Once in a Lifetime

Harry was fuming, but didn't exactly know why. Last week, on his eighteenth birthday, he had received the last personal possessions of his parents. The things had been stored in a separate Gringotts vault, and now he had inherited the right to open the vault and sort through the things his parents had left. He had also received an inventory list of the vault. Mainly, it consisted of his mother's jewellery, a lot if books and some boxes full of small items that seemed to have been of emotional value to his parents. Harry had looked through every bit, trying to decide if he should keep everything or if he had the (moral) right to throw certain things away. Some of the books for example were definitely out of date...

Then he had noticed that one of the smaller cardboard boxes was missing. There were four small cardboard boxes listed on the inventory, but in the vault there were only three. Three pale blue, yellowy flowered boxes in increasing sizes stood on a small, antique looking tea-table; the second-largest box was missing. Somehow this made Harry angry. He had no idea what was inside it, or who could have an interest in some materially worthless stuff his parents had kept out of sentimental reasons. Just the fact that someone had taken it drove him mad. He left Gringotts and stalked back through Diagon Alley, oblivious to the surprised looks his furious face created. When he had reached the Apparation Point, he apparated back to the Hogwarts grounds. He ignored even Ron and Hermione, who came towards him, asking him what had happened. He needed to know if Dumbledore had a hint for him where the missing box could be; or what was in it, if someone had such an interest in it. Harry ! met the headmaster right in the entrance hall, where he came up the stairs that let to the dungeons.

"Professor Dumbledore? Can I ask you something?"

Harry had become very used to control his anger if necessary. He explained the matter to Dumbledore in a half-voice, calming down while he did so, and feeling more and more sad about the supposed theft.

Dumbledore thought for a while, trying to recall the events and actions shortly before James' and Lily's death. A small, odd smile appeared on his lined face, and he looked at Harry with a sly glint in his eyes.

"I think you should go downstairs and visit Professor Snape in his office. I believe he has something to say to you... about your potions project."

With those words the headmaster turned in the direction of his office. Harry had well understood the short pause, and immediately became angry again. So Snape had something to do with this! If he should be the one who had taken some of his parent's possessions, even Dumbledore wouldn't be able to save him this time. Harry stormed downstairs in a white-glowing rage.

He burst through the door to Snape's office. The professor had been sitting behind his desk, busy with some paperwork, but alarmed by the sudden entrance he sprang up.

"Potter! Have you finally lost your mind?!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, Professor, I'm not as easy to drive mad as you may think. But you are very close in doing so, so perhaps you would have the grace to answer me a question."

Harry was grimly satisfied to watch Snape flinch at his acid tone. He used the rare occasion of Snape being speechless in a confrontation, and went on.

"Yesterday I received an inventory list of my parent's personal possessions from Gringotts. I went to check the vault this morning, and to my great surprise there was missing something. Someone gave me a hint that you may know more about the item in question..."

"I don't know what you are talking about..."

"Oh, I think you do exactly know what I'm talking about, sir. I think you remember only too well. Want a hint? What about a cardboard box? Quite small? Blue with yellow flowers?"

Snape had become pale, in a very alarming shade. He avoided Harry's eyes, instead shuffled in the papers that littered his desk. Still, he didn't answer. Harry was close to jump at the man's throat.

"Well? I'm waiting!"

Snape drew a deep breath. He went slowly around the desk, passed Harry, and closed the office door. He cast an anti-eavesdropper spell, and returned behind his desk, still not looking at Harry during the whole time. He slumped in his chair and gestured to Harry to sit down. They both fell silent for a long time. Harry examined his teacher's face closely. He watched Snape struggling with different emotions; loathing, guilt, anger and - fear were showing in a troublesome mixture, making Harry more and more impatient to hear the professor speak. Finally, Snape looked up and tried a sneer at him.

"Very well. I do not nurse the illusion that you may believe a single word of what I am going to tell you, so I will tell you only once.

Some days before your parents took refuge in Godrics Hollow, they moved most of her belongings out of their former house, partly into their hiding place, partly to that Gringotts vault you have seen today. I came to Godrics Hollow one day to warn them that their hiding place had been uncovered; I had to tell them that their secret keeper had betrayed them."

