The Whole Nine Yards

Chapter Thirteen - Draco Potter's Journal - Conclusion

- Draco Potter's Journal -

During my four days with the Weasley's, Harry and I managed to find some time alone to talk. Not that we talked about anything of consequence, really. I mean, what was I going to say? Hey Harry, be thankful your parents are dead because mine are complete bastards? Somehow I don't think that would have gone down well.

Besides, I doubt Harry's father would have been anything like mine. From what I've heard James Potter was a kind and caring person who adored his son.

At least my mum and I have had a chance to mend our relationship. I know it wasn't her fault, what happened. She was as powerless as I to stop it.

Harry and I became friends after that. Well, kind of friends. Let's just say, as friendly as we could be considering we had spent the last five years of our lives insulting each other.

Old habits die hard and it took us a while to get out of the habit of tagging an insult onto the end of anything we said to the other.

It wasn't until that fateful Potions lesson in which I baited Snape to the point of giving us both detentions, that Harry made his feelings clear. Lord knows I was never going to do it first and I think Harry knew that too.

I'm nearing the end of this Journal and surprisingly I do feel better about a lot of things. At least I can get a good night's sleep without nightmares disturbing it. I think Harry is grateful for that as well, since I don't kick him in my sleep anymore!

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what my father did to me, but I think I might just be able to put it behind me and move on. He is dead and he can't hurt me anymore unless I allow his ghost to interfere in my relationship with Harry.

I've almost decided that I'm going to give this book to Harry for our anniversary in a few weeks time. He has been so patient and uncomplaining as I pour my soul out onto these pages and not to him. He needs to know the truth and I need to know that he knows the truth. There will be no more secrets between us.

Harry, I adore you. I would follow you to the ends of the earth and back. Especially back.

~ Godric's Hollow ~

Harry closed the journal with a sigh and stared into space. He always felt a sense of loss whenever he finished a good book and the personal nature of this book made that loss all the greater.

Harry turned it all over in his mind. So much about Draco made sense now. Well, much about Draco was still an enigma, even after so many years together. At least now he could understand where Draco was coming from.

Harry felt a burst of rage surge through him as he thought of what Lucius had done to his son. His hands clenched around the journal. It was a good thing he was already dead or Harry would have killed him with his bare hands.

Harry forced himself to relax as he heard Draco's key in the lock. He put the journal down on the table beside him.

"Hey Harry," Draco said excitedly as he entered the living room. "Look at these great pants I got at half price."

Draco pulled out a pair of dark blue pants from a shopping bag and held them in front of him for Harry to admire. "They make my arse look so good!"

Harry laughed, it was just like Draco to say something like that.

"I'll go put them on and show you," Draco said, turning towards the stairs but Harry pulled him back down onto his lap.

"You know, you only had to ask," Draco smiled up at him with a twinkle in his eye.

"I finished the journal," Harry said softly, watching Draco's face carefully.

"Oh?" Draco said casually, his eyes firmly on the buttons to Harry's shirt that he was fiddling with. He slipped two fingers between the buttons and Harry gasped as his cold fingers touched bare skin.

Harry gently but firmly grasped Draco's chin and directed his face up until he was staring into his silvery grey eyes. Harry was startled to see his husband's eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?" Harry asked, immediately concerned.

A lone tear trickled over and slid down Draco's cheek.

"You know it all now," he managed to say before the tears he was trying valiantly to hold in spilled over and Draco buried his face in Harry's neck.

Harry rubbed Draco's back supportively. This was another example of how Draco's behaviour was unpredictable, no matter how much Harry knew about him.

"Sweetie?" Harry asked tentatively, trying to ignore the growing wetness on his neck. "I don't understand."

"You know everything now. No more secrets. There is not a single thing about me that you do not know and I have nothing left of me," Draco sobbed.

"Uh," Harry started to speak but then stopped. He was at a loss to know how to deal with Draco like this. The blonde wasn't making any sense. "Honey, this is a good thing, you know."

Draco sniffed and Harry took that as a sign to continue.

"We are so much closer now," he said quietly as he buried one hand in Draco's hair. He kissed the Slytherin's head. "If you like, you could ask me things you'd like to know about my life."

Draco turned his head so it was resting on Harry's shoulder and gave the suggestion some thought. His fingers were still threaded through Harry's shirt between the buttons. He played idly with the material as he thought of what he'd like to know about Harry that he didn't already know.

"This is hard. I don't know what to ask you because I can't think of anything about you that I don't know," Draco complained.

"Okay, how about I tell you some things I don't think you know and if you think of a question you can ask me," Harry suggested.

"Okay," Draco said softly.

"Um...well...okay, here's something no one knows, not even Ron and Hermione. In our fifth year, I...I guess you could say I went through a stage where I experimented. I know a lot of kids experiment in their teenage years but I didn't experiment with drugs or alcohol or anything. I experimented with dark magic," Harry paused for the inevitable gasp from Draco before continuing.

"I got a note from Hagrid for the restricted section and I spent at least an hour a day in there, learning all I could. Late some nights, I would creep a little way into the Forbidden Forest where Dumbledore couldn't trace the dark magic and cast spells until they were perfect," Harry laughed hollowly. "I only wish I had put the same effort into my school work that year. I only just scraped by in the O.W.L's."

"Anyway, not long after I'd mastered Imperius and Crucio I was summoned to Dumbledore's office. Apparently the centaurs had spoken to Hagrid and he had spoken to Dumbledore and he pieced together what was happening. He let me know that he knew what I was doing without lecturing me and he made me see that although I felt like I was in control, I was actually addicted to dark magic. It became like a drug to me and I needed a bigger fix each time. Luckily Dumbledore found out in time because the next step would have been the killing curse," Harry sighed into Draco's hair and kissed his head again.

"That summer I went into a kind of dark magic detox program at Hogwarts. The only saving grace was that I didn't have to face the Dursley's that summer. Actually I think Dumbledore was afraid that if he sent me back there I might curse them. It was a long, hard summer. I suffered withdrawal symptoms, the likes of which I won't bore you with now. Suffice to say, it was difficult but Dumbledore, Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey got me through it. I spent the last two weeks of the summer with the Weasley's and then you came for the last four days. You were like a bright, shining angel. You made me realise what could be."

Harry's arms tightened around Draco. "I don't think I ever told you this but you gave me the strength to get through it and to stay away from dark magic."

Draco smiled and reached up to draw Harry's face towards his. Their lips met in a soft kiss. They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment as Harry disentangled his hand from Draco's hair and cupped his hand around Draco's cheek, gently caressing it.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about this?" Draco asked quietly, his hand smoothing Harry's shirt against his chest.

"I don't know. I didn't want to burden you with it. I mean, after we got together we were having such a great time, which really helped and I was able to put it behind me. I haven't really thought about it until now," Harry explained, just as quietly. Both of them were intent on savouring this special moment of togetherness.

"I'm glad I was able to give you strength, like you give me strength," Draco said, smiling at his husband.

They kissed again and Draco snuggled down against Harry, resuming his position with his head resting on Harry's shoulder and his hand slipped inside Harry's shirt. Harry still had his arm around Draco and he ran his other hand up Draco's back and buried it in his hair again. They seemed to almost sink into each other as they sat silently together.

No words were needed.

No words could ever express the depth of feeling between them.