Of Snitches and Snorkacks

"Honestly, this is the perfect time to recruit members for S.P.E.W.!"

"Even if you are Head Girl, Hermione, I don't think spew's going to be any more popular." "This has nothing to do with being Head Girl, and it's S.P.E.W.!"

"Well, how was it when you were being introduced, you had a big shiny spew button next to your Head Girl badge for everybody to see?"

"It's called advertising, Ronald, and I know you're jealous for not getting Head Boy!"

"Who said I was jealous?"

"Everyone saw you try to hex Malfoy right after you saw the badge on him. It's not exactly the best kept secret!"

Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were bickering once more as Harry Potter trailed a bit behind them, trying to avoid the line of fire in hopes that he at least would get to the Gryffindor common room in one piece--in other words, another typical day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Before the beginning of her seventh year, when Hermione had received her owl for school, a badge for Head Girl had fallen out along with a list of her needed supplies. This had come as a pleasant surprise for her, indeed, and her position would be perfect in pursuing the expansion of S.P.E.W. However, the reluctance of her two best friends on their first night at school was a bit of an obstacle, not to mention Ron's renewed resentment towards Draco Malfoy for snatching the position of Head Boy.

"This has nothing to do with that prat!" Ron snapped.

"Well then stop whining about it and help me with S.P.E.W.!"

"It's no use, Hermione, and you know it!"

She spun around and faced Harry, electricity crackling at the ends of her bushy hair. "You!"

He flinched, his strategy of keeping quiet obviously failed. "Wh--what?" he stuttered.

"You support S.P.E.W., right, Harry?" she asked. Her glare of death dared him to say otherwise.

Harry swallowed. "Erm--"

Hermione groaned in frustration. "Boys! All you do is think about Quidditch, don't you? I'm sorry that you have to worry about Gryffindor tryouts, but there are more important issues present, if you didn't know that already!" She stepped forward, and the two boys stepped back, afraid. "You don't understand that house elves deserve their own rights!"

"I believe you," came a dreamy voice from behind them.

Hermione turned to see a girl with straggly blonde hair, wand tucked behind her ear, with familiar radish earrings and a butterbeer cork necklace.

Great, Hermione thought. The last person I wanted to see.

Hermione heard Ron and Harry snickering behind them. She shot them a quick glare that silenced them immediately.

"I don't think this is the time, Luna," she muttered.

"Oh, no, I think S.P.E.W. is an excellent organization," Luna replied. She was the only other one besides Hermione to pronounce S.P.E.W. properly. The Ravenclaw held up the latest edition of her father's absurd magazine, The Quibbler. "In fact, Daddy just published an article on a house elf rebellion in Wales after their masters insisted on soy sauce in their eggs instead of ketchup. The trigger was that elves insisted that ketchup is the most nutritious alternative and when their masters refused--"

"Luna!" Hermione snapped, before the Ravenclaw could continue about her outrageous story. The younger girl recoiled, her wide silvery widening a little more in surprise at Hermione's sharp tone of voice. The Gryffindor immediately regretted shouting. "Luna," she said, a bit calmer, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to hear about the war of what is the healthier condiment, all right?"

"I can tell you later," Luna said.

"That would be best," Hermione replied. Her earlier outburst at the younger girl had squeezed the anger out of her. Now she felt ashamed and exhausted.

"But I do want to help you with S.P.E.W.," Luna said. "It'll be like we're friends."

"Erm," Hermione mumbled. Was her dislike for Luna that obvious? "Yes, I suppose it would. Good night, Luna."

"Good night," Luna replied. "And do mind the Nargles. They tend to hide in beds and fancy biting your fleshier bits, particularly the lower regions."

"Thanks, Luna," Hermione said. "I'll--keep that in mind."

Luna smiled at her before she trotted away in the opposite direction.

The boys had made sure she was well out of earshot before they burst out laughing.

"A rebellion over soy sauce and ketchup?" Ron gasped. He had already forgotten his argument with Hermione.

"Didn't know it was such a big deal," Harry added, grinning.

Ron and Harry continued their way up the staircase to the common room. It was now Hermione trailing behind them, reflecting on her encounter with the Ravenclaw. Nobody else had expressed any interest in S.P.E.W. before, until now. And out of all people, it was Luna Lovegood, the girl who believed in Crumple Horned Snorkacks and crotch biting Nargles. A girl who, despite all those absurd things, also believed in her--

"Funny, though," Ron said. "Her common room's all the way on the other side of the castle."

That was true, Hermione thought. Luna did tend to stumble about as if she had gotten to places entirely by accident. But still, she couldn't have stumbled into the complete opposite of where she was supposed to be. That only meant that Luna was actually looking for Hermione in the first place.

The heat rushed to her face. Luna had completely gone out of her way to talk to her. That weird little Ravenclaw--

She didn't understand why she was so worked up about this. Luna had probably seen her S.P.E.W. button and wanted to ask her about it. After all, that was what she was doing, right? Still, she didn't need to add the warning about the crotch-biting Nargles. But that was quite normal for Luna, quite normal--

"Hey, Hermione," Ron said, snapping her out of her reverie. "What's the password?"

"What is it?" Hermione was much too flustered with herself to realize that they had just arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady.

Ron gave her an odd stare. "You're Head Girl. You should know the password, right?"

"Right," she mumbled. "It's uh--" She couldn't remember. A Wrackspurt must be around, she heard Luna inside her head. They like to frazzle your brains, you know--

"You do remember it, don't you?" Harry asked, a bit puzzled at her behavior. Hell, she was very puzzled at her own behavior.

"No, I know it," she snapped, more flustered than ever. "I do, I was just thinking about S.P.E.W.!"

"Well?" Ron was getting impatient.

"It's--"

A third year passed them. "Tangy pudding," he said to the Fat Lady.

"Yes, that's my favorite dessert too," the portrait replied, and the picture swung open to let him through.

"--that," she muttered. How could she forget?

"You sure you feeling okay, Hermione?" Harry asked, as they climbed through the portrait.

"I'm fine!" Hermione said, a bit harsher than she intended. She just needed to get away before she did any more odd things. "I'm just tired. Good night!"

"Yeah, night," Ron mumbled. He still hadn't stopped looking at Hermione oddly.

She escaped up the staircase to the girls' dormitory and thankfully, it was early enough that the other girls hadn't arrived yet. She quickly changed into her pajamas and before she climbed into bed, she found herself checking under the sheets for Nargles.