Of Snitches and Snorkacks

The Proposal

Due to Luna's rather ludicrous suggestions, Hermione finally concluded that the best method would be to pass out S.P.E.W. paraphernalia after school one afternoon. Uncreative yes, but it did get the message across.

Together, Hermione and Luna had made a good deal of S.P.E.W. equipment. There were buttons that had the S.P.E.W. logo and when pressed, squeaked, "Join S.P.E.W., Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare!" (Dobby had volunteered his services, being the unofficial mascot of the organization), as well as flyers bearing pictures of waving Dobby, the group's logo emblazoned on the tea cozy he used for a hat. Luna had even designed larger versions of Dobby's tea cozy, which were big enough to fit on the average human head.

They were outside, near the castle entrance so they could catch anyone leaving to take a break of fresh air after the usual doldrums of homework. Of course, being outside did have its disadvantages, since Luna was easily distracted. For example, while Hermione found herself scrambling to pass out buttons and flyers to so many, she found Luna staring up at the sky.

"Luna!" Hermione snapped, flustered. "What on earth are you staring at?"

"Butterflies," Luna replied, quite contentedly.

Hermione stared skywards. "There's nothing there," she groaned. Scores of potential S.P.E.W. members were walking past. This was a waste of time--

But Luna had reached out a hand, and a blue butterfly came to rest on the edge of her index finger. "Isn't it pretty?" she asked.

Hermione could have sworn she hadn't seen anything in the sky, but then Luna let it fly away and continued to pass out flyers as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

After this little snag, though, things went rather nicely, much to Hermione's satisfaction. The malleable younger students, especially first years, accepted the buttons and flyers (reluctantly, but they still accepted them, Hermione thought to herself). They did, however, refuse the tea cozy.

Of course, most of the attention for S.P.E.W. Hermione owed much to what rested on Luna's head. She had managed to make a hat for the occasion--it was a short, squat, like a circular tin turned upside down and stuck on her head. S.P.E.W. was emblazoned in large, block letters across the front, which flashed different colors (When Hermione stared at it long enough, she saw bright spots in front of her eyes). And dancing on top of her hat, was a miniaturized Dobby, dancing with a Galleon in his hand.

Hermione had been thankful for it, since it alone caused students to stand there, gawking at the ridiculous headwear--long enough for Hermione to pounce and press a button and flyer upon them.

After she had forced several buttons into the hands of a couple unsuspecting second years, Hermione caught sight of a lanky, red headed boy who was bent over and obviously trying to sneak away unnoticed by his awful attempt to fit in with a group of fourth year Hufflepuffs. Hermione readily grasped the opportunity.

"Ron!"

He straightened up, the look of a criminal on his face. "Hi Hermione!" he said, a bit too cheerfully. "How's spew doing?" From the look on his face, she knew he regretted the question the moment it slipped from his mouth.

"It could be better," Hermione said, waving a button in his face, "if you'd help!"

"For the hundredth time, Hermione, you know Harry and I have Quidditch!"

"You could at least wear it on your robes!"

Ron shied away when Hermione tried to pin it to his shirt. "It looks ridiculous!" He looked so horrified the button might as well be a spider.

"It won't hurt you!"

But as Hermione tried to force the button onto the squirming Weasley she caught Luna in the corner of her eye. The Ravenclaw was speaking to a couple of fifth years, who looked rather uncomfortable as no doubt Luna was speaking about something preposterous. They took a couple buttons and flyers just to have an excuse to escape. That certainly was one strategy.

"You wear this on your robe, Ronald Bilius Weasley, before I put a permanent sticking charm on your skin!"

"Bloody Hell!" And Ron snatched the button and pinned it to his collar (rather aggressively, since he yelped when he accidentally poked himself). "Happy?"

Hermione smiled, shoving another into his hand. "Very. Thank you, Ron. And give one to Harry too, won't you?"

"Yeah, sure," he muttered.

"Not engaging in inappropriate behavior, are we, Weasel and Mudblood?"

Ron and Hermione turned to see Draco Malfoy standing there, a shining Head Boy badge gleaming on his chest. The gaggle of Slytherins behind him sniggered.

"I might have to take some points away from Gryffindor," Malfoy said, shifting his shoulder so his badge would glow brighter in the light.

"Shut it, Malfoy," Ron snapped.

"What's this?" Malfoy grabbed a button from a frightened looking first year. He sneered as he read it. "Spew?"

"Told you it was a bad name," Ron muttered to her.

"It's S-P-E-W," Hermione said haughtily, and gave her red headed friend a hard nudge in the ribs. "Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare."

