glances in the act was sweeping back their hair.

Remus found himself only minding their attitudes when the occasional student would start talking about werewolves and how so many of their relatives were killed by one or the horror stories they heard. What Remus found the worst, however, was when they started asking about it.

“What’s it like, transforming?” One boy asked, perched on a desk, polishing his wand almost absent-mindedly and watching Remus with interest as one would with a specimen.

Taking in a long breath, Remus would just reply, “We should be working on the next spell” or “That’s of a personal matter. Now, where were we?”

While Remus left them, Sirius and Harry found themselves trying to entertain themselves. Sirius found being free to be wonderful and Harry often woke to find Remus gone and Sirius standing outside, still in his night clothes, staring up at the sky, admiring the sun, not moving until Harry gently pulled at his arm, forcing his godfather inside.

Harry found Sirius to be just as wonderful as Sirius found the sun. Sirius was still in the state of mind he was in just a bit after Harry was born. Though the man looked aged beyond his years, just as Remus seemed, he acted like a teenager. Harry could ask anything he wanted and Sirius would answer, humor dropped in so wonderfully that his stories seemed like figments of his imagination, made to make Harry pleased.

With the Dursleys, Harry told Sirius once, several hours before Remus was due back, he had never had so much fun. He had never really smiled and meant it. With Sirius and Remus, however, his world seemed the exact opposite.

Sirius’ face brightened at the compliment. “Harry, I think both of us can say that we’re just as happy to have you here.”

“I don’t even want to go to Hogwarts,” Harry said to Sirius, fiddling with the cards in his hands as he and Sirius played Exploding Snap. “This is better.”

Eyes looking suddenly misty, Sirius said to himself rather than Harry, “Hogwarts had the best years of my life.”

“I don’t want to leave you two, though,” Harry muttered. He placed down a card in front of them, waiting for Sirius to place down the right card after. When Harry could not find the next card in his hand, he felt a popping against his hand and smelled smoke in the air as his cards blew up in his face.

Sirius coughed. “They need a way to clear the air after playing this game!”

Harry sniffed the air and cringed. “I don’t think Remus is going to be pleased,” he told Sirius, coughing along with the older man.

“I remember playing this with Remus and my cousin, Andromeda, over the summers,” Sirius said to Harry, waving his hands to clear the smoke away. It drifted slowly from around the table to join the fumes around the house from their game. “I think Andromeda’s daughter is, ah, sixteen now?” He glanced around as though trying to see the answers in the walls. “I think so. I remember Andromeda giving her some dreadful name.”

“Like what?”

Sirius took a deep breath as he thought, which appeared to be a bad idea as he coughed again. When he managed to breath normally once more, he said, “Something like Nymphadora.”

Harry smiled. “What’d she name her that?”

“As if I have a clue,” Sirius answered. “Personally, I’m still surprised her husband let her name the daughter that. He was muggle-born,” he explained to Harry in response to the confused look the boy was giving him. “And I think the daughter had some interesting power. Yeah.” He started laughing. “She was a Meta - well, she could change her looks at will,” he said hastily as he guessed Harry would have clue as to what he said. “She was about seven the last time I saw her and her mother seemed angry. She was changing her hair every few seconds, mainly pink and purple, and making her eyes the same. And when she tried to grow -” He broke off. “You’re still too young to hear that story,” he muttered, taking out another set of cards.

Remus, meanwhile, was having trouble with the said Metamorphagus. Nymphadora was standing at the doorway, a bag slung over her shoulder. At the moment, her hair was dark blue and reached her waist, straight all the way down. Her eyes were just as bright a blue.

“Remus?” she asked.

“Hello, Nymphadora,” he greeted, standing up.

“I haven’t seen you in forever!” she said to him, running towards him and giving him a hug. The sixteen year old grinned up into his face, a good foot shorter than him. Squinting suddenly, she was matching him in height, staring him in the eyes.

