Armilla

Chapter 36

There was a surprise Hogsmeade trip announced for the second-last weekend before Christmas. I was so annoyed with myself that I still hadn't thought of what to get Snape. Men were hard to shop for at any time, I knew that from shopping for Terry, but Snape was completely different again. More so in the past month, we had become a lot more comfortable in each other's presence. It was inevitable, seeing as I had already been spending time with him for private lessons, but our weekend at the Merrigan Estate had really proven to me that Snape was committed. Even though I was sure the sarcasm, the harsh manner and the overall unpredictable temperament would always be there inside Snape, he was my brother in every essence of the word. Even more. I had finally admitted that to myself the night after we had visited Merle's grave at the cemetery.

The emotional side of our relationship was still vastly absent. Ever since that weekend away from school, I did talk more openly to Snape without being so nervous, but we never got 'deep and meaningful'. It was the sort of relationship where it was enough that we could talk to each other freely and be sure of the loyalty of the other, but that was all. And that was enough for me. I didn't chatter away about my life or anything and I didn't discuss my friends with Snape, and Snape certainly didn't discuss the finer details of his life with me.

After going to the cemetery that day, I had felt especially vulnerable. I had admitted to a weakness and had asked Snape for help. Though I had known it was the proper thing to do, it hadn't stopped me from feeling really low the rest of the day. During our afternoon practices, Snape hadn't mentioned the visit at all. He hadn't mentioned it during dinner that night either, or when we returned to Hogwarts shortly after. I assumed he was thinking about how he would help.

I had visited Mother by myself that night. She had been extremely eager to hear what I had thought of the estate and I certainly gave her my approval. I loved the big house. I loved my bedroom too, and Mother had seemed especially pleased when I had told her I was going to leave the piano in the room. She hadn't asked me if I played, but she had been content to talk for ages about how much pleasure that piano had given her. Apparently my father hadn't allowed such pleasures at Snape Manor and so whenever Mother had spent time at her old home, she would play. She had said that when Snape had been a very young child, she had occasionally brought him to the Merrigan Estate to play music to him.

I didn't mention anything to Mother about spending time with Father after Christmas, and I was careful to occlude in front of her. That dreaded time was drawing nearer and nearer and I seriously wanted to slow down time. Every time I went down to the dungeons for extra lessons, every time someone mentioned Christmas and every time I saw damn Draco Malfoy's face I was hit with the realisation that this was real. My father was a pureblooded pig-headed maniac and I had to spend several days in his house. Then I would torture myself with thoughts about how I would spend those days. Was I going to spend nearly every waking hour in the company of Father? Did he have potential suitors lined up at the door? Would he have Jiffy the house elf follow me around?

I was sure all these thoughts would have plagued me with more nightmares, had I not shut down my emotions at night with Occlumency. That was something Snape seemed especially strict about now. He often asked me now if I had cleared my thoughts before sleep the night before. I supposed his 'wrestling with a sleeping fifteen-year-old' (as he had so eloquently put it) memory made him want to make sure that I was now sleeping properly.

In fact, to make sure I knew that his quarters at Hogwarts were also mine, Snape had given the order for me to stay in his quarters on Friday nights after lessons instead of returning Ravenclaw Tower. Often this meant that I would just stay at Snape's all Saturday morning, even if he wasn't there, doing homework until our afternoon lessons.

Lisa and Terry hadn't received this news with enthusiasm at first, but Lisa was the first one to point out that it would be good for Snape and me. I was shocked to hear her say it, but it certainly meant that she was starting to accept the fact that Snape and I were related. Terry would still wince about it every now and then. It didn't offend me. A few months back I would have winced too.

It was on the Friday night before the Hogsmeade weekend that I had really started to worry about getting Snape a Christmas present. If I didn't use owl-order, this was actually my last chance to find him something. Lisa, Terry and I had sat up late all week, racking our brains for ideas. Nothing. It would be hard to select a book for Snape - I imagined him as being very critical himself on book selection. Stationary was a little too impersonal in my opinion and if Snape was going to get me something (I wasn't sure if Snape would celebrate Christmas; he didn't seem the merry, festive sort of guy) I didn't think he would buy me stationary. Quills, ink and parchment were necessities, not gifts. I knew that when buying a gift for someone, you were supposed to get something that you knew they were interested in. I thought Snape would be offended if I gave him a potion (Terry had innocently suggested giving Snape a Love Potion). The only other interest I knew about was Snape's love of the Dark Arts. I didn't think wrapping up a curse and tying it with a big fancy bow was a good idea...

At least I could spend most of the day just searching for something for Snape. I wanted to get something small for Matilda too. I had already ordered a book I knew Terry wanted from Flourish and Blotts and I had bought Lisa's present (an evening bag to go with her dress robes) back in the holidays.