Harry took a sharp breath.

"You were the one who warned them?"

"I had been a spy for the Order for four years to that time. I heard Malfoy talking about the "great success" that one of the Dark Lord's spies had achieved, and that the Dark Lord was already on his way to kill the Potters. I had no other chance to warn them by going there myself. From the Order, I knew an emergency exit of Godrics Hollow, and then I used it as an entrance into the house. I told you parents what had happened, and that they had to flee immediately. They began instantly to collect some things that they couldn't leave there, and while I was already on my way back Lily stepped in my way. What she said to me is none of your business, but she also gave me a little box to keep for her. I barely made it out of the house and back to my supposed position near Hogwarts before the Dark Lord arrived. I think you know what happened next."

Harry sat dumbfounded. Snape had been the one who warned them. He had tried to safe their lives. And yet...

"Why did you leave them? You could have helped them to fight Voldemort!"

"And to what purpose?"

Harry was speechless at this egoism. Snape watched him closely, his face showing anger as well as desperation.

"Do you really think that your parents and I together would have had a chance against the Dark Lord? Perhaps I am allowed to remember you that you are the only one who has ever survived the Killing Curse. It would not have been a different if I had stayed with your parents. I would have been killed along with them. And don't tell me something about not laying down friends. With my warning I had done everything I could have done at that time. You have to remember that not only the Dark Lord was a danger to my role, but at least hundred Death Eaters as well. If he hadn't killed my at your parent's house because of my betrayal, his loyal followers would have done it. And you know that the Downfall did not happen in this single night the Killing Curse rebounded on the Dark Lord. It was a process which took many years, and I may tell you that my information were essential to many captures and arrests of loyal Death Eaters."

Harry had to swallow hard to suppress his anger, but he knew that Snape was right. That made it even harder to accept it. Snape spoke again.

"I have never opened the box your mother gave me that night. She wanted me to keep it for her, and after her death... I didn't know what to do, but I knew I didn't - and I don't - have the right to keep it. So I decided to keep it until someone of her family asked for it. But Lily's sister never did it, and I understand that the rest of the Evans family doesn't even know of the existence of the magic world."

Snape paused, lost in thought. Harry wondered what his teacher was seeing in this moment; if he was aware that he was the first person who had ever told Harry so much details of his parent's last night; and Harry became aware that, if he wanted to know more of his parents, if he liked it or not, he would have to ask Snape to tell him. But somehow, this outlook wasn't as terrible to him as he had imagined it could have been, now that Snape had already told him that much. The professor shook his head shortly and came back to the present.

"I believe you want to have it?"

Without waiting for an answer, Snape stood up and swept through a door hidden in the shadows of his office. Harry heard him unlock something, then rummaging through some things. Only seconds after that he came back, holding a small, pale blue and yellow box in his hand. He gave it to Harry without further ceremony.

Harry looked down at the little box. It appeared to him like a messenger from a different time. His mother had packed it, had given it to Snape to watch over it, and now Snape had fulfilled his task by delivering it into his hands. Whatever was in it, it must have been of importance to his mother.

He carefully lifted the lid off the box. Inside, there was a small book bound in light brown leather, a golden amulet on a chain and an old parchment. Harry unfolded the parchment first and gasped. It was the title deed of his parent's house, legally bestowing him with the properties of Potter Manor and all its grounds. A small note about the key word that would lift the concealment was attached to it. Harry looked at Snape, who was watching him with an odd expression on his face. Harry was quite sure that, if it had not been Snape, it would have been sympathy. He looked back on the parchment, and suddenly made a decision.

"Sir? Would you be so kind and show me where the house is? The location is mentioned here, but I would like you to come with me when I go there the first time."

That was another first this evening: Snape's jaw nearly dropped down to his knees, and he needed some time to recover. Harry waited patiently. At last the professor nodded, but still seemed unable to speak after that shock. Harry smiled softly to himself and went back to the box. Next, he took out the amulet.

