What Is Love?

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Molly sat on the sofa in Ginny and Draco's sitting room holding Ginny's left hand while Arthur sat on the right holding the other. Draco leaned against the wall by the hallway door. His arms and legs crossed. He sneered at Kingsley, Molly, and Arthur but smiled brightly at Ginny each time he caught her eye. Molly and Arthur kept whispering to her explaining how her life would be better once she and her children were home to The Burrow. Ginny was so lost in thought she wasn't listening to Kingsley. Thirty minutes earlier she was excited and very happy, she had a beautiful new baby and sons that loved her very much. Her husband had agreed to have more children in an attempt to give her the baby girl her heart longed for. It appeared he really cared for her and wanted to make her happy. Now, her parents were telling her to leave him, that her life would be better away from him. They were her parents after all and always knew what was best for her.

They reminded her of all the problems in her marriage, how he controlled her, how he always got the final say, and in short that their marriage wasn't a partnership. Her mother's whispered words to her when they first entered the sitting room ran through her mind. "You'll finally be able to fall in love with someone!"

Every woman wants to be head over heels in love, to miss your mate so deeply that you long for him to come home from work, to have your heart race when you hear his apparition pop, and the excitement of running into his arms for a good after work snuggle. She never had that with Draco and her mother was now promising her that if she left him.

Kingsley Shacklebolt slightly raised his voice, which brought Ginny from her thoughts. "Ginny! Do you understand? The marriage law was repealed this morning and if you wish you may have your marriage annulled. You have two weeks to decide. If you like you can come with us now." Kingsley looked at Draco. "No one can stop you."

"What about my children?"

"We will take them with us. If you have been abused, you will get full custody. Their father will get limited visitation," Kingsley informed her.

"Draco didn't abuse me."

"Then you will share custody with him."

"He'll hide them away if he gets the chance," Molly exclaimed.

Draco squatted down next to Ginny looked into her eyes lovingly and placed his hands on her knees. "Why are you speaking as if you've already decided to leave me? Only this morning you talked me into having more children. Aren't you happy, Gin? What can I do to make you want to stay with me?" He had tears in his eyes. "Please, Gin. I love you."

Ginny rubbed his face. "Don't lie, Draco. You want and need me, like I want and need you. But you don't love me as I don't love you." She heard her boys laughing as they ran down the hallway. "I know I don't love you because I love our boys. And I don't feel that strongly for you."

He raised an eyebrow to her. "We're more than that, Gin. I feel more then want and need when we dance. I see you blush. I can feel your heart race. Didn't you feel mine?"

Ginny's memories of the society balls came rushing into her mind. It did feel like love those nights. During dinner, he stole kisses from her and rubbed his left hand over her thigh. He whispered to her, "I'm the luckiest man at the ball because I have you at my side. You are the most beautiful witch." She laughed at him, he made the same statement when her pregnant belly was so big it wouldn't fix under the table. After dinner they pranced about the room making small talk for an hour. He's hand was always in hers or on the small of her back. He whispered loving statements in her ears and kissed her cheek. Once they had greeted everyone at the ball, he took her to the dance floor. She melted into his arms during the first song and she felt both of their hearts racing. He was her prince those nights, and they looked the prefect storybook couple. He Apparated her home around 11:00 pm and he made sweet gentle love to her until the early morning.

Ginny shook off the memory and looked at Draco with a confusion expression. "Saturday nights are lust not love? I'm... I'm"

"Please don't decide today, Luv. Give it the two weeks. You can stay at the beach house if you like. I'll get you a nanny to help with Leo. I'd like to see the boys for a couple hours each day."

"They can stay at the Burrow, and I'll watch after her and the boys," Molly spouted.

Draco sneered. "My sons know the beach house as a second home. Ginny has vacationed there many times without me. Cam and Serpens will not think anything is wrong. I'd like to make this as easy as we can on our boys, Ginny. Thuban will know something's amiss. Do you want me to speak with him?"