Malfoy could hardly hold back his laughter. "Are you serious, Granger?" he gasped. "And I thought the teachers said you weren't stupid!"

"Excuse me," said a harsh voice beside her.

Hermione turned to see Luna. Had that voice just come from the dreamy Ravenclaw?

"Hermione Granger just happens to be the president of the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare," Luna said coldly. Her silvery eyes were like ice. "I think you should be a bit nicer to her."

From personal experience, Hermione knew that Luna only became snappish if her father or The Quibbler was insulted. It was a bit surprising then, that Hermione had been added to that very short list of things of which Luna became defensive--

No, it wasn't because of Hermione. It was because of S.P.E.W., that was it--

She wasn't the only one surprised by Luna's reaction. A large group of students had surrounded them, watching the confrontation, and most were staring slack jawed at this angry version of Loony Lovegood.

Even Malfoy took a step back, despite the fact that he was a foot or so taller than the younger Ravenclaw. "You know what, Lovegood?" Malfoy said, a hint of a quiver in his voice. "I'll join. Me and everyone in Slytherin."

Hermione couldn't quite believe her ears. "Really," she said, doubtful.

Her reply seemed to instill a renewed cruelty within him. An evil grin appeared on his face. "In fact, I'll be happy to dress up as a house elf!" he said, laughing. The group of Slytherins laughed along with him. "Face it, Granger, the day I or anyone'll join spew will be the day Loony Lovegood wins a game as Seeker of the Quidditch team!" He looked quite pleased with himself as not only his gang, but the rest of the onlookers laughed along in accord.

"You know," Ron muttered, "I agree with him."

Hermione thought that her eyes were going bad as Malfoy's image blurred in her vision. It was too late before she realized they were tears.

A sob crept up her throat. She dumped her S.P.E.W. paraphernalia into Ron's arms and pushed through the crowd. There was resounding crack from behind her. She was much too distraught to look back, however, and continued running, out of the dark castle and outside, where she finally settled under the shade of a birch tree, obscured by bushes, where no one could see her.

She was such a foolish girl, crying over somebody as stupid as Malfoy--but the ridicule, the laughter of the other students, their firm belief that S.P.E.W. had no chance at all, it stirred all this frustration and anger within her, finally surfacing in this outburst of tears that she hadn't meant at all. How silly she was, the Head Girl crying over such trivial matters.

Several lonely hours later, Hermione stumbled through the portrait hole, looking disheveled. She was aiming straight for the girls' dormitory when she saw two figures approach her.

"There you are!"

Ron and Harry ran up to her, looks of true concern on their faces.

"You all right?" Ron asked, leading her to a cushy armchair. "You just ran off. We were looking for you--"

"I'm fine," she muttered. She noticed their S.P.E.W. buttons shining from their sweaters and had the worst urge to rip them off. She knew they were doing it because they felt sorry of her--

"You sure?" Ron said.

"Yes," she snapped.

"Good," he said, relieved at her angry reaction, for it meant she was back to normal. He fell back onto the couch, a grin on his face. "You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am a little worried about Malfoy," he said to Harry.

Harry tried to suppress a laugh. "Luna did get him badly--"

"I think I'll go to--" It took a few moments for the statement to finally sank in. "Luna what?"

"She didn't tell you?" Ron asked, surprised.

"She didn't tell me anything! I didn't see her at all!"

Ron cleared his throat. "Well, right after you left," he said, "Luna ran right up to him with her wand and turned him into this big slimy thing in a Hogwarts uniform. Rather ridiculous, really."

"Looked like an big pink tongue," Harry said. "Didn't know she had it in her."

"Madam Pomfrey's got to change the sheets every half hour because he's oozing everywhere," Ron added. "Luna did get detention with Professor Flitwick, but he only did it because he had to. Turns out he really liked her hex and sent her away after ten minutes--"

Hermione could only stare at them. Dreamy, dotty little Luna Lovegood had hexed Malfoy into a greasy pink slug. It was because of his insults about S.P.E.W., no doubt. She did get horribly defensive over matters that were very important to her. It had nothing to do with Hermione being upset, not at all--

Why did she have to convince herself that Luna was doing things because of S.P.E.W. and not because of her?

She left Harry and Ron to laugh about Malfoy's misfortune and went up to bed. No one else was in the dormitory when she arrived. She had been going to bed rather early lately. After she made sure there weren't any Nargles crawling beneath her blanket, she let herself fall asleep, a part of herself hoping that this was all part of some odd, surreal dream.