It was a small, oval plate with some filigree engravings on both sides. The engravings showed lilies and roses, and when Harry traced them with his finger, he heard a soft click. He discovered that he could open the amulet at one side. Inside there was a strand of bright red hair. It glittered softly in the dim candlelight of Snape's office like it was sprinkled with rubies. Harry touched it carefully, and a shudder run down his spine at the silky sensation. He looked up at Snape once more. The man was looking intently at the small strand of hair in Harry's hand, obviously lost in thought (or memories) again. Harry noticed a glittering in his coal black eyes, but chose not to investigate it further. He felt close to the edge himself at the moment. He closed the amulet carefully again and put it back.

That left the small book. Harry noticed a tiny lock on its side when he took it, and after some tries he had opened it. It appeared to be his mother's private diary. Most of its pages where covered in an even and nice handwriting. While looking through it quickly, he saw that there were drawings and sketches too; he decided to look and read this later.

When he put the book back into the box, Snape took this as a sign to throw him out of his office - in a very neutral, nearly friendly fashion. Harry was thankful that he was allowed to have a silent retreat, without further explanations. Only when he was right outside of Snape's office, he remembered guiltily his former outburst at the professor. But when he turned to apologize, Snape had already closed the door.

Later that evening Harry laid in his bed, deep in thought. He had just finished reading the diary which started in her third year at Hogwarts, and went on until only one week before her death. At first he had felt slightly guilty about reading his mother's private thoughts. But then he had decided that it was the only way to get to know her better, and to have some first-hand impressions of what a person she had been.

He soon found out that she had been quite a unique girl in her school days; brilliant in classes, mischievous and crazy about Quidditch. He often laughed his head off at her writings and her ways of "putting things", she had been able to write lovely caricatures of her classmates. Harry learned a lot about the Marauders and their pranks this way, how Lily had been annoyed with the wild boys that James and Sirius had been, how she had liked and tried to help Lupin, even how she had never-ending rows with her sister Petunia, only because Harry's aunt had been so jealous. Harry paused in his readings; he imagined how it had been if not he, but Dudley had received the Hogwarts letter. It was a horrible thought, to learn of Hogwarts and the wonderful ways of magic only through another person, never been able to have some first-hand experiences. He thought he could see why Petunia had such a hatred and fear of everything magical.

Harry was amazed how much his mother had put into the little drawings and sketches. Her style was nearly comic book-like, but very accurate and - he could not find a different word for it - cute. He loved her drawings of Hogwarts and of the young Marauders, even Petunia looked so much nicer in his mother's view of her. Then he started reading the part when the fifth year at Hogwarts was starting for his parents. With a guilty pang he remembered his trip into Snape's memory in his own fifth year, and sure only some pages later he read his mother's furious thoughts about that event he had witnessed himself.

But oddly she seemed to have been even more furious with James and Sirius than with Snape, despite of his calling her a mudblood. In the following pages and times the name of Harry's Potions professor occurred more often; some sketches appeared as well, and Harry was amazed how young and somehow happy Snape looked - at least this was how Lily had drawn him. He read with more and more astonishment how Lily had come to like Snape, and how he had reacted to that, shyly at first, then more confident and at last with a well-based friendship. The friendship had continued during all toils and troubles, and had given strength to Lily as well as to Snape, Harry was sure of that. When he had finished the last entries, which had become more and sorrowful, he was convinced that, if it had not been for James Potter, Lily and Snape had possibly become a couple. The mutual liking, as Lily had described it in her diary, had contained some very sparkling times during their sixth and seven! th year, but it appeared to Harry that both of them had been too shy to dare a further step. Then James had come of more and more importance in Lily's life, and Snape somehow had taken the hint.

Their friendship continued nevertheless, even with some more intimate moments, like talks about things they both didn't want to discuss with other people than with each other.

