Lost And Found

~ Godric´s Hollow ~

Draco sat down in Harry´s favourite chair and held Harry´s journal in his hands. He´d had it bound, just like he´d had his own bound when he´d given his to Harry for their sixth wedding anniversary.

Daniel was asleep on the floor, tired out after a strenuous morning of playing with toy cars. He was lying on his stomach with his arm curled around the rubber duck from the bathroom, which was asleep too. Draco had already taken a dozen photos of the pair of them.

Draco reminded himself to thank Hermione again, the next time he saw her. That duck was the perfect pet. It didn´t require feeding, it didn´t get sick. And Daniel and the duck adored each other. The duck (which hadn´t been named, even after six months) followed Daniel around like a faithful pet, quacking occasionally, often in response to Daniel´s garbled speech.

Draco sighed and glanced down at the journal. He remembered how Hermione had had to talk him into reading it about two years ago. He´d insisted that he had promised Harry that he wouldn´t read it until Harry said he could but Hermione had insisted that it might help them find Harry. So he had read it and although it showed them how messed up Harry´s mind was, it hadn´t contained any clues as to Harry´s whereabouts.

- Harry Potter´s Journal -

I don´t know what Draco expects me to write in here. There´s nothing really to tell. I´m not having nightmares. Actually I´m not sleeping so I guess that cancels that out.

I sat here for hours the other night, when Draco told me to write down my feelings. I really don´t have anything to write. I feel numb. I haven´t really felt anything for the longest time. I remember when Draco showed me a picture of our son. I felt something then...but it was so vague and elusive. I could barely hold onto it. I stared and stared at that picture, trying to determine what I felt, but I just...felt numb.

Sometimes I feel like I´m drowning. Drowning in a darkness I can´t fight. I wish I could fight it, but that would take effort.

I love Draco so much. I can feel that, but it´s not as strong as it used to be. It´s fading just as every other emotion is fading. I feel nothing.

There really is only one cure for this all consuming darkness. I know what it is but I don´t want to do it. Which is weird because I think about it all the time. I can´t see any other way out of this. Death is the only way to alleviate this horrible feeling.

~ Godric´s Hollow ~

The line that hurt Draco the most was `but it´s not as strong as it used to be. It´s fading just as every other emotion is fading. I feel nothing´. Harry´s love for him had died and a part of Draco had died when he´d read that line. He read the line over and over, running his fingertips lightly over the words, as if trying to erase them.

Draco shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts from his mind. Harry was gone and it was time to move on.

The rest of the journal was the same. Random thoughts, twisted metaphors and talk of suicide. Draco knew that Hermione privately thought that Harry had committed suicide, although she´d never said it. But Draco disagreed. He was sure he´d be able to feel it if Harry were dead.

Sometimes Draco had the feeling that Ron was right. That Harry was in trouble somewhere. But after two years, could he really still be in danger? And what was so dangerous these days anyway? Voldemort was dead, as was Lucius and Wormtail had been given the Dementor´s Kiss.

No, Draco thought. The only danger Harry is in, is from himself.

Draco pulled a photo of Harry from between the pages of the journal. He stared down at Harry who was grinning up at him, sunlight shining down on his gorgeous golden face, his eyes sparkling with love for the photographer - Draco.

"Goodbye, my darling husband. I will always love you but I have to let you go now," Draco whispered as a lone tear slid down his cheek. He pressed a kiss on the photo and slipped it back between the pages of the journal and placed it back on the shelf.

~ Ron and Hermione´s House ~

Hermione and Draco were sitting in the backyard, watching their children play in a plastic swimming pool. The water only came up to their ankles but they were having a marvellous time splashing each other with the cool water. Isabella was turning out to be a real little tomboy. She loved nothing more than playing in the dirt, climbing over anything she could find and wrestling with Daniel (who gave as good as he got).

"Only a couple of days before school starts again," Hermione sighed, sipping her iced tea.

"Mmm," Draco agreed, putting on his sunglasses. The summer sun was quite bright and as a result of playing outside with Daniel for most of the summer, he now had a nice golden tan and his hair was pure white. Hermione had been amused to see that the sun had brought out a smattering of freckles across his nose and teased him about it whenever she got a chance, repaying him for all the years he had playfully teased Ron about his multitude of freckles.