"Draco's right, Mum. I'll go to the beach house." Ginny summoned the house elves to pack her and her sons' belongings. "We'll leave this evening." Draco had a slight smile on his face until Ginny turned to him. "I don't think you should visit us. I need time to think and I won't be able to do that with you popping in every night. Mum will help me with Leo."

Draco kneeled in front of her, his eyes filled with pain and sadness. "Please, Gin. I need to see them. I've never been away from them more than two days."

She ran her hand through his hair and looked into his eyes. "Maybe you can come for a short time on Saturday."

Draco had agreed not to contact Ginny or the boys until Friday morning. He made sure the beach house was cleaned, the kitchen was stocked with food, the house was warm, and there was an ample supply of treats for his sons. He informed the three house elves at the beach house to follow Ginny's orders without question. He tried to talk Ginny into a nanny for Leo but she wouldn't hear of it, but did agree to take Tipsy (the house elf who had taken care of Draco and Lucius as children) along with her.

The Weasley twins helped Molly and Arthur move a couple weeks worth of their things into the beach house, while Ron kept Thuban and Cam busy flying the rest of the afternoon. Serpens spent most of the day playing with his dragons in Ginny's bedchamber, and Ginny spent the rest of Wednesday in bed recovering from Leo's birth.

The boys were very tired from their day and Molly had no problem putting them to bed after dinner. All of Ginny's brothers, with the exception of Charlie and Percy, had come to the beach house for dinner and to visit Ginny. After the children and Ginny were sleeping, the Weasley family met.

"I can't believe she didn't ask for the annulment already," Ron said.

"She just gave birth, Ronald. She isn't thinking straight." Molly placed a piece of cake in front of him. "She's very emotional."

"She's not in love with him and she decided to come here right away," Arthur added.

Bill sipped his tea. "I want to make sure Ginny's decision isn't influenced by magic or concern for her boys."

"We need to make sure the Malfoys can't steal the children also," Fred interjected.

"I've placed a number of wards on the beach house. It's too bad we still don't have spies on the Malfoys," George stated.

"I'm sure they are planning something," Ron spouted.

"They may be little brother but we can't let that possibility affect Ginny's decision," Bill calmly stated. "She'll go back to Malfoy if she thinks it's the only way to keep her boys."

Thursday passed quickly and uneventfully. Bill had taken the day off to keep Ginny's oldest boys busy. Molly kept Serpens busy, while Ginny rested and took care of baby Leo. Friday was a different story all together. Ginny, although still very tired, was up and around.

Her morning didn't start well. She walked into the kitchen and heard Serpens talking.

"I not eat eggs, Grandma."

Cam smirked. "They make him sick, Grandma."

Thuban smirked while he nodded his head. "He's allergic. You'll have to make him something else."

"Sorry darling, I didn't know. What would you like?" Molly asked pleasantly.

"I eat waffles with strawberries," Serpens said while nodding.

"He'll eat the eggs, Mum," Ginny said as she sat at the table. She looked at her boys and then at her mother. "They're a sneaky lot, Mum. Ask the elves if you have any questions about food." Ginny looked back at her boys. "Don't you have something to say to your grandma?"

"Thanks for breakfast," Cam rattled off.

"You're a great cook. The eggs and sausages were outstanding," Thuban spouted with great cheek.

Ginny cleared her throat and a choir of "I'm sorrys" came from her boys. Arthur laughed as he left the table. "The sounds of home. Molly, you better put your twins' hat on." He kissed his wife's cheek. "Nice to see you up and about, Ginbug." He kissed Ginny's cheek. He quickly kissed the boys' cheeks and chuckled. "Your grandma has handled the best, boys. You best be careful now that she's on to you," and with that Arthur Disapparated.

Thuban elbowed Cam and nodded towards Ginny. "Mummy, is Daddy coming today?"

"No, Cammy. Daddy is very busy with work," Ginny lied.

"We floo Daddy, please!" Serpens pleaded.

