Draco Malfoy's Worst Nightmare

Ah, crap.

Perhaps the nightmare we all dread coming to life is a situation where you have absolutely no idea what to do and even if you did, you wouldn't know how to go about doing it. Sunday morning, Draco Malfoy found himself in this exact predicament. How or why he was there, he had not a clue. It was very dark and cramped: even blinking, rubbing his eyes and then staring around with his blonde hair pushed back didn't reveal anything that surrounded him. He was in a box of some sort, or perhaps a cupboard. Where the cupboard was though, was a complete mystery to him. There were things looming above him and on closer inspection they appeared to be dresses or cloaks.

Great, he thought. I'm stuck in a girl's wardrobe. This is not happening to me. If it was a girls wardrobe, the girl was either very stupid or very fat. It seemed too huge to be a wardrobe. Wardrobes were meant to be tall and slender, delicate and fancy. Draco knew this because it was the description that fitted his own wardrobe. Wardrobes were not meant to be bulky and made of common timber. Draco's own wardrobe was crafted out of the finest elm that his Father could have found. And, of course, it was covered in carved snakes.

Draco had grown very tall over the past year and he could almost stand at full height inside this monstrosity of furniture. However, when he did try to do this, his head was enveloped in some form of garment. Gasping, horrified, he slunk back down so he was squashed again. He would rather be uncomfortable than stand with his head in a skirt. He felt around the sides and bit his lip, wincing not out of pain, but from disgust as a splinter embedded itself in his finger. He held his hand close to his face but it was still too dark to see anything. He sincerely hoped it wouldn't infect him, which it most likely would because the wood was so disgracefully dull.

He sighed softly and leant his head against the inner wall of the hideous beast he was stuck inside. Something pressed awkwardly into his neck. He sat back and looked at it. Well, not so much as looked but felt around. His fingers enclosed around a lever. At least, that is what it worked as when he pulled it down. There was a loud creak and behind him, something opened. Unexpecting, he flew backwards and rolled out of the wardrobe. It took him several moments to untangle himself from the cloaks and dresses that had tumbled out with him. When he had managed this difficult task, he rolled them up and threw them inside the closet before closing the door. He then took the opportunity to look around.

His first thought was one of despair when he realised he was not in a Slytherin dormitory. In fact, he wasn't even sure it was at the school: he had never seen the other houses or their dormitories so he felt he was in an incredibly alien environment. There were three poster beds, two doors, four windows in a row exactly opposite him and various books, chairs and robes scattered across the floor next to two of the beds. On all of the beds, the hanging curtains were drawn and various mumblings could be heard from them. Draco found himself taking particular interest in the tidiest of the three sections of the room.

This person's area was very orderly and well thought-out. Draco smiled fondly, it reminded him exactly of himself. Each of the three sleepers had a desk. Two were covered in makeup but Draco's favourite was the one that had a large mirror and two books on the desk. Hogwarts: A History and My Diary 2003. It didn't occur to Draco to read it: normally he jumped at any chance to extrude someone's personal thoughts. He smiled again and sat at the desk, peering at the mirror in the dusky dark. He could just make out his reflection and turned his head to see his good bone structure. He winked at his reflection before getting up and walking to the window.

It was a beautiful start to the day outside but something still did not feel right. On looking at the grass and trees below, he realised he was still at Hogwarts. But where in the school, he still didn't know. The deep red curtains swung back and forth by the windows with a draft that had swept under the door. Draco watched the full-length fabric swishing over the dusty floor in mild interest.

"Lavender, are you awake?" a voice asked. Draco nearly jumped out of his skin and jumped behind the curtain. He calmed his startled breathing and leant back against the cold stone.

"Yeah, just. Morning, P," another voice replied. There was rustling and gentle clicks as two of the inhabitants of the dormitory drew back their curtains. Suddenly, something fit together in Draco's head. Red curtains. Lavender. Girls' robes. Draco almost vomited when he realised exactly where he was. His stomach clenched tightly and there was a nasty sick taste in the back of his mouth. To stop himself from shouting out in disgust, he bit on his finger gently.

"Parvati, have you seen my black bra?"

He bit down harder.

"Yeah, it's under your bed."

"Thanks," Lavender replied. There was a scuffle and then someone yawned loudly.

"What a beautiful morning it is in the Gryffindor sixth-year girls' dormitory."

A choked noise escaped Draco and he bit down ferociously on his finger, tears springing to his eyes. In less than two seconds, he tasted blood in his mouth and winced. It had gone quiet. They hadn't heard him, had they?

"Was that you?"

"Nope. Must be Hermione."

Oh. Merlin.

"Should we wake her up?"

"Nah, it's Sunday. Let her sleep in. She's been so busy with all that extra work she keeps giving herself."

They both giggled and didn't hear a soft snigger from behind the curtain as Draco silently agreed with their implication that Hermione was a total bookworm.