I was in Snape's sitting room when I was thinking about all this, having just finished our evening lesson. Generally, my lessons now consisted of practising things Snape had taught me.

"Are we going to continue these lessons next year?" I asked, sitting down on the sofa beside Snape. I drew my wand to heal the one bruise I had acquired during our practice. I was quite pleased that my injury count was down for once.

"I've been thinking about that," Snape answered, picking up The Daily Prophet and sneering at a picture of Cornelius Fudge on the front page. "I will always have new things to teach you, but how far I will have to go will depend on the outcome of your visit with Father."

"I hope the time will go really fast," I muttered, putting my wand away.

"So do I," he replied, absently, turning the page.

A strange thought suddenly crossed my mind and I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. I hadn't even asked Snape if I was allowed to go to Hogsmeade! I had just assumed I was going because Merle had always let me.

"I can go to Hogsmeade tomorrow, can't I?" I asked.

Snape's eyes paused on whatever line he was currently reading. After a moment's hesitation, he answered.

"I suppose you can," he said reluctantly, turning slightly to look at me, "On a couple conditions, of course."

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Of course there would be conditions.

"You are not to be alone," said Snape seriously. "And by alone, I mean that either Miss Turpin or Mr Boot must be with you at all times-" he paused, narrowing his eyes.

"Actually," he continued, the faintest sneer on his face, "it would be advisable that Miss Turpin is with you at all times and Mr Boot can... accompany the two of you. I don't think having you alone with Mr Boot will go down well for the tales Malfoy shares with his father."

I nodded. "Okay," I said, hoping Lisa and Terry weren't going to be looking for 'alone time' together in Hogsmeade.

"Also," said Snape, "you know already how you're supposed to treat Malfoy. At all costs though, avoid any conversations with him or his friends. If you see him in a shop, don't go in there. If you see him up ahead, go into a shop or turn down a different path. Malfoy will use it to his advantage that I am not there with you." He glared for a moment at the newspaper in his hands and then looked back at me. "In fact, I'm reluctant to let you go at all."

What? No! I had some serious shopping to do! I didn't know what I was going to buy...but it was serious all the same...

"I hope you don't think making a crestfallen face merits a slight change in my opinion," said Snape, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Please...?" I began, a little half-heartedly.

Snape scoffed. "Oh, a little better" he quipped.

"I'm no good at begging," I stated.

"Evidently," he sneered.

"I can give it a go," I said. "But I'd rather know now if it's going to help me."

Snape shook his head. "I don't believe I have the energy right now to thoroughly enjoy your dismal begging skills, if that please you just gave me was anything to go by."

"Well, how can I change your mind then?" I said, ignoring the taunt.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you assuming my mind can be changed?"

"I am," I replied, evenly, being sure to keep any cheek out of my tone.

He stared at me, his look calculating as if trying to work out if I was playing a game with him.

"Please?" I said again, still failing to put a lot of emotion in it. I shook my head. "That was terrible," I said, "I'll try that again..."

"No," said Snape, waving a hand aside. "Don't subject me to that." He smirked at my mock offended look. "Very well," he said finally. "I might relent this one time, since your please was so very touching and meaningful."

I gave a small smile.

"But be warned, Armilla," he said harshly. "It will be the last time you go if any trouble is caused."

I was offended this time. "I never cause trouble," I said, annoyed.

"I wouldn't say never," Snape replied, seeming not bothered at all at my glare. "Can you honestly say that it wasn't you who made Miss Parkinson's hair turn green back in first year?"

"You know about that?" I said incredulously, my eyes wide with shock.

"Seeing as I fixed it for her, I do recall the event," he said, his eyes narrowed. "Miss Parkinson could never prove who had done it."

"She asked for it," I muttered.

"Indeed," said Snape, dryly.

"I only turned her hair green," I muttered. "She's done worse things than that."

"Why did you do it?"

"She told me I was stunted!" I said indignantly.

Snape gave me a half-hearted glare. Personally, I thought he was trying not to smile.

"Well, considering it was four years ago, I shall make no further comments," he said.

"I don't intend to cause trouble in Hogsmeade," I said, still cross.

"Of course you don't intend to," Snape scoffed. "But others, namely Malfoy, might."

"But that wouldn't be my fault," I argued.

Snape sneered. "Do you think Father would see it that way?"

"I-" Okay, the man had a point.

"Do you really want me to stay here?" I asked, quietly.

Snape considered me for a moment.

"I would be happy to have you stay," he said slowly. "But then, I would be happy to keep you away from most outings where Malfoy is in attendance. But there is no doubt you deserve to go and I'm sure you have things to do there."

I nodded.