"Not this morning baby...." Ginny was cut off by the arrival of an eagle owl. The boys were very excited to see their father's owl. It dropped two letters in front of Ginny, a private letter for her and one to be read to the boys. Thuban gave the owl water, a treat, and whispered to it before it flew off.

Draco's letter to the children was very simple. He told them he loved them, missed them, and he would see them as soon as he possibly could. He also told them to behave for their mother. His letter to Ginny was simple too. He stated how quiet the manor was without them, how he would change if she came back, and asked if he could visit the children Saturday or at least floo them. Molly had insisted on seeing both letters and tested them for charms or hexes, though none were found.

"Are you going to let him come, Ginny?"

"I don't know, Mum. I need more time. I'm not ready to talk to him. But the boys miss him so much."

She hugged her daughter. "I know it's difficult sweetheart, but you need to do what will make you happy. You are no good to your children if you are sad and depressed."

-------*******-------

Thuban stood in Ginny's bedroom doorway late Friday afternoon. He was dressed in a green Quidditch uniform with his junior comet in his hand. Ron was standing next to him also holding a broom. Ginny sat in a rocking chair feeding her newborn son with Hermione and Molly by her side.

"It's no fun here without Daddy. Why are we still here?" Thuban questioned.

"Sweetheart, we're having a two week holiday."

"But why? It wasn't planned. Daddy said he'd be staying home with you for the first week."

"Darling, Leo came early and your father is busy for the next two weeks. Your Grandma and Grandpa Weasley are helping me. Uncle Ron will take you flying most evenings."

"Grandmother would have helped. Uncle Ron doesn't fly as well as Daddy. The water's too cold to swim in and Daddy has never been too busy for more than two days."

"Thuban, Daddy is busy and he won't be coming."

"I'm missing my lessons. There's no way Daddy agreed to this holiday."

Ginny looked frustrated and when she hadn't responded Ron decided to step in. "Listen, mate. Wouldn't you rather go flying than have boring lessons? You're too young to be worrying about schooling. What do you say mate?"

"Je n'ai jamais rencontré quelqu'un d'aussi bête."
(Translation: "I've never met anyone quite so dumb.")

Ron looked at Ginny in puzzlement. Ginny shrugged her shoulders and Thuban smirked.

"I said, I enjoy flying with you very much."

Ron smiled at the little boy and started to lead him away. Thuban looked at his mother and when he realized he wouldn't be getting the truth from her tonight, he decided to go flying with his uncle.

Once Ginny was sure Thuban was gone she turned to Molly. "He knows something is wrong and all the boys need to see Draco."

"Are you ready to see Draco, Ginny?" Hermione asked softly.

Ginny started to cry and Molly hugged her. "I'm so confused, Mum. My boys need their father."

Molly patted Ginny's back. "They need a happy mother more Ginny. Doing what's best for you is the best thing for your boys in the long run."

Ginny was too tired to think. She wanted to be alone. Hermione and her family had hinted all afternoon that she shouldn't let Draco visit the boys Saturday. Now she wanted to think for herself and nap. She laid a sleeping Leo in his cot. "Mum, I'm tired. Can you please give the boys their dinner?"

"Of course, Ginny dear. Have a lovely nap." Molly and Hermione exited the room.

Ginny walked around the master bedroom. She loved the beach house. Draco had allowed her to redecorate two summers ago. It was perfectly designed for a family with young boys. They had spent most of June, all of July, and all of August here last year. It had been the happiest summer of her life. But maybe it just seemed that way because March, April and May had been very stressful months.

-------- Flash back ---------

"I could provide a potion to increase Mrs. Malfoy's fertility but the chances for multiple fetuses are very high. Knowing she has had problems with high blood pressure late in her last three pregnancies, multiples would be dangerous for her to carry," the healer informed Draco and Ginny.

"I don't want to do anything that endangers Gin. We already have three healthy sons; just with her family's history it's surprising she isn't pregnant. Serpens is two," Draco answered.

"I understand. All the tests show everything is normal with both Mrs. Malfoy and yourself. Sometimes infertility is stress related. Having three active little boys under the age of 5 is stressful and time consuming. My best advice; take a holiday, get away from the stress, and stop trying."