And here Harry learned that Snape had joined the Death Eaters out of one simple, stupid reason. He thought that, if Snape ever accused him of being "gryffindorly stupid in his bravery" again, he would have the perfect argument to keep him silent. The reason was simply that Dumbledore had been in need of insider-information, and Snape with his contacts to Malfoy and some other infamous persons had grasped the opportunity to work more against Voldemort. Lily had been out of her mind for worry, and had made him quite a scene how he could dare so much. But Snape had been adamant, not that he still had the choice to return at that time. In the following times, both Lily and James had done their best to help him with his difficult and life-endangering task. It seemed that Snape and James had come to a kind of grudging respect, and they got along quite well - even if Snape never came to achieve the same with Sirius...

When Harry had finished the diary he remained brooding about all these information for a long time. He was glad that he had had the opportunity to learn from Lily some more about those difficult times, how it had been living under Voldemort's reign of terror, and even how she had seen the people around her and how they had lived together. With some amusement he thought about the first entries about Snape, Lily nearly sounded as if she had developed a heavy crush on the shy sixth-year boy. And in her sketches Snape didn't look as greasy and mean as he looked now; Harry understood that even his Potions professor had been once upon a time far away from the difficult and fearful times he lived in now.

He suddenly realised how much Snape must miss them; not only Harry's parents, who had been his friends, but most of all his Slytherin friends had lost their lives in the first war against Voldemort. He was nearly the only one left from this generation. A wave of sadness and sympathy washed over him, and Harry made a decision.

In the next morning Harry went down to the dungeons very early. He paused shortly in front of Snape's classroom, trying to hear something from inside. He reached for the door-handle when in this precise moment a well-known voice startled him.

"Well, Potter? Missing some other things?"

Snape's face was oddly blank, not a trace of the usual loathing or sneering was displayed. Harry smiled at him, secretly enjoying the uncertainty that this action triggered in Snape and could be seen in his eyes.

"Actually I was hoping to meet you here, sir. Could we possibly go somewhere where we can talk without being disturbed?"

Snape raised an eyebrow, but didn't reply. Instead he went inside his classroom and led the way through a hidden passage into his private rooms. Harry tried not to look around the room in a too curious way, but still he was amazed at the comfortable, quite modern furniture. A large basement window allowed a look across the lake and part of the Forbidden Forest. The window must been concealed from the outside, because Harry remembered to see only blank rock when he had looked at this side of the castle from the outside. He quickly concentrated on the reason for this unusual visit; it wouldn't be easy. He didn't want to offend or annoy Snape (at least not more than irrevocable). They both sat down a pair of armchairs. Snape still remained silent, but again raised an eyebrow at him. Harry took that as an invitation.

"I have read the diary yesterday. I don't want to go into detail, but I have received some information from a different point of view that I didn't know, or haven't thought about yet. I also don't want to explain all my motivations to you, but I have come to a decision last night. I would like to give you this, as a thank you - for everything. And as a remembrance of Lily."

Harry put his hand in his pocket and noticed Snape flinch slightly. He became sad at this; Snape really didn't trust anyone, Harry included. He certainly expected Harry to draw his wand. Harry fumbled a bit in his pocket, then brought out the small golden amulet.

"Lily wrote in her diary that she has made this amulet for me, and that I should wear it when I'm older as a talisman of her love for me. I have thought about this a long time - and I think that you should have it. You were her best friend, and I'm certain that she has loved you as her friend, too. So please take it, in memory of Lily."

Snape looked at him intently, but Harry could not decipher his expression. After a long time, Snape sighed long and softly.

"I can't take it. It is supposed to be yours. And, after all, you would be mad to give away a talisman of such power."

"I'm not mad. I told you, I have thought about it a long time, and I have come to the conclusion that you should have this talisman. My mother's love kept me alive, I'm living through her sacrifice and her love. I would like to know that her best friend has a part of her love now as he had played a great part in her life."

With those words, Harry stood up and went towards Snape. He held the amulet out to him. After a long time the professor took the little plate and looked at it closely. He was in the motion of handing it back to Harry when Harry simply took the chain, opened it and fastened it around Snape's neck again. He moved quickly, and Snape barely had time to jerk away from the short contact.

"Please sir, keep it. If not for my, then for her sake."

