Death is Only the Beginning

What is death really like? Well I had asked myself that many times. It was one thing to understand that death takes that which you love the most and fills you with the pain and torment for all eternity; or so that is my case. But what does death feel like? I've sat here, all yearlong, the coming end to my years at Hogwarts, and my fateful night soon arising. I guess that is what brought about this feeling of emptiness, this sudden question.

I had thought about death for quite sometime. I had learned at a very young age that I had been an orphan of a terrible car crash that claimed my parents' lives. Then when my 11^th birthday came about, and I met Hagrid I learned the truth, I learned that my parents weren't killed in fatal crash like Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had said; but that I in fact was a child star in the Wizarding world. I had defeated the Darkest Wizard, and yet, I still remained feeling empty.

When I met Hermione, and Ron at Hogwarts, I was momentarily filled with joy. That was until, well until everything went down hill. I wonder, if I had of just remained in my Common Room, never worried about the Philosopher Stone, would any of this ever happened? Had I noticed Tom Riddle's Diary sooner at Flourish and Blotts, would Ginny not have been forced to open the Chamber of Secrets? If I had of allowed Remus and Sirius to kill Peter back in the Shrieking Shack, would Sirius still be with me today? If I had of raced Cedric to the Goblet of Fire and taken it before him, would that have meant he would have had a longer life? What if I hadn't had a hero complex like Hermione stated? Or tried so valiantly to save everyone I had known from harm in my Sixth year, and now my seventh and final year is upon me and the only thing I can think about is 'What if's'. Is what I'm doing the right thing? Putting everyone in danger, sacrificing their lives because I'm some hero?

Am I really a hero? If I died tomorrow, would I be called a hero, even if Voldemort remained alive? Would they remember the real Harry Potter? The boy who tried his damnedest to keep his friends alive, when he was foolishly running off into the spotlight to gain more fame? What was I thinking then? I could have got them killed! No, I don't think they'd remember me that way. More like "Harry Potter, the boy who failed us" that's probably how they'd perceive me should I die.

Can't think of that now. Graduation starts in less than a minute and here I am, listening to Dumbledore's speech and I'm not even paying attention. My mind is driving me crazy, all I can think about is, what's going to happen now. Now that I'm on my own, and I don't have Dumbledore to protect me; I'm sure we all know what will happen. I'll be sleeping in my nice warm bed, and then I'll wake with a start staring back into these blood red eyes, I'll see the evil sneer on his face, and I'll know my time has come. I'll have failed the Wizarding World, my friends, and most of all, the family I've come to know. I would not want that to happen. That's why, tonight, I'll be sneaking out of Hogwarts early, and I'll find myself standing before Voldemort alone.

What will happen, I'm not yet sure. But at least my question will be answered. I'll know the truth. I am sure I will not survive this night. The torture, the hate; I am not stupid. Voldemort does not just kill, he torments, he destroys everything you hold near and dear to you, and he'll make you beg for death before the end is near. That's what I am sure of. I am sure that like any other time I have gone up against him, I know my time is coming. And unlike him, I am not afraid. I will do my hardest, I will prevail, and then, I will release my soul into the hands of those who have loved me. Perhaps I will join my family once more, but tonight, I must spend the last few hours I have with my friends, before I do what I must.