Moments after Apparating into the Manor foyer Ginny broke down in Draco's arms. "Your father's right, I couldn't do anything, even something as easy as getting pregnant. What am I worth to anyone?" She wept through her words; Draco tried his best to comfort her and decided to move them into their private suite before talking. Once inside he sat her on the settee and cradled her in his arms.

"You're worth the world to me and the boys, Luv. You're an excellent mother."

"Not according to your father. He is always criticizing my parenting, especially when it comes to Thuban." She continued to weep. "Every day, he finds something that I've done wrong."

"Father is disappointed with me also, but they are our children, and I believe we are doing an excellent job."

"Your mother hasn't been any better the last two months. I forgot to check Thuban's shoes before I flooed the boys to dance class in March. He still had on his trainers. I got a 30 minute lecture about the importance of appearance, and now she checks the boys before I leave the Manor with them."

"I didn't know, Luv. I'll speak with her." Draco kissed away her tears and her crying slowed. "Mother forgets you have three to look after," he chuckled. "And I used to always try to sneak out in trainers; made it a couple of times too." Ginny giggled. "That's much better," he smiled at her. " You know the garden party crowd, Gin. I'm sure Thuban's trainers were mentioned and one of the older witches remembered the occasions I'd worn mine."

"That explains some of her behavior, but I hate it when she leaves me out of the party planning. I want to plan my sons' and husband's birthday..." Ginny stopped and placed her face in her hands. She blushed at her mistake; Draco's party was to be a surprise.

He moved her hands from her face. "Don't worry Ginny. I already knew. Only Mother would believe she could send out 200 invitations for a dinner party at Malfoy Manor on June 5th and I wouldn't hear about it or guess that it was a birthday party for me." They smiled at each other for a couple of minutes. "Gin, for my birthday I want you to get us ready to spend a month at the beach house, just you, me, and the boys."

-------- End of flash back ---------

Leo cried. Ginny picked him up and walked with him. She wrapped the baby in a blanket and went out onto the balcony which overlooked the seaside. She sat in one of the lounges. Her father was building sand castles with Serpens. Ron, Thuban, and Cam were flying their brooms. Draco still had Cam's junior comet's charm set to beginner, so he couldn't fly as high or as fast as his brother. Thuban was being devilish - almost running into Ron a number of times and saying it was an accident. But Ginny knew better. Thuban was an excellent flier for his age.

She looked down at Leo, "Do you like this house little one? Mummy does. I've always been the mistress here, not Narcissa. This house is too small for your grandmother and grandfather," Ginny giggled. "A twelve bedroom house too small, can you believe it?" Ginny looked up in time to see Thuban knock Ron off of his broom. She shook her head and called her oldest son over to her. He flew onto the balcony and sat in the lounge next to her.

"Thuban, I know you're flying into Uncle Ron on purpose. If you can't behave yourself you will go to your room."

"It's not my fault he can't fly," Thuban stated.

"Thuban, you know better. Now, go tell your uncle you're sorry."

Thuban's eyes went dark and he screwed up his face in anger. "I will not! Malfoys never apologize to idiots. I want my daddy."

"Thuban go to your room and stay there for the rest of the evening. You won't be getting any supper." The little boy started stomping off. "And leave your broom in my dressing room. You won't be getting it back until you apologize to your uncle." Thuban slammed every door on the way to his chambers. Ginny placed a sleeping Leo back in his cot. As she laid on her bed memories of the previous summer ran through it.

-------- Flash back ---------

Ginny stood on the balcony in a long black robe and watched as Thuban age 5, Cam age 4, and Serpens age 2 excitedly jumped and spun in circles in front of Draco, their short blond hair flowing with the breeze. Each boy was dressed in a Quidditch outfit. Thuban worn the away Falcons uniform which was green with gray trim; Cam worn the home Falcons uniform which was gray with green trim; while Serpens worn a home Falcons jumper and robe. Draco had his broom in his right hand and two junior comets in his left. "Daddy, you promised to move my broom's charm up to the next level," Thuban chirped.

