Learning to Live

Learning to Live

As Lymera ran, breathless, she concentrated her whole being on the one place she could think would be safe. Her name and dirty cackles echoed her footsteps. Danger hovered in the air, breathing over her shoulder, taunting her every step. At moments, Lymera wasn't sure if she could make it. Every bad memory in her fifteen years was holding her back, physically and psychologically pulling at her.

Running away will only make it worse. They'll hit you harder this time. You'll never make it. The voices in her head were getting to Lymera. She had been running for over two months now, and she was exhausted. But nothing in the world would make her go back to that filthy life. She was going to Hogwarts.

Harry prodded his pudding listlessly, tuning our Ron and Hermione's bickering. It was the first day back, what could they possibly be bickering about?

'Honestly Ron, do you really need to stuff two pumpkin pasties in your mouth at one time?'

'Uugm giiv shrom shan!' Ron attempted to make a reply.

Ginny caught Harry's eye and grinned as she rolled her eyes. Harry tried to return the gesture, but failed. How could he pretend to fit in the sunny happy world he had lived in just last year? So much weighed on him that Harry thought he had forgotten how to smile.

Sirius's death had weighed on him all summer, haunting his dreams and his conscience. Harry had come to accept the fact that Sirius was never going to be there for him ever again. In the little time he had shared with Sirius, Harry had come to rely on him for support and guidance. Watching Sirius fall out of Harry's life forever had been the most difficult thing Harry had ever experienced. He couldn't suppress certain feelings of guilt, no matter what anyone said. Harry just knew he could have saved Sirius, if he was a little cleverer at Occlumency.

Spending the whole summer thinking like this had drained Harry of all emotions, so that he felt like a vegetable.

He was drawn out of his silent reflections by an urgent banging on the doors to the Great Hall. There had been instances in the past where students or teachers arrived late, but they usually slipped in quietly. It was most unusual for someone to be asking for permission to enter. Like most of his schoolmates, Harry looked to Dumbledore. The wise and slightly eccentric Headmaster stood and waved his wand to magically open the doors. Some students looked away, accepting that if Dumbledore thought it was okay, it must be. But like the majority of the students, Harry craned his neck to see the small figure that stood there.

The figure, a girl with long dark hair that limply framed her flushed face and fierce blue eyes, leaned against the doors, heaving as though she had been running for days. She looked to Harry like a lost, wounded animal, ready to fight.

After a moment, she seemed to gain her composure enough to cry, 'My name is Lymera Myst and I request to speak with the Headmaster of this school.'

The Great Hall started buzzing as groups of friends began speculating about this strange girl: she did not appear to be carrying anything and she simply wore tattered old clothing with nothing on her feet. Where could this 'Lymera Myst' possibly be from?

Dumbledore carefully surveyed the girl now walking towards the Head Table. As Harry watched the Headmaster, he began to suspect that the pair had met before, for Dumbledore was surveying her with the look of a friend rather than the look of a stranger.

Professor McGonagall however, narrowed her eyes and glanced sharply at Snape, surprising Harry and causing him to stare at his Potions Master, scrutinizing his reaction to the new arrival, wondering what McGonagall's look could possible mean. As he stared, Harry noticed an emotion - pain...sadness? - briefly cross his calloused features, before it was quickly diffused.

Harry watched as Dumbledore spoke first to the girl, then to Professors McGonagall and Snape in undertones. Then, upon reaching a decision Dumbledore stood up, his height and stature causing the chattering students to quiet. Harry was always amazed at the way Dumbledore managed to hold the attention of large groups of people by speaking softly, as he did now: 'I am afraid that due to circumstances beyond my control, I shall have to leave this delicious feast early, accompanied by Professors McGonagall and Snape. I will leave you in the more than capable hands of Professors Sprout and Flitwick.'

The elderly headmaster then proceeded towards a side chamber off the Great Hall, leaving the students to exchange significant glances.

Ron gaped across the table at Harry. 'Wow,' he said. Then, 'I wonder if she'll be in our year?'

This, of course, started a new round of arguments between Ron and Hermione, this time over the strange girl Lymera. As Harry tuned out their bickering skillfully, he couldn't help thinking that there was something.... different about that girl.

Severus Snape paced back and forth behind two of the chairs Dumbledore had conjured. How could the old bat just sit there at a time like this? Did he not see the signs, the resemblances? Severus managed to doubt everything in his life in the time it took to pace the length of the room twice.

'Severus, sit down, you're making the poor girl nervous.'

Severus glared at Minerva. He was making the girl nervous? Hah! He glanced over and was surprised to see the small girl shaking, and quickly sat down in the only empty chair.