Remus smiled back. She looked grown up compared to the last time he had seen her, which had been when she was only about seven years old. She seemed to have chosen to leave her hair in a somewhat sensible style, the only thing strange about it being the blue sheen to it.

“The teachers make me keep it normal,” she sighed, obviously noting Remus’ gaze at her hair. “It was black when I came in, but I doubt you’ll tell them.” She gave him a mock pleading look.

“Of course not.” He pulled out his wand. “I think we should get started with this, first, however. I believe you’re needing help in -”

“Nothing,” she said. “I’m perfectly fine at Potions. It’s just the teacher. I don’t like Professor Slughorn too much.”

“They replaced Snape?” Remus asked himself, then remembered that they would need a new teacher. “Slughorn? He taught me. Dumbledore got him back?”

“Apparently,” Nymphadora shrugged. “He has his favorites and doesn’t care much for the rest of us.” Remus nodded. She continued, “But, in Charms, we learned this new spell, I think I have it down, here-” Once she waved her wand, she paused and muttered, “Oh, it’s not suppose to do that.”

Remus glanced at where he was staring and saw the swarm of hornets aiming towards them, only able to get his wand up in time.

Back where Sirius and Harry were picking through the bottom of a new Honeydukes bag, Sirius seemed to invent a new game. He took three chocolate frogs and immobilized them, setting all in front of Harry.

Placing a spell on all three of them that made them glow green for a second and then go back to normal, Sirius tapped his wand again, causing them to shuffle themselves rapidly as he moved his wand. Harry watched in amusement.

“Pick one,” Sirius told Harry. Harry reached out and took the middle one, biting it. The second it touched his tongue, he gagged again.

“New game,” Sirius told him proudly. “Made in seventy-nine by me. Charming the chocolate frogs to have different tastes.”

Harry wiped his tongue off with a piece of a licorice wand, then biting the wand in half, chewing it. “Why did you make that?” he asked incredulously, trying to rid the flavor from his mouth.

“Boredom,” Sirius answered truthfully.

The door opened for the first time that day, breaking the following silence. Remus walked into the room next to them, falling onto the nearest chair and not speaking.

“What happened?” Sirius asked, getting up to walk to Remus and place his hands on the man’s shoulders, rubbing them.

“Nymphadora Tonks, I believe,” he answered miserably. “Honestly. Haven’t the teachers managed to convince the students that trying out spells they still don’t understand was a bad thing to do, mainly in a small classroom?”

“What spell?”

“I have no clue what she was trying to do, but she managed to conjure plenty of hornets.” He rubbed his arm absent-mindedly.

Sirius peeled away at Remus’ robes, glancing at the arm underneath. Harry saw the pattern of scars over the pale arm but did not really register it; it seemed only natural that they would be there. Sirius was inspecting the red blotch around his arm.

“Managed to get it healed by Madam Pomfrey,” Remus told him, still frowning. “That’ll be there for a while to teach me that I should never mix with your kin.”

Sirius pulled the sleeve roughly down the thin arm again, letting Remus move his arm freely. He continued rubbing it for a minute. “What did you two do today?”

“Sirius tried to kill me,” Harry muttered.

Glancing at the chocolate frogs still on the table, Remus smiled. “He tried the flavor-changing frogs on you, did he?” When Harry nodded, Remus whispered, “He always charms them to all taste dreadful. Trust me.”

“I think I would have more sense than to do that to Harry!” Sirius told him, frowning and looking offended. Remus raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I did,” he muttered. Harry took on an offended look but did not comment.

Remus took a large folder from a bag he had been carrying, setting it on the table. He put his forehead in one hand, poring over the parchment inside, stopping the conversation. Sirius watched him for another moment before taking out a box of Every Flavor Beans and digging through them.

“What flavor did my Dad like?” Harry asked Sirius quietly, watching him and taking the box once Sirius set it down.

“He actually liked the liver,” Sirius laughed. At Harry’s shocked look, he added, “He preferred the strawberry, of course, but he could finish off the liver that everyone else left.”

