Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers

It's simple, really. I love J.K. Rowling, and I would never attempt to take any credit for her beautiful characters or stories. I'm just borrowing them, so please don't take offense.

Chapter 6: The Things You Have Come to Fear the Most

When Draco returned to Slytherin later in the day (after having several hissy fits), Blaise was over the moon. He sat on Draco's bed, complaining about House separation and talking about how gorgeous Harry was. Draco gritted his teeth through this one-sided conversation, silently praying for something, anything to shut Zabini up. Finally, he had had enough, so he asked the most logical question.

"Blaise, what did you guys end up doing last night?"

Blaise Zabini, the most brazen boy in the entire school, blushed and hugged Draco's pillow.

Draco, of course, was quite speechless.

"It was amazing, Draco. We just talked for hours. We've been on dates before, and we've slept together dozens of times."

Dozens of times? What the hell? You bastard, Zabini, you utter bastard.

"But last night was different," Blaise continued, oblivious to Draco's inner turmoil. "I...I've never felt this way about anyone before. And it wasn't just sex last night, either. It was slow and sweet. And he was perfect."

Well, at least I'm not the only one who had the ability to sound like a Hufflepuff girl.

"He's never stayed the night with anyone, you know. Except for the girl Weasley." Blaise scowled.

Ah, yes, Draco had heard about that. After six years of mooning over the Golden Boy, the Weaslette had finally snagged him. Last January, if he remembered correctly. Everyone in the school had known. And it had been a messy break up. He would have to remember to ask Pansy about it later.

When he remembered to pay attention to Blaise, the dark-haired boy was talking about Harry's eyes.

I know about his eyes, you prat. They're such an amazing green color, and they shine, and you can drown in them without wondering why you're letting yourself touch the water when you can barely remember how to swim. I stare at them all the time. At him. Haven't you noticed? Didn't you realize that I wanted him, too? That I still do?

"...and I never thought I'd be this happy about being with someone."

Draco stared at his friend in horror.

"Zabini, are you...in love with him?"

But Blaise didn't have to say the words. Draco already knew. And this put a whole different spin on things. Before Blaise's wordless confession, Draco would have just tried to seduce Potter and hoped for the best when Blaise found out. But now someone's heart was involved. His friend's heart. It was hard to find friends in Slytherin. Allies? Around every corner. But friends? No, they were rare in the Snake Pit. And when you found one, you held on for dear life. Blaise meant a lot to him, and he was going to have to make a very hard decision, very soon. It was time for another trip to the Astronomy Tower.

* * *

How did this happen?

It was a question that Draco had asked himself again and again over the past few months. He had always hated Harry Potter. Well, maybe not hated. But disliked? Yes. Been annoyed by? Most certainly. He still was, but it was for different reasons this time around. Before, he had been jealous of him. Now, he was jealous over him. It would have made the best sense in some kind of satirical comedy, but in this world, Draco was lost. By some cruel twist of fate, he wanted his rival. And he was going to fight his best friend for him, if that was what he chose to do.

Blaise.

He's never going to forgive me if I do this. Slytherins don't fall in love. But when they do, they fall hard. And on top of all this is the fact that it's Harry. You never fall out of love with Harry.

I'm supposed to be Blaise's best friend.

He trusts me to help him if he gets hurt.

To put the pieces back together again.

He trusts me.

How can I be considering this?

You know why, the annoying little voice said.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You will, it replied. You will.

And Draco had his suspicions. He had guessed, to a certain extent. But he didn't acknowledge the things he guessed. Because if he had even the slightest idea of what the little voice was suggesting, that would make it true. And he didn't want it to be true. He wanted it to be a complete and total lie. That way, even if he tried and things didn't work out, he wouldn't get hurt. He would still have his heart; whole and unbruised and beating.

* * *

The next few days were the worst of Draco's life. They surpassed even the day he had learned of his father's incarceration. Blaise was completely oblivious, and he was attached to Harry by the hip. Because Draco was Blaise's best friend, this meant that he was around the two of them (as well as the Weasel and the Mudblood) all the time. Draco fought to stop caring about the way Harry kissed the side of Blaise's head when he did something particularly sweet, or the way he walked around with his hand at the small of Blaise's back. He tried to stop wishing that it was him walking next to Harry. Sometimes it was nearly too much. Sometimes, it almost drove him over the edge. But then he would remember himself, and he would make sure his Malfoy mask was in place, protecting his friend and his own heart from the outside world.

People wondered, "Has he finally found someone? Has the Golden Boy found someone worth fighting for? Worth loving?"

Harry answered that it wasn't about worth. It wasn't about fighting. He never said anything about love. But still, he stayed with Blaise. So Draco hoped against hope that it might mean that Harry didn't love Blaise. That it didn't mean forever. He didn't want Blaise to get hurt, but sometimes he wished that he also had a chance at Harry's elusive heart.

* * *

It wasn't that Harry didn't love, Draco found out. It was that he loved too much. He loved many, instead of only one, and was therefore incapable of falling in love. When he told people that he loved them, Blaise was jealous. Because it was true; Harry loved all of his friends. He loved Blaise, too, but he only gave him a piece of his heart. The dark-haired Slytherin was concerned about it all the time.

"I love him, Draco. And I want him to love me back. But I'm worried that if he loves too many more people, there won't be any of his heart left for me."