For a moment there was silence, but Dumbledore quickly broke it.

'I'm delighted my socks are so colourful. They can keep me entertained while others are busy searching for their voices.'

Severus looked at Dumbledore with incredulity, but relaxed when he saw Lymera allow a small smile.

'Perhaps you should start at the beginning,' Severus said in what he thought was a gentle and encouraging voice; being unaccustomed to acting gentle or encouraging, he wasn't very convincing.

Lymera looked at him and Severus had just a moment to deal with the impact of her startlingly familiar eyes before she began.

'My Mum and I...we were slaves to the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. I was born in the prime of his reign, but he hated us because of what we were. I don't remember his fall, but Mama said it was a blessing.

'Our lives were still very difficult; we stayed in the dungeons of different Death Eater's homes. They hit us and called us dirty half-breeds. Mama managed to protect me for a while from their cruelty by putting herself in danger, but she'd always been weak, ever since I was born.'

Severus had to restrain himself at this point. He found himself breaking down inside; the walls that had taken a lifetime to erect were crumbling in the presence of this mere girl. There was no especial reason for this. The girl was clearly nervous, wringing her hands and swinging her feet. Severus was usually repulsed by such behavior, but this girl was slipping through his defenses as easily as only one other in his past.

'She died when I was five. The only life I had ever known was with these people - I thought that was the way life was supposed to be. They abused me, and all I ever did was try to please them. I was strong though. As I got older, I came to realize that this was not the only way. They noticed me now in a different way. As a child I had been pesky, in the way, but as an adolescent they found me to be much more...' She paused. 'Useful.' Here Lymera broke off, and Severus found that heart was breaking against his will.

NO! he thought, struggling to keep his personality and principles intact - something that should have been easy for him with his mastery of occlumency - but wasn't. She WILL NOT do this to me. Remember what happened last time...

Timidly, Lymera continued her story. 'I knew of only one place that I could get away to. Mama used to tell me stories of a wonderful place called Hogwarts where all the children were treated equally, and were taught magic. I made this place a sanctuary in my mind. I only knew the few spells I was taught in order to better serve the Death Eaters, using my mum's old wand. Doing these spells usually ended up in more bruises, as I couldn't perform magic properly with her wand, but they would never waste the time or money on buying me a new wand.

'A few months ago all the Death Eaters left the manor we were at. I saw my chance and I ran. I ran as fast as I could, only stopping for necessities. I couldn't use my magic because I was scared they might find me out. Somehow I found this place, and now here I am.' She paused, her timid nature more evident than ever as she avoided making eye contact with any of the three Professors. A frightened look passed suddenly over her tired features. 'Please don't make me go back! I won't! I can't!'

Severus had to look away as her pleading eyes turned on him. He would not risk changing his character, even if this girl was who he had begun to suspect.

'Calm down child, we won't be sending you away,' Minerva said, looking at Dumbledore expectantly.

'Of course not,' Dumbledore reassured her, his light blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles. 'Tonight we will get you sorted, and you can get some rest. There will be time tomorrow to discuss everything. We will need to get you sorted and find a suitable school year for you. And of course there's your books and robes, but that will be easy enough to sort out.'

As Dumbledore stood up to leave, ushering Lymera out of the chamber, Snape sat a moment, lost in his thoughts. How was he ever going to make it through this year with her around?

Lymera felt exhausted as she sat down on the three-legged stool. She was so relieved that they were going to let her stay that she didn't even wonder what "sorting" meant.

Feeling a hand on her back, she jumped, but relaxed when she saw it was the male professor...Snape was it? Lymera didn't know why, but she felt safe in his presence. Their eyes locked briefly before he dropped a tattered old hat over her eyes.

Well well, what have we here?

Lymera was so startled that she almost fell off the stool. In the background, she heard spurts of laughter.

Are you reading my mind? she asked it.

Just enough to know what sort of person you are.

What for?

To put you in the right house.

Have you ever made a mistake?

I'd like to think not. But this isn't about me. I'm just a hat. What qualities do you possess? I can see that you're bright, cunning, and clever. You've a dark past that would flourish in Slytherin.

Lymera almost panicked. She had had enough of her dark past, without even knowing her history. It didn't promise to be good, judging by her childhood of pain and suffering.

I want to start again. I want my past to be erased.

You can't change the past, my dear, but you'll come to see that in time. Very well, I'll put you in GRYFFINDOR!

As the last word was shouted out loud, the few people remaining at the table dressed in red and gold burst into applause. Just before the Sorting Hat was taken from her head she heard:

So much like her father...