"I said if you could prove yourself an able flier I would. I need all of you to sit on the porch while I set up Thuban's test." The boys ran over to the porch and sat, each of them squirming and laughing with great delight as Draco constructed an obstacle course for Thuban to fly through. Once completed Draco flew the course next to Thuban explaining what the boy was to do. Draco confirmed that Ginny was watching before sending Thuban on his way. The young boy ran the obstacle perfectly, performing the twists, turns, climbs, and drops with great speed while maintaining the ability to stop on a sickle.

Thuban landed next to Draco, he hugged the boy. Draco's face beamed with pride at his oldest son, and he messed the boy's hair lovely. "Excellent flying, son. Let's see what Mummy thinks." They turned and looked up at Ginny. Draco smiled and winked at her. "What do you think, Luv?"

"He's very skilled, but if you change the charm setting he must always fly with one of us."

Thuban squealed, "Change it Daddy, please. Change it!" Thuban then whispered, "She makes me fly with a grownup already." Draco raised his wand casting the charm changing the broom's setting from beginner to intermediate.

"Gin, we'll be ready to go in a few moments. Are you coming?" Draco inquired.

She nodded and moved inside. She removed her long black robe to reveal her Gryffindor Quidditch uniform from her seventh year. Two days before his 25th birthday, Draco had paraded around in their private chambers showing off how his Slytherin uniform still fit him, so she wanted to see if hers did too. She wasn't very hopeful, as she knew having three boys had changed her body. But after putting on the uniform she decided the change was for the better. Her small breasts had filled out a bit so that the jumper was tight in the chest but loose at the waist. With her trousers the waist was too big and she had to perform a tailoring charm. They were tight in the hips but it showed off her round bottom nicely, so nicely that she thought it a shame to cover it with a robe. With her robe and broom in hand she hurried down the stairs and out the front door.

Draco's eyes widened at the sight of her. He uncoupled Serpens' flying harness from his own and walked over to Ginny after instructing the boys to remain where they were.

"Bloody hell, Gin," he whispered as he kissed her neck and ran a hand down to cup her bottom. "Merlin, I never thought I'd be turned on by a Gryffindor uniform."

She giggled and pushed him away. "Don't get too excited dear, we have an audience." She pointed at their three boys.

Draco eyed them and looked back at Ginny. He whispered, "Put the damn robe on and hide that outstanding view of yours. This broom ride is going to be very uncomfortable for me thanks to you."

She giggled causing him to spin around and suckle her neck one last time. "Laugh now, wench for it will be I laughing tonight while you make amends for your teasing. Remember Luv, flying tires the boys out but invigorates myself. It will be an early bedtime for everyone tonight." He winked at her and patted her bottom before returning to their sons.

--------End of flash back ---------

She smiled as the memory faded and sleep started to take her. Draco was right on all accounts. After hours of flying the boys fell asleep at 7 pm and Draco escorted her to their chambers right after, where they enjoyed a lovely evening of playing "seek the snitch" and "ride my broom" until the early morning. She couldn't be sure but she believed that was the night they created Leo. Her life wasn't bad the way it was. She wasn't in love but it was close enough, right? She'd have to think on this some more.

-----------

Down the hall Thuban sat at his desk re-reading his letter.

Dear Daddy,

I love you. I miss you. Cam and Serpens cry 'cause they miss you. I am sad but I do not cry. I want to see you. Why you no come with us? Why is everyone lying? I know you are not busy at work.

Uncle Ron is a git and his lady friend is mean. She does not like me telling the elves what to do. Uncle Bill, Grandma, and Grandpa are nice.

Please, Daddy. Please come and get us. I want to be with you. I promise to be a good boy. I am sorry I not listen to you all the time. I be better, please Daddy.

Love,

Thuban C. Malfoy

He wiped the tears from his eyes and tied the parchment to Draco's owl's leg and sent the bird home.