"I don't want you to go all day though," he continued. "We do have a lesson at two and I want you to be back here for that. And, you are to leave me a message every hour on your chocolate frog card to let me know that you're alright. Under those conditions, you may go."

"Okay," I said. That was reasonable enough.

Snape stood up and disappeared into his bedroom at the end of the corridor.

Thinking that was the end of the conversation, I got up too, intending to work on my homework before bedtime (which was strictly nine-thirty when I stayed with Snape). Before I had even moved into the corridor, however, Snape emerged again.

"Here," he said, dropping gold coins into my hand. "There are twelve galleons there. Don't spend it all at once. I've haven't been giving you pocket money so consider it over a month's worth."

"Thankyou," I said, suddenly thinking about Snape's Christmas present again.

Amazingly, though I knew Snape hadn't read my mind, Snape brought Christmas up anyway.

"Considering it's the last shopping trip you'll have before Christmas, I assume you are buying Christmas presents?"

"Yes," I replied, following him back into the sitting room. I remained standing as Snape sat down again with his newspaper.

"There's nothing in particular you wanted for Christmas is there?" he asked.

"No," I answered, confused. Was it a bother for Snape to think about Christmas?

"Good. I shall keep to my prior arrangements, then."

"What prior arrangements?" What was the man talking about?

"Never you mind." Snape opened his newspaper again.

Throwing caution to the wind and trying to swallow my tonsils at the same time, I voiced my concern to my brother.

"Well, what am I supposed to do about you then?"

Snape lowered his paper, looking bewildered, an expression which didn't suit him at all.

"What about me?" For once, his voice held no sarcasm.

Fine, make this hard, I thought, though Snape really seemed at a loss for my meaning.

"I don't know what to get you for Christmas," I said simply. There, I had said it, and my embarrassment skyrocketed.

Snape frowned slightly. Clearly, he hadn't been anticipating this.

"Don't get me anything," he said, still frowning, after a moment of silence.

My heart jolted. Though Snape was giving nothing away, I wondered if underneath, Snape was just as embarrassed as I was.

"That's not right," I said, softly. "It's Christmas."

Snape stared at me, his face unfathomable again. Then he lowered his eyes to his newspaper.

"So it is," he said. "I had...forgotten."

Forgotten? Before I could dwell on what Snape meant by this, he looked up again suddenly.

"I do know what I would like from you for Christmas, Armilla," he said evenly, watching me closely. "But you may think it is asking a lot of you..."

Intrigued, I stepped closer. "What is it?" I asked.

He lowered his eyes to his paper again. "Never you mind," he said for the second time that night.

"Well I should mind!" I protested. "It's my present after all."

Snape smirked, still looking at his paper.

"You can wait," he said smoothly. "I'll let you know when the time comes."

"Now I'm going to be having horrible visions of the possibilities for this present, especially if I might think it's asking too much of me," I murmured.

Snape looked up again. "I'm not asking for a horrible present though," he said, frowning. "Who wants a horrible present?"

"Fine," I said, resigned. "Are you sure there's nothing else?"

Snape considered this for a moment.

"Well there's something small," he said. He didn't speak again for a few seconds. Instead he glowered at his newspaper and I wondered if he was going to tell me at all. But a moment later, he continued.

"Every year Dumbledore gives me milk chocolate in the shape of stars." He winced at the thought. "I believe he does it to annoy me and I've never told him that milk chocolate is not my favourite, especially not in the shape of stars, because he might think I actually eat them." He paused again, still scowling.

I tried hard not to smile. It was a sign that our relationship was strengthening if Snape was talking to me about his chocolate preferences.

"It doesn't do my...ah...position...justice to be seen in Honeydukes," Snape continued. "But unlike Father, I do not mind you going in there if you buy things in small quantities."

After he paused again, I decided to help him out.

"What do you like?" I asked, making sure my voice was still even.

"Dark chocolate," he answered.

"Plain or with fillings?"

"Plain, unless it is with cherry fillings."

"Alright," I said. "Done."

Snape's frown turned into a harder expression.

"But you're buying it for yourself of course, if your friends ask."

"My friends won't believe that," I said, thinking of my friends up in Ravenclaw Tower.

"Why not?" he demanded.

"They know I don't like dark chocolate," I replied, smiling. "They'll guess it's for you."

Snape sneered. "I suppose they ask many questions, do they?"

I shrugged. "They're interested," I said. "But I didn't expect them not to be. All the students are interested."

Snape scowled.

"I don't tell them a great deal though," I added, "If they ask about things, I tell them some stuff, but not with details."

Snape nodded, turning back to his newspaper. "Well if they do guess that you are buying chocolate for me, you may deliver a personal message from me. If I have any student, especially Gryffindors, using the word chocolate in any sentence while speaking either to me or in my presence, I will personally see to it that they never taste chocolate again."