Revenge of the Potter People

Revenge of the Potter People

By: Dean's Darling

"Attention Potter people."

Collective groan

"I'm bored and you have to entertain me."

"Maybe if we ignore it, it will go away!"

"I'm not going away so get used to it, Weasley. In fact you stand over there by the fireplace. Mione, you start fighting with him."

Sigh "One fight and we are labeled for life."

"Harry, you have to go find Draco because you have scheduled a fight and if you miss it you will be ruined for life. You will have to hang your head in shame. Oh, and you also have to defeat Moldy Voldy on the way."

"I'm going to fight He-Who-Definitely-Has-A-Name-But-No-One-Seems-To-Remember-What-It-Is AND The-Giant-Blond-Git-Who-Doesn't-Seem-To-Realize-That-He-Is-A-Giant-Blonde-Git!"

"Yes, and that is just before breakfast."

"But it's dark outside!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is, look!"

"Ahh...pause...No it's not, look now!"

"How'd you do that?"

"I am omnipotent. I am god-like. I. Am. The. Author! I can make it day or night by the touch of my keyboard. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not. Now, what were we saying about...oh yeah. I expect you to do it all before breakfast."

"Huum. Well, I tell you what, you give me some of your god-like powers and I will find the Supposed-To-Be-Dead-Guy and whip up on his obnoxious behind, I will also find The-Boy-Who-Lives-To-Be-The-Bane-Of-My-Existence and make his life miserable, AND I will throw in a hot snogging session with the girl, you did hear me right, a girl of your choice!"

"Ok, you have a deal. Uh Harry..."

"Yes?"

"Millicent Bulstrode, in a broom closet, in the invisibility cloak!"

"..."

"Harry?"

"Sounds like the answer to a Clue™ game. Ok, let's rethink this shall we?"

Laughter

"You stepped in it that time mate. Never try to bargain with the writer. I tried one time and ended up talking backwards for a week. Just grin and tolerate it. It will be over soon."

"Hush Ron. Now Miss. Author, you owe me some god-like powers. I'll take superior intellect and wandless magic."

"Sounds harmless enough. All right Harry. So, what are you going to do now?"

Portrait hole swings open and Voldemort walks in.

"Hello Tom. We have company. May I introduce you to the Author?"

"Hello Voldy. I want you to try to kill Harry."

"Again?"

"Yes again."

Sigh

"How are you going to defeat your ultimate enemy this time, Harry?"

"With my superior intellect and wandless magic, of course."

"Sounds good. Ok, let's get started. Prepare to die, Potter."

Yawn

"You and me Voldemort, right here right now."

"Wait a minute, Harry. Before we do this I have a question. Aren't you tired of all of this?"

"Yeah, but what are we going to do about it?"

"Uh guys, stick to the script."

"It just torks me off. I mean, Author here makes us face off time after time. Sometimes you win, sometimes I win, all for the entertainment of some bodyless voice that has proclaimed itself god-like. Take my word for it kid, I've been bodyless before and there isn't a whole lot real power there. It's just that all of us characters are just afraid of what Author will do to us if we don't follow its instructions implicitly."

"Well...Author did give me superior intellect and wandless magic. How 'bout I do this."

"Uh guys, what are you doing. This isn't what I sat down to write. Wait a minute, that's my keyboard. Give that back."

Harry floats the keyboard into the hands of He-Who-Definitely-Has-A-Name-But-Yada-Yada-Yada.

"Ok Tom, lay it on the floor and..."

"Hey wait a minute. You can't do that. If you destroy my keyboard, you will cease to exist."

"Not hardly. There are thousands where you came from."

"Well, if I don't write, what am I going to do when I'm bored?"

"How about picking on Skywalker people for a while."

"Yeah? You think that would work?"

"Definitely."

Sigh The End, I guess.

P.S. "Harry, I want my keyboard back."

"In a bit. Right now just use a pad of paper and pencil."