Sunshine

~::Will you and me last forever or will you and me never be?

Will you hold me when you see me cry or will you turn away, never look back, and pretend that nothing ever happened between you and me?

But how long can we pretend, my love, how long, if not forever?

And even if we last forever, tell me, how long is your forever?::~

---

Breakfast...History of Magic...Transfiguration...Lunch time...Potions...Defence Against the Dark Arts...Assignments...Tests...Essay papers...Professors...Sleepless nights...Common room...Great Hall...Hogsmeade...Shreiking Shack...Full Moons...Marauders...The grounds....A little bit of Hogwarts.

Starry nights...butterbeers...quill shopping...cramming for Potions...days spent in the library...wiping tears... counting snowflakes in her hair...feeling fire in her embrace...tasting the sunshine in her kiss...falling falling, never stopping....That was only a little bit of Lily Evans.

---

Sunny summery days, oh how he loved them, and oh how he loved her. Simple, crazy, beautiful, bright, warm, moving...he could go on forever. Lily Evans personified sunshine. It was his best reason for loving the spring and summer afternoons.

Sirius always went on about how great the night was, stars, sky, veil of darkness, no one to catch you, nothing could stop you. He was a swift breeze in the night. But that was what the boy had loved...freedom. For Remus though, it was always the day, always the light: he loved his sunshine.

It was another day, gentle breeze, vivid sun, and blades of grass blowing in the wind. Lily Evans beside him, talking of something or other, sometimes he would miss out on what she was saying because he was so mesmerized by her singsong voice. Of course it wasn't always melodious, not when she was in an excessively dramatic mood, or when she was ecstatic. It was hard to tell sometimes actually, because she was the kind of girl who would laugh till she cried and cry till she laughed, or would sometimes have both tears and laughter on her face and it was very difficult to tell what was really going on.

"I'm having such a bad day!" she would say sometimes.

"And why is that?" he would ask, with the calm voice of reason that she claimed drove her crazy from time to time.

"Just because...It's one of those days that makes you hate life."

He would smile at this, unable to understand what on earth could possibly make her hate her life. "Cheer up, at least you're not a werewolf."

"Hmph! I'd rather be a werewolf than a Mudblood!"

And he would sigh, hating whatever or whoever made her feel this way. He would put an arm around her small shoulders, and he would whisper to her that even though it may not mean much coming from a werewolf, she was the greatest witch he knew and nothing would ever change that, least of all her blood.

And she would move in closer, if not hug him back, sometimes teary-eyed with anger or sentiment, saying that she wouldn't have appreciated it more if someone else had said it.

"Imperfections are what make us perfect," he would say.

"...for each other?"

"What?"

"Perfect for one another?"

He would laugh, "That too."

"I agree."

"Do you really?"

"Yes. We're one hell of a pair."

He would let out a derisive laugh. "Pair of misfits, you're probably thinking."

"So what?" She wouldn't deny it. "Still a pair. We'll be together for a long, long time."

"Define 'long'..."

"Oh Remus, don't get technical with me...when I say long, I mean long! But you're going to have to make sure that I'm asked to stay at some point. Things don't always happen on their own, you know."

"And what if I ask you to marry me?" He would ask, semi-seriously. Only semi though, because even though she was dearer to him than life and everything else in it, they were only fifteen, and he knew that promises made so young would not last forever.

"Dear Remus," she laughed, "I hope you do that someday."

---

But he never did. Because times had changed since then. And when times change, two things must follow, always and always, no exceptions: things change and people change.

Although she was not older than nineteen at her wedding, she was not nearly half the Lily Evans she had been not more than four years ago.

"Can you believe it? I'm getting married, Remus!"

"No, not really," he said quite honestly.

"Oh God! Stop being so depressing. We'll find you a gorgeous girl someday. I'll personally do it. She'll be prettier than me," the redhead said with a wink.

Not possible, he wanted to say, but kept quiet, for nothing could be accomplished now. Nothing that he would be proud of anyway.

"Remus...You're supposed to be happy for me!"

"And I am." He tentatively touched her ring, brooding as the diamonds shone in the light. He could never afford that. It made him feel that perhaps she was better off this way: with diamonds and love, and a man like James. "It's very pretty," he complimented the ring.

"Thank you," but her eyes did not leave him. "Stop thinking about it Remus," she whispered. "Please."

This startled him. "Thinking about...?"

"...Us."

"How can I?"

"You've got to."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I truly am." Her voice died down to a whisper.

"That's not true. You're not the kind of girl who would do something against her will. Lily, I know you. Honestly, stop worrying."

"You'll make me cry."

"Hush. No. Come on Lily. You can't. Not now."

"And why not?" she asked, defiantly. "You always told me that it was okay to cry."

"Yes, well these are special circumstances," he said very matter-of-factly, "...two reasons why not. Firstly, I'm sure James won't like it if I make his fiancée cry..."

"And..."

"And..." he sighed, lowering his voice, "tell me if I'm wrong, but it's a little too late, my dear Lily."

"For tears?"

"For tears. Don't waste them on me."

"Oh Remus...I can't believe..."

"...It used to be so sunny once," he said absentmindedly, and then suddenly seemed to remember the conversation. "Don't you remember?"

"It got cold," she said with a frown.

"Indeed. Now there's only darkness. When the sun last set, it promised never to rise again."

Their eyes locked. His were distant, hers, remorseful. "You've changed, Remus. So much."

He remained unblinking. "So have you."

"Where has all your warmth gone?"

"It left with you."