Show Me That You Love Me

I see him there, tossing and turning in his sleep. And it tears me up, rips at my soul to see how bad his dreams are, in person. I wonder who's comforted him earlier this summer before I caught Wormtail. Who's comforted him in that God-Awful stink hole called Privet Drive. And, I can't help but feel guilty because I didn't catch that rat earlier.

But now, I see him laying there on the bed, and he's so... utterly helpless. He told me before not to awaken him, because if I do, then when he does fall back to sleep, the dreams are worse. But, I can't stop myself from feeling awful everytime he wakes up exhausted. We used to use Dreamless Sleeping Potion for him, but his nightmares came back twice as bad the next night. There's nothing I can do about it, and it kills me.

But tonight's different. His dreams are far worse than normal. I can tell. There's usually a pattern to them. He'll start mumbling something about a cup, then, his entire body will freeze up. Then, he'll start jerking around, and then stop, then jerk around again, then start mumbling about James and Lily. Tonight, there's no pattern at all. He's randomly clutching out to anyone, and he's actually screaming for his friends. I'm scared for him, scared of him. But I love him, like I loved his father.

"No, come back, don't leave me... " he says, and then he gets silent for a little while. Then, he does it again. Finally, by the third time, I get so frustrated and upset with the entire damn situation that I crawl in bed next to him, and his arms reach out and clutch at me, protectively. They are like talons, like metal claws, and he's so desperately trying to hold on to me. He's started bruising me, and I pull away, when he gets slammed out of the dream, sitting up like a rocket, and sees me pulling away, and starts crying, and shivering.

He's huddled in a ball, and I honestly don't know what to do. He's just crying, choking and sobbing his eyes out. His entire frame is getting racked with horrible sobs and shudders, and I reach out to touch him, and he pulls away. He looks up, tear-stained eyes, and he is still crying. He can barely talk without letting out at least a whimper, and he starts whispering to me.

"Everyone left, Sirius... They all said that they hated, me, that they didn't love me, and they all left. It was so horrible. Then, I saw you, and you weren't smiling at me like you normally do. I tried to hug you, but you flinched away, pulled out of my grasp, and you disappeared, Sirius, and I was all alone, and no one loved me, no one, and I was just in a big field of nothingness, just... oblivion..." he says, then starts sobbing again.

I'm a little scared of Harry. More now than I ever have been. But, I do love him. I reach out, and try to run my hand through his hair, to pat him on his back, like I always do, but my hand falls half-way. Somehow I don't think it's enough. I don't think anything is enough at this point. I regain my voice, and I try to comfort him.

"I'm here, Harry. I don't hate you. I... love you, Harry."

His eyes are skeptical, glassy, hollow. He feels so bad, I can tell. He wants to believe me, but after a dream like that, he needs to feel love.

"Show me that you love me, Sirius. I feel so hated. Sirius..." he almost yells, before he breaks off into sobs again, scaring me. I love him so much, and there's no way in the world I can show him, except for one thing.

I sit down next to him on the bed, and he starts shivering even more. I reach out, and gather him in my arms. He curls up, melts into my embrace, absorbing my heat. I just whisper soothing nonsense into his ear, and pat his head. He's crying so hard, and I just let him sob it all out.

Then, he looks up at me, and his tears have almost all disappeared now. I can just see the watery-ness of his eyes. He's started smiling, and inside my entire body has gone a golden ray of happiness, because he's happy.

His hand reaches up to caress my face, and he smiles, his eyes shining green traced with dew.

"I love you, Sirius..." he whispers.

He leans forward. I lean forward, too, feeling the pull of him like some inevitable sun.

And we kiss, just our lips brushing each others at first, and then his tongue and mine dance the eternal dance of heaven, tasting the other's very essence, and it goes on and on for what seems like eternity.

He pulls away, winded. It should feel bad, wrong, but it only feels right. And, he pulls me down into the bed, and we curl up and sleep. Well, he does. I just feel his heart beating, thumping happiness. I, however, stay up all night and notice something else.

His nightmares don't come back.