"C'mon, let's go to breakfast," one of the girls said. The door clicked open and then a draught caught it and slammed it shut behind them. Draco waited a few moments before he carefully peeked around the curtain. The dormitory was silent and empty again. Except for himself, and apparently Mudblood Granger. Something drew him back to her desk and he came out from behind the curtain. He approached the desk warily, not wanting to disturb the sleeping Gryffindor. Surely, the penalty for being in a dormitory of the opposite sex in a different house to your own would be quite severe.

He sat down on the chair, trying not to touch it with any of his exposed skin. He felt that there was certainly a disease you could catch from touching the same thing a Mudblood had touched. He was trying to stick to this train of thought when temptation took over and he grabbed her diary. It was surprisingly light for something so large and the cover felt almost like satin. Draco looked down at his own silk pyjamas and then back to the book. It couldn't possibly be real: she wasn't rich. Last time he checked, her parents were Denfrisses: people who stuck sharp objects in Muggle's mouths. In Draco's opinion, it sounded highly entertaining. He made a mental note to visit one with Crabbe or Goyle for a 'check-up'. Crabbe and Goyle were too stupid to be able to think otherwise.

He focused his attention back to the diary and very carefully, opened it. The pages had a slight pink tint and Draco found himself almost being sick all over it at the amount of red hearts she had drawn all over the first page. The only words were: Diary of Hermione Granger, aged 16: Witch in sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. KEEP OUT! The only other doodles on the page were stars. Draco wondered if they had been inspired by what she had seen when someone had possibly dropped the stupid book on her frizzy head. He grinned at his own witty thought and flicked the page over. Like I'm going to keep out and miss the opportunity to see what goes on in your twisted little mind, Granger, he thought, smirking.

What had started as his worst nightmare was turning out to be quite fun, it seemed. The next page had a photo of Potter, Weasel and the Mudblood grinning and waving at him. It made a change to their normal attitude towards him, he thought with a grimace.

1^st September,

First day back to school! I cannot believe how much Harry and Ron have changed. I mean, obviously I saw them over the summer at Grimmauld Place when we did extra work for the Order. But, how did they get to be so good-looking without me noticing?

Draco closed his eyes and counted to ten and then opened them again. Nope, she had definitely described Potter and the Weasel as 'good-looking'. Draco wondered whether he would get over this revelation. No, I'm scarred for life. He also questioned what this 'Order' was and where the heck Grimmauld Place was. Shrugging, he carried on reading. There was a lot of boring chit-chat about new students in Gryffindor, her timetable which he was sure was absolutely fascinating but he passed it with no intention of going back to read it and then he was just about to skip the part about the feast when he spotted his name.

Of course, Draco Malfoy and his goons were behaving like absolute berks through the whole of the meal. But another thought and, I never EVER intend telling anyone this... In fact, why am I saying it now? Anyway, Malfoy is better looking than Harry and Ron.

Draco smirked. Of course I am, silly girl. It's taken you six years to figure that one out?

And I'm not the only one who's noticed. I overheard Lavender and Parvati talking about him a bit earlier.

"However fascinating the subject of myself is to read about, Granger, I think I'll flick forward," Draco said aloud. He skipped two more pages, then three, then four when something caught his attention.

I AM SO ANGRY! HARRY AND RON HAVE BOTH FALLEN OUT WITH ME BECAUSE I WOULDN'T DO THEIR STUPID POTIONS FOR THEM! AND, AND YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS-

Draco looked around. 'You will not believe this'. Who was she talking to?

I caught them at it in the common room. In the common room? What were they thinking?! It's so disgusting! I can't even write it down it's so revolting.

Draco felt his jaw drop. 'Caught them at it'. At what? Merlin, he did not want to know. Eugh, Potter and Weasel? That... God, I'm going to be sick. He skipped another few pages.

This Christmas is going to be crap. Mum and Dad have gone back to France and didn't bother inviting me. They did say something about a dentist conference so it's probably going to be really boring. I can stay at school or go and stay with Aunt Nora. No thanks, I'll take Ron and Harry's disgusting excursions in the common room.

He frowned. 'They did say something about a dentist conference'. What on earth is a dentist? Probably some kind of weird cult that Muggles all belong to. He closed the diary and put it carelessly back on the desk. Granger was so boring. Unless she had a more secret diary somewhere ... Draco leant down and peered under her bed. There was nothing there except dust and a broken quill. He sighed and slumped back in the chair. He reminded himself not to sigh too loudly: he did not want to wake her up. But what he saw next, just in front of him, made him yell out. Spread across his cheeks was the word NOSEY in the most disgusting purple acne he had ever seen. That little bitch! She charmed it to stop people looking in it!

"I did warn you," a sleepy voice said just next to him. He gave a high-pitched shriek and fell off his chair, scrambling away from the hairy beast that was watching him interestedly. Oh, wait, it's just Granger with no Smoothing Potion and no coffee intake.I> She looked faintly amused but when she saw who it was the smile slid from her face.