Black Coffee

Black Coffee

Black is the last name of Remus Lupin's best friend, a misnomer if there ever was one, because surely someone christened Black should be sullen and gloomy and all sad.

Remus wasn't quite sure if he liked Sirius Black at first - he was too loud and too wild, and Remus was wary of him as introverted people are of those who are brash. But they found a common point in laughing at James' transparent attempts at wooing Lily, and in mocking him whenever Lily spurned his affections. Which was often, now that Remus thought about it.

And so somehow they became friends, then close friends, even though in school Black was always closer to James than to him. That was okay though; the four of them Marauders always spent their time together, and it wasn't as if Remus wanted his friendship exclusively. Black never made either of them felt like the third wheel too - his personality was far too cheerful and good-natured.

No, Sirius Black certainly did not live up to his name.

Black coffee is Sirius' preferred poison, but Remus absolutely loathed it. He hated the acrid, sour taste it left sometimes on his tongue, and no amount of fanatical praise from Sirius could change his mind.

The four of them shared a flat after graduation, and Remus and Sirius argue little for friends who see each other almost every second of the day. But there is a long-standing debate between them that never fails to set the other off. And always this argument starts with Sirius offering Remus some coffee over breakfast, his voice deceptively mild. Remus would reply stiffly, "No thank you, I told you before - " and they were off, another morning consumed by yelling over the tabletop and Peter's exasperated "Not again!" voice when he hear them fighting.

It also used to drive Remus crazy, Sirius' habit of folding the corner of the page he was reading so he wouldn't lose his place when he return to the book. Remus can't count the number of times when he had shouted at Sirius to stop doing that, it destroys the book - and Sirius' nonchalant 'yeah yeah yeah' reply, where he would promise to use a bookmark next time.

Then James got married and moved out, and soon Peter bought a flat by himself and relocated too, and the bachelor's pad suddenly seem quieter, a little more homely, with only the two of them inside.

And at that point of time Remus was fully aware of his attraction to Sirius, even though he would never admit it. Even if the attraction was mutual, which he very much suspected. Especially if the attraction was mutual.

James was lucky - he had never been friends with Lily to begin with, so there was nothing at risk when they start dating. But for Remus and Sirius, to take a chance at their love was to put ten years of friendship on the line, a love that could be all too easily torn by close-minded people and by themselves. Besides, Remus treasured the level of trust and friendship he was getting from Sirius. To move out of that comfort zone was not what he was looking forward to. Better to know that you are a friend for whom Sirius would die for, than an ex-boyfriend.

But when it rained outside their flat at night and both of them are huddled in their respective bedrooms, oh, how much Remus wished that he could just gather up his courage to walk over to Sirius' room and hold him the entire night. It wasn't that anyone of them was afraid of thunderstorms. It was just the human comfort Remus wanted. Just being in the embrace of each other. It didn't even have to be sexual.

Black is the colour of Sirius' blood when Remus dream about Sirius Black at night. The dreams - no, nightmares, of Sirius being cornered by Aurors after Peter Pettigrew made Sirius a scapegoat of his own heinous crimes. On that blown-up street with thirteen dead Muggles and dozens of eyewitnesses pointing accusing fingers at his best friend, Sirius Black. Only in his dreams, Sirius Black would not be arrested, but he will be killed by the angry mob and the angry wizards, curses flying; blood spattering -

Then he will wake up and everything's alright, except... not really, because the apartment is silent and lonely. And Sirius Black would be in Azkaban, his life passing by in a monotonous routine, haunted by every sad memory he has.

Remus really missed Sirius Black in those days, especially when so many things in their apartment reminds him of Black.

It is the little things that matter so much in life, Remus thought to himself. A couple divorce not because of a clash in conflicts, but because one partner refuses to put the toilet seat up far too many times. A friendship is destroyed not because she is a Catholic, and he a Buddhist, but because she told one simple lie. A father refuses to acknowledge his son not because he did something unforgivable, but because the son chooses to drop school to start a band.

And now that Sirius Black was dead and done with -

It is the little things that Remus miss most about Black. His penchant for black coffee. His habit of dog-earing books. His drawl. Broken, disconnected pieces of information about Black that tug at Remus awfully at the most unexpected times.

It is the little things that matter so much in life.