With that Harry left the once more speechless professor. Snape touched the amulet carefully, almost daringly; after a while, he tucked it under his robes and sat lost in thought until the bell for the first lesson shook him back into reality.

Two months later Snape's worst nightmare came true. He didn't know why, or how, or who, but somehow he had been discovered. He had been summoned this evening in the normal fashion, and he had followed the call without the slightest suspicion. He had barely reached the small clearing in an unknown wood when Lucius Malfoy had put him under a Binding spell and took his wand away. Struggling against his bounds and trying to activate the small bit of wandless magic he was able to perform, he had been thrown to the Dark Lord's feet. Of course he knew that excuses and pleadings were futile; so he had just laid still, waiting, silently. When Voldemort lost his little patience in questioning him, the torture begun. Snape didn't know how long he had been under the Cruciatus, or how many Death Eaters had been allowed to join the Dark Lord in his punishment. After what seemed to be a lifetime, the curse was lifted; but Snape knew why. And sure enough he now heard the words that conju! red up his death. He closed his eyes and relaxed completely, aching, tired. At last, this all was over. He felt a wave of pure energy rushing over him, flowing through his body, and lifting him some inches up the ground. He waited for the darkness, the light at the end of the tunnel, for something. But instead he heard a deep, vibrant tone like a large bell; the tone grew more and more intense, filling his head and body until he thought he should faint any moment; then, suddenly, it subsided. Only a warm, pulsing energy right over his heart remained, keeping him awake, filling him with an unknown feeling of refreshed power and calm. Instead the deep, vibrant tone he now heard terrified screams, a panicking group of people running away, trampling each other by doing so; and after that, only the voices of the wood around him. He didn't have the strength to open his eyes. He just stayed where he was, hoping for the pulsing energy to drive away his pain, and finally falli! ng into unconsciousness.

When he came back to reality, the first thing he noticed was a pair of emerald sparkling eyes looking worried at him. The world swam slowly back into focus, and he recognised Hogwarts well-known hospital wing, and Harry sitting next to his bed. The boy seemed relieved at his regained consciousness. He grinned widely at him, his eyes sparkling and remembering Snape only too well of another person with those eyes.

"Welcome back in the world of the living, professor. I suggest you get a grip on the events that have happened while you chose to take a time-out, because on the outside of this sanctuary there is a whole world waiting for you."

Where the hell had that Potter boy learned those terms of expressions? Snape intended to ask that question directly, but only managed a groan. Then again, the soft pulsing energy drew his attention to it. He felt for the source of it and was surprised when he finally touched the small amulet Potter had given him - Lily's talisman. He looked at Harry with big eyes.

"I believe you would like to know what happened." Harry said, with a much more sober voice and expression. Snape only nodded.

"Somehow Voldemort found out about your activities as spy for the Order. We don't know exactly how, but Wormtail may have his share in this matter. After all, he knew that you were a good friend of my parents, and it appears that he has waited on the moment with the most profit for himself to reveal this fact to his master. Maybe he had kept this information as a life ensurance, so that he could put you in to safe his neck. Well, maybe we'll never know.

Fact is, when Voldemort cast the Killing Course on you, it rebounded - again. This could not kill him, but he was ripped off his body as it has happened eighteen years before. His followers run away as they did before, and where he is now... Nobody knows. Even if he now succeeds in coming back again - you have bought me a lot of time to prepare for that case, sir. And for the reason of this unlikely turn of events... Dumbledore thinks that Lily's talisman is the key to that."

"But... I am not related to her in any way. I thought she was able to protect you because of some ancient blood magic. That should have not done for me."

"Yes and no. You are not related to her, you're right there. But, as this event proves, she didn't use blood magic; she used the magic of love itself. Whoever wears this talisman is protected from mortal peril as long as he or she - was loved by her. If the wearer returns the love, it is able to absorb such enormous energies as the Killing Curse. Of course not unlimited, you really should avoid of getting in the way of another one. But for this time, it has worked."

Snape stroked the little amulet absently while he thought about all this. He still was not sure if now everything was over; but at least, they all had reached some safety now, if even for the moment. He looked up into Harry's face, and, after a while, returned his smile.