“Which is liver?” Harry asked, handing the box back. Sirius glanced through it, shaking the box to move the beans several times, until he picked out a black bean.

“I think this should be it.”

Harry examined the bean and bit into it, chewing thoughtfully. “It’s… alright. I don’t like it, but I can handle it.” He swallowed and made a face. “He could actually eat those?”

“James could eat anything,” Remus muttered, grinning from where he was still reading. “He liked sneaking into the kitchens. You, too,” he added to Sirius, who grinned.

“We were growing boys. You can’t blame us for that.”

“You probably worked ten House Elves to death, if not more,” Remus joked, finally looking up, a finger where he was marking his place.

“All the better,” Sirius muttered. Remus sighed.

“Don’t even bother trying to get pity about your childhood.”

“What happened?” Harry asked, missing the conversation.

“Nothing,” Sirius answered miserably. Remus sighed again and shook his head, going back to reading. Harry remained there, still staring between the two men.

“When do you have to go back to tutoring?” Sirius asked, changing the subject quickly in the silence.

“Two days,” Remus answered, not glancing up. “That’s the fourteenth, I believe.”

“That’s the day after the full moon, too,” Sirius told him, frowning. “I’m wondering how you’re going to manage that.”

Remus frowned and did not answer for a moment. Harry was watching him now, too, waiting for his answer. “I’m almost positive I can make it for then. I’ll still give me half a day if I meet her a bit past noon as usual.”

“Good luck waking up by then,” Sirius muttered, giving Remus a sharp look. “Reschedule it.”

“I can try.” Remus glanced at the folder of parchments and closed it, running his hand around the thickening spine. “Maybe I can get a replacement.”

“I would do it, if I have to,” Sirius told him. “Just don’t overwork yourself.”

“I don’t need someone to watch me all of the time,” Remus said quietly. Harry looked back down at the table, pretending not to hear their conversation. He had heard many of them start out this way and hated the way they always ended.

“I think you do,” Sirius answered. “You’re the one that’s up at midnight -”

“Trying to protect Harry.” Remus rubbed his temples for a second, brow furrowed. “We need to take this seriously.”

“And we are. However, you don’t -”

“However, the Death Eaters would not be checking the clock to see the time before coming,” Remus told Sirius, closing his eyes.

“They can’t get in!” Sirius protested.

“Sirius, do you remember what I told you nearly a week ago about Harry’s nightmare?” Harry still did not look up.

Sirius turned to Harry. “Did you think the dream was true?”

Harry shrugged. “It was a dream, but it seemed… real.”

“There,” Sirius said smugly. “Just a dream. Don’t worry about it.”

Remus brushed his hair from his eyes. “I still think something may be going on -”

“Dreams just organize the day’s thoughts,” Sirius told him, leaning back in his chair. “That’s all.”

Remus shrugged. “Alright. I guess it’s nothing, then.”

Harry was still staring at the table, not moving at all.

“What is it?” Remus asked.

“It just seemed weird,” Harry mumbled. “I mean, it looked real.”

“What happened in it?” Remus tried to look Harry in the eye but the boy still would not look up.

“He killed Dumbledore after asking him where I was, then managed to get inside here. I think he was waiting outside or something, and could get us when we walked outside. Then he tortured Sirius before just killing you. Then he killed Sirius too and got me.” Harry sniffed at the end. “It seemed real.”

Remus reached around the side of the table, barely getting his hand onto Harry’s shoulder, but squeezing it nonetheless.

“It’s all just a dream,” he said soothingly, trying to think of a way to cheer up Harry. Harry nodded, biting his lip.

“I’ve never had a dream like that at the Dursleys.”

Remus thought about this for a moment. Maybe it was just the excitement or the change that brought on the dream. But then, he would have had a dream like that before, when he was first there. Harry already seemed used to everything around him at the time.

“You’ve never had a dream like that since you’ve gotten here except for that night?” Remus asked tactfully. Harry shook his head.

“We have other things to think about,” Sirius said to them. “Christmas is coming and it’s a great holiday. You’re going to love this Christmas, Harry,” he added, winking. Harry smiled.

“They’re having a Christmas special on the radio again,” Remus groaned, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling. “Harry, the first thing we have to tell you is that Wizarding music is dreadful.”

“Hey, I grew up with that,” Sirius told him, grinning. “It’s not that bad.”

“Of every station, the same people are on all of them.”

“Because they’re good,” Sirius answered stubbornly. Harry grinned and watched their discussion with interest.

“They’re not. The Wizarding World merely lacks the ability to produce many - or any good - musicians. That’s why every station is the same.” Remus looked smug and crossed his arms.

Sirius sighed and grinned back. “I suppose I’ll just have to charm the radio to never turn off again so that you get used to it. What do you think, Harry?”

Remus shuddered as Harry nodded. “That’s horrible, Harry. How can you choose to do this to me?” He mouthed the words, “I’m the nice one” and watched as Harry burst out laughing.

“On Saturday we can start getting ready for Christmas,” Remus promised Harry once his laughter died down. He nodded and the three fell into silence once more.

The next day dawned on them all quickly and Sirius seemed determined to never let Remus out of his view. No matter how often Remus claimed he did not need anyone to watch him around the full moon, Harry saw that he did not actually push Sirius away at all during the day.

The way they acted, Harry could tell that the two knew each other a long time. Sirius never asked questions of what Remus wanted, but was able to just bring something or do something to Remus and Remus would thank him and Sirius would just shake his head.

Harry found himself alone in the front room later in the day and looked into Sirius and Remus’ bedroom to see if they were in there. When he could not find them, he looked outside, where he saw the two men sitting at the backyard, surrounded by the dying grass and wilting flowers. Both were cross legged in the dirt, Sirius holding a mug and Remus with her arms crossed.

Not daring to go outside, Harry watched them through the window, not catching any words. He figured they were not talking and merely sitting there to be alone. However, after a moment, he caught the hint of a conversation.

“It’s cold out here,” one of them - Harry supposed it was Sirius - whispered, staring into the sky, which was barely starting to darken. “We should head inside soon.”

“Not yet,” Remus answered. Harry could tell that he was shivering slightly. “It’s fresh out here.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

“Everything’s wonderful outside in winter.” Remus moved slightly as though getting into a more comfortable position. “It’s -”

“Cold,” Sirius repeated. Remus leaned into him slightly, resting his head on the man’s shoulder. “You’re going to freeze out here. Let’s go in. It’s almost time.”

Remus looked somewhat put-out but stood up with Sirius nonetheless, turning towards the house. Harry moved away from the window quickly, not wanting them to see that he was watching.

When the two entered, Sirius motioned for Remus to go on without him. Remus made a small motion at Harry, saying something, but it was drowned out by Sirius’ words.

“Harry, we’re both going to be here tonight, but I’m going to be transformed as Padfoot with him, alright?” Harry nodded. He was used to the black dog bounding around the house lately as Sirius seemed to enjoy that shape more.

Sirius gave Harry a one-armed hug and grinned. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

Harry nodded and remained near his chair, hovering awkwardly. They disappeared into the hall.

Walking around the room a few times, Harry tried to think of a way to last the night. He decided on pulling out his wand and his Honeydukes stash, trying to master Sirius’ trick.

Meanwhile, in the cellar that neither of the men had pointed out to Harry yet as the door was not noticeable in the hall, Remus was quickly slipping out of his clothes.

“You’re wet,” Sirius pointed out as Remus folded his clothes, blushing slightly under the gaze of his friend. “I told you it was cold outside.”

Remus found that he was indeed shivering still and felt Sirius’ hands rubbing his shoulders, trying to warm him.

Within minutes, right after Sirius managed to place the last of the charms around the room to keep Harry safe outside, Remus found his bones and muscles pull and clench so that he felt sore. Sirius glanced at him without saying a word and sat next to where Remus was on the ground. Warm arms wrapped around Remus’ shaking shoulders again as the transformation began slowly. He had never told Sirius that the few minutes before his actual transformation when he could barely speak or think were really the times when his inside organs began to switch.

“It’s alright,” Sirius soothed, brushing back Remus’ hair now. Remus was unable to answer as he felt his throat tighten. Once Remus felt his burn all around, convulsions wracking his frame, Sirius was giving him a quick squeeze on the shoulder and transforming into the large dog, waiting patiently.

The wolf before him finally stopped moving, panting slightly, then straightening up and giving Sirius a long look. It was the time that Sirius enjoyed most - the wolf was slightly worn out, but wanting to attack anything. Remus had a sort of fierceness that he never let show as a human. Sirius growled once and the wolf jumped on him.

Feeling teeth sink into his side, Sirius turned around, shaking Remus off, giving a doggy grin. The wolf’s eyes were blazing, still turning gold from the blue color.

They played around for a while, Sirius dodging the wolf as best as he could, but he had to admit that Remus was fast. His friend did not seem as fast as when he first let the rest of them in during his transformation, but Sirius could understand. Having three transformations in the past month could not have done much good, and age was taking its toll on everyone.

With a pounce, Sirius managed to get Remus down, stopping the attacks long enough to get his breath back. The wolf under him had blood around its mouth and side from the attacks and attacking. Sirius knew that he would look no better in the morning.

It would take a bit longer to tire the wolf out. Remus was starting to look tired, but it took another hour before he dropped down onto the floor, mouth open, tongue hanging out as he panted.

Sirius curled up next to him, glad that the wolf was too tired to attack the entry on his territory, and he rested his head on his paws, staring at Remus to make sure he did not hut himself. Once the wolf took to chewing on his own paws, Sirius barked at him once, which startled the wolf and made it stop.

Morning seemed to come faster than Sirius would have liked. He felt a pressure on his side as the wolf moved again, making faint noises deep in his throat, starting to stand when he dropped again. Sirius pressed his wet nose into Remus’ fur, trying to comfort him, but the wolf kept trying to stand, dropping as the transformation started.

After a few minutes, Remus was human again, taking in deep breaths on the floor. Sirius transformed back as quickly as possible, holding Remus’ shoulders in his arms.

Eyes open and unfocused, Remus looked up at Sirius. His eyes were still rather golden like a wolf’s, though the blue was slowly returning, starting at the pupil.

“You doing alright?” Sirius asked him quietly. Remus’ face was grey and wan, mouth open slightly as he fought for breath. Dark shadows were always under his eyes now, but they seemed plenty darker now. Sirius could tell from looking at him, too, that the man was plenty thinner than the night before as though transforming used mass, though it was usual.

Nodding, Remus said hoarsely, “I’m doing better than usual.” Glancing at his arms, he added, “Thank you.”

Sirius saw that Remus was covered in blood, but most of it came from shallow scrapes around his ribs and arms. Compared to the injuries he had seen Remus with in school, they seemed unimportant. Remus’ clothes were still folded in the corner, so Sirius grabbed them and helped Remus into them again.

As he stood, Sirius grabbed Remus around the waist, helping him up. He could tell from the way he walked that Remus was nearing unconsciousness and tightened his grip.

As they went through the door, Sirius glanced into Harry’s room, seeing that the boy was moving in the bed. It took a moment for the dark head to appear from under the blankets and catch sight of them before a hand reached out and grabbed glasses from the nightstand.

“Are you alright, Remus?” Harry asked hesitantly.

“Not too bad,” Remus answered back as Sirius steered him into their room.

Knowing that it would not take much for Remus to heal this time, Sirius got him into the bed, summoning him a cup of water before Remus fell unconscious at last.

Harry appeared in the doorway right after.

“How’re you both doing?” Harry whispered.

Sirius swept the hair falling into Remus’ eyes away and sighed. “We’re fine. Just give him some time to sleep.”

Harry nodded and Sirius swept him out of the room.