"Have you thought of any names for the baby yet?" Draco asked.

"I have but I refuse to discuss it with Ron. He wants to name him after the Chudley Cannons Seeker, can you believe it?"

Draco grinned. Hermione sounded thoroughly pissed off and if there was one thing Draco had learnt over the past few years (with all the women he had known who had been pregnant - Hermione, Ginny, Angela) it was that you never, ever pissed off a pregnant woman. They could be brutal.

"What do you want to call him?" he asked, diplomatically deciding to avoid the subject of Quidditch players.

"Nicholas," she replied.

Nicholas Weasley, Draco thought. "I like it. It sounds good."

"I think so too. Now you´ll just have to help me convince Ron," Hermione grinned at him.

"How about we constantly refer to the baby as Nicholas or Nick? That way it´ll be a habit before the child is even born. Ron will call him Nicholas without even realising he´s doing it," Draco suggested, grinning back at her. He loved conspiring with her over things like this.

It had been the same when they´d teamed up to match up Lavender and Fred. In the same year that Ginny and Lavender had come to work at Hogwarts, and Dean had taken the job as Muggle Studies professor, Neville had taken over as the Herbology professor. In an unfortunate accident, Professor Sprout had been eaten by one of the large man-eating plants kept in the restricted greenhouse, Number 666. Hagrid had been in there, helping her to move some of the heavier pot plants and the poor half-giant had been devastated that he hadn´t been able to save her. It had taken him months to recover and even now he wouldn´t step foot near that greenhouse. He said it was evil, and perhaps it was.

It was at this time that Draco had decided that Lavender and Neville would be perfect for each other, and it just so happened that he had needed a project to take his mind off Harry´s disappearance. Being Head of House to all of Slytherin, Potions Master teaching a full class schedule and being a single father to Daniel were clearly not enough and left him far too much time to think, so he had decided to match make the unlikely pair.

Hermione had gotten involved when she had realised what he was doing. They realised immediately that two heads would be better than one, but Hermione had insisted that Fred would be a far better match for Lavender than Neville would be, especially considering the fact that Neville was gay (a small fact that Draco had overlooked in his enthusiasm). The wedding a month ago had been the culmination of eighteen months of dating. Draco knew it wouldn´t be long before the Hogwarts Kindergarten included another little Weasley.

"Two years is up next week," Hermione said softly.

"I know," Draco agreed quietly, staring blankly at his son as he pushed a wriggling worm into Bella´s mouth.

"Are you ready?" Hermione asked.

"I´ve said goodbye," Draco said, glancing over at her. He pushed his sunglasses up on his head and gazed at her frankly. "I can´t wait for him forever. And I can´t stay angry at him forever. If he felt so terrible being with me, then perhaps he´s better off without me."

Hermione reached out and grasped his hand in hers. "I´ll never believe that. But you´re right. You can´t wait forever."

"So who are you planning to match me with?" Draco asked curiously. He felt guilty for thinking about being with another man but he pushed it aside. For all he knew, Harry was with someone else right now. A stab of jealousy shot through Draco.

"George," Hermione replied.

"Is that why you pushed us to go out for coffee so many times?" Draco asked, annoyed but also a tiny bit impressed.

"I just wanted the two of you to be closer as friends first before I suggested dating," Hermione explained.

"Is he interested?" Draco asked cautiously.

"I think so," Hermione replied. "He´s always thought you were stunning."

"Stunning?" Draco asked, wrinkling his brow.

"That was the word he used. And he´s right you know. You do tend to stand out, wherever you go," Hermione said with a laugh.

"That´s because of Harry," Draco replied.

"Oh no. That´s all you. You´re a celebrity in your own right these days. You read Witch Weekly, don´t you?" Hermione asked.

"I...let my subscription slip," Draco admitted, sipping his own iced tea.

"Well, I suggest you start it up again. You have now become the most eligible man in town," Hermione said.

Draco spat his drink all over the table. "What? But I´m married!"

"Yeah, well I guess they think that two years is a respectable mourning period and now your fair game," Hermione said, wiping up Draco´s mess.

Fuck, Draco thought. That´s all I need. Fangirls chasing after me through the streets.