Of Snitches and Snorkacks

"The first meeting of Society for the Promotion of Elfen Welfare is in order--"

"Luna, you don't need to do that."

"But it's an official meeting. It needs to be started properly."

"But it's just the two of us."

"It's still an official meeting of a registered school organization--"

"All right, all right! Just say it!!"

Hermione, after another week of trying to convince Ron and Harry about S.P.E.W., finally gave up and concluded that the only willing member was Luna Lovegood. The two of them were sitting at a table in the library one evening to discuss possible recruitment strategies.

Luna cleared her throat. "The first meeting of the Society for the Promotion of Elfen Welfare is in order on September eighth, nineteen-ninety-seven, at seven thirty in the evening, presided by President Hermione Jane Granger and Secretary Luna Clytemnestra Mary Sue Lovegood."

"Keep your voice down, will you?" Hermione asked, a bit exasperated. There were others in the library, studying, and their eyes were poring over the two of them, she knew. While Hermione squirmed under the scrutiny, Luna looked quite at home, as she scribbled notes on her piece of parchment, the tip of her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated on writing.

"Let's see," she said, nibbling at the end of her quill, which Hermione noticed, changed color every time she lowered it to the paper. Now it was a shade of electric blue, and then turned a bright highlighter yellow.

"Our main objective is to recruit more members," Hermione said, as Luna wrote in large, loopy letters. "We've got to get our message out there--"

"We could publish something in Daddy's magazine," Luna suggested.

"Erm--" Hermione hesitated. She didn't quite like an article about S.P.E.W. residing between a guide on how to clear the latest Nargle infestation and the latest news about the Minister's army of Umgubular Slashkilters. "It's not very popular with students," she said, quickly.

"Oh," Luna said. Hermione sensed that she knew the true meaning behind the explanation, but didn't go any further. "Maybe later, then." She took another note, and her quill became an electrifying pink.

"Yes, later." Maybe never, Hermione thought.

"Wrackspurts are an effective advertising tool," Luna said in all seriousness. "We can condition S.P.E.W.'s message into their system so when they fly into people's brains they can be effectively persuaded. They're easily lured by honey, so we can easily catch a good few."

How did she know that Luna was going to mention Wrackspurts? It was either that or the Blibbering Humdingers, thought Hermione.

"But it would probably be easier to train Blibbering Humdingers, since you could actually see them," Luna said, as if she had read Hermione mind. "You can make them spell 'S.P.E.W.' in formation. That would get some attention, wouldn't it?"

She scratched some more notes onto the parchment. Hermione was getting a headache watching the quill turn horrible shades of bright green, pink, purple, blue and yellow, then back to green again.

"That's good, Luna," Hermione said, rubbing at her forehead. "Can I see your notes?" She snatched the parchment from the table.

This certainly was a productive meeting. In Luna's flourished, looping scrawl was nonsense about those Wrackspurts and Humbibbers and her father's magazine and underneath that, was another suggestion of setting off Heliopaths on whoever disagreed with S.P.E.W.'s message. Hermione thought that was a half decent idea, if she wasn't quite bothered by the possibility of a death toll.

But beside the curly lettering, scribbled in the margin, was a doodle. It was a small, round little creature, with small furry ears, a pig's snout, curled horns and tiny beady eyes. It was rather cute.

"What is that?" she asked. She had never come across anything like this in any of her textbooks. But then again, this was Luna she was speaking to.

Luna sniffed. "That," she said, as if Hermione had been living under a rock for the past seventeen years, "is a Crumple Horned Snorkack."

"Really. I thought it'd be more--I don't know, majestic."

"Well, that one's just a baby," Luna replied matter-of-factly. "They grow quite large, you know."

"Have you seen one?" Hermione couldn't believe she was entertaining the idea that these things were real.

"Daddy and I went to Sweden one year to find them," Luna said, rather excitedly. "But we were only able to catch quick glimpses. They have an excellent land speed, so it's hard to catch up with them--but from our observations, they have a very bright purple hue."

Hermione wondered how it could be so hard to catch an animal that was such an obnoxious color, but kept her mouth shut. Arguing with Luna Lovegood went nowhere.

"I helped write a report on our trip for Daddy's magazine," Luna said. Apparently her excitement still hadn't died down. "Do you want to see it?"

"All right," Hermione replied, but even before she had agreed Luna was already digging through her school bag. She pulled out a wingless Snitch, a giant yellow mushroom, a half empty bottle of butterbeer, a Romanion Longhorn miniature (she had to shake it off her hand, since it had taken to nibbling at her fingers), and a pack of gobstones before she finally found the issue of The Quibbler she had been looking for.

"Here!" Luna said triumphantly. She scooted closer to Hermione (much to the Gryffindor's discomfort) as she flipped to the appropriate article and at once began to explain each picture at large.

Hermione was surprised to find herself enjoying the article. Yes, she knew that Crumple Horned Snorkacks were nonsense, but it was an enjoyable read. There were many pictures of the Swedish countryside, and in some, hidden in the corner, were flashes of bright purple. "We kept missing them by inches," Luna said, her face flushed.

She looked quite pretty that way, Hermione noticed. Luna had a childish enthusiasm that lit up her pale face, her silvery eyes wide and eager, voice animated as she explained the story in each photograph. Hermione certainly hadn't seen the Ravenclaw like this before. She doubted that anyone saw Luna like this before--with a pang of guilt, she realized that it was probably because nobody bothered to listen to her in the first place.

One photograph Hermione particularly liked was one with Luna and her father. The picture version of Luna waved at her, looking happier than Hermione had ever seen her, and beside the Ravenclaw, stood her father--a short, sprightly little man with long, thin white hair and cross eyes. They were standing with the hilly expanse behind them, waving madly at the camera.

"You can have this one," Luna said, pushing the issue towards Hermione. "I've got lots of these."

"Oh, thanks," Hermione mumbled, taken slightly aback by the Ravenclaw's sudden charity. Most of the time Hermione had ridiculed The Quibbler, and which turned into rather heated exchanges between the two.

"I'm sorry you didn't find a Snorkack during your trip," she said, and she actually meant it.

"Yes, we were very close," Luna said. "But I do plan on returning. You could come, if you'd like."

This struck Hermione by surprise. "I could come?" she asked.

"Oh yes," Luna replied. "During the trip I told Daddy you knew a good deal about other things, even if you are stubborn and close minded."

Hermione had no idea if she should take that as a compliment. "Really," she said. It was an odd feeling, knowing that Luna had spoken to her father about her.

"He said you could come the next time we go to Sweden."

So much for planning effective recruitment strategies. Usually, Hermione would be fuming, furious that nothing productive had been done at all, that she could have taken this time to finish a translation for Ancient Runes--but she felt anything but anger. In fact, as she sat beside this odd girl, with this absurd fascination for imaginary creatures, she felt--she groped around for the right word--content.

"Maybe," she said, smiling in spite of herself. "That would sound very nice, actually."