This Very Moment

She thought he had lost track of time.

She held dinner as long as possible before finally sitting down by herself and playing with the food on her plate. At the other end of the table sat travel brochures. They were supposed to pick out where they wanted to go on their honeymoon that night.

After another hour she sent Hedwig out with owls to Ron and Seamus and Neville. Maybe he was with one of them.

He wasn't.

She finally sent out an owl to Harry himself.

Hedwig brought it back.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Voldemort had been gone three years. They had finally stopped looking around every corner. They had begun to smile every day. She hadn't worried in months, maybe even an entire year, when he was late. She had let herself believe that they had a future. She had let herself fall in love.

And so had Harry.

Finally.

Three months had gone by and she still hadn't found him. She sent Hedwig out everyday hoping she would bring back something besides her own message.

Tonight she sat in their living room alone. Sat on the couch in the silence. She had dreaded this night, this day, the approaching moment since she had realized Harry wasn't coming home.

He hadn't just lost track of time.

No one wanted her to be alone tonight. For the rest of the weekend she planned on being with her family and friends. Staying alone the entire time was unacceptable. She would not allow herself to wallow. It wasn't healthy. Tonight, though, she needed to be alone. She didn't want to sit in front of anyone, trying to pretend she was fine. She needed to feel this pain, to know she was still alive.

She couldn't keep the dreams away. She could see it all. Each detail she had planned, each moment she had fantasized about. The look in his eyes, the sound of his voice, their first kiss as husband and wife. The music surrounding them, their friend's laughter and his hand in hers.

It would have been tonight.

She looked at the clock and found that she was mere minutes away from what should have been the most perfect moment in her life.

The physical pain hammering in her chest made her breathless. She wanted to believe this was a nightmare. She would wake up and he would be there and it would all be a bad dream. This couldn't be real.

She closed her eyes as the ache in her chest grew. Tears leaked from her eyes and ran hot down her cheeks. Pain mixed with her daydreams and made her dizzy. As the clock struck the hour, sobs broke through.

Right now, at this very moment, she should have been looking down the aisle at the man she loved before walking towards him. He should have been taking her hand in his and pledging to be hers.

She began to scream at him and fate and herself.

She finally leaned over and curled up on her side on the couch. She lay there crying.

Tomorrow she would